Title: Cabin Pressure Revisited
Author: Kimberly Knipp
Rating: PG
Classification: Romance
Disclaimer: JAG, its characters and premise are the exclusive property of
Bellasarius Productions, Paramount Television and CBS Entertainment. No
monetary gain is appreciated from this endeavor, nor is any copyright
infringement intended. This story is created purely for recreational
purposes.
Author's Note: I've taken several liberties here since we haven't seen the
episode yet but I'm only doing this for my bestest friend Pat so as long as
she likes it then I'm happy.
2330 ZULU
USS SANTANA
DEEP IN THE PACIFIC
The water was coming in faster and faster. If someone didn't get them out
soon, they were going to die on this Godforsaken, floating tin can. And if
that happened, he would never have a chance to do all the things he kept
saying he'd do. Like volunteer his time. And teach his Godson how to play
football. And watch Bud and Harriet grow old and more in love. Or become
the next JAG when Admiral Chegwidden finally decides to retire. But most
importantly, he was never going to get to tell the one woman he'd ever loved
just how much he did love her. She was going to go on forever thinking that
he was indifferent to her. That couldn't be the farthest from the truth.
"Commander! We have to do something!"
Harm looked between the two men trapped with him - Seaman James Thomas and
the guard who was supposed to be escorting him, Lt. Robert Devereaux.
"What would you like me to do, Thomas? I'm a pilot and this isn't exactly a
Tomcat!" he snapped back.
"I didn't kill anyone, Commander. You gotta believe me!" Thomas continued,
inching in his way through the knee-deep water to Harm's side.
"I don't think it matters all that much now, do you?" Harm questioned
angrily, struggling to keep his cool. "Besides, it's not up to me to decide."
"But you can convince the jury, can't you?" The young man pleaded eagerly,
twisting his hands together as he shot a quick glance to where the seawater
was pouring in.
"No, it's not, Seaman Thomas!" Harm shot back roughly, his control snapping.
"It's my job to present the facts, not sway the jury! If you killed that
girl then you'll get what you deserve! Make no mistake of that!"
Seaman Thomas shrank back under the force of Harm's thunderous gaze. He
moved away a few feet, turning in on himself.
Lt. Devereaux looked to Harm. "Should we try again with the equipment? Maybe
the water will lighten it enough to help us move it away," he suggested
quietly.
"We can try," Harm nodded wearily, already afraid it was a lost cause.
Twenty minutes later they were both cursing the air blue and proving Harm's
theory to be correct. The rescue equipment wasn't budging.
"We don't have any choice but to wait for them to break through from the
outside," Harm sighed.
The water was getting deeper by the minute in the below deck area. Harm
leaned back against the wall and braced his hands on his knees, staring at
the water for a moment. He couldn't even sit down. He caught a movement out
of the corner of his eye and glanced toward Seaman Thomas. The young man had
a pad of paper in his hand and was busily scratching something out.
"What are you doing?" Harm called.
"Writing a letter to my folks," he muttered without looking up. "You know,
in case we don't make it outta here."
Harm and Devereaux exchanged a look. A few more minutes passed before Harm
saw Devereaux move. He sloshed his way over to Thomas. The young man tore
several sheets of paper from the tablet and handed them to the older man as
Devereaux pulled a pen from his uniform pocket. He returned to where he'd
been and started writing. He glanced up and caught Harm watching him.
"For my wife," he admitted by way of explanation. "Just in case," he tacked
on.
Sighing, Harm decided maybe they had a good idea. He crossed the room to get
his own paper and dug out a pen. Without hesitation, he started writing. The
first letter was to Admiral Chegwidden. He wrote about how he'd first felt
coming to JAG - how it seemed like a lifetime ago since that cocky young
pilot swaggered into the bullpen thinking the world was at his feet.
I've worked for many great Commanders but none who have ever gone to the
line for me like you have. I've made a lot of mistakes that you always
manage to put aside. Mistakes that would have had me out the door with
anyone else. I can't recall how many times you've chewed my six but it
always seems forgotten right after. You've given me space to prove myself
and to grow as a lawyer. You've given me your trust time and again as
well as the chance to continue to work with you. You've filled that voice
in my life in more ways than I can tell you. I believe you've allowed me
to see a side of you most people are never privy to. For that, I am
thankful for everyday. You are one of the finest men I've ever known and
I admire your loyalty and courage.
'Being in command doesn't make someone a good leader. What makes a good
leader is ruling with compassion and fairness.' Those are your words,
Admiral, and I carry them with me always.
The next letter was to Bud. Harm shifted and took note that the water was
now to his thighs. Sighing, he began to write, hoping he could convey to his
friend and coworker how much he valued him.
I've known you for a long time now, Bud, and I've watched you grow and
change into a fine Naval officer. I feel like you give me way too much
credit at times. You've stood by me and chased after me, broken rules and
created diversions. All things that could have ended your career, yet you
never backed away. I have every reason in the world to be thankful for you.
At JAG, I found something I've searched my whole life for. You and
Harriet accept me for what I am and still love me anyway. You did me the
greatest honor ever when you asked me to stand in as A.J.'s Godfather. I
promised I would always do my best by him. Now… well, now I may never
get that chance. I leave it in your capable hands to make sure he knows how
much he was loved and wanted. I thank God for both of you everyday. When
you make me laugh out of the blue, when you tease each other, when you
kiss and don't care who's watching. You make me believe that true love is
still possible.
Bud, Harriet, you've been a constant source of changing emotions. I
wouldn't trade the memories I have of you for anything. I've watched you
both grow as individuals and I'm damned proud of your every
accomplishment. No matter what you may have believed about yourselves, I
believe in both of you and in your strength and love.
Harm carefully folded their letter and slid it into his pocket with the
Admiral's. The water was getting and higher with every passing minute. It
was to his waist now. He turned and rested the paper on the edge of a piece
of equipment. Behind him, he could still hear the other two men writing
away. He stared at the paper for a moment and then began to write.
If you're reading this letter, Mac, then it means the rescue team didn't
get us out of here in time. It's funny what you think of at times like
this. You and I both have faced death before and cheated it. I don't know
if I have another ace like that up my sleeve.
We've spent the past few months arguing and it's taken a bigger toll on
me than I've allowed you to see. I can and will admit it's my own fault.
Not only had you gained rank over me, but you seemed not to need me
anymore. I know I made a mistake leaving to return to flying but I can't
go back and change the past. I can only manage the future. You seem to
look forward to fighting me at every turn and I'm at a loss as to how to
overcome this. On top of all that, I was so jealous of Bugme that I
couldn't see straight. I wanted him out of the way so I could have you all
to myself. Looks like I got my wish in time just to see it slip away.
I've been doing a lot of hard thinking the past few days and I've
realized what's always been right in front of my eyes. I've just been
too stupid to
see it. I started thinking about some of the things we've been through.
About all the times I nearly lost you. I realize now that you'd tried to
give me the best part of you and I turned my back on it. Not anymore. I
never felt like I belonged anywhere, Mac. Like you, I've been running
toward something I couldn't seem to catch. Then I came to JAG and met all
of you. But more than that, I've found a place at your side. I've hurt
you so much that I don't even know how to ask for your forgiveness. It
would be no less than I deserve if you never forgave me in your heart. I
don't know if you'll ever get this letter but what saddens me the most is
not being able to tell you that I love you. And I do - from the very
bottom of my heart.
You are so many things to me, Mac. You make me laugh, you keep me on my
toes and you've never once backed down from telling me I'm wrong. You've
saved me over and over, supported me, trusted me, pushed me on and a
thousand other things I can only start to touch on. You've been the one
constant in my world that has been unwavering since the day I met you. I
never knew just how much until I came back from carrier duty to find you
firmly ensconced in your new partnership with Brumby.
And please don't think facing death stuck here with the water rushing in
is what brought all this on. It's been coming for a long time. How I
feel about you isn't sudden, Sarah. As I think back to all that we've
been through, it hit me that all the jealousy and the protectiveness that
I'd claimed were because I cared about you, were always because I loved you.
I just didn't recognize it for what it truly was because I didn't want to.
The Admiral was right on when he said I was obsessed with flying.
Well, I'm getting away from the point of this letter. I love you, Mac.
I can't remember now when I didn't. I will be grateful always for every
single way you've graced my life. From your smile to the look in your eyes
to the warmth of your touch. I've never wanted to be away from you, Sarah.
I wanted you so close to me a ray of light couldn't come between us. I
thought I had everything. But all I have doesn't mean much without you.
The one thing I want more than anything else in my life is you. I'm
probably not making any sense, am I? But you always make sense of what I
say, Mac. You make sense of things when I don't understand them myself.
I wonder if I ever stop to tell you that? I haven't, have I? I don't
think I've ever stopped to tell you how much you mean to me. For all the
times you've stood by me and held me up. To keep seeking the truth, the
justice. For going with me to Russia to search for my father. For
risking your life and your career for me. Even though I desperately tried
to talk you out of going. I didn't want anything to happen to you. But
at the same time I wanted you with me. I want you with me all the time -
every second, every minute, every day. I know that I'm never going to
have the chance to tell you this. I'm standing here looking at rushing
seawater that's already above my waist. But if you believe only one
thing, believe that I'm telling you the truth. I love you with every
fiber of my being. I'll go down in the dark calling your name, Sarah.
Be safe, Colonel. And I love you.
"Commander? Are you finished writing yours?"
Harm looked up at Seaman Thomas then down at his letter. "Yeah, I guess I
am." He quickly folded the paper and then handed it and the other two
letters to Thomas.
"Thanks," he murmured gratefully.
"Sure."
ABOVE DECK ….
"Captain, tell your men to work faster! We're running out of time!"
Captain Lowell Travis glanced briefly at Mac and grimaced. "They're going as
fast as they can, Colonel, I assure you."
"Well, it isn't fast enough, Captain Travis!"
Both Mac and the Captain turned at the new voice and saw Admiral Chegwidden
striding toward them. Mac felt relief wash over her at the site of her
commander.
"I expected to see my officer out of there by now!" A.J. bellowed angrily.
"Admiral, they're working as fast as they can," Captain Travis retorted
calmly.
"They damn well better be!" A.J. thundered.
The three of them stood watch as the rescue team continued to cut through the
steel equipment that was blocking the only exit for Commander Rabb, Lt.
Devereaux and Seaman Thomas. Seeing the pinched look on her face, A.J.
calmly placed on hand on Mac's shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze.
She gave him a grateful look then turned her eyes back to the ship before her.
BELOW DECK…
The three men were floating at the very top of hold area, struggling to stay
conscious in the frigid water. The air was growing thin and they had only
minutes now until the compartment was completely filled with water. Their
faces were pressed against cold metal as they sought to breathe in what
precious little was left of their space. Out of the corner of his eye, Harm
saw Lt. Devereaux disappear from sight. Harm lunged into the water and
caught the man by his collar. Slinging his arms beneath Devereaux's chin,
Harm dragged him back to the surface and leaned back slightly, making sure
the Lt.'s face was above water. Oblivion was pulling at Harm, too, and he
fought to stay awake.
"Commander?"
"Yeah, Thomas?" Harm called raggedly.
Seaman Thomas was struggling for his every breath. "We're not gonna make it,
are we?"
"Think positive, Seaman. You're a squid," Harm ordered, sucking in a shallow
breath.
Seconds later only their noses and mouths were visible.
"Take a deep breath, Thomas!" Harm called weakly.
He managed to do the same just before they sank below the water's surface.
Harm blew part of the breath into Lt. Devereaux's mouth then pushed himself
up for another breath. It wasn't going to work, he thought to himself.
Dizziness swamped him from the lack of air and he felt his chest constrict.
And then blackness was claiming him, too.
ABOVE DECK…
The rescue team yanked the last piece of broken equipment out of the way and
stood back as water gushed out of the hold. Along with it came the still
bodies of Harm, Lt. Devereaux and Seaman Thomas.
"Harm!" Mac cried, rushing forward into the water.
She reached for his body and turned him over to his back, checking for a
pulse. Tipping his head back, she cupped one hand around his chin and the
pinched his nose with the other. Fitting her mouth to his, Mac blew in one
quick breath. Se turned to look at his chest. Nothing. She blew another
breath and looked again. Still nothing. She started to blow once more when
he gasped, immediately coughing as air filled his lungs. Mac got him by the
neck and shoulders and lifted him up, holding him up against her as she moved
partway behind him. She held him gently, his own heart beating frantically
as he pressed his face into the soft pillow of her breasts. Harm drew in
several shallow gasps. Mac stroked his head, sliding her fingers through his
wet hair.
"Are you all right?" she murmured.
"Yeah," he gasped, his voice hoarse.
"Colonel, we're going to take him to Bethesda. You're welcome to ride along."
Mac glanced up at the medic and nodded. The men helped Harm up and quickly
got him on the gurney before loading him into the ambulance. Mac climbed in
next to him and they were on their way.
2300 ZULU
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
Mac was exhausted. She'd stayed at Bethesda all night with Harm before
taking him home this morning. The doctor ordered rest for the next day or so
and Admiral Chegwidden was making sure Harm carried out the order.
"Colonel?"
Mac looked at as Bud knocked gently on her door. "Come in, Bud. What are
you still doing here?" she asked.
"This was just delivered for you, ma'am," he answered, crossing the room to
hand her a letter. There was an identical one in his hand.
"What is this?" she asked, turning it over. "This is Harm's handwriting,"
she murmured.
"Yes, ma'am. I already took the Admiral's to him. There's one here for
Harriet and I, too," Bud told he, holding up his envelope.
"Do you know what it is?" Mac questioned.
"No, ma'am, but I'll leave you to read it," he smiled and backed out of the
room.
The office was almost deserted. Mac leaned back in her chair slightly and
gently pried up the flap. The scent of seawater clung to the white paper and
the ink spelling out her name was slightly smudged. She drew the single
sheet out and began to read. By the time she was finished with the simple
letter, her hands were shaking and she was struggling to hold back tears. Of
all the things she expected to find… Mac jumped to her feet and turned off
her desk light. Grabbing her purse and jacket, she rushed out of the office.
COMMANDER RABB'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
Harm was already bored. Since it was already Thursday, the doctor at
Bethesda had ordered him to take the rest of the week off and return to work
on Monday and Admiral Chegwidden had seconded the ordered. Both Seaman
Thomas and Lt. Devereaux would recover as well. He wondered how they were
doing at the office. Probably just fine without him, he thought glumly as he
paced the floor of his living room. The doorbell rang, startling him from
his thoughts. Harm strode quickly across the room and jerked it open.
"Mac, come in! I didn't expect…" he broke off abruptly when he noticed the
look on her face and her red-rimmed eyes. "What's wrong? Has something
happened?" he demanded, grasping her hand and pulling her into the loft.
"No, I…" she started and the stopped, fidgeting with her purse.
"Let me have that."
He took her purse and cover and hung them on the coat rack then motioned
toward the couch. "Can I get you something to drink?" He offered.
"No," she gave a quick shake of her head. "I'm fine. Can we sit down?" she
asked.
"Of course," he moved to the side and let her seat herself first before he
lowered his tall frame down next to her.
"This was delivered to me tonight. In it you wished for a chance to tell me
openly the same thing you wrote. Here's your chance," she stated in a rush,
producing the letter he hadn't noticed she had and holding it out to him.
Harm recognized what she had the second he looked at it. His heart sank as
he jerked his eyes back to hers. But he didn't see any signs of anger or
reproach in her lovely face. Instead he saw something looked like hope in
her eyes. He cleared his throat slightly and took the paper from her.
"It's all the truth," he murmured, not sure where to start. He raised his
eyes to hers.
"I love you, Mac," he murmured simply.
She smiled then - the brightest, warmest smile he'd ever seen, her eyes
shining. "Then I don't need you to repeat the rest. I love you, too."
The End