Title: Surrogate V - The Heart Won't Lie, NC-17 Version
Author: MSHDV, MSHDV@aol.com
Summary: Mac and Harm find themselves and what was pre-destined, but does life once again intrude on any thoughts of happiness?
Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.

Author's Notes - This is the Fifth Part of the Surrogate Series. This series will be in 7 parts. It has all the characters we love and love to hate! Feedback is more than welcome. Some of the facts are based on the series...some have been fed by my imagination for the story line. "The Heart Won't Lie" belongs to Reba McEntire and MCA Record.


Surrogate V - The Heart Won't Lie


Prologue V


  The Heart Won't Lie

Looking back over the years
Of all the things I've always meant to say
But the words didn't come easily

So many times through empty fears
Of all the nights I tried to pick up the phone
So scared of who might be answering

You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away

Cause the heart won't lie
Sometimes life gets in the way
But there's one thing that won't change
I know I've tried

The heart won't lie
You can live your alibi
You can see you're lost inside a foolish disquise
But the heart won't lie

Long after tonight
Will you still hear my voice through the radio
Old desires make us act carelessly
Long after tonight, after the fire
After the scattered ashes fly
Through the four winds blown and gone
Will you come back to me?

You try to live your life from day to day
But seeing you across the room tonight
Just gives me away

Cause the heart won't lie
Sometimes life gets in the way
But there's one thing that won't change
I know I've tried

The heart won't lie
You can live your alibi
You can see you're lost inside a foolish disquise
But the heart won't lie

The heart won't lie

The heart won't lie


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN DC
2330HRS (EST)


The cold threatening night shrouded Sarah Mackenzie with a chilling apprehension when she pulled onto the deserted street in Georgetown. Even the twinkling of forgotten holiday lights cast an eerie glow in the cold misted night, as she parked the large rented SUV. Staring at the brick structure she found it impossible to focus her mind on the good times she had enjoyed in the apartment that had once been her home. Releasing the safety on her weapon, she exited the car quickly, the dark frightening thoughts of her last night in her home with the stranger prevalent in her mind, the quiet stillness sharpening her senses to every sound and movement around her.

Unlocking the door Mac entered the apartment cautiously not afraid of what she would see, but terrified of what she might remember...memories she was not ready to face quite yet. Memories of his sickening touch on her body, his perverse laugh breaking the solitude of her home and his breath suffocating the air around her, the flashes of light intermittently slicing into her darkened hell.


KATLIN SAWYER'S RESIDENCE
WASHINGTON DC
0030HRS (EST)


Katlin punched her pillow violently, venting her sleepless frustrations on the closest willing object. What the hell was wrong with her? Sleep was at one time her only salvation from the turmoil of her present and her painful past. The last three nights she hadn't even been able count on sleep's comfort to carry her into a peaceful sub-consciousness.

Katlin gave up her sleep ritual and flipped on the TV absently surfing through the channels before stopping at some bad love story. Sitting clutching the object of her previous frustrations she was relieved when she heard the distant ringing of her mobile thinking that work was a better alternative to the bad movie she was watching and another sleepless night alone.

"Sawyer."

"Detective Sawyer, this is Colonel Mackenzie. I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No...No. I was just watching TV. What can I do for you, Colonel? Have you remembered something?" Katlin flipped the TV off, attempting to concentrate fully on the woman on the other end of the line, a hesitant tone more than evident in her caller's voice.

"No. Nothing. Actually, I just wanted to let you know that I will be leaving town for awhile. I'm not too sure where I will be staying or when I will be back. I assumed that this is something you would need to know and I assure you I'll check in periodically as required."

Katlin Sawyer heard the all too familiar strain in Sarah Mackenzie's voice, clearly understanding the meaning behind her words and recognizing that the Colonel was preparing to run. Run from something that she would never get away from. Something, that would be with her forever. Something, she could only cope with when she allowed herself to face the inhuman events of the other night. Katlin remembering the background check that Bataglia had run on Sarah Mackenzie, thought quickly formulating her response carefully. The strong Marine had been a victim once and Katlin Sawyer was damned if she would let her be victimized further by the acts of the sick and perverted animal.

"I appreciate the call, but to tell you the truth I was going to call you first thing in the morning to go over some of the witness statements. Perhaps, I could make an appointment..."

"That won't be possible, because I intend to leave almost immediately." Mac suddenly regretted calling the detective and wished she had waited till she was well away...away from it all.

"Well, how about now. I know this all night diner across from the station..."

"That's not workable. I have Jingo...my dog with me and...I don't like leaving him in the car."

"That's understandable. Hey, so why don't you just come here? I make a mean omelet and if Jingo doesn't mind Icicle...that's my cat...we can go through the files here."

"Can't this be handled over the telephone. Since I remember very little, I really don't understand how much help I could possibly be."

"No, it can't. There are actually some documents I would like to go over with you. Is there a problem with stopping by before you leave? You know the drill Colonel and I assume you would be anxious to provide as much assistance necessary to help us catch the creep that did this to you." Katlin knew she was losing Sarah Mackenzie and she couldn't for the life of her understand why it bothered her so damn much. For some reason more than all of the other victims that had retreated into a world created by one perverse action, this one was different.

Sarah Mackenzie was not receptive to attempting to relive that night, but after a very experienced verbal manipulation by Katlin Sawyer, she acquiesced and agreed to stop by the detective's apartment before she ran. Even the strong Marine knew she was running and she found herself powerless to stop her further retreat into the darkened reality she was allowing the stranger to build around her.


HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
0330HRS (EST)


Harmon Rabb woke in a cold sweat, still feeling the misted darkness around him and still feeling Sarah Mackenzie in his arms. For a brief moment he still felt the warmth of her body pressing into his and the softness of her lips inflaming his need for her.

Was this the real truth that had been in his heart all this time? Diane was taken from him in the past without ever knowing how much he loved her and Sarah Mackenzie was slipping away from his future without his truth to comfort her. Was this how it had always been and he was too blind and stupid to admit it! Had it always been Mac in his mind and in his heart? Consumed with the fear that it was too late, he grabbed at the alarm clock on the nightstand. 0330 hours! Damn he couldn't go to her now! But he really didn't care what time it was! Time had been and still was his enemy and he wasn't going to be away from her for another minute. He needed to see her...he needed to tell her...he needed to show her his love...he knew the strength of his found love could help her get through even this.

He didn't realize that he was holding his breath until he heard the sleepy voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hello..."

"Bud, it's Harm. I need to talk to Mac. I'm sorry I..." Harm let out the painful breath he had been holding, the anxiety clear and present in his voice.

"Sir...what time is it? Is everything all right? Bud sat on the edge of the bed trying to shake the sleep from his mind and trying not to wake this exhausted wife.

"No, Bud...nothing is all right, but I only hope it will be. Please could you just put Mac on the phone?" He didn't know what he would say to her, but he was sure that once he heard her voice with what he now held in his heart, the words would come easily. He would say enough to let her know his need and than he would go to her and never leave her again.

"Yes...Sir. Hang on a second..." As Bud gingerly rose from the bed confused, he felt Harriet stir next to him.

"Bud...what's wrong? Where are you going? Who's on the phone?" Harriet Roberts set up apprehensively, a sudden dread filling her sleepladen consciousness. The events of the last three days had driven in her a constant fear of what was coming next, what was further going to rip the life out of her circle of friends that had come to mean family to her.

"I don't know...The Commander is on the phone and he needs to talk to the Colonel. He sounds so weird...I don't know...strung out."

Harriet watched as her husband, half-conscious, made his way out of their bedroom and down the hall to Mac's room. She heard him knock once. She heard him knock twice. She heard him knock a third time, this time also calling out her name and she heard a door opening in the distant stillness of the house.

By the time Harriet Roberts stood and found her robe, Bud was back at her side, gripping the phone tightly in his hand, a grim expression on his face. When she heard his agitated voice and heard his words she knew. The other shoe had finally fallen.

"Commander, she's not in her room. She's gone..."


KATLIN SAWYER'S RESIDENCE
WASHINGTON DC
0130HRS (EST)


Katlin sat on the counter in the kitchen with Icicle in her lap, watching Sarah Mackenzie maneuver the large SUV into a parking space directly in front of her condo. Even through the tinted windows, Katlin could see the packed belongings stacked meticulously in the back of the truck. Jumping off the counter, she shook her head. The Marine was definitely running. This sucks big ones she thought again shaking her head in disgust, walking to the door once she heard the hesitant knock.

"Colonel, come in." Katlin watched as Sarah Mackenzie walked past her into the apartment with Jingo in tow.

"Since I have imposed on you in the middle of the night, please call me Mac." She didn't know if she wanted to have this meeting. She didn't know if she could be of any help, but Mac knew that she was comfortable the minute she entered the bright eclectic apartment.

"And it's, Katlin." Katlin's smile was genuine as she turned towards Sarah Mackenzie. There was just something about this women that intrigued the normally cynical detective. Maybe it the past experiences of their lives, somewhat similar and yet so different. Katlin had retreated from a life full of light and Sarah had retreated from a life full of darkness.

Though the initial moments were somewhat awkward, there didn't appear to be any reluctance evident between Jingo and Icicle. Icicle deciding that the large strange fur ball that had invaded her space was safe and far more comfortable than the rug that her master kept for her in the kitchen, purred against the dog's warmth and positioned herself comfortable on Jingo's chest. Both women found themselves doubled over in hysterical laughter once they saw the two animals, slated to be enemies, curled comfortably together on the hearth of the fireplace.

"Well, I'll be damned...I'll get breakfast Mac. Make yourself comfortable." Katlin still with tears in her eyes, turned towards the kitchen, deciding that maybe she should just buy a damn dog to keep her precocious Persian occupied.

Mac watched the peaceful couple in front of the fireplace, a smile still on her face. God she thought, it felt so good to laugh again for whatever reason and for a brief moment she forgot what had happened and what she was about to do. While she waited for Katlin to return with the meal, Mac walked to the imposing etagere in the corner of the room that held a TV and numerous lavishly framed pictures. Mac noticed one in particular of a smiling Navy Lieutenant in full dress whites.

"Your fiance?" Mac turned when she heard Katlin returning still holding the picture in her hand.

"...Yes."

"What's his duty station?"

"Arlington National Cemetery." Katlin still found it difficult to say the words, she still found it difficult to believe he was gone from her forever and she found it difficult to meet Sarah Mackenzie's eyes.

"...Katlin I'm so sorry I had no idea...I..." Mac turned to return the picture to it's place of honor and only then did she notice the tri-folded American Flag encased in walnut placed ceremoniously in the corner of the huge wall unit. The casing simply engraved.

  <&tl;Lt. Josh Randall 1964-1998>>
Our Hearts Forever Together

Recovering the steady tone in her voice, Katlin finally turned towards Sarah Mackenzie. "It's ok, Mac. There was no way for you to know. Let's eat, Marine."


HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
0330HRS (EST)


Harm could hear Bud's questioning voice on the other end of the phone he now held with a vicious grip, Bud's previous words echoing in his head.

"Sir? What can I do to help? Sir?"

"Nothing, Bud. Stay put in case she comes back. I'm going to her apartment...maybe she went home...maybe she went back..." Harm didn't finish his sentence, hanging up abruptly. Dressing quickly he grabbed his keys and was out the door in minutes. He had to find her. He had to get to her. He had to tell her what was in his heart. He couldn't lose her now.

"Damn it Sarah Mackenzie! I love you, don't leave me now..."


KATLIN SAWYER'S RESIDENCE
WASHINGTON DC
0430HRS (EST)


The hours had passed quickly, the two women comfortable in each other's presence, very little mention made of the crime that was tearing Sarah Mackenzie apart and that had instigated their time together. They talked cautiously about their pasts, the toll their careers had taken on their lives, but neither of them spoke about any future plans. It was as if both of them existed only in the present, taking each day second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. Their fear to look forward caused by their almost obsessive need to look back. Remembering past experiences and learning from their individual personal weaknesses had made both women the successes they were today. But neither one of them had spoken of the men in their lives. The men who had also influenced them with their strength, courage and integrity and who had helped them become who they both were at this moment in time.

After clearing the table, both positioned themselves comfortably on the couch in front of the fire. They sat in silence watching the light of the fire paint a comforting glow against the walls and ceiling of the impeccably decorated living room.

Sarah Mackenzie hadn't felt this relaxed since before the night her world came crashing down around her. Closing her eyes, a slight smile played on her face as her thoughts turned to her partner, her friend and the man she loved. She had loved him for so long that sometimes, just sometimes, that love hurt. Hurt because it was unrequited, hurt because it could never be. Of all the things Sarah Mackenzie had ever hoped for in her life, the love of Harmon Rabb was foremost in her mind. But now as her present situation started to invade the peaceful setting that surrounded her, the apprehension of what life had in store for her, alone, without even his comforting smile and his comforting touch left her with an unearthly ache in her soul.

"How long have you loved him?" Katlin's question was a simple one with no words to hide it's meaning.

"Excuse me...him who?"

"Your Commander."

"I..."

"Oh...come on Mac, cut the crap. I know that look."

"What look?"

"The one that stared back at ME for 2 years every time I looked in a mirror."

"Katlin...It is just not that way between...Harm...My partner and I...we are...It is difficult to explain."

"So what your saying is that you have never have told him how you feel?"

"No." Mac hesitated before answering, realizing that the implication of her response was the first time she had indirectly admitted her feelings to another person. To a stranger of sorts. But Katlin Sawyer was different somehow and Mac felt an inexplicable closeness to this woman, as if she had known her all her life. For whatever reason Mac had no true woman friends, except for Harriet. Except for a few female acquaintances at work that she called friends, she mostly shared her experiences with men in her somewhat still dominated male world. But never had she been able to share the thoughts of Harm with anyone, so her love and needs stayed buried deep in her heart

"Interesting." Memories of her own denial came flooding back to Katlin, as all the time she and Josh had wasted because of their insecurities, sense of duty and fears clutched at her heart.

Mac noticed the clipped response and the pained expression that crossed the detective's face. Pained memories of a lost love, perhaps, clearly expressed on her pretty face. Pained memories of a hidden understanding clearly visible.

Katlin stood and stretched as she walked towards the etagere. Cynicism and the need to forget had prohibited Katlin Sawyer from discussing Josh Randall with anyone before, but for some reason she felt an inexplicable closeness to this woman, as if she had known her all her life. For whatever reason Katlin had no true woman friends. Except for a few female acquaintances at work that she called friends, she mostly shared her experiences with men in her somewhat still dominated male world. But never had she been able to share the memories of Josh with anyone, so her love and her loss stayed buried deep in her heart.

Mac watched as Katlin resumed her position on the couch with a picture in her hand. It was of the detective and the smiling handsome naval officer, now out of uniform, comfortably held in an embrace of love. Mac watched as her new friend touched the picture lovingly, seeming to gather strength from the mere image.

"Josh and I had been partners for almost 2 years...before we finally admitted now much we meant to each other. We lived in a word of alibis and denial for so long, it almost seemed the way it should be, the way that it would be forever."

"What changed?" Mac noticed the distant look in Katlin's eyes almost as if she was alone, verbalizing her memories and her thoughts only to herself and the stillness that had fallen over the room.

"I'm not quite sure. Our world was a dark one filled with the shadows of human despair. It didn't help that we were partners, watching each other's back from the inhuman depravity we found on the streets day after day. We both convinced ourselves in our private solitude, we needed to stay distant so we could stay sharp. That both our lives depended on that distance. Emotional involvement was not healthy, was not prudent, was not permitted by regulations, was not the way it could ever be. We had the closeness that partners experience when they share the best and the worse of their lives. We were best friends and then one night we became lovers. There were no spoken words that night that brought us together, it was a just a touch, a look..." Katlin stopped and closed her eyes, the memories of that first night too intense, the memories of Josh's touch still with her if only in her memories.

"Katlin, you don't have to..."

"I do have to...I do. We spent 1 year, 11 months and 13 days together, as partners, as best friends and as lovers. I remember that night...I remember it so clearly...like it was yesterday...like it was the only memory I have of Josh now. He lay dying in my arms on the cold pavement of that street, his life's blood slipping through my hands...and even then Mac, there were no words...there was just his touch...his kiss...the look of goodbye in his eyes. Again we didn't need the words."

Sarah Mackenzie took Katlin Sawyer's strong hand in hers.

"When it finally dawned on me he was gone, I thought I couldn't make it on my own. I turned to stone, but the mountain never moved. I merely turned a lighter shade of blue and went on without him, hiding in the darkened memories of all the time lost. I ran into the reality I exist in now. A void without the man I love, consumed with the need to protect others from entering the solitude that has become my world."

"Katlin, there is so much more for you..." Mac's eyes were filled with tears, not only because of all the pain in Katlin Sawyers' heart, but because of the stinging truth in her words.

"I am where I have to be...where I chose to be...where I need to be...But you Sarah Mackenzie have a choice. A choice not to waste a future, because of one single night of depravity. Run to find your strength if you must. But find the strength to return, to pick up your life, remembering sometimes that the strongest of feelings require no words. One's heart won't lie..."

Both women sat in silence as the sun's rays broke through the curtained windows illuminated yet another day with it's hopeful light. Sarah Mackenzie stayed at Katlin Sawyers' for the day...until she drove off into the night...to find the strength to return to her life and to her future perhaps in her Sailor's arms.

Sarah Mackenzie made only one stop before Washington became a blur in the distance. As she laid the two red roses at the foot of the War Memorial she felt the 'presence' surround her in the chill morning air.

"Go and heal Sarah Mackenzie...Them come home to the truth...The truth in my son's love..."

The stillness of the apartment and his knowledge of Mac's last moments there clutched Harmon Rabb's heart with a stabbing pain that he felt was cutting the very life out of him. Some animal had taken her strength, her dignity, her soul and now possibly her love from him forever. A stranger had circumvented his future with an animalistic need to satisfy his own perverse dark sexual desires by feeding on the woman he loved. Pain turned to anger and anger turned to rage, sweeping the empty apartment for any sign of her...of where she was...of where she had gone...of why she had run from her friends, from her world, from him.

Walking through the empty deserted rooms, the chill in the air was tempered by the heat of Harmon Rabb's memories of the touch of his Marine. The feel of her body against his in the heated embrace that had started a fire in him like no other had ever done before. The feel of her lips against his needing from him as much as he needed from her. Her skin was like rare silk and her lips like fine satin that had driven him to the edge of a desire to consume all of her, knowing now that what they would have shared would have been a night of raw and explicit ecstasy. A night of true passion he had never experienced before, nor one that he wanted to experience again with anyone but Sarah Mackenzie.

The stillness of what had once been Sarah Mackenzie's home was cloistered, when he closed the door quietly behind him leaving his last memories of a content Sarah Mackenzie safe in his hesitant embrace. If only he had crossed the line that Christmas Eve...if only he had stayed when he shouldn't have...if only he had stayed when he couldn't have...if only he had stayed when he wanted to.

"Why did you show me the truth...only to take her away! Why!"

And the 'presence' came to him as he had on so many other occasions when Harmon Rabb had lost his faith, his hope and his courage.

"Let her go and heal and when she is ready you will find the road back together. Back to each other and back to a future secure in each other's love. Let her heal, my son."


SPECIAL CRIME DIVISION
METRO POLICE
WASHINGTON, DC
0700HRS (EST)


Katlin Sawyer hit the coffee machine the minute she entered the Division, her mind clouded with memories of Josh and her concern for her new friend. She shuddered, while watching the thick dark liquid fill her cup, remembering all that she had remembered the night before and all that Colonel Sarah Mackenzie would have to remember before she could return.

Last night she had broken two personal rules. First, she had shared her memories of Josh with another human being allowing the painful events she had buried in the tomb of her heart to surface and consume her once again. Second, she had allowed herself to get personally involved with the victim of an active investigation, which was considered a major mistake in her dark world. But in reality, Katlin really didn't give a shit. She had learned long ago to go with her gut and if what she had done last night helped Sarah Mackenzie in the least, then to hell with the regs. Confident in her own strength, she knew she could once again bury her memories of Josh in the dark recesses of a heart turned to stone.

"Sawyer, you look worse than anything my cat has ever dragged in."

"Good Morning to you too, Bataglia. Why here so early? I never knew you to be an early "worm". Still believe an ounce of image is worth a pound of performance?"

"Cute, Sawyer. Didn't you know the early worm is usually the first one eaten."

"Not in your case, Bataglia. Not in your case. Even when a mosquito bites you, it gets pneumonia."

"Hey you two. The Captain wants to see you in his office ASAP. He said to bring the Mackenzie file." The Duty Sergeant heard the usually banter between the two partners and shook his head wondering how these two could possible ever cover each other. They acted more like adversaries than partners.


Captain Karl Jessup waited for his two detectives preparing himself for the barrage of indignation that he knew he would inevitably receive from Katlin Sawyer. She was a damn good officer, one of his best, but she was a loose cannon. Though her conviction rate was higher than any one else in the Division, her methods were unorthodox and she normally treaded gingerly on the ethical tightrope of proper police protocol.

"Captain, you wanted to see us?"

"Yea. Have a seat. Is that the Mackenzie file?"

"Yes, Sir." Katlin handed Captain Jessup Sarah Mackenzie's file apprehensive as to why the head her division was so interested in the Marine's assault. She looked warily at her partner instinctively knowing he had something to do with this meeting, but Bataglia just shrugged with indifference.

"So where do we stand?" Jessup scanned the file waiting for a response from either of his detectives. Bataglia was the first to answer, his response filled with his usual cynicism.

"We're still in prelim. The vic has selective memory loss, there is only one witness who saw a Commander Harmon Rabb leave the apartment at about 0330 on the night of the attack. Cap, it is really a no brainer...no sign of forced entry...no sign of a struggle...no sign of anything. If you ask me..."

"Captain, though I appreciate my partner's opinions..." Katlin felt herself tense visibly with every pathetic inference that Bataglia uttered.

"Then let him finish, Sawyer."

"Thank you, Cap. I was about to say that if you ask me this is just a case of "morning regret". The guy does her, she freaks, he freaks and things get a little out of hand. She panics and doesn't want to get him in trouble so she claims she doesn't remember anything after the 911 call. Simple. We've seen it a hundred times. For Christ's sake she's a Marine, she could have had a "stranger" on his back with her hand on his throat in a split second."

"Are you finished?" If looks could kill Tony Bataglia would have been pushing up daisies. Katlin Sawyer saw stars, her hands were clenched in tight fists and she stiffened visibly, her jaw tightening into a hard determined line. She wasn't sure what she would have done if she hadn't heard the Captain's curt response.

"I believe he is. Bataglia, I suggest you re-open this case in your mind, because it is far from a case of "morning regret" as you put it. Besides, you both will be getting some help on this one."

"Help?"

"I received a call from O'Keefe this morning advising we will be working closely with the Judge Advocate General's Office in Falls Church on this case."

"Captain, this case is civilian jurisdiction and I don't see any..."

"Sawyer, how many cases do you and Bataglia presently have on your plate?"

"8 open investigations, 7 court dates and 13 appeals. But that really doesn't..." Katlin knew exactly where the Captain was going with this and to say she was annoyed would have been an understatement.

"Exactly my point. I think detective, you would willingly take all the help you could get."

"But..."

"No, buts. Contrary to what you two might think, I do take my orders from the top and since this directive came down from the Commissioner's Office...lets just try and adhere to his request without too many theatrics."

"I feel..."

"Sawyer, no one really gives a shit what we feel! Is that clear! Now get your butts out of here and go bring JAG up to date."

"Clear as mud, Captain." Katlin had to control her usual urge to say more, much more. But the look she saw in her superior's eyes told her not even to consider any further response to his directive. Positive or negative.

"Oh and Sawyer?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Try not to go in there like Zena Warrior Princess."

"Yes, Captain."

The Detectives walked back to their respective desks, Katlin fuming with annoyance and Bataglia smiling smugly at the Captain's last remark. Just as Bataglia went to open his mouth with another off-color characteristic barb towards his partner, he caught the Ice Queen's stabbing glare.

"Don't even think about it, Bataglia, unless you want to find yourself flat on your ass!

"Hey, I wasn't going to say anything. But come to think of it, you know I wouldn't mind seeing you in that Zena getup. I'd bet neither would half the Division."

"You know Bataglia, you add new meaning to the word "pig". Let's get the hell out of here and get this over with." Katlin didn't wait for any acknowledgment from her partner as she grabbed the files and stormed from the Division, leaving the safety net she had built around her for the last two years and moving back...back into the world that had been Lieutenant Josh Randall's.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
0830HRS (EST)


They stood in the darkened office each lost in the comfort found in the simple words of the Marine, of the Colonel, of Sarah Mackenzie, their friend. Parting words written in letters she had left surreptitiously for them sometime in the night before she ran into her solitude. Each of their reactions were unique in intensity. Each of their reactions were unique in the feelings that the words elicited. But each were feeling an incredible sadness and loss for their friend, who had left and for themselves, who had been left behind.

"I'm sure you have work to do Mr. Roberts." The Admiral broke the stilted silence turning towards the window, away from his officers, away from the uncomfortable emotions. "Rabb, a moment. Close the hatch."

"Aye, Sir." Harm resumed his position in front of the Admiral placing Sarah Mackenzie's letter in his breast pocket, while Bud made a hasty retreat.

"Did you get a chance to work out the "complications" with the Colonel we spoke about the other day?"

"No, Sir."

"I see...I got an interesting call from Base Command in Yuma first thing this morning. Apparently, one of my officers has requested an unofficial Helo search of Red Rock Mesa for 0600 tomorrow. Care to enlighten me, Commander?"

"Sir, I..."

"I told Base Command not to carry out the request."

"But, Sir..."

Harm watched the Admiral finally turn from the window and move around his desk, positioning himself in the chair next to him. "Son, the Colonel has always had a mind of her own. Neither of us can possibly understand what she is feeling right now. But if she feels she needs to be alone...Let her go...Let her find what she needs to heal. The Colonel's true acceptance of what has happened will be the first step forward. Let her take that first step in solitude if that is what she wants. When she is ready, she'll be back."

"Sir, I have..." Before Harm could finish this sentence Tiner's hesitant voice was heard over the intercom.

"Admiral?"

"What is it, Tiner?"

"There are two detectives here from the DC Police to see you Sir about the Colonel's Case."

"Send them in, Tiner. And Tiner ask Lt. Roberts to join us." A.J. rose and made his way to the door his concrete composure firmly back in place. "Rabb, you need to also stay for this."

Harm had stood ready to take his leave, but the Admiral's words stopped him immediately. Standing Harmon Rabb was anxious to hear what the two detectives would have to say...if they had any leads...if they had anything...anything that would help him find the animal that had taken Sarah Mackenzie away from her world.


SAW CREEK ESTATES
BUSHKILL, PA
0900 HOURS


It had been a long drive and Sarah Mackenzie was tired. Because of Jingo, she had been forced to make repeated stops so the 275 mile trip took much longer than she had anticipated, but the minute she saw the "cabin" nestled among the snow covered landscape she was glad she had taken Katlin Sawyer up on her offer. Some cabin she though, noticing the expansive redwood deck that wound around the house flanked by the snow covered woods surrounding the structure with peace and serenity.

Settled in the Pocono Mountains, the resort community had all the amenities one could possible hope for...skiing, 2 indoor pools, 4 indoor tennis courts and 2 scenic lakes. In the surrounding communities there were shopping malls, flea markets, restaurants, antique shops among a mirade of outdoor activities. But Sarah Mackenzie had only come to this scenic resort for one reason and one reason only...to try and find her way back. To try and sort out her feelings and find her true reality again. A reality not marred by the events of what seemed like a lifetime ago that haunted her nights, but would not appear in the light of day except as small patches of fleeting images.

Unlocking the front door she prayed she had done the right thing. She hoped she would find her peace. She hoped the strong, kick-ass Marine would return and she hoped against all hope that someone like her, someone marred by the past and someone marred now by the future would be good enough again.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
0900HRS (EST)


The minute Katlin Sawyer entered the Admiral's office the air was strangled with sudden recognition and past memories. Katlin stared paralyzed, watching the Naval Officer extend his hand to her, the look on her unresponsive face causing her partner to do a double take as he noticed the Ice Queen start to melt.

"Hello, Katlin. It's good to see you again." Admiral A.J. Chegwidden was drawn back to that day at Arlington, the cold and the coffin, that day he passed a strong young woman the flag that draped Josh Randall's coffin. The day that should have been filled with the joy of the holiday season and the love of family, rather then an immeasurable sudden loss that only an unexpected death can elicit.

Katlin Sawyer thought that she could do this. She thought that she could be brought back into Josh's world as a mere observer, a mere stranger, but when she was confronted by Josh's friend she found her strength start to falter fueled by the memories brought to the surface the previous night. Just as the Admiral started to pull his hand away, she found her voice and the will to extend her hand and take his.

"Hello, Admiral. Um this is my partner, Tony Bataglia." Her voice was steady but there was a strange undercurrent that permeated the normally strong voice, her eyes darkening attempting to mask the depth of her pain.

"This is Commander Harmon Rabb. The Commander will be assigned to this investigation along with Lt. Bud Roberts. Please have a seat." The Admiral made his way around his desk, only to be stopped abruptly by the words that defused what should have been an air of cooperation.

"Isn't that like having the cat watch the canary?" Before Katlin Sawyer could stop her partner, wrapped in her own world of self-pity, Tony Bataglia walked to where Harmon Rabb stood.

"Excuse me Detective?" Harm's jaw tightened, taking an immediate dislike to the slick Police Detective, who now stood inches from him a leering look of misguided understanding on his face.

"I understand you left the victim right before the alleged assault, Commander. Is that correct?"

"Yes, the Colonel and I spent the evening..."

"Spent the evening how, Commander? Perhaps you didn't get enough of the bird the first time around? Tell me Commander, did you go back for another taste?"


SAW CREEK ESTATES
BUSHKILL, PA
1000 HOURS


Sheer exhaustion over took Sarah Mackenzie once she built a fire in the massive stone fireplace and flopped on the couch with Jingo snuggled contentedly against her. She closed her eyes letting the warmth and the peaceful stillness of her surroundings envelop her...until she heard the creaking of the floorboards and the heavy footsteps of the stranger moving towards her.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
1000HRS (EST)


The explosive stifling and strangling atmosphere that should have been filled with civilian and military cooperation turned into a volatile confrontation filled with murderous indignation when Harmon Rabb grabbed Tony Bataglia by the lapels of the expensive knock-off he was wearing.

"Why you sorry son-of-a-bitch, what the hell are you talking about! You bastard! He couldn't believe that this ass hole, this stranger was inferring that he had beaten and violated the woman he loved. That he had been the animal who had satisfied his perverse and sadistic sexual needs at the expense of Sarah Mackenzie.

"Mr. Rabb..." Bataglia took a step backward anticipating the worse from the fury he saw in the Commander's eyes, but not perceptive enough to diffuse the situation by diverting from the path he had chosen.

"It's Commander Rabb and you've crossed the line, Bataglia. You've really crossed the line!" Harm moved closer to the detective tightening his already vise like grip rage burning every part of his body.

Even before the Admiral could recover from the sudden outburst that carried the absurd comments that electrified the office as if it had been hit by lightening, Katlin Sawyer had Tony Bataglia out of Harmon Rabb's grip and on his knees. Feigning that he had tripped, but knowing in actuality that she had dropped him like the sack of shit he was, she tried to recover some of her composure and her partner's before their actions caused them to spend the rest of their law enforcement careers as wan-na-be rent-a-cops.

"Commander, stand down! A.J. watched an incensed Harmon Rabb back away from the faltering detective, silently wishing his two stars would disappear for the moment, military propriety would be forgotten, and he could beat the hell out of the smug sorry bastard himself.

"Admiral, my apologies. Sometimes Detective Bataglia's interrogation methods are a bit over zealous and less than traditional." Katlin wasn't buying her attempt at an apology and she knew A.J. Chegwidden was even less convinced.

"Detective Sawyer, you and your partner were invited here, at my request so that my office could offer you our assistance in solving a heinous crime against one of my senior officers. There is no truth in his inferences. I consider your partner's actions more than over zealous and more than merely untraditional. I consider his actions damn insulting to Commander Rabb, the Navy and my Command and if we plan to continue to assist your office, I suggest you get your partner under control! Is that clear?"

"Very clear, Admiral." Katlin released her murderous hold on her partner, as Bataglia slowly rose still feeling the fiery hatred in the eyes of the officer he had just baited to the edge. Straightening, he thought of continuing until he caught Katlin Sawyer's icy piercing look daring him to breath let alone open his mouth.

"I suggest we all take a moment and resume this meeting in the conference room at 1100. Is that acceptable?" A. J. remained staunch in his indignation carefully casting a wary glance at Harmon Rabb.

"It is. Is there possibly a phone and an office that we may use in the interim, until we resume?" Katlin straightened still tense by the events and burning with an anger that was all consuming.

"Ma'am. You may use Colonel Mackenzie's office." Bud, who had come in on the tail end of the explosive confrontation, glanced at the Admiral for his approval. When he saw his CO's nod, he guided the two detectives to the Colonel's darkened and unoccupied office.


SAW CREEK ESTATES
BUSHKILL, PA
1000HRS (EST)


Sarah Mackenzie tensed, gripped with fear, her weapon grasped tightly in her hand as the footsteps came closer and the image became clearer, as it rounded the corner into the light of the living room. The screams were ear piercing, only the shattering of glass and Jingo's incessant barking interrupting the echoing sounds which reverberated against the morning stillness.

"Please, no. No! Don't hurt me...PLEASE!"

Mac let out the aching breath she had been holding attempting to still her heart, which was about to beat out of her chest. She stood abruptly, weapon still in hand, staring at the older women trembling uncontrollably with shear terror at the sight of the poised weapon pointed menacingly at her.

"Who the hell are you? What are you doing here?"

"I'm...I'm...I work for Ms. Sawyer. I take care of things when the house is locked up. She...she...told me to open the house...to get it ready for a friend that was coming...I brought groceries." The terrified woman never took her eyes off Mac as she gestured absently to the groceries that had taken on a life of their own rolling haphazardly around the highly polished slick floors.

Mac re-secured the safety, quieted Jingo and approached the woman with true regret. "I'm so sorry. I heard footsteps and I didn't know anyone else had a key...I didn't expected anyone."

"It's...It's OK. I just have to sit for a moment. I must say you put quite a fright in me..." Mac helped the older woman into the large over stuffed chair that occupied a predominate position in front of the large bay window.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am...Mrs...? Is there anything I can get you?" Mac knelt by the stranger noticing her elevated breathing and the paleness of her skin.

"Jeanette Mollins. My name is Jeanette Mollins. Some water might possibly help. I just need to catch my breath dear."

"Certainly." Mac made her way to the kitchen, a slight tremor claiming her own posture. What the hell is wrong with you Marine! You can't remember or protect yourself from the animal that raped you, but you have enough presence of mind to almost shoot 'Mother Goose'. She glanced at Jingo who had never left her side watching him sidestep around Jeanette Mollins. "And where the hell were you the other night?"

Mac opened the fully stocked refrigerator and retrieved a bottle of water, a sudden numbing chill overtaking her body as her mind flashed back to that night. She leaned against the open door squeezing her eyes shut simultaneously willing the clouded memory to clear, but terrified by what her mind might reveal to her.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
1030HRS (EST)


Katlin Sawyer positioned herself in front of her partner, cornering him against the wall like the animal he was. "Are you insane! What the hell was that all about! Bataglia, you have reached an all time low this time, even for you!" Katlin's anger was out of control as she continued to berate the man who stood inches away from her. "You know I bet if you ever gave a transfusion to anyone, the patient would probably get double pneumonia from the shock of the ice water in their veins! You..."

"I got the reaction I wanted without coddling some supposed victim or ignoring the strong possibly that the boyfriend did her. You can look past the evidence when it comes to this one, but I won't." Even Bataglia was loosing his cool under the heated stare of his partner.

"What?"

"Don't you think the Commander does protest too much? Don't you think it's possible that he wanted more than she was willing to give the guy? I won't ignore the obvious. The lack of any sign of forced entry at her apartment, he had a key. The fact that her mangy mutt didn't alert her to any danger, he knew him. The fact of convenient memory loss, she felt regret. The fact that we have a witness putting him at the crime scene at the approximate time of the alleged assault and the fact..."

"Enough!" Katlin had had it and there were no words to describe the disdain and disgust that she was feeling towards Tony Bataglia. Instead of arguing with the Neanderthal that fate had paired her with, she turned abruptly trying to avoid decking the reprehensible man that she was forced to call "partner". She had to get Bataglia out of there before the Commander or SHE killed him during the next round. The ringing of her mobile interrupted her darkened thoughts and the growing rage that continued within her.

"Sawyer"

"Katlin, its Mac."

"You made it. What is it? You sound like..."

"I remembered something...I had a bottle of water that night."

"I don't under..."

"Katlin, I opened a new bottle of water after Harm left and put some in Jingo's bowl. I could have been...We could have been..."

"...drugged. You both could have been drugged."

"Yes, exactly."

"Let me check it out...I'll get back to you..." Katlin ended the call still holding her cellular pensively in her hand as she turned towards Bataglia.

"Sawyer, you know you could have supported me in there. We are supposed to watch each other's backs..."

"Whatever. Do you have the evidence list with you of what was recovered at the apartment?" Katlin's mind was racing a mile a minute, as she watched impatiently Bataglia shuffle the papers in the case folder.

"Yea, but what are you looking for?"

"Water." Katlin took the offered list reviewing the description of the items carefully ignoring the uninterested look on her partner's face.

"As in H2O?"

"Yea...there's nothing listed. I need you to go over to the Colonel's apartment and secure her dog's bowl and find a water bottle. Check the bedroom, the refrigerator, the garbage if you have to. But find it! I'll handle the briefing here and meet you back at the office." Katlin opened the office door just as Bud was about to knock.

"They are ready for you Ma'am."

"Let's go Lieutenant." Katlin turned at the sarcastic tone she heard in Tony Bataglia's voice.

"Hey, since when did I join evidence collection. That crap should be left to the uniforms."

"Since NOW!" Katlin shuddered lowering her voice to an even hushed tone. "And Bataglia until your well clear of this building, try not to let your mouth overtake your mind." She turned on her heel and quickly followed Bud, leaving her partner in a hushed indignation.


Congregated around the large conference room table, they reviewed the case files that Katlin Sawyer had brought with her and spread on the shiny mahogany surface. They spoke of possibilities, of theories, of findings, of rights, of JAG investigations, of laws...but they spoke of nothing that intimated this darkened chapter would be brought to a conclusion quickly. The police were at a dead end in their investigation and Harmon Rabb was quickly reaching the end of the rope he was clinging to tenuously.

Katlin Sawyer stole a look at the naval aviator marveling at his steely external composure, but recognizing it was one ingrained by military propriety and protocol and one that Josh had also worn like a shield in life. An intense love for the Colonel held deep in his heart and hidden from no one except maybe from himself. Or was it? Katlin noticed the same spark of recognition, of a yearning need, that she had seen in her lover's eyes that first night...so many years ago.

"Commander, are you familiar with 'ground zero'?" She directed the question to Harmon Rabb vocally, but her answer was intended for all to hear, to all who felt a mis-guided guilt and remorse for letting their friend run. For not being able to give her what she needed to heal.

"Of course."

"Imagine a crime victim's close friends and coworkers as circles in the kill zone of a bomb blast. When the crime occurs, the victim is at ground zero and gets the full physical and emotional impact. From zero, the emotional shock waves rush out with a devastating impact consuming her friends and loved ones with the same symptoms, different perhaps in intensity, of traumatic shock and PTSS. Sarah Mackenzie may have been at ground zero, but you who love her are victims in your own right...you have suffered the devastating impact of the shock waves of ground zero."

"Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome?"

"That's correct. For many years, the public had the mis-conception that Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome was a psychiatric disorder only experienced by combat veterans. However the reality is that anyone who has experienced a traumatic crisis will experience the symptoms of PTSS...victims and victim's loved ones."

Harm rose and walked to the window. He knew the symptoms of PTSS and the traumatic effects they could have on an individual. He couldn't think of his Marine going through the emotional numbness, the disorientation, the fear, the hyper-vigilance, the anxiety attacks, the depression, the helplessness, the loss of control, the delusions, the abuse of drugs...and alcohol. But the worse effect, the one he couldn't push out of his mind, as memories of Roscoe Martin invaded his clouded mind...was the suicidal tendencies related to the loss of hope.


TWO WEEKS LATER
RABB FARM
BELLVILLE, PA
1730HRS


Harmon Rabb landed the Steerman on the field behind the barn noticing the welcoming lights burning brightly in the kitchen windows of the farmhouse. The exhaustion, the fears and the loneliness of the last 2 weeks, marred his normal agility while he secured the bi-plane in the barn.

Over the past two weeks he had tried everything to find her, forgetting the Admiral words and only remembering Katlin Sawyer's. The all consuming ache that filled the void where his heart had once been hadn't been stilled but grew greater each day without her. He had called Webb, he had hired a private detective, he had secured a civilian helicopter team to search Red Rock Mesa, he had called his mother and stepfather, he had called Farrow, he even brought himself to call the cocky Australian and of course he had called his grandmother. Sarah Mackenzie was nowhere. She had slipped away from him and everything that was important to her. It was as if she had just vanished.

Washington had become a tomb of memories, so he took a few days and flew to the only place that had brought him peace in the past and had provided him the strength to move forward. He had come to the farm, to find himself, to find the spirit of Harmon Rabb that was now as lost as Sarah Mackenzie's.


Harmon Rabb sat at the kitchen table watching his Grandmother wear a trench between the kitchen window and the table. She was not herself since Harm had arrived and he feared that perhaps the episodes of memory loss and disorientation might be returning.

"Gram? Are you OK?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm fine son, just a little tired...just a little..." Before Sarah Rabb could continue, she heard the voice accompanied by the creaking of the kitchen screen door.

Harmon Rabb looked up absently from the cup that mirrored his despair in it's darkened swirling patterns, the recognized voice that suddenly surrounded him causing the ache in his heart to explode and his breath to catch in his throat.

"Gram, I'm sorry I couldn't get the..." Sarah Mackenzie entered the kitchen juggling the groceries precariously, Jingo's constant need for attention from his master intense. Only when she saw him leave her side, tail wagging uncontrollably did she look up into the brilliant eyes that had haunted her waking and dream filled hours.

Threads of relief, longing, strength, confusion and desire wound around them in the sudden stillness of the kitchen, not even their labored breathing interrupting the heated gazes that hung volumes of unspoken words in the air. Both were paralyzed until they found the need to tear their eyes from each other and focus on Sarah Rabb with questioning stares of betrayal.

"Wait just a minute here. You both are not going to make this about me. This is not going to be about me. First Sarah Mackenzie, I didn't know you were coming till you showed up at my door day before yesterday. Turning away from Mac, Sarah Rabb pinned her steady glare on her grandson. Second Harmon Rabb, she wasn't here when you first called and I don't remember you announcing this visit. This is not about me. This is about the two of you and what you both need to heal and move away from this nightmare and the nightmare you've both created for each other. So find the strength to handle it!"

Fixated again on one another, they barely heard Gram leave the kitchen in a huff of indignation. Harm moved to where Mac stood a wave of relief washing over him as he reached and held her face tenderly in his hands.

"You scared the shit out of me, Marine."

"I know. I'm sorry. I never meant to do that." Mac slipped from his warmth, suddenly needing to put some distance between them. She crossed the room to the counter, needing something to lean on other than the man she loved until she could sort out the feelings his sudden appearance had again elicited in her. "I was lost. I couldn't cope. I was weak and I had lost the ability to manage my own life and destiny. Weakness was something I shut the door on when I put to rest the demons of my past. But it surfaced again after that night and became part of my present. I knew it would seep into my future, if I didn't deal with it. You helped me through so many of the dark moments of who Sarah Mackenzie was, that I didn't want to burden you with the pain of who she had become again."

"You made a choice for me that was mine to make, not yours."

"I made the choice to wrestle my new demons alone. They were mine Harm, not yours and I had to do it in my own way, in a solitude away from memories, all the memories that would cloud their intentions. I had to find Sarah Mackenzie. I had to bring her back."

"Mac, I'll leave in the morning if that is what you want. I don't want to make you feel..." Harm watched her brace herself against the kitchen counter again, his mind trying to convince his heart that she wasn't ready...for him...for what he felt...for what he had finally admitted to himself...for what he wanted to share with her. He turned away from her, his urge to hold her, help her, raging through him uncontrollably. Amazed that he had permitted himself to utter the words that would take her out of his life again.

She turned to his back and her need for his strength overwhelmed her, overcoming her initial need to distance herself. "Harm, I need to feel again. Could you...please...just hold me..." It was an unexpected plea, a soft whisper, a need carried on the stillness that seemed to suddenly bind them again. Whatever he felt or didn't feel for her...whoever he thought she was or wasn't...all Sarah Mackenzie knew was that she needed his strength now to help her move forward, back into her world...back into their world.

All Harmon Rabb's movements from that point on were simply controlled by his heart. There were no more doubts, there were no more insecurities, there was just the need to feel Sarah Mackenzie in his arms. His arms tentatively surrounded her when he reached her. When he pulled her closer to him he felt her tense visibly, but he felt her start to relax and lean heavily against him when he felt her soft tears through the thin material of his shirt. Her pain becoming his and her tears burning his skin, his soul and his heart.


Mac stirred her internal clock telling her it was 0330. Groggily she felt herself pinned between the back of the sofa and the strong muscular body that molded against her. For one split second Sarah Mackenzie panicked, but as sleep left her eyes she focused on the handsome face that had brought her tears a quite peace earlier that night. She shifted so she could clearly see the man that was her world sleeping peacefully against her, his arm holding her securely in a safe warm embrace.

She traced the outline of his jaw and touched the softness of his lips, as the need to taste him overwhelmed her. The heat of his body pressing against hers created a hunger that she needed to satiate with the raw taste of him. She leaned towards him and placed a feathery but hesitant kiss against his lips, the lips that she had wanted for so long to be hers. Pulling back gently so not to wake him, Mac continued to enjoy the sensation of his body against hers, intensifying the sensation by moving closer to him, wishing he could want her as much as she wanted him. That he would want Sarah Mackenzie, with her past and her present, and that he would forget Diane, his one and only love. The woman that occupied his dreams, the woman that would always be in his heart.

Ever so gently she felt his arm tighten around her shoulders, his other hand tangled in her hair and he pulled her down to him his lips urgently seeking what he so wanted. Harm's kiss was filled with a fire and an unmistakable need, a passion that she found herself returning urgently parting her lips and freely giving him access to the depths of her own sexual desires.

Her response fueled him to pull her further towards him, the desire of his kiss and the returning need of hers tightening every nerve in his body into an unrecognizable longing. With every passing second, the kiss deepened with urgency and intensity, as he became lost in the sensations that she was eliciting in him. Sensations that were melting all his hesitation, all his doubts and burning the conviction in his heart and mind that Sarah Catherine Mackenzie was all he would ever need and all he would ever want.

Mac felt Harm's hands slip sensual under her sweater, his fingers caressing her bare back while still holding her in place against his warmth and the taste of him. She was losing herself in the incredible feel of him against her and the burning feel of his lips on hers, the kiss taking on a life of it's own. When Mac heard his groan of pleasure and felt his hands graze her bare breasts, she broke the kiss hesitantly unable to allow herself to play the game any longer. Knowing she wanted to, but knowing she couldn't and knowing she wouldn't.

"Harm...I can't...I just can't." The tears were welling in her eyes, her breathing was ragged and her heart was breaking.

"Mac...I know...I shouldn't of well...I know intimacy...must be difficult after all..." Harmon Rabb cursed himself for allowing his own sexual desire for this incredible woman make him forget the compassion she needed foremost. The warming embrace of a friend should have been all he offered, until she had healed, until he was sure that she held the same feelings for him that he held for her. Harm reached gingerly for her, but Sarah Mackenzie moved further away.

"God, I wish I could be who you want me to be, but I just can't. I thought I could, but I can't." Mac moved away from his grasp bracing herself against the massive fireplace trembling with both a burning desire and an immeasurable regret.

"It's fine..." Again Harm reached gingerly for her and again Sarah Mackenzie moved further away.

"It's not! I now realize it will never be! I can't pretend. You deserve more...I deserve more." She whispered the last few words, her emotions pushing her to the tears she didn't want to shed in front of him. Tears for the love she would never have and tears for the friendship she would have to give up.

"Hey, it's OK. I understand. You don't have to pretend anything. It is OK. Mac, I know this must be hard for you. I wish...I could help. I wish there was something I could do or say..." He tried to move towards her, but the closer Harmon Rabb got the further Sarah Mackenzie moved away.

"God, it's not OK. It will never be OK again. I thought I could be just your friend, just your partner...I thought I could keep my distance...I thought I could stop loving you! I thought I could forget who I was in your arms, but I can't. I can't and won't be Diane."

"Whoa. Back up what did you just say?" Harm moved towards her with a hopeful conviction not permitting her to get away from him this time until his mind registered what his heart had heard.

"I won't be your surrogate. I won't be Diane." Mac hesitated from continuing, praying he wouldn't make her repeat it all. Praying she would not have to confess her feelings again, only to receive his pity, only to have him comfort her as a friend, as a partner, as nothing more.

"Not only that part, all of it Marine. All of it!" Harm held Mac's shoulders not permitting her to move, not permitting her gaze to leave the intensity of his.

"I...I...I thought I could stop loving you." The pride in who she was found again in that lonely cabin in the Poconos resurfaced, as she forced herself to hold his gaze. When she saw the darkened desire in his brilliant eyes, felt his hands tighten on her shoulders and heard the distinct moan that escaped him when his lips descended hungrily on hers, the hope started to rekindle in Sarah Mackenzie's tangled heart again.

"You are the love that walked out of the mist of all my dreams, Sarah Mackenzie. You are all I am and all I need and all I will ever want. You've been my past, you are my present and you will always be my future." Harm's words were whispers on her lips between feathery kisses driven by an unbridled passion.


Sarah Rabb heard the words through her closed bedroom door and then felt the electrified stillness that filled the house. She turned off her bedroom light, tears in her eyes and a smile of peaceful recognition on her face. The love of her loss husband, the naval aviator, tugged at her tired heart. The love of her lost son, the naval aviator, for his wife and child filled her tired heart. The love of her grandson, the naval aviator, for the strong woman she now knew he finally held in his arms, filled Sarah Rabb's heart with hope for the future. A love that would be shared for eternity, that even when the time came, the wings of death would never be able to extinguish.

As a peaceful sleep claimed Sarah Rabb, she knew that their hearts had never lied...they had lived with their alibis...they were lost in their foolish disguises...but their hearts had held the truth...their hearts had never lied...


Sarah Mackenzie opened herself completely to him like she had never done to another man, intensifying the kiss that combusted between them. She felt Harm lower her carefully and tenderly to the floor continuing the bruising kiss that scorched both their souls. His hands caressed her everywhere, both their clothes lost in the memories of the lonely and suddenly distant past. Naked, they lay exploring and tasting what had been forbidden to them, because of their foolish conceptions, fears and mis-understandings and because of the intrusion of a stranger.

Harm stopped and pulled away from her, hesitantly leaving the warmth and the pleasure her naked body was evoking in him. He just stared quietly at the beauty that lay before him, that was his, that he would pleasure and that he would receive pleasure from.

"Harm?"

"I just don't want to miss anything. I just want to sense all that you are. I just what this first time to never end." Harm saw the confusion in her eyes, but he also saw the love, the raw desire and the recognition of what the mere site of her was doing to him.

Mac dropped her hands to the side of her head and released a small barely audibly gasp when Harmon Rabb started his exploration. The erotic feel of his brilliant eyes and strong hands caressing her body was almost too much for her to stand, his touch intensifying the smoldering effect of his naked closeness.

Harm started his exploration with the brown pools that clearly mirrored his own unsatiated desire for what was to come. His eyes caressed the swollen pout of her lips, bruised by the passion of their kiss, his fingers touching them lovingly. A shudder of raw ecstasy cursed through his body when Mac took his fingers quickly into her mouth sucking them slowly and sensually. Tremors passed through him as his fingers traced the silken curves of her throat finding their way to the valley between her heaving breasts, ready and waiting for the sweet assault of his mouth. He watched as she squirmed and groaned erotically, when he took one of her pulsing taut peaks between his fingers reveling at the feel of the throbbing hardness between his scorching fingers. He traced circles over her flat stomach, gazing longingly at the glistening curls protecting her sex that he knew was wet and waiting for him, his fingers like whispers finally tracing her swollen folds and encircling her clit. When he fondled her strong muscular legs that would soon be wrapped around him, he gasped as he felt her hand firmly stroke his erection that had grown with every pass he made over her waiting body.

"No, Mac not yet. We have so much yet to taste, to feel before..." He gasped as she tightened her hold, her ministrations more deliberate, more pronounced, more heated, her eyes mere slits of fire. But when he felt her remove her hand and cover it with her own wetness, returning it to cover his throbbing organ, he thought he was going to lose consciousness. As the wet sexual juices that were so uniquely Sarah Mackenzie's heated what was already close to exploding, he descending on her like a man possessed.

Mac was lost in the sudden burning sensation of his mouth capturing her already over sensitized breasts, sucking and licking her flesh as she arched further into the warm recess that was eliciting such pleasure. His rasping tongue causing her peaks to further harden with a growing ache and need that she couldn't control. She screamed with an excited passion as she felt him part her thighs and plunge his fingers deep into her waiting wetness, while still continuing his mouth's stimulation of her swelling breasts. All coherent thoughts were lost as his fingers and his mouth continued the rhythmic assault on her body. The only word that Sarah Mackenzie could utter was his name.

"Harm..."

Her constant stroking of his erection and her own sensations were flooding him, the incredible taste of her driving his own desires and passions. Her naked body writhing against his mouth and his hands causing his own control to unravel like a loosely woven sweater. The more he gave, the more she wanted. The sexual pleasure he gave to another woman had never taken him to the place like the woman that lay beneath him at this moment. Her body was his palace of pleasure and the taste of her, the feel of her was addictive and was a habit he would never be able to kick.

Both their moans filled the silence, as they continued their heated caresses, continued to pleasure each other's sex and stimulate each other into an unrecognizable chasm of ecstasy. They took short respites so they could prolong their need to climax, simply enjoying the feel of each other.

Harm's last 'I love you' was all that Sarah Mackenzie remembered before he hurled her over the edge. Leaving her lips, pleasuring her nipples and them moving his mouth finally to her folds and her pulsating bundle she was lost in a climax that shook her uncontrollably. His sucking lips settling on her clit and his tongue rasping against her all ready over-sensitized sex put her into conscious unconsciousness. He stayed with her through her climax, moving with her violent bucking against him, wanting to make her ultimate pleasure last forever. When her movements finally quieted, he moved back up to gaze into the eyes filled with contentment.

"Enough, Marine?"

"Never, Flyboy. Never. It's your turn now." Now filled with her need to pleasure him, Mac rolled Harm on his back and mounted him before he even saw it coming.

Harm felt her slick wetness surround his erection, suddenly and forcefully. Biting his lip at the sheer pleasure of her warmth, he bucked against her when he felt her clutch his sex tightly inside her and rhythmically start to grind against him. One of Harm's hands grabbed her nipple the other started again to stimulate her clit, as she continued to move him in and out of her with a fervor. This time both their groans of a joined passionate release filled the room, as his seed spilled hot and deep within her. When Mac felt his release fill her, felt his hands still teasing her points of pleasure, she came again stronger and harder than before.

They lay satiated in each other's arms, five years of burning desires kindling a fire that even an entire night of passion couldn't quench. Night turned to dawn, each spark igniting another passionate exchange.


2 WEEKS LATER
JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
1930HRS (EST)


Colonel Sarah Mackenzie saluted the First Lieutenant as she hurried to her car in the parking lot. She was late and she knew Harm would be waiting at home, their home, to start the 'millennium weekend celebration' he had planned. A smile crossed her lips, remembering the love, the unending passion they had shared since she had resumed her duties at JAG and since they had found their pre-destined roles as friends and lovers.

The memories of her assault were always there, but with Harmon Rabb by her side she had learned to deal with the flashbacks that briefly surfaced occasionally. Unlocking her car door she felt his touch on her arm, she felt his breath on her neck, she heard his voice slicing into the stillness of the night and she was surrounded by his scent..and all the strong Marine could do was scream into the darkness.