["A call for you, sir."]
Harm got up from the table and sat down on his bed, leaning against the wall and stretching his legs. Better get comfortable for the family part. "Thank you, you can put the caller through."
A click in the line told him that the receptionist had made the connection. "Hello?"
["Hey, sailor. How's life on the continent?"]
"That's a pretty British way of geographic thinking. I see why it's time we returned to the States."
["Hey, you know what they say: when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So: when in London..."]
"I get the meaning, Mac. Okay, to stick to the picture: life on the continent is pretty lonely for a sailor whose girl is across the Channel on the island." Harm sighed comically and heard Mac chuckle a little. "I miss you," he added softly. "Both of you. Or make that three," he corrected himself. "How's my little boy? And have you heard from Mattie?"
["Your son has been an angel today, Captain. The day almost passed without an incident."] Mac's voice was ringing with suppressed laughter.
"Spill it. What's the 'almost' about?"
["Oh, nothing really. Just a little episode on the Underground, somewhere between Bayswater and South Kensington."]
"What happened?"
["Let's just say it involved Ben, his bottle full of carrot and orange juice and a white dress. Not mine, that is."]
"Ouch."
["My thoughts exactly."]
"How did you get out of that one?"
Mac let out something in between a chuckle and an embarrassed sigh. ["The woman whose skirt suffered the juice attack luckily just started laughing out loud and I, mortified as I was, ended up being consoled by her. She assured me she'd thought about dyeing that dress anyway and that your son just shortened the decision process. I didn't believe her, of course, and offered to pay for it, but she insisted she loved orange and that Ben had helped her rather than causing damage. She could barely stop laughing the rest of the ride. We still had a full ten minutes to go until we could get out. The train was packed because of the rush-hour, and I could just see people were thoroughly enjoying my embarrassment."]
Harm wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. "My poor favorite Marine. You survived, I suppose?"
["Barely, but yes."]
"Glad to hear it."
["I thought you would be."]
When Mac continued, her voice let show that she had sobered a little. ["Mattie's fine, too. She called earlier, and we talked a little. But..."] For a fraction of a second, Mac hesitated as if she was pondering whether to tell him or not. ["She was quite obviously disappointed when she heard you were away on JAG business. I got the impression your daughter needed to talk to you for some reason."]
Immediately, worry began to creep into Harm's heart. He admonished himself not to be ridiculous. Mattie might want to talk to him for hundreds of completely harmless reasons. But he couldn't refrain from asking, "Her housemates giving her any trouble?"
He thought he could almost hear Mac shake her head at him. ["Objection. Counsel putting forth facts not in evidence. Goodness, Harm, can you give us a break about Mattie's living arrangements? You know those two are decent guys. You said so yourself, remember?"]
Harm felt himself squirm under Mac's virtual stare. "I know, you're right. But..."
["But what?"]
He sighed, knowing she'd won. "Hell, I'm just a worried father. Go easy on me, will you?"
["This once."]
"Gee, thanks, Mac."
["Welcome."]
"Do you know if I can call her tonight? She's always so busy."
Mac's audible smile made him relax a little. ["You two are more alike than you would think. Mattie asked me the exact same question earlier, and I told her for what, the hundredth time? that if she needed to contact you, you'd always have time for her. I guess she's afraid she might disturb you. But I know she'd be delighted to hear from you. You two should really learn to trust that people might actually love you enough to miss you and always be there."]
"Do you miss me?"
["Yes, I do,"] Mac answered, laughing. ["And now go and call her back. You can tell me about the case tomorrow over dinner. I'll fill you in on anything new about what happened to the Sandsfield and Morrison cases that the Embassy asked me to assess for them. Nothing thrilling, so that can wait. All quiet on the diplomatic front."] A chuckle concluded her sentence before she added, ["Mattie's priority number one. See you tomorrow, sailor."]
Tomorrow seemed still too far away. He suppressed a sigh. "I can't wait. I should be done by noon on the Gilchrist tomorrow, and they're scheduled to leave for Tallinn, anyway. I'll talk to the ensign again, before they move her to Landstuhl hospital, and then I'll have a helo waiting to take me to Hamburg so I can get an earlier flight. Do you think your boss might let you go early enough so you could pick me up at Heathrow at 1630?"
["We'll be there. Give Mattie my love, will you?"]
"Sure. I love you, Mac. Kiss Ben goodnight from me."
["Will do. I love you, too. Good night."]
"Good night."
The conversation had been all too short as always when he needed to travel to personally oversee an investigation. Harm marveled yet again at how much he had come to dislike being on his own. The sworn independent bachelor from back then had indeed vanished into thin air. Harmon Rabb, Jr., was a 100% family man no denying. And as such, he now immediately searched the memory of his cell and on the hotel phone dialed Mattie's number in Scotland.
Someone picked up on the third ring. ["Hello?"]
"Good evening. This is Captain Rabb. Is my daughter home?"
["Hello, Captain. Mattie's out getting take-away with Robert, but they should return any... wait, here they come."] Then the speaker, apparently the Indian computer freak, turned his head away from the receiver. ["Matt, your dad's on the phone!"]
Rustling was heard as the receiver was passed on, then a slightly breathless but delighted, "Harm! Did Mac tell you I called?"
Harm's heart jumped a little at the obvious joy in Mattie's voice. "Hey, kiddo. Nice to hear you, too," he teased. "Yes, she did, and she tells me to give you her love. So, what are you up to these days? Or do you want to eat first?"
["Oh, that's no problem. I got a salad for myself, so it's not like it can go cold or anything. So I've got all the time you can spare. Where are you? Mac just said you were doing some fieldwork."]
"Baltic Sea. Northern Germany, near the Danish border. But I'd rather hear about you. What have you been doing all day?"
Mattie's voice took up a tinge of excitement, but seemed to become just a little melancholy at the same time. ["I started out as a helper in the NEXUS research today. My friend Pamela who's doing her PhD on juvenile long-term rehab facilities kind of found my CV, well, interesting, when she was looking for an assistant."]
"I bet she did." Careful to keep his voice neutral, Harm asked, "Did you give her the full version?"
["I had to, although I would've preferred to be chosen because I'm good at it, not just because I've made it this far."] Mattie sounded slightly angered.
"Hey, cadet, how often have we been over this? Would you stop that nonsense, once and for all?" Harm knew his voice had sounded sharper than might have been advised, but Mattie's recent tendency not to be able to come to terms with her past anymore now, such a long time after the actual drama was something he didn't yet know how to deal with. Subsequently, every negative allusion to her situation would immediately put him on his guard. And his instinctive reaction to insecurity was to apply military discipline if softened by love and worry.
However, whenever a phrase of the kind was out, he immediately reproached himself with being a hardhearted, impatient jerk. So as usual, the apology followed on the spot. He exhaled in frustration. "I did it again, didn't I?"
The second of hesitation on the other end of the line cut deep. ["Yup,"] she finally answered.
"I'm sorry, Mats."
He was relieved when he heard the smile in her voice. ["I'm getting used to it, you know."]
"I promise I'll work on my reactions. But, please, stop humiliating yourself and trust that you're good at what you're doing. They don't give scholarships to mediocre students."
Mattie sighed, and Harm could hear she wasn't quite convinced yet. ["I know, I know. It's just... I don't know. Maybe it's because I did an interview today that shook me up a little."]
'Now we're getting to the point,' Harm thought, content that he didn't have to ask why she had initially wanted to talk to him. "Shook you up? In what way?"
["One of the girls Pam works with for her doctorate has just recently learned to walk with crutches again, after eighteen months in a wheelchair,"] Mattie explained. ["Jeannie is only fourteen, and she had an accident when she was on a mountain hike in Madeira with her parents. They had to walk through a steep, dark tunnel to follow their marked path, but they forgot to pack flashlights. They were in the middle of nowhere and that day no other hikers were near because it was raining.
["They needed to get home somehow, so they thought they would do the tunnel all the same and be careful. That's when Jeannie slipped and fell. She told me she was lucky she rolled out of the tunnel, so at least the helo could pick her up with minimal risk. But she hurt her spine, badly. Her coma was shorter than mine, but she'll probably never recover completely."]
"And now you're having a bad conscience because you did?" Harm asked.
["Yeah, maybe, but that's not really the problem. I've seen others who'll never walk again. What really got to me was that now she's afraid of the dark, and she's having panic attacks about it."]
Panic. This was the terrain where Harm needed to let Mattie take the lead. Not that he was never afraid. Far from it. He remembered being next to frozen with fear more often than would have been beneficial for a military man. However, he had always managed to get a grip in time to find a solution for the situation he was facing. The fact alone that he was still alive proved it. Panic disorder was something he could only understand on a very theoretical level.
He, too, had had to do an interview today that tackled the topic in a slightly different way, but nevertheless, the duplicity of the events struck him. Maybe someone up there thought he needed some professional insight in order to deal with his daughter's demons. He still felt rather uncertain how to address a psychologically complex situation he was unfamiliar with, but at least he had already learned one thing during this morning's interview with the victim of the supposed accident he was investigating on the Gilchrist: he had to tread carefully if he wanted this conversation to lead somewhere other than into emotional retreat.
"Did you ask her if... if the attacks started immediately after she woke?" he ventured.
["The chronology of her symptoms, physical and mental, is what I need to research for Pam's statistics."] Mattie's voice made it clear she was seeking shelter behind scientific facts right now. ["Jeannie told me that at first, she only concentrated on her body. On what she could or couldn't do. It was only about a year after waking from the coma, when she could handle her everyday routine in a wheelchair, that darkness started to bother her.
["That was six months ago. Seems there's a pattern to panic disorder that makes the aftermath of a situation cause the attacks only once the situation has more or less been dealt with, physically. Now Jeannie always sleeps with the lights on and starts to scream if anyone turns them off."] Nothing in Mattie's speech indicated that she might be making a clear connection to her personal problems right now. Harm suspected it would become his task to help her build that bridge.
"Does she get professional help about it?" He tried to keep the conversation flowing.
["Not yet. She's just starting to realize that her parents might be right suggesting she do."]
"And..." Again Harm hesitated, hoping he found the right words. "Did you tell her about your past?"
["Strangely, yes,"] Mattie replied, sounding thoughtful. ["At first, I decided not to, but of course she brought everything back...."] She let her voice trail off.
A few moments passed in silence until Harm decided to take the jump. "And did you tell her about your own panic attacks?"
More seconds ticked by, making Harm already doubt he had chosen his words wisely, when she finally answered. ["Eventually."] Mattie's voice had lowered quite a bit, and Harm had to concentrate to understand her. ["Do you remember how I could never really talk about what I'm feeling when..."] Her intake of breath was audible even over the phone line. ["Anyway, Jeannie's at a point where she can describe the sensation."] Harm almost thought he could hear her shudder from afar. ["It was so weird, Harm. Her words could have been mine. So I let her know what the fear does to me. First time I could ever tell anyone,"] she added, nearly whispering.
"Can you tell me?"
["Not yet,"] she answered, her voice sorrowful and pleading. ["But I'll write it down one of these days, when I'll do my report for Pam. Then I'll let you have it, I promise, okay?"]
"Okay." He decided to simply wait if and how Mattie wanted to go on, not caring if Deutsche Telekom was making a fortune from their long-distance call. When she didn't speak up, he took the initiative again, feeling he didn't want to let the conversation drown just yet. "This is one of those strange days," he mused.
["What do you mean?"]
"Do you ever get the feeling that there's a pattern to your day? A sort of theme that carries you through from morning to night?"
["I guess, yeah. Why?"]
He pulled himself up on the bed again to sit more comfortably. "Because the supposed accident I'm looking into on the USS Gilchrist seems to have been caused by someone suffering from panic attacks, too."
["You're making this up now, right?"]
"No, honestly. An ensign who's one of the ship's liaisons with the Germans and the Danish suffers from vertigo," Harm began to describe the case. "From what I understood that wasn't always the case but it dates from after she all but fell from the radar tower once. She managed to conceal her fear from the crew and from her superiors, but the day of the incident she couldn't avoid doing a guided tour of the ship with a German and Danish delegation of military engineers all on her own. So she swallowed her fear and took them up on the tower, too."
On this, Mattie seemed to come to life. ["She took them up of her own free will although it caused her panic? Gosh, I don't think I could get up my courage to do that."]
Harm sighed, thinking of the young woman who would have to carry a heavy burden for the rest of her life. "Turns out she couldn't, either," he said. "About halfway up, she made the mistake to turn and look down. She says she was paralyzed with sudden fear, so she lost her grip on the ladder and fell. The fall wasn't too high, but in falling, she knocked a Danish lieutenant off the ladder. This turned it into an international incident, requiring me to fly down to Germany."
["How badly were they hurt?"] Mattie's voice sounded somewhat shaky.
"The ensign will live, and she'll probably recover from her own injuries, but she'll need to learn to live with the fact that the Danish lieutenant broke his neck on a railing and died because she tried to conceal her problems."
["Damn..."] The other end of the line grew very quiet, and again Harm waited. It wasn't until he heard something that sounded like a muted sniffle that he spoke up, worried.
"Mats? You okay?"
He heard her take a shaky breath, and when she answered, he could hear the tears in her slightly suffocated voice. ["Dammit... what good is it to try and overcome your fears if you end up in a nightmare that's even worse?"]
Her grief tore at his heart and Harm wished he could offer some physical support instead of mere words. Now he would have to make his voice convey the consolation somehow. And he had no clue how he was supposed to do that.
"That's because she didn't get the help she needed," he said gently. "I'm hardly an expert in those things, but I've been told you can't just cure panic disorder on your own, forcing yourself to do what triggers the attacks. But there are ways."
["But even if you don't feel like being strangled anymore every time you think about it: you still need to actually do it someday!"]
"Right, but you'll be prepared, and you could take someone with you who'll help you pull through." Harm felt they were covertly talking about Mattie now, and if this indirect approach helped her, he would stick to it as long as she did.
["And what if you get there, and then you just can't? Like the ensign? What if you just realize you'll never again be able to do what you wanted? And what if you know you'll disappoint the person who's trying to help you?"] A shaky sob followed the rushed flow of words.
Harm felt grieved that she was beating herself up so badly about it, but at the same time he was touched that not wanting to disappoint him was such a big issue for her. He needed to set her at ease at least about that one. "If someone wants to help a friend take a big step," he contradicted softly, "and if he really cares about that friend, then he'll never be disappointed if it doesn't work out, because the important thing is that the friend tried, you know?"
Once again, they grew quiet. ["I'll think about it,"] Mattie finally said, her voice still doubtful and teary, but gratitude shining through her words. ["You'll get an update when I come home for Christmas."]
Knowing this was more than he could have hoped to get out of this conversation, let alone on the phone, Harm felt a smile cause his features to relax. "All right," he simply acknowledged their agreement to let the matter rest for now. Mattie had made a first tiny step tonight, and she was independent enough to decide for herself where she wanted to go from here. No need to put her under additional pressure.
["I love you."]
"I love you, too, Mats. Sleep tight."
["You, too. And hug Mac and Ben for me, will you?"]
"Sure thing. Bye, hon."
["Bye."]
Putting his phone back on the side table, Harm once again thought he wouldn't trade the feeling of being a husband and father for anything in the world.
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*********************
Robert Brendan was slowly beginning to feel like a Scotland Yard inspector observing a suspect. Originally, he'd only just dropped by to pick Mattie up so she wouldn't have to walk home in the cold rain. But by now, he had been sitting in his car, observing the entrance on the opposite side of the street, for about 40 minutes without seeing anything of her. His mild astonishment about the session taking so long was starting to change to slight worry. A shrink's time was best compared to money slipping through your fingers. If this went on for another 15 minutes, Mattie would have to pay triple for her first session already. And try as he might, Rob couldn't decide for himself whether to interpret this as a good sign or not.
True, the duration suggested that Mattie and her future therapist seemed to have immediately found some common ground to base a conversation on. If this meant Mattie had been able to open up about her problems, all the better. He knew she had been highly motivated to tackle her phobia ever since she'd gotten off the phone with her father, two weeks ago. She had also told Rob about the young girl she was working with in the NEXUS, and he could easily see the connection Mattie's father must have pointed out between the cases. Rob felt he would really like to get to know the captain a little better, and his wife, too from what he'd learned between the lines, Mattie's adoptive parents had to have hearts of gold. And no need to mention that she adored her little brother.
Flying hadn't directly come up again after Mattie's revelation of what she'd been through. Rob understood this had to be a trauma still not fully dealt with, and he knew forcing the issue would be pointless. However, he could somehow feel just how much flying seemed to mean to his friend, and he was determined to help her achieve what she once wanted most: to be able to fly together with her dad. She so feared disappointing him if she didn't get there. So Rob couldn't help but see it as his personal responsibility to convince her to take the first actual step of getting in the air with Hal and him, seeing as he had brought the topic up in the first place. Not immediately, but once she'd have firmly engaged in her therapy.
Rob had prepared a little surprise for Mattie for Christmas. He just had no clue how to give it to her without causing a negative reaction. However, today was his last chance to do it personally, as he had to join his family near London tonight for his grandparents' golden wedding anniversary and would then stay with them until New Year.
He jumped and hit his head on the car ceiling when someone knocked on the rear window. Mattie was looking at him, laughing. Rob only shook his head at himself. Scotland Yard, indeed. As a detective, he'd probably be dead by now. He signaled to her to come around the car and get in, leaned over and opened the door.
"Hey, now that's some service!" Mattie greeted him, slipping onto the seat and fastening the seatbelt. "Thank you so much!"
"You're welcome," he said, just a little stiffly, trying a smile and ordering himself to act normal. He couldn't quite understand why recently, he tended to tense up a little whenever the lively American was near. In his perception, nothing had changed since he'd first known her. And yet, Mattie's curly ponytail was a sight he had so gotten used to seeing at breakfast in the kitchen that he felt something was lacking when she wasn't there. Her witty, sometimes biting humor had absolutely added to the fun of discussing whatever came up over Hal's tea, and when something was bothering them, Mattie had proven to be a first-class listener, even though she always repeated that she couldn't offer any advice. But her being there was already more than Rob had been used to for a long time. He just wished he weren't so darn shy when things got personal.
"That was a long session," he tried. "I take it you like your therapist?"
"She's great. Please remind me to thank Sherry for pointing me to her," Mattie said. "Actually, Dr. Norris doesn't say much. She just listens in a way you think will already solve your problems."
He shot her a grin, eyebrows up high. "For her not talking, you stayed a very long time."
"I didn't say we didn't talk," Mattie retorted, half-amused, half-defensive, before her expression turned a little compassionate. "I'm just sorry you had to wait for so long. But if I'd known you'd come pick me up I would..."
"But you didn't. So the fault's all mine, if there's any," he brushed her worries aside, still smiling. "You don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it, but how does she go about it? Did she jump right into the problems head-on?"
"No, quite the contrary: she seems to like a subtle approach. We started out with family and friends and studies and such. We were only just getting to the good stuff when my time would've been over, so she said that as she didn't have any other patients today, we might go on a little so she could get a clearer picture of my situation, if I felt like staying."
"Nice way to double your income," he couldn't help stating.
"No such thing, actually," Mattie contradicted. "She extended the session for free, as I'm a friend of Sherry's. Sherry even told me beforehand something of the kind might happen the first time around. Seems Dr. Norris likes to get to know her patients well from the start. I think I might even recommend her to Jeannie next time I go see her."
"I'm glad you two seem to have hit it off." He was indeed, he noted.
Mattie nodded with a relieved expression. "I was a little afraid at first," she admitted, "but once I got accustomed to talking about whatever came to my mind, time passed really quickly."
"I don't think that once you've made up your mind to open up, it's very easy to keep you from talking," Rob observed, putting the car into first and merging into the afternoon traffic.
"Jealous I never get bored with myself?" she teased back.
"Kind of, yeah," he admitted with a grin. "Anyway, now I'll have a full three weeks at home to redefine my relationship with myself. Let's see how far I get."
"Not very far. You're not egocentric enough," she declared.
"And you are?"
"If I choose to be, yeah." Mattie sobered. "When will you leave?"
"Night train from Dundee. It's going to be mighty quiet at home without you two around."
"I'm gonna miss you guys, too, when I go home for Christmas. Although I can't wait to see my family. My little brother's growing so fast, and I'm not going to have another, so I better make the most of it."
Rob feigned a depressed look. "And what about me? I don't have a brother."
"Awww..." Grinning, Mattie put her right index under her right eye and slightly pulled the lower lid down with a grimace of mock compassion. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?"
Tensing inwardly, Rob thought this might be his chance. He didn't want to leave her gift behind without telling her how to understand it. "Actually... yes. Have a look in the right inside pocket of my jacket that's on the back seat, will you?"
Mattie did what she was told and retrieved the light-blue envelope he had placed there. "Got it. What next?"
"Open it."
He risked a glance to his left side and saw her frown in puzzled interest. 'Please, don't get me wrong,' he silently begged her as she pulled the card out of the envelope and read in silence.
For a long moment she said nothing and Rob already started thinking about an adequate apology.
"Are you trying to make fun of me?" she finally asked, her eyes never leaving the card as if they could change the words written on it.
Damn. He'd known beforehand that she wouldn't understand. However, a friend of his who was right now doing her master's degree in psychology had encouraged him to try it out. "I hope you know I'd never do that, Matt," he answered.
"Then explain to me what you were thinking when you wrote this." She hadn't sounded hostile, just completely at a loss and uncomfortable with it.
"I was hoping your therapy would start in a promising direction. Since that phone conversation with your dad, two weeks ago, you've been seeing Jeannie at least twice a week, and you were so determined to tackle your problem, that I thought... I thought that for Christmas, I might promise you to help you get through your first flight on a small plane. It'd only be me and you, and if you want, Hal, and someone else, Pam or Sherry, for example. Whoever makes you feel secure. Just so you can surprise your dad and tell him you did it. And if you can't muster the courage, which I doubt, then I promise he'll never know."
Mattie swallowed visibly. "This is so sweet of you, but... I don't think I can do it yet."
Rob stopped at a red traffic light. "If you read it carefully you'll see there's no time limit on it," he said. "This is just a 'whenever-is-fine' token. You continue with your therapy, you name the day, I talk to Ian and reserve a plane, and we go up doing highland sightseeing like few do. How does that sound?" In slight shock, he noticed he had placed his left hand on Mattie's right thigh, giving her a reassuring squeeze. As if he'd burned himself, he pulled it back, firmly gripping the steering wheel and staring out in front. He was glad when the lights changed to green so he could concentrate on the traffic.
A deep breath was the first answer he got. "Theoretically, that sounds just great. Really, it does, and I'm thrilled that you thought about such a great gift for me. It's just..." She sighed, then turned her head to him and smiled crookedly. "Now I have two people I'll disappoint if I don't pull through."
For some reason, her statement warmed his heart. "That's not exactly true," he contradicted a little mischievously. "As I said: your dad would never know, and as for myself I'm just a means to an end. I know how to fly the plane. The rest is up to you alone. And I don't care if it's going to be March or June or August 2020. Just promise me we'll do this one day, okay?"
Mattie took a long time to answer, twirling the card in her hands, seeming lost in her thoughts. Eventually, when he was just pulling up in front of their house, she sighed a little shakily and again looked at him. The smile she was giving him was insecure but it radiated thankfulness in a way that for a moment overwhelmed him. He instantly busied himself arranging some maps in the small compartment that was integrated in his door. After a few seconds, though, he realized he was being impolite, left the maps as they were, and with an expression that he was convinced screamed of his uneasiness turned to face her again.
Mattie's huge blue eyes were on him, and Rob was too confused to figure out what lay in them. "I promise we'll do this one day," was all she said softly. "Thank you, Rob I don't know what to say."
He needed to ease the tension. "Say you'll cook your dad's fabulous vegetarian lasagna tonight," he deliberately broke the spell, feeling relieved but, to his dismay, also sad that he had. "I know the recipe turned up again in between Hal's specials. We've still got the time to go to the supermarket, and I'll sleep much better on the train if I eat well tonight."
"I can do that." Mattie opened the car door. "Just hope I'll never bring home my dad's recipe for meatless meatloaf. From what my mom tells me she once compared it to toxic waste."
"Riiiight....Lasagna?"
"Lasagna."
December 24, 2009
1912 Local
Rabb residence
Kensington
London, England
"Clear the way!" Harm's voice sounded slightly strained when he entered the living-room at a quick pace, carrying the heavy roasting pan in front of him and making a beeline for the dining table. "Does this bird have somewhere to land?"
"Wait.... yup. Come in at 000 degrees exactly!" Mattie quickly took one more glass away that stood a little too close to the terracotta plate designed to hold the hot pan. "...aaand: touchdown," she announced when Harm set the enormous turkey down, straightening and wiping a few beads of perspiration from his forehead.
"Did I snag the three-wire?" he asked, panting.
"Positive, sir," Jen answered.
"Good." Harm let himself fall onto his chair.
"Turtey," Ben observed, turning expectantly to his mother.
"Yes, that's daddy's turkey, and now we're all going to see if he did well." Mac blew Harm a kiss over the table. "At least judging from the smell, you outdid yourself, Mr. Almost-Vegetarian."
"It can't be worse than Jenny's try at mince pies last week, ma'am," the blond young man sitting next to Coates cut in with a grin.
Jen slapped him on the shoulder with a mock frown. "Owning a cafι doesn't make you an expert cook, either, Tom. And then, English cuisine..."
"Stop it, you two!" Mattie reached for the mashed potatoes. "I loved your roast beef, Jen. Tom's just looking for a reason he needn't pop the question yet."
"Miss Mathilda..." Jen's boyfriend threateningly murmured in her direction.
"Water, anyone?" Harm got up again with the carafe, saving the situation. "And, by the way: Merry Christmas, and hand me your plates, okay?"
"Turtey!"
"Coming, sport," Harm answered his son, winking. Handing the carafe to Jen, he began to cut the turkey. "Could someone serve me some potatoes and vegetables while I'm busy here, please?"
"It's a pity we can't get back at her now," Tom said, turning to Jen but clearly intending his words for Mattie. "Well, maybe next time there will be someone here to tease her about, for a change."
Harm saw Jen's look turn mischievous. "Oh, we might as well do it now, I guess," she answered. "Hearing her talk of certain people..." She let her voice trail off.
"Who?" came Harm's immediate reaction. He involuntarily halted his movements. When he saw everyone's eyes on him, he concentrated on the turkey again, trying to ignore the suppressed snickering. However, his ears were on high alert.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Mattie answered. Harm thought her tone had been just a little too defensive to pass for disinterested.
"I can count, you know," Jen said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that whenever we talk on the phone, every tenth word is 'Rob'. Rob this, Rob that just stating hard facts here."
"That's not true."
"Sorry to disappoint you, Mats," Mac spoke up, her smile audible, "but Jen's always been a keen observer."
Harm still kept his eyes glued to the turkey he was now serving on the plates that were held out to him. "I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary," he stated, seemingly neutral. "Should I have?"
"I'm not surprised you didn't," Mac replied, now laughing openly. "Our history speaks volumes on that point."
He looked up and made a face. "Touchι. Anyway, Mats, is there anything you might like to share?" He smiled encouragingly, hoping but doubting she might elaborate on the story.
Mattie's expression had turned a little exasperated. "Harm, you and I normally talk about your work and my studies." She turned to face Mac. "Mac, I tell you about the household stuff as you're less sensitive about my living arrangements." Harm saw Mattie's eyes wander to the next listener again. "Jen, I've told you a million times Rob and I are just friends, like with Hal, too. Everybody, could we please change the subject?"
"You started it, you know," Jen observed.
"Yeah, I know I did, and I'm sorry. I just think that after four years, Mr. Thomas Gardiner might as well make up his mind to speak up and give me a chance to be a bridesmaid again."
"Who says he hasn't?"
"What??"
Jen chuckled. "You better swallow first, Mattie. No, nothing's changed. But as soon as there's a change of situation, you'll be the first to know, okay?"
Mattie's breath that she'd been holding came out, sounding just a little frustrated. "I might get to be your matron of honor by that time, but okay."
"Don't be too sure about that, Mattie," Tom cut in and Harm wondered if he was only imagining the slight secretive undertone in his voice. "Sometimes things happen when you least expect them to."
"You're not planning on asking her right here, are you?" Mac inquired, clearly curious, wiping little Ben's mouth who was busy chewing.
"No, but we might as well let you know that for starters, I'm looking into options for selling my place and opening a new one somewhere in the D.C. area, by the time you all transfer back to the States," Tom replied, casting a quick smile in Jen's direction.
Harm finally sat down again and took his fork. "If you ask me, that's second best to a diamond ring. I won't congratulate you yet because I'm slightly superstitious with things as these, but I'd say, way to go."
"Thank you all the same, sir." Jen had actually blushed a little, he noted. "And maybe next year you'll have a guest from Europe instead of us..."
"Jen!"
"Sorry, Mats. I just couldn't resist. Forgive me?"
"This once."
The conversation turned westward now as Mac read them a long email Harriet had sent earlier, wishing them all happy holidays. Harm relaxed in his chair and rejoiced in seeing his extended family assembled around the table like this. He had left his worries at the office and wouldn't look at them again before January 4. However, he made a silent mental note to be a little more attentive from now on, talking to Mattie on the phone.
Just a little. You never knew.
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