Title: Come In Out Of The World...
Author: MSHDV, MSHDV@aol.com
Summary: The death of a stranger ultimately bring Harm and Mac closer together.
Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.


Come In Out Of The World...


  Come In Out Of The World...
Out of the cold and lonely night...


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
1730HRS (EST)


It was like she was once again in a self-induced trance, trying to will herself to forget the nightmares that lay piled up behind her. It was like she was once again in a self-induced alternate universe, trying to will herself to forget the nightmares that were piling up in front of her. She was mesmerized by the inclement weather that beat without mercy against the windowpanes of her office tossed on the wings of the violent storm.

Without mercy, the rain pelted the officers that ran from the entryway for the shelter of their vehicles. Without mercy, the wind whipped around the officers, tossing debris in their paths, blocking the way to the shelter of their vehicles. She watched as her breath condensed in small ragged puffs against the small windowpanes and then dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. Without mercy...Without shelter...Without breath...


"Ma'am? Excuse me, Colonel." Bud had been worried about her all day. She was distant and lethargic. It was the trip...he knew it was the trip and there was nothing he could do. She was strong, she was determined, but even she shouldn't be doing this alone.

"Sorry, Bud. Did you need something?"

"No, Ma'am. I just brought your flight confirmation. You leave at 19:45."

"Thanks, Bud."

"Ma'am. Are you sure you want to do this alone?"

"I have a promise to keep. I'll be fine."

"You don't have to keep that promise alone, Ma'am."

"Yes, I do. I do now."


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, DC
0145HRS (EST)


The night before...

She couldn't shake the nightmares that had all but consumed her each night for as long as she could remember. Since the trial. Since Australia. Since the ball. Since she admitted her love for him, worn her heart on her sleeve and experienced his rejection. Since he had run into Renee's waiting grasp and since she had run into Mic's.

Nightmares filled with all that had been lost to her. The friendship of a man who had come to mean the world to her. The man she had trusted with her life, with her secrets and with her soul. The man she had saved from himself on so many occasions and who had saved her from her past more times than she could count. The man who was still in her world, but who was now no more than a mere acquaintance, a mere coworker.

Nightmares filled with a love that was never meant to be. A man she could never love, as only a woman who truly loved could. A man who would never love her as she so needed to be loved. A man who's eyes bore into her soul, whose smile melted her heart and whose slightest touch left her breathless.

Nightmares that were filled with what was meant to be now.

Nightmares that were filled with what was soon to be.

Waking again in a cold sweat, she buried her head in the pillows that lay in fitful disarray around her and ran her hand along the cold empty space next to her like she had done so many times before. She was drawn to its coolness, to its emptiness, to its reminder that it's void was now replacing what had once been a heart that beat strong. That beat with so many needs and burning desires. That beat with an unequaled friendship and never-ending love. The space next to her that was cold and empty each night even when the other one was there. The space that she had so long ago reserved for one and only one in her heart and her mind. The space that would always be empty like the void that was now becoming her heart.

Groggily she dialed his number. She was strong, but she needed him. She couldn't do this alone. She needed her best friend. She needed him and only him, as always and forever.


The feminine voice that answered was full of sleepy contentment as it tried to focus on the whispered words that came over the line.

"Renee, it's Mac. I know it is late, but...is Harm there?"

"Mac? No Harm...asleep...call tomorrow..."

"Renee, I really..."

"Tomorrow...tomorrow..."


FORT LEAVENWORTH, KS
2030HRS (PST)


Sarah Mackenzie deplaned and stood on the tarmac in the dreary darkness surrounded by the misted rain. She gathered her coat around her and made her way to the air operations building alone...so alone. She had called again. She had called twice, but her calls went un-returned. She had lost it all. She had lost it all with those few whispered words spoken on that Australian Ferry. She had been willing to bare it all to him that night. To give him all she was and all she would ever be. But what he took so willingly from the weak and mindless, he did not want from her. She shivered outwardly, as she realized the footprints of Harmon Rabb would forever be in her heart.


  Did everybody talk a bit too fast today...
Did everybody say we need it now...
Did they leave you wishing...
You could vanish in thin air...

And when you found you couldn't...
Did you find your way here...

Come in out of the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in out of the world...
Where everything judged in black and white...

Come in...


THE NEXT DAY
HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
WASHINGTON, DC
1745HRS (EST)


"What the hell do you mean Mac called? When?" Harm was incensed with Renee Peterson, as he stared at her in disbelief. His irritation at wasting his precious days off performing mindless mundane tasks with the plastic queen of purchase was further aggravated by her lack of remorse.

"Harm, honestly what's the big deal. She called in the middle of the damn night and I just forgot to tell you. It's no big deal. I told her to call back...and she did...she did...yesterday...morning." Even though it was Harmon Rabb she saw staring back at her with an unrecognized fury in his eyes Renee found herself taking a precautionary step backwards.

"Renee...you forgot to tell me about that call too! Renee, how could you be so irresponsible. So insensitive! So self-absorbed!"

"Oh, give it a rest Rabb! If she really needed you, she could have called you on your cell or we would have had the entire JAG staff camping on our doorstep when we got home, including the Major."

"Colonel, Renee. It's Colonel!"

"Whatever. Call her now if you're so damned worried about your Marine. I'm going to get dressed for dinner. This is an important night for me Harm, so don't screw it up! These money men expect the royal treatment and that is exactly what I plan on giving them tonight. That's what we'll both be giving them tonight..."

Harmon Rabb had stopped listening to the incessant babbling once Renee Peterson had turned her back to him and made her way to the bedroom. She had made no excuses, she had made no apologizes, she had just been Renee. She had just been Renee...consumed with only one thing...Renee.

He dialed her cell, her apartment, the office. With haunting exasperation at reaching only recorded messages, he finally called Bud.

"Bud, it's Harm."

"Are you enjoying your days off, Sir."

"Like a wasp bite. Listen, was the Colonel at the office today?"

"No, Sir. She left at about 1630 yesterday for Andrews."

"Andrews? Is she on an assignment?"

"No, Sir. She flew to Leavenworth. I was sure you knew. Tonight is the night, Sir."

"Damn it!" He had known. He had seen what each second, what each minute, what each hour that passed as the date approached had done to her. But with honor, dignity and integrity he knew she would keep the promise she had made. She would go, no matter what it's toll, no matter what were her own personal beliefs, no matter what it did to her...she would go. And she had gone...and he had let her go alone.

"Bud, can you get me a flight to Leavenworth tonight?"

"I don't know, Sir...but even if I could it would be too late by the time you got there."

"Forget it, Bud. I'll catch my own ride."


"Harm, I think you should wear your dress whites...you know for effect..."

Renee Peterson walked into the darkened room and her spoken words hung in the stillness for a moment before they escaped through the open door into the hall. He was gone and she knew in her heart he would be back, but he would not be back to her.

She closed the door and walked back to the bedroom to finish dressing for the evening. It was a shame she thought absentmindedly. Of all the men she had dated he had demonstrated the most potential, but from the beginning she had known. His heart, his soul, his mind and his future would only and always belong to only one... she had resigned herself to the fact that the footprints of Sarah Mackenzie would forever be in Harmon Rabb's heart.


RAMADA INN
LEAVENWORTH, KS
2230HRS (PST)


She lay on the bed alone emotionally and physically exhausted amidst the psychiatric reports, the Chaplain's reports, the summary of behavior reports, and the cover letter from the warden. Pieces of plain white paper that represented the history of an inmate on death row, the spiritual and emotional interviews, observations and communications of a tortured soul. A soul who had gone through life alone, who had taken the breath of others without mercy and who had faced death as he had faced life, alone among strangers.


Earlier that day...

She had entered the witness area alone 30 minutes before the scheduled execution, taking a chair in front of the 5 windows that afforded a view of the seven and a half foot octagonal vacuum chamber. It was smaller than she had thought it would be.

She watched alone as he was brought into the chamber and was strapped to the gurney wearing a new pair of denim trousers and a blue work shirt. He appeared even smaller than she had remembered him to be.

She watched alone as he was connected to a cardiac monitor and the IV was secured in a usable vein.

She watched alone as the warden's signal started the administration of the sodium pentothal, the normal saline flush, the pancuronium bromide, the normal saline flush and finally the potassium chloride.

She watched alone as the physician declared Corporal Caleb Farmer dead at 21:12 hours on the twenty eighth of June two thousand. An end finally had come to 13 years of anguish for the victims, for their families, and for the man who had killed 3 and wounded 7 innocent Marines in an act of tormented malicious intent.

As Sarah Mackenzie left the United States Disciplinary Barracks at Fort Leavenworth, she wondered if the Keeper of the Gates of Wisdom had allowed entrance tonight to the tortured lonely soul that had been Caleb Farmer.


Back to the present...

The Lounge at the Ramada Inn was dimly lit when Harmon Rabb entered. He had tried her room and had gotten no answer and after leaving a message and registering he decided to wait in the Lounge. Wait for the woman that owned his heart, wait for the woman that was his future, wait for the woman he was afraid to love openly and wait for the woman that he couldn't commit to. When his eyes adjusted to the smoke filled darkness, he saw her sitting alone at the end of the bar, a half empty bottle of vodka her only visible company.

Mac felt his presence the minute he entered the room, but refused to turn towards what she quickly convinced herself could only be a hallucination induced by her heart's irrational and never-ending need for him. Only when she was surrounded by his sensual scent and only when she felt his strong, but gentle hand caress her shoulder did she force herself to turn towards his warmth...turn towards what she wanted to be her life.

Her red rimmed eyes locked on his in silence and all he saw were the remnants of the pain, the fear, the loneliness in the warm liquid pools, not the remnants of alcohol. As he lost himself in her pain, he cursed his own insecurities, his own self-indulgence, his own insensitivity and his own irrational fear to love and be loved by this incredible woman.

"Mac..." Before he could finish his sentence, he felt her tremble violently as she stood and he saw the single tear slip silently down her cheek, following the path of the many others he knew she had shed that day.

"I can't deal with this right now...I can't deal with you right now...please just leave me alone." For as much as she wanted to collapse in his arms and absorb his strength, Mac propelled herself away from him and blindly left the lounge exiting the hotel into the darkened storm ravaged night.

She ran blindly trying to get away from the memories of the day and the memories of a love that could never be. Finally the realization that all she had worked so hard for in her life, her career, her sobriety, her honor, her integrity, her dreams meant nothing without the final piece of her life's puzzle...without the love that she so needed from him.

When she lost her footing and fell to her knees in the sodden grass, she felt his strong hands grasp her shoulders. She tried to pull away from the man that now knelt soaked and breathless in front of her.

"Sarah, please just let me help you! Please let me help! I need to..." Harm tried to pull her to him, but she still struggled against him as the pounding rain continued to assault them both with it's fury.

"You want to help me! You want to help me! Then tell me how I can stop loving you...just tell me how I can stop!" Mac wept the words that had been locked in her heart since Australia, into the storm, into the darkness.

"I don't want you to..." His words were softly spoken against her, as he found her lips with his, both finally tasting the salt of each other's bitter and lonely tears.

  Come in out the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in...

Where there's no one else but me...
Where there's no where else to be...
Come in...

You don't need permission...
To say what's on your mind...
If you're willing to take the time...

Come in out of the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in...


RAMADA INN
FT. LEAVENWORTH, KS


The thunder rolled and the lighting split through the darkness of the night with a ferocious fury, but what mother nature had created paled in comparison to the raw emotions that surged through the two lovers wrapped tenuously in their first intimate embrace.

They tasted what they could of each other, their passionate thirst not quenched by the rain that beat mercilessly around them. They felt what they could of each other, their burning passion not extinguished by the wind that howled around them. Their need for more of each other, if only for one night in a lifetime of darkness, dissolved all their insecurities, their fears and their hesitation.

For one night they would come out of the world they had created for themselves, they would come out of the cold and lonely nights that they feared were destined to be their lives without ever experiencing the other. For one cold and stormy night they would allow their friendship to turn to love...for one cold and stormy night.


The haunting lonely memories of the years lost, the insatiable desire to love and be truly loved were the two fatal sparks that ignited the fire in their hearts. A fire that propelled them down the road that would finally allow them to act on what each had hidden for what seemed an eternity. Act on what they had denied so vehemently to themselves and to each other.

Even their soaked, chilled, wet bodies could not mask the heat that emanated between them as they stood against one another inside Mac's room. Pressed and moving hungrily against one another in the still darkness, the stillness broken only by the passionate sounds of their hunger for the other, they knew eternity had come.

As they slowly peeled their wet clothes from each other, each heated touch eliciting continuous moans of heightened pleasure, she saw the fleeting hesitancy in his brilliant eyes...

"Loving each other tonight might be a mistake, but it's one well worth making...well worth risking." The words that escaped without hesitation surprised her, not because she thought they exhibited weakness or desperation, but because of the realization that she was willing to take whatever he was willing to give even if it wasn't forever.

"Oh God, Mac..." Her simple spoken whispered words from the heart pushed him to the woman he loved with a thousand unrecognized sensations that surged through him extinguishing any doubts of why he shouldn't...why he couldn't.

Their night of lovemaking was slow and easy, charged by tender and caring touches fueled by so many lost moments in time. Their night of lovemaking was slow and wild, charged by scorching and burning touches fueled by so many lost moments in time. There were no points of pleasure that were left unexplored, that were left not stimulated, that were left not satiated by their erotic sexual ministrations.

Long into the night they just let their feelings guide their actions...as they both just let their lips and hands upon the other express what words could never between them. Each touch, each taste cascaded them into a abyss of simple yet raw pleasure that neither had experienced with the parade of partners that they had used as substitutes. Substitutes for the love that sparked unrecognized on that windswept red rock formation in the Arizona desert.


The dawn brought a day filled with the warmth of the sun that bathed the night of love in the warmth of no regrets for Sarah Mackenzie as she extricated herself from the feel of his naked warmth against her. She dressed quietly and quickly and then knelt by the man, sleeping contentedly, who had given her a memory of passion that would be locked in a safe place in her heart and mind forever.

"I'll try to go on with my life and we can even say goodbye for now...if...if that is what we have to do. Here in my heart, my love, even when my arms are empty...I'll still be holding on to you...I'll always be holding on to you if only in the memory of this one night when you gave me your love, even if you couldn't give me your heart."

Location hadn't changed who they were and Sarah Mackenzie knew that for a lifetime, Harmon Rabb would always be her strongest weakness.


He lay alone, the closing of the motel door and her softly spoken words spinning around him. Spinning in the room that had once echoed with the cries of an all consuming passion...an all consuming passion that could only be shared between two people that truly loved.

He buried his head in the pillows that lay in fitful disarray around him and ran his hand along the empty space next to him like he had done so many times before. This time it was filled with her fleeting warmth and the scent of their passion. He was drawn to the warmth, to the lingering scent of their love, as tears of regret started to burn his eyes. Regret not for what they had shared, but regret for what he had done to her by not saying the words he knew she wanted to hear. The words he still held in a heart filled with cowardice and the fear of commitment. The heart that beat with so many needs and burning desires for only one. That beat with an unequaled friendship and never-ending love. The space next to him, that was cold and empty each night at home even when the other one was there. The space that he had so long ago reserved for one and only one in his heart and in his mind. The space that would always be empty like the void that was now becoming his heart.

Location hadn't changed who they were and Harmon Rabb knew that for a lifetime, Sarah Mackenzie would always be his strongest weakness.


LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL
LOS ANGELES, CA
1130HRS (PST)


The Admiral had acquiesced to her request with stoic cynicism, voicing his doubts vehemently at her decision. Bud and Harriet had agreed to do their part with equal regret at her decision. But as Sarah Mackenzie watched the sparkling blue pacific disappear beneath her, she knew the twelve hour plane ride to Sydney would be the start of her future.


  Come in out of the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in...

Just let it go and hold me tight...
If you look into my heart before the night is through...
You'd see the place I've saved for you...


As the memory of their love in that Leavenworth Motel represented a paradise from which he did not want to be driven from, it also represented for Harmon Rabb a hell from which he could not escape from. Her taste, her touch had given him a glimpse of heaven and his cowardice and insecurities had given him a glance of hell. He had been burned by passion and he had been burned by regret. Regret not for what he had done, but for what he hadn't done...for what he hadn't said.

He looked like hell, he felt like hell and he was in hell as he remembered all the weekend calls to her that had gone unanswered. Just vacant words left on a distant answering machine, words from his mind that he knew were meaningless, unless he followed them with the actions that he now came to realize were the echoes of the voices in his heart.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
0930HRS (EST)


The JAG Bullpen was filled with the normal bustle of Monday morning activity. Mechanically passing along his obligatory morning greetings, he headed immediately for one place...for her place. It wasn't the time and it wasn't the place, but he would have to try...try to...he would close the door... he would shut the blinds and he would...

"Morning, Commander."

"Good morning, Gunny." Stopped abruptly he glanced discreetly at his partner's darkened office, heightened fears starting to surface at the site of the empty dim space that was usually occupied at this late hour, with a smile, with a look, with a warmth. He was suddenly afraid. Afraid to ask...afraid to know.

"Sir, the Admiral has asked to see you the minute you arrive. Allow me, Sir."

"Thanks, Gunny. Distractedly he handed his cover and briefcase to the Gunny and forced the question to escape that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the reply to. "Is the Colonel in?"

"No, Sir. Colonel Mackenzie has taken leave. The Admiral is waiting. Commander?"

"On my way. Gunny, do you have a number where the Colonel can be reached?"

"Yes, Sir. I have it right here. She can be reached at Commander Brumby's."

"Say again, Gunny."

"She's in Australia with Commander Brumby."

"She's in Australia?"

"Yes, Sir. Would you like me to place a call to the Colonel after lunch?"

"No...No, Gunny. It's nothing important...It will keep."

...And the mask that Harmon Rabb wore so well molded once again in place...shielding him again from his present feelings, shielding him again from his present needs and causing his only true future to slip away from him like fine sand through an hourglass.


TEN DAYS LATER
DULLES INTERNATIONAL
WASHINGTON, DC
1330HRS (EST)


Sarah Mackenzie stared at her hand for the millionth time, amazed that she had had the courage to do what she had done. There was no confusion, there was no regrets, there was no longer a lingering cloud of doubts clutching a heart that now was only filled with resolution and truth.

She smiled at the man next to her, taking his hand while she waited patiently for the other passengers to deplane. Quietly to herself she whispered "Welcome back, Sarah Mackenzie. Welcome home, Marine."


FIVE DAYS LATER
ROBERTS RESIDENCE
ARLINGTON, VA
1830HRS (EST)


"Harriet, it has been five days! I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I know Bud! I'm sorry. I made a promise to the Colonel."

"And what about the Commander?"

"Why is everything always about the Commander, Bud?"

"Because he cares for her very much!"

"Well, that just isn't going to cut it anymore, Bud! Since when did life have a rewind button?"


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN, DC
1900HRS(EST)


She slipped the thin red silk over her head and let it cascade around her body, the dress molding perfectly to all that was Sarah Mackenzie. She felt it caress her skin, soft and smooth, causing her to tremble slightly at it's teasing touch against her skin. Like the hands that sensually touched her, the hands that played over her body, the hands that she felt each day. The hands that, in truth, she had always held in her heart for now and for what would be her future.

She had watched Caleb Farmer die alone, a man whose every breath in life took him further and further into himself, until he had done the unthinkable and the unforgivable. Until he had aliened himself so deep into his own world of loneliness that there was no place to run...no place to go...no place to find happiness and peace in life.

As the doorbell returned her to the present, she once more remembered that there was no more running away. She had found the real Sarah Mackenzie and this time, this last time she was going to keep her...

"You look beautiful as always..." Smiling, she let the strong arm encircle her waist in it's comforting embrace guiding her into the hallway.


ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN'S RESIDENCE
MCLEAN, VA.
1930HRS (EST)


This time it was a smaller gathering of only the closest of friends and business associates. This time it was not to introduce his staff to Franchesca Parretti. This time it was to introduce Franchesca's husband, Aldo and to celebrate the birth of his first grandchild. This was a night of joy, a night of love and a night of thanksgiving. He would always be the immovable Old Salt to those in his command. But privately he was a gentler soul thanks to Sydney's love and he was glad that all who had come to mean so much to him over the years were now gathered to share in his special night.

"Commander. Ms. Peterson, it's good to see you again."

"Thank you, Admiral and congratulations. I imagine you must just be thrilled!"

"Congratulations, Sir. It must..."

AJ followed Harmon Rabb's gaze, at the abruptly ended sentence. He watched as Sydney greeted the last of his guests and he noticed the almost inaudible gasp from his senior officer with a twinge of regret.

To Harmon Rabb all time stopped and the sea of people that surrounded him melted away as his reality was only reflected in the eyes of one other. The Admiral and Renee disappeared when he started to move towards Sarah Mackenzie, as her eyes turned to him with a smile...with a warmth. The gates of hell that had cloistered his existence since that night of indescribable love started to fall away...until he saw his arm slip protectively around her waist and saw her turn towards her escort...with a smile, with a touch, with a warmth.


  Come in out of the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in...

Tell me your not leaving...
Just look into my heart before the night is through...
And you'd see the love my fears hide only from you...

Come in out of the world...
Out of the cold and lonely night...
Come in...

Come in...


ADMIRAL CHEGWIDDEN'S RESIDENCE
MCLEAN, VA.
1930HRS (EST)


A smile...a touch...a warmth shown to another man was propelling him to get closer to her. It was a walk that took only a few seconds, but it was a walk that made him feel like he had just crossed an arid desert chilled to the bone. All his feelings and emotions were in turmoil, wanting to get closer and at the same time wanting to turn away.

"Harm."

"Welcome back, Mac."

"Thank you. It's good to be back. Jason Taylor, Harmon Rabb."

"It is great to finally meet you, Harm. Sarah has told me so much about you."

"It's nice to meet you also, Justin. But I'm sorry to say that Mac...Sarah has never mentioned you."

"Jason, it's Jason."

"Sorry."

"Jason, I'd like to offer my congratulations to the Admiral. Harm, excuse us?"

"Certainly."

He watched her walk away from him and in his mind he heard the closing of yet another door. His jaw tightened subconsciously when he saw the stranger caress the base of her bare back, another guiding her away from him again. And then he felt the familiar touch on his arm, the touch of another.

"Well, it is obvious she has quite the resilience. I would never have thought she had it in her."

"What?"

"She leaves one and moves right on to another."

"Mac, is not like that Renee."

"Oh really. You could have fooled me. I just don't get the attraction."

"You wouldn't...I'll go get us some drinks." He had to get away, away from the touch of another.


She was standing in the dim night leaning heavily against the redwood railing. It had been necessary to come here tonight, to prove she could move on in the circle that had become her life. Though she had endured the many questioned glances, it was still the looks of just one that shook her resolve. Without a touch, without a glance, she felt him close to her.

"Are you going to stand there silently staring at me, or do you have something to say."

"So what happened?"

"With Mic? I went to Australia, told him the truth and gave him back the ring."

"And Justin?"

"If you mean Jason, he's an old friend."

"Like me?"

"No not like you."

The sudden silence spun around them, weaving a spell filled with raw emotions in conflict. Even the chatter that drifted through the open doors was unable to hide the beating of their hearts.

"Mac, I need...we need to talk about that night. About why you left, about what you said..."

"You heard what I said?"

"Yes."

"And you let me walk away anyway?"

"Yes, I..."

"Then I don't see what is left to say. You know it all."

"It's not that black and white, Mac."

"For me it is, Harm. For me it has been since Australia, it just took that night in Leavenworth for me to admit it."

"Don't leave. Don't walk away from me."

"This isn't the time nor the place, Harm. I wonder if we'll ever have that place in time?"


For two and half hours they floated around each other, never lighting near the other long enough to say another word. Stolen silent looks were all they allowed themselves, looks that spoke volumes with a silent raw intensity, both knowing there was nothing more to say unless it was the simple truth. A lover's truth from the heart.


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
0245HRS (EST)


She let the cool morning air surround her, as she watched Jason Taylor drive back into her past. It had been good to see an old friend. Memories of the duty they had shared in Bosnia still played across her tired mind as she thought of bed, of sleep and of her sailor.


"Is this the time and place?" He slid out of the darkness towards her, apprehension cursing through his body at the reaction visible in her darkened eyes at the sight of him. Was she finally lost to him? Had he pushed her to the arms of yet another? Was he twice the fool?

"Harm it is 2:45, I hardly think that either of us can put two coherent sentences together. I think..."

"It's time, Mac. It's time."

"Harm...time for what?"

"Time for the truth..."

"Yours or mine?"

"Ours."

He saw the flow of red silk and breathed the intoxicating scent, as she moved passed him in silence to unlock the apartment door. Was he passing through the gates of heaven with her in his life forever or was he slipping through the gates of hell into a life without her. She had shown him the road to her heart on that warm summer night in Sydney and he had taken the wrong turn. Now it was she that held his future, that held his heart, that held his soul.


She stood paralyzed in front of the window silhouetted by the full moon that spilled into the darkened room filled with the flickering candles. Suddenly she was terrified to hear the truth, but she knew that this night would either bring the end to an end or a beginning to a beginning.

"It must have been hard for Brumby."

"What would you know about Brumby's pain, Harm and why would you even care?"

"I know what it is to have a love leave you. It's a living hell that suffocates you each day with loneliness, emptiness and need. It tears at your soul until all you want to do is forget. Forget the sheer pleasure of a love that's gone, almost to the point that the loneliness becomes a welcomed bed fellow."

"Ah yes, Diane. How insensitive of me. Harm, look it's late and it's been a long day...why don't we just finish this another time."

"Yes, I loved Diane and lost her before I realized just how much. I..."

"Not now, Harm...not now, please. I need more time before I can slip back into being your friend, your partner, your confidant after being your..."

"...lover."

"Please...just say what you came to say."

She was trembling as he moved behind her, his breath suddenly teasing her bare back and his hands caressing her shoulders. His lips warm and gentle played across the only bare skin available to him.

"Harm, I won't take your passion again, without your love and I won't take your love without your heart."

Though he felt her react to his need, he also felt her tense as she turned in his arms. He saw her eyes search his, eyes filled with a longing hesitation. A longing hesitation filled with the conviction and strength that had returned to Sarah Mackenzie. He gathered her closer slipping his hands beneath the red silk that flowed around him and he finally passed through the gates of heaven with the whispered words of truth.

"It was not Diane I was talking about. It was you that was lost to me, when you left me in Leavenworth. I never knew what it was to love, until I was loved by you. I was scared to death. Scared to be lost in you, only to lose you. Scared to be loved by you, only not to be able to love you. I ran away from you, only to find I was always running to you. No one was ever good enough, because they weren't you."


The soft red silk flowed from her as it pooled at her feet, dropped with a desire fueled by finally found love only in the heart of another. For all the years they had run from the other, they now ran to each other. There were no more words, as their hungry bodies longed to feel the passion of the heart. Feel the passion of two hearts that now beat as one.

It was the beginning of a beginning. Their kisses were soft and gentle against the other, savoring the feel of their exploring lips on the bare skin they offered the other. Their touches were soft and tender against the other, finding the pleasure of what the other could elicit through the mere contact of their naked bodies. Their passion exploded carried this time on the wings of love, as it boiled and burned them with the sheer intensity of an unbridled erotic need.

"Promise me this world forever, Sarah."

"Always and forever, Harm. This world for eternity."

They carried each other out of the world. They carried each other out of the cold and lonely night with the truest of love, the rawest of passions, knowing for a lifetime that they would always be each other's greatest weakness.


  Come in out of the world
Out of the cold and lonely night
Come in

Let me take your love and heart
And lay you tenderly
Where you can be yourself
Come in

Come in out of the world
Out of the cold and lonely night
Come in

Where there's no where else to be
Where there's no one else but me
Come in