Title: Surrogate IV - If You See Him
Author: MSHDV, MSHDV@aol.com
Summary: Mac goes through a difficult period when her life is turned upside down. Is love enough?
Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.

Author's Notes - This is the Fourth Part in the Surrogate Series. This series will be in 7 parts. It has all the characters we love and love to hate! Feedback is more than welcome. Some of the facts are based on the series...some have been fed by my imagination for the story line. "If You See Him" belongs to Reba McEntire. PLEASE NOTE THIS PART DEALS WITH AN IMPLIED RAPE.


Surrogate IV - If You See Him


Prologue IV


  If you see him
Tell him I wish him well
How I'm doing
Well sometimes it's hard to tell
I still miss him more than ever
But please don't say a word
If you see him
Oh if you see him

If you see her
Tell her I'm doing fine
And if you want to
Say that I think of her from time to time
Ask her if she ever wonders
Where we both went wrong
If you see her
If you see her

Oh I still want her
And I still need him so

Oh I don't know why we let each other go

If you see her
Tell her the lights still on for her

Nothings changed
Deep down the fire still burns for him

And even if it takes forever
Say I'll still be here
If you see him
If you see her
If you see him
If you see her...



The raging fire was suffocating the silence with the scorching fury that only the flames from hell could invoke on the intended. Yet with the scathing fire came an unearthly chilling numbness that prohibited movement, that prohibited thought and that destroyed with it's coldness her faith, her hope, and her peace. The distant memories of an unending love had been her paradise, her heaven and her salvation once, but now all that remained was a hell from which she could not escape. So she chose to forget the pain, the fear, the indignation, the humiliation and how a world could be so cold by stealing her soul and shattering her future.


DC METRO POLICE
911 EMERGENCY DISPATCH STATION
WASHINGTON DC
0745HRS (EST)


"911 Emergency. What is your emergency?"

"I have been attacked. I think I may have been...been...raped."


ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY
ARLINGTON, VA
0900HRS (EST)


The glare of the sun glinting off the freshly crystallized blanket of snow blinded Detective Katlin Sawyer; squinting ineffectually she left Arlington National Cemetery and headed for home. For the DC Metro Special Crime Division Center. A small shudder passed over her while her mind took her back to that time two years ago...the time she watched the naval officer present her with the American Flag...the Flag that represented duty, courage and honor...the Flag that had been draped over Josh's coffin.

It was the Christmas Holidays and now each year her holidays were spent on duty and at his snow covered grave site. Holidays were supposed to be spent with family, with those you love and who love you in return. Detective Katlin Sawyer's holidays had been buried with Josh Randall two years ago on that snow covered mound in Arlington National Cemetery, along with her heart and any thought of a family or a personal future.

One human's barbaric depravity against another human being was her life now and it had added an immeasurable cynicism to her soul. Life was not always what we made it, it was what fate chose to hand us each day. You could try to keep you and your loved ones safe against other ills, but as far as death was concerned, she lived in a city without walls.

Born to an affluent Texas Oil Family, she had been afforded all the advantages that came with money. Most young women would have sold their souls to the devil for what she had and all would have then firmly entrenched themselves in the elite social circles that old family money provides an individual. She could have taken residence in the upper crust area of River Oaks, joined the country club and spent endless mindless hours shopping with the "Buffy" and "Muffy" clones that moved within her elite social group. But that wasn't who Katlin Sawyer was.

When she graduated from the University of Texas and received her medical degree from Baylor University, she thought Forensic Medicine would be her life, much to the chagrin of her elitist mother. Forensic Medicine had been her passion for as long as she could remember. But once the long hours, the memory of eating the unrecognizable from the Lab Fridge, the menial wages and the double and triple shifts were over and she had M.D. firmly inscribed by her name, she knew that her life was to help the living before they became the dead. Briefly working for the Houston Police Department as a Forensic Pathologist, she suddenly one day changed her name from Katy Lynn Sawyer, quit her job, packed her things and moved to Washington. She enrolled in the Police Academy, much to the chagrin of her elitist mother. That was who Katlin Sawyer was.

Katlin had always been a pragmatist, a scientist; her spirit grounded in reality. What brought her to a city routed in political aberrations, where often to succeed it was necessary for one to forget and rise above their principles, Katlin still didn't understand. But none the less with her strength she had persevered graduated from the Police Academy and fell in love with her friend and her partner Josh Randall.

The building of their relationship was a slow and laborious one and it took two long years for them to realize their relationship had gone way beyond just partnership, way beyond just friendship. Years to admit their love, all to be destroyed by a thoughtless act of a single day on a darkened Washington street corner. When she was at the end of her rope, as the darkened days and months that followed his death passed, she found the tenacious strength to tie a knot on the rope of life and hang on. That was who Katlin Sawyer was.

She cursed the holiday traffic as she tried to maneuver the unmarked police vehicle through the already congested Beltway. There was always the siren and lights? She had already been admonished once by the Precinct Captain for their inappropriate use during unofficial business and she thought better of pushing her luck. Her musings of the past, the present and the lack of a future were interrupted by the ringing of her mobile.

"Sawyer."

"I suppose you're on the way to the Precinct."

"No. Actually, I thought I'd go to Dulles and hop a quick flight to the real world. I hear Vegas is amazing during the Christmas Holidays." Her mood was less than festive as she quickly regretted the biting words directed at her partner, no matter how irritating she found Tony Bataglia sometimes.

"Yea, Merry Christmas to you too, Sawyer."

"What do you have, Bataglia?"

"33 year old female, beaten and presumably raped."

"I'm on my way. DC General?"

"No. Actually she's still at the crime scene."

No matter how many times Katlin Sawyer heard the words, since her four years with the DC Metro Police Special Crime Unit, she still hoped the victim had only suffered the indignity and the humiliation of a sexual attack. The need for the predator to kill his victim after violent and destructive sexual behavior had always been incomprehensible to her. The son of a bitch had gotten want he had ultimately wanted. What the hell was the point of draining the life out of his prey? Taking a life and a soul. What the hell was the point?

"Is Homicide and the Coroner on scene?"

"Nope."

"What are they backed up because of the spreading of all the holiday cheer?"

"No, because she's not dead."

"Bataglia spill it and stop with the games. Damn it!"

"The EMTs treated her as best they could on scene, but she refused transport till her mangy mutt was taken care of." Tony Bataglia loved to bait his partner. They had been paired for the last two years and he knew how to get a good rise out of the ice queen. When she was in one of her moods, he enjoyed pushing her buttons and seeing her reaction, at the expense of even taking the brunt of her wrath.

"I'm there in 20." Katlin got the address and ended the call abruptly. She hit the siren and the lights and made a U turn from hell heading for the Georgetown area of Washington. Perhaps sometimes they were better off dead, because she had never met a victim of a violent sexual crime whose life was ever the same again. Detective Katlin Sawyer pushed the dark thoughts from her mind knowing in her heart that any life was better then none. She picked up her speed and maneuvered deftly through the already congested streets. Merry Christmas, Detective. Merry Damn Christmas!


SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN DC
0930HRS (EST)


The normally quiet street in Georgetown was a tangle of Police Vehicles, News Vans and Crime Investigation Units and of course, as always, the throng of onlookers curious to see the blood, the bodies, the depravity of what one human could inflict on another. Disgusted, Katlin half parked on the sidewalk, exiting her vehicle and searching the site for the officer in charge.

She hung her detective shield around her neck as she approached a veteran officer having a heated pushing contest with a younger civilian. Great Police PR she thought, driving her way to the two agitated men.

"Sergeant, is there a problem?"

"No, Ma'am. I've got it under control."

"Obviously you don't. What seems to be..." Before Katlin could finish her sentence, the younger man interrupted her obviously agitated by the older officer's actions and inattention.

"Ma'am my name is Lt. Bud Roberts. I was called by Colonel Mackenzie after...to...pick up...take...Jingo...her dog."

"And Colonel Mackenzie is?" Katlin was not immune to the questioning desperation in Bud Robert's eyes. She had seen it often. She knew what a sexual crime did to the family and friends of the victim.

"We work together in Falls Church and she had adopted a dog that had been put in a shelter. Well, actually she rescued him because they would have destroyed him, because you know he was too old for...The Colonel felt responsible and..." Bud realizing he was babbling stopped, as the color suddenly drained from his face. "The victim, Ma'am. She is the victim." Bud found the words catch in his throat as he looked at the detective imploringly with immeasurable pain pouring from his eyes.

"Sergeant, have you verified this with any of the detectives on the scene?" Katlin's icy stare unnerved the veteran officer who started to sputter his minimal excuses.

"Mr....Lt. Roberts, why don't you follow me and Sergeant..."

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"Play traffic cop and get this street cleared of all non essential personnel now! Tell them to go home, open their gifts and watch it on the 11 o'clock news!" Her orders dripped with impatient authority moving the older officer in the direction of the quickly growing gawking crowd.

"Excuse me for a moment, Lt. Roberts."

Bud was beside himself, fear like he never felt strangling his heart. He was anxious to see the Colonel, but he decided he wasn't going to antagonize the more than caustic detective by being more insistent than necessary. She reminded him of Mac, not in appearance, as Katlin Sawyer was blonde, shorter and older. But definitely in temperament, when there was a job to get done. His heart tried to convince his mind, that this couldn't be happening, that this couldn't be real. Not to his friend. Not to Sarah Mackenzie.

Bud watched the police officer exchange words with the EMT Crew standing by their rig. Finishing the conversation quickly, he saw the paramedics with a shrug of their shoulders get in their rig and drive off. Bud let out a small sign of relief, thinking that the departure of the medics was a good sign that Mac didn't need ambulance transport...that Mac wasn't badly hurt...that Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was going to be OK.

"Ready Lieutenant?" Katlin recognized the emotions that played over Bud Robert's face when she approached him. She had seen them so often, at once those same emotions were hers. But not anymore, not in her world without walls.

"Yes, Ma'am." Katlin entered the building with Bud Roberts following closely behind. He had trouble keeping up with her as she took the stairs two at time.

"Navy, Mr. Roberts?"

"Yes. How did you know, Ma'am?"

"First of all, it is Detective and not Ma'am. Second of all, Washington is either filled with politicians or military. You're not dressed like a politician and I'm just good at guessing the branch. What's your Duty Station?"

"The Judge Advocate General's Office. Colonel Mackenzie and I both are lawyers." Bud stopped abruptly right outside Mac's door as Katlin Sawyer hesitated turning suddenly to face him.

"You're both lawyers?"

"Yes."

"Great, just great! Here put these on and for God's sake don't touch anything." Katlin handed Bud a pair of latex gloves mumbling, while she moved through the open door. "Could this day get any worse. Lawyers and military no less. Navy no less!"

"I've been part of investigative teams before and I know what.." Confused by her reaction, Bud was stopped in mid-sentence by the officer's exasperated biting stare.

"This is not a Jagman investigation and I am not NCIS. I have three rules, Mr. Roberts. First, don't touch anything. Second, don't touch anything. And third, don't touch anything. You've never been on any of my investigations, so if you get the itch to interfere, don't. Got it, Lieutenant?"

Sawyer heard the agitated naval officer mumble something in protest, but as always when she was in "victim" mode her main concern was for Sarah Mackenzie. For all her curt, stoic cynicism driven by the harsh reality of her world, she was always the modicum of calm reassurance when it came to dealing with her victims unlike her brash partner.

"Tell it to me, Bataglia."

"33 year old Caucasian female, beaten and allegedly raped. No sign of forced entry, no sign of a struggle. No sign of anything unusual, except the remains of an intimate dinner for two in the kitchen."

Katlin bristled at the word "intimate" as she felt Bud Robert's push past her swaying slightly as he crossed the room towards the victim, towards his friend. "...and that is unusual why exactly?"

"Because it's too clean. Besides we have a witness who claims she saw a guy leaving "satisfied" at about 0330hrs." For as many actual rapes Tony Bataglia had investigated, he had also investigated just as many that had turned into consentual sex that the light of day had turned into angry, sometimes violent regret.

Katlin chose to ignore her partner's comment, sweeping the room swiftly and silently, insuring that the flurry of activity was going by the book. Society still made it difficult for the victims of sexual assault and she had seen too many cases thrown out of court for mis-handling or incomplete evidence retrieval. Once she was sure that this one was going by the book, she turned towards Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.

"Have you taken her statement yet?"

"Nope, just prelim. I figured I'd leave that to you Sawyer. You're so good at it."

"Perhaps, it's not that I'm so good at it. Maybe it's because you're so bad at it. Sometimes, Bataglia your sensitivity reminds me of a Medieval Dentist. Why don't you just go take the witness statements."

"Already done."


Why don't I remember? Why can't I remember? I have to remember! You don't forget something like this. I don't forget something like this! Is this just a dream? But the voices are here with me. They are real. I can feel people moving hurriedly around me. Is this just a dream? But they are here with me, in my home! They are talking to me. What are they saying? I'm answering their questions, I think. I can feel pain. So much pain. Why can't I move? Why are they taking pictures? Have I done what I was suppose to do, or have I done too much? They are police officers. This is a crime scene. Oh God! It is real! It's not a dream! Oh, my God!


Bud tried to steady himself when he pushed pass the detective and entered the apartment. He swayed dizzily, overcome by a sick nauseous ache gasping audibly as he saw the still, battered form sitting stiffly on the sofa before him. His mind had not prepared his heart for what he saw. Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was sitting motionless on the sofa, Jingo at her feet whimpering. Tears welled in Bud's eyes for the woman, who was his friend, one of his mentors and the Godmother of his child, as his mind permitted his heart to acknowledge the barely recognizable figure before him. Barely recognizable in appearance, but not in demeanor. As if someone had taken her soul and all that was left was the shell of what had once been a life.

"Mac?" Bud sat carefully on the sofa next to her all military propriety forgotten and took her hands in his. He felt her flinch visibly at his touch, but he held on non-the-less seeing a flicker of recognition on the battered and bruised face that finally turned towards him.

"Bud? Good you're here you need to take Jingo home with you. I don't want him put in a shelter. I don't want him frightened, he's old and has been through an awful lot. Can you do that for me Bud?" Mac's voice was filled with strength and concern for the animal at her feet, but her eyes were vacant of any other emotion.

"Mac..."

"I think I have to give my statement to these officers now and go to the hospital. They need to take tests and treat me. I think I may... Just take Jingo please." Bud saw the vacant eyes and heard the now barely audible words. The pain in his heart for his friend started to turn to rage an unfamiliar emotion that threatened to consume him.

"I will Ma'am and I'll call the Commander to meet you at the hospital." Bud was startled at the look that came into Sarah Mackenzie's eyes and the eerie tone of her now unsteady voice.

"No! I don't want him there! Promise me Bud, you won't call him. Promise me!"

"But he'll want to know. He'll want to be with.."

"No! Please Bud...Please!" Mac became increasingly agitated and started to tremble uncontrollably as her masked strength started to falter.

"Please, Ma'am you need him. He needs to be with you. He needs to know..."

"No! Please no!" Mac tried to stand, but the dizziness and the searing pain at her sudden movement caused her to fall heavily against Bud.

"Ok! Ok, Mac. I promise. I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I won't call the Commander. I won't." Bud was shocked and terrified, but tried to keep his emotions in check when he felt her lean heavily against him. Of all the people in the world that Bud Roberts thought Sarah Mackenzie would want with her at a time like this, would have been Harmon Rabb.


The commotion coming from the sofa was heard even above the police activity that continued around them in what had been Sarah Mackenzie's home. Katlin Sawyer turned abruptly from her partner at the raised voices and made her way hurriedly in their direction.

Bud had managed to lower Mac back to the sofa, her emotional and physical pain surfacing in her vacant eyes. "I promise, Mac. I promise."

Mac regaining the forced composure cringed as she felt the strange hand on her shoulder, but calmed at the soothing voice that accompanied the touch.

"Sarah, my name is Detective Katlin Sawyer. I'm with the DC Police's Special Victim's Unit. We need to get you to the hospital for treatment and I need to ask you a few questions. Ok?" She positioned herself carefully next to Sarah Mackenzie on the sofa when she saw the slight nod. The look in this victim's eyes was one that Katlin had seen so many times before, yet it was different in some way. The pain, the humiliation, the fear and the recognizable denial that this had happened to her were all there accompanied by a surreal strength. But there was something more in Sarah Mackenzie's eyes that Katlin Sawyer had never seen before. Something different. Something more intense.

"Please call me Mac. Only Mac."

"Ok, Mac. And you can call me Katlin. I understand from my partner, that this happened sometime after 0300 hrs. Is that correct?"

"Yes, I think so." Mac stiffened at the question, her jaw tightening visibly not allowing her reaction to the jolting pain to be visible.

"Have you bathed, douched, showered or brushed your teeth since the attack?"

"No." Mac stiffened at the question, her hands now clutched tightly together in her lap ignoring the shooting pain in her arms.

"Have you eaten or drank anything since the attack?"

"No." Mac stiffened at the question, straightening into a rigid posture fighting the burning pain in her chest.

"Have you..." Katlin was caught in mid-sentence as she saw Sarah Mackenzie turn purposely and face her.

"I am an attorney, Detective Sawyer I know the drill. I have not bathed, douched, showered or brushed my teeth. I have not eaten or drank anything and I have not gone to the bathroom. I have not changed my clothes." Mac paused folding her bruised arms against her chest, the movement causing her to flinch and gasp audibly as the pain shot through her body like a hot knife through butter.

"That may very well be, Ms. Mackenzie, but these are questions I am required to ask..."

"It's Colonel. Colonel Mackenzie. And let me answer the last one for you. I don't remember anything about the incident. I can't give you a description of my assailant nor can I describe the events or the circumstances of the attack. I think that perhaps I may have been drugged." As another stabbing pain cursed through her, Mac stood her world spinning out of control. Closing her eyes, the pain intensifying and attacking her with an unnatural fury, she braced herself against the arm of the sofa and continued. "I think I would like to go to the hospital now."

"Certainly, Colonel. I can complete my interview after you've been treated. Since Lt. Roberts won't be coming with us, is there someone else you would like to call. A significant other, your parents?" Katlin Sawyer saw the distant look in Sarah Mackenzie's eyes and her response low and level sent a chill through the normally cynical and caustic detective.

"No, Detective there is no one. No one." Mac hesitated long enough to turn to Bud. "Go home Bud, to your wife and to your child. Spend Christmas as a family. Go home. Away from this. Away from what is now my world."

Bud also felt the coldness that suddenly surrounded him in a numbing recognition of what he hoped was not the death of a spirit. The spirit that had made Sarah Catherine Mackenzie who she was. The spirit that had touched and strengthened all around her.

As Bud Roberts watched Katlin Sawyer guide his friend through the open apartment door away from the chaos, he picked up the telephone. He would make some calls, he would get her the help he knew she would need once the buried events of the worst Christmas Eve of her life surfaced and consumed Sarah Mackenzie.

The night had been the end for Sarah Catherine Mackenzie...


NORTH OF UNION STATION
WASHINGTON, DC
1000(HRS) EST


Harmon Rabb woke in a cold sweat. The dreams of Diane walking into the misted dimness with the stranger, still vivid in his mind. Damn it! They were back. His dreams were back. His moans sliced through the silence of his apartment, as he fell back against the smoothness of the leather.

Covering his eyes with his arm he tried to regulate his breathing, tried to get a grip on why Diane was back. Back with him if only in his dreams. He focused on his current surroundings realizing that he had fallen asleep on the sofa, a muscle groaning as he attempted to sit up.

Moving into a sitting position at the edge of the sofa, he felt an object slip from his chest making a loud thud as it hit the side of the coffee table and landed on the floor. A smile played across his lips, as he bent to pick up the book that held so many memories for him. Memories of his father, memories of a grandfather he never knew, and memories of the woman who had filled the book with the events of his aviation career with so much love.

Harm leaned back and re-lived the events of the previous night, a Christmas Eve he knew he would remember always. A night of personal emotional sharing that he had never allowed himself to experience with anyone before.

The evening had started with the fears and insecurities of a child doubting his father's love. The evening had ended with two friends sharing the pain, the joy, the sadness, the happiness, the love, and the hate of past memories. Memories they would have only shared with one another. Memories they had both held in their hearts unable to share with another person, until they found each other.

Thoughts of Diane consumed his subconscious mind, but thoughts of Sarah Mackenzie consumed his conscious mind. Harm closed his eyes, as his body felt her warmth against his, filled with the same need. He felt the heat of her lips against his, filled with the same desire.

Only the ringing of phone forced Harm back to reality...while fighting the desire to remember more, relive the thoughts of her in his arms, relive the feel of her kiss, relive the feel of her arms around him. Imagined thoughts of her in his bed, imagined thoughts of her as his lover...only the ringing of the phone forced Harm back to reality.

The night had been the beginning for Harmon Rabb...


SOMEWHERE IN WASHINGTON
1000HRS (EST)


The Stranger lay on his bed and gazed at the collage that surrounded him. A small sadistic grin played at the corners of his mouth, as his eyes focused on the most recent additions to his collection. Yes, it had been all he had fantasized it would be. No. It had been better than he had fantasized. It had been all he had expected and more.


DC GENERAL HOSPITAL
WASHINGTON DC
CHRISTMAS DAY
1230HRS (EST)


To say that Katlin Sawyer was irritated was an understatement. They had been shown to a curtained area in the Emergency Room almost immediately upon their arrival at the hospital, but that had been almost 45 minutes ago. Like any other large inner city hospital, the emergency room was overflowing with the injured and the dying. Diversified injuries that went from head lacerations because of too much holiday cheer disorientating Santa, to gunshot wounds because too much holiday cheer didn't disorientate Santa enough.

Impatiently pacing, she glanced again at Sarah Mackenzie sitting immobilized on the examination table looking at everything around her and seeing nothing. Katlin had attempted on several occasions since they had arrived to take a formal statement from Mac, but she stoically reiterated that she remembered nothing. Katlin knew that the apprehension concerning the exam was not helping Mac's mental state, so she elected to back off until after the doctor had examined her.

"Can I get you something?"

"No...Thank you. Do you think this will take much longer?" Mac's voice was a hoarse whisper and the question almost an after-thought.

"No, it won't." Katlin Sawyer knew procedurally, she wasn't to leave a rape victim alone. But to hell with procedures! Enough was enough!


Harriet Sims Roberts was beside herself, as she watched the inattentive desk attendant ignore her and continue with her personal call. Since Mac had called them she had been gripped with fear over the condition of her friend. Since Bud had called her she had been gripped with grief over the condition of her friend. Since she had gotten to the hospital she had been gripped with anger over the inattention she was sure Mac's condition was getting as the sea of human suffering swelled around her.

"Excuse me!" Harriet was shocked when she heard the tone of her own voice and almost recoiled her actions when she forcefully grabbed the receiver from the attendant's hand and sent it crashing to its cradle.

"Hey!"

"Mackenzie, Sarah! Look again!" Harriet was trembling with anger, her eyes mere threatening slits of burning rage.

"I told you. I have no record of a chart on a Sarah Mackenzie!"

"How could you not! I know she was brought here! You have to!"

"Look lady, I told you there isn't a record. There are only two other possibilities."

"And what would they be?"

"That you have the wrong hospital or she has been already taken to the morgue."

Harriet felt herself weaken as the desk attendant's words attacked her already raw darkened reality. The wind knocked out of her, she grabbed the reception counter tenuously her indignation turning to utter despair, just as she felt a strong arm on her elbow.

"Did I hear you ask for Sarah Mackenzie?"

"...Yes...Yes." Harriet tried to focus on the stranger supporting her.

"My name is Detective Katlin Sawyer. And you are?" Katlin had heard the shouting match on her quest for a doctor. Hearing the victim's name, she decided to investigate the commotion hoping someone had finally come to be with Sarah Mackenzie.

"I'm Harriet Roberts and my husband called for..."

"You're Lt. Roberts wife?"

"Yes, Ma'am and I work with Colonel Mackenzie also..and..and she is my friend."

"Come with me." Before Katlin guided Harriet to the curtained area, she turned to the young women who was now filing her nails. "I need a doctor now!"

"Fill this out and then take a seat..."

"Now!"

The attendant noticing the detective shield hanging around Katlin's neck and the venom in her voice shrugged her shoulders. "Try him other there."

"Thank you." Katlin's response bristled with rage and with Harriet in tow hurriedly approached the young doctor the woman had indifferently indicated.

"Excuse me. I'm Detective Sawyer and I need a Rape Kit done."

"I'm sorry we had a major MVA come in and..."

"Are they stabilized now?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then you can come with me."

"Look Detective..."

Those two words were all that Katlin Sawyer needed to push her over the edge. She turned on the doctor with fire in her eyes and her voice a menacing rasping whisper. "No you look, doctor. I have a woman in there who has been raped and beaten. She has been waiting with the memories of that rape surrounding her for 45 minutes. With every second that passes and she is not treated, she is reliving the humiliation, the degradation, the fear and the pain by you not permitting her to try and wash the memories of the filth away. The system will make her a victim over and over again in the months to come and you doctor, you have her sitting in that perverse filth." Her words were unprofessional and she knew it. But Katlin Sawyer's first concern was for the victim and to hell with everything else. That was who Katlin Sawyer was.

Katlin saw the doctor's jaw tighten, but still placed her other arm forcefully against the doctor's back and with Harriet in tow guided them both towards Sarah Mackenzie.


Sarah Mackenzie refused to close her eyes. Subconsciously, she refused to allow her mind to show her any of the events of the previous night. Subconsciously, she refused to let the forgotten memories of what was now her reality engulf her, as she found another insignificant medical item to focus on in the sterile environment that spun around her. She was in the 'Impact Phase' of RTS and she was coping in what was her usual style towards any trauma... externally she was controlled, she was logical, she was calm and she was composed. But Sarah Mackenzie's fire and spirit was slowly being extinguished and she was powerless to stop it, all her strength being focused on her irrational need not to remember.

She trembled as she sensed his warmth attempt to cloak her in his comfort. The 'presence' appearing to her once again trying to pass his strength to her. With a lonely single tear slipping down her cheek, she bit her lip and whispered. "Where were you last night, Sir? Where were you last night?"


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
CHRISTMAS DAY
1430HRS (EST)


Admiral A.J. Chegwidden stood at his office window fixated on the guard shack at the entrance to the office complex. How many times had he seen it in the past 7 years? Hundreds? Thousands? Hell, he couldn't even remember and why should he? Why would he want to? What was the point of this fixation? Why did it matter? But as he heard Harmon Rabb shift in the chair in front of his desk, he turned and glanced at the Commander. When he felt the shock and disbelief emanating from his Senior Counsel, his head buried in his hands leaning heavily on his knees, he knew why he was incessantly starting at the object, because there were no more words. There was nothing left to say.


Even with the horrifying despair that consumed Harriet Roberts, she never left Sarah Mackenzie's side during the examination never letting go of the hand that was firmly held in hers. She was with her when her injuries were treated. She watched the catalog of pictures that were taken of every sadistic bruise. She watched as her friend gasped and groaned with discomfort during the pelvic exam. She watched as Katlin Sawyer assisted the doctor, while the elements of the rape kit were collected, sealed, signed by the doctor and surrendered to the detective. Through it all she stood stoically by Sarah Mackenzie's side, her heart bleeding with every completed and categorized item.

Mac sat silently and stiffly on the edge of the examination table, the only sign of the ordeal was her shaking hands as she took the offered medication from the physician.

"This is Overall, as we discussed it will prevent pregnancy in case..."

"I know...I know."

"You need to take 2 more in 12 hours. Your STD and AIDS test results will be back in 24 hours, but you will need to re-test at 3 and 6 month marks."

"What else." Mac willed her hands to stop shaking and fixed her vacant stare on Katlin Sawyer.

"I am going to need to get a formal statement from you, but if you are too tired now and you want to..." Katlin watched as the Marine tensed and knew that Sarah Mackenzie would see this phase of the horror through to the end. She would not allow herself the time for self-pity and it was clear to the detective that she would also not allow herself to remember...not just yet.

"I just need this to be over..."

"OK, I can take you down to the station right now if you're ready?"

"Ready." Mac stood dizzily, leaning against Harriet and realizing she was still wearing the soiled white silk nightgown. Her favorite, she thought ironically to herself. It had been her favorite.

"Colonel Mackenzie, I can take you somewhere where you can shower and change. I understand Ms. Roberts has brought you some clothes."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Harriet Roberts handed Mac the duffle that Bud had quickly packed at her apartment. "I'll be right here, Ma'am when you get back. We'll go to the station together."

"Harriet, its Christmas. Go home and be with baby A.J..."

"Go shower and change, I'll be right here. That's an order Marine." Harriet stood fast facing Mac with true strength, conviction and concern displayed on her normally timid features.

"Yes, Ma'am." Mac attempted a weak smile, exiting the examination area and following the doctor closely.

It was only when Sarah Mackenzie had disappeared down the corridor that Harriet Roberts broke down and cried, suddenly sobbing uncontrollably. She felt Katlin Sawyer close by her side and felt the warming touch on her shoulder.

"I'll sorry, Ma'am. I just don't understand how someone...how something like this can happen to..."

"It's understandable, Harriet. You and all her close friends are victims too. You have the right to grieve, to feel the pain that she feels. It is the nature of this crime. It is..." Katlin Sawyer stopped as she heard the chilling gasp escape from Harriet Roberts and echo through the examination area, surrounding them both.

"Oh God! The Commander! He should have been here...how will he ever...how will they ever..." The tears and the sobbing became more pronounced prohibiting Harriet Roberts from completing a coherent sentence as she now cried for two friends. For two battered souls. Two souls that appeared to be separate, yet had always been one.

"The Commander? Who is the Commander?" Katlin cursed herself for the need to probe the distraught woman in front of her. But she knew bits and pieces of information gathered from grieving family members usually proved valuable during an investigation especially when the victim was dead or living in a world of denouncement.

"He's...he's the Colonel's..."

"The Colonel's what? I thought Colonel Mackenzie was not involved with anyone?" Katlin kept her voice low and even.

"...Oh, they are involved Ma'am...they are involved. They have loved each other for years. They just don't know it."

Katlin Sawyer cataloged the information in her logical and practical police mind. Maybe they didn't know it? Or maybe one did? Maybe one's love wasn't returned by the other? Maybe just maybe, that unrequited love had turned to an all consuming rage? Maybe just maybe...


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
1630HRS (EST)


The evening shadows spilled into the darkened office, which was only illuminated against the encroaching darkness by the light of the street lamps streaming through the windows and the small lamp on the Admiral's desk. The discussions had been stilted, relying on information provided by the cryptic phone calls from Bud that had come intermittently throughout the vigil.

They all had drank enough coffee to float a small armada and their nerves were worn razor thin. A.J. watched as Harmon Rabb paced incessantly, feelings of fear turning to anger, feelings of anger turning to rage and feelings of rage turning to helplessness. Where the hell was Roberts? How long did it take to 'secure' copies of the medical records? A.J. knew he couldn't keep Harm at bay much longer, just as he heard the voice full of fear and regret slice through the darkened room.

"I can't do this anymore! I need to see her! I need to be with her! I can't just sit here and let her go through this hell alone!" Harm's eyes glazed over, when he finally snapped and hurriedly moved towards the outer vestibule. He reached the door only to find the Gunny and Tiner blocking his path and the booming voice of his CO cutting into the suffocating silence.

"Stand down, Mr. Rabb! Where the hell do you intend to go? The hospital? The Police Station? Her apartment? Do you really think she'll go back there?" A.J. watched the wounded animal before him, his own heart being shredded painfully with every ticking second that passed. His dark and dismal thoughts all but cracking his normally concrete composure. "Harriet is with her, she's being treated and she needs to be with a woman right now. So we just wait. That's all we can do now, is wait."

He reached the door only to find the Gunny and Tiner blocking his path and the booming voice of his CO cutting into the suffocating silence. Harm backed into the darkened office, his reality Mac's pain now and his grief Mac's despair. He couldn't stand not knowing all of it. He couldn't stand not being with her. He couldn't stand not holding her and making her pain his. She was his partner, she was his best friend and she was more, so much more to him. He couldn't lose her now. Not now.

"Commander, she'll get through this. She has to." Gunny had walked to the Commander, his own face contorted with rage. When Tiner had called him earlier that afternoon and told him what had happened, Victor Galindez made his excuses to his family and left the home filled with the love of the holiday season. He knew there was only one place he needed to be this day...only one place. He would stand vigil with the rest of them, until they knew, until they could help.

"I'll get us some more coffee." Tiner quickly moved towards the kitchen area. This had been the longest two hours of his life, but no thoughts of leaving had ever entered his mind. Jason Tiner had made his excuses and left his brother and his family celebrating the joy of the season. He knew there was only one place he needed to be this day...only one place. He would stand vigil with the rest of them, until they knew, until they could help.


INTERROGATION ROOM 3
SPECIAL CRIMES DIVISION
WASHINGTON, DC
1530HRS (EST)


Katlin settled Mac in Interrogation Room 3, while Bataglia took Harriet Roberts into Room 2. Though the young woman was not a witness to the crime, Bataglia thought it would be useful to get some 'background' information on Sarah Mackenzie. She had reluctantly agreed to his idea, considering how totally spent Mac's friend appeared, but perhaps Bataglia would learn something more about the mentioned Commander.

"Colonel Mackenzie, I know some of these questions will be difficult, but just try to take your time and answer them the best you can."

"I don't know how many times I have to repeat myself, Detective. I do not remember anything about the...the attack." Mac took a sip of the warm tasteless coffee, her head starting to pound anticipating the need to relive any part of last night. It had started as a night of so much hope held tightly in Harm's arms, the memories they made together relived, the memories they had made separately shared and the possibility, just maybe, that they would have a future together as more than only friends strengthened. Then the memories that had lulled her into a peaceful sleep were replaced by the fire from hell that had all but suffocated her, and she awoke to the pain and humiliation that was her reality now. Her reality only and one she couldn't ask him to share. That she wouldn't ask him to share.

"Colonel?"

"I'm sorry. Did you say something else?'

"No, because I thought I lost you there for awhile.

"Sorry. Let's just get on with it."

"No problem. This is a difficult time and..."

"I'm fine. Let's just continue."

"OK. Tell me about the time before you went to bed. Did anything unusual happen. Anything alarming? Anything out of the ordinary?" Katlin watched Sarah Mackenzie carefully waiting for the details of the alleged 'intimate' dinner or anything else that she allowed her mind to remember.

"I...I had a friend over for dinner. He left at about 0300 hrs. I straightened up and went to bed. Nothing unusual. Nothing alarming...until...I...awoke."

"Were you and your friend intimate last night?"

"If you mean did we have sex, no...It's not like that between us. He's a friend and my partner. He's my best friend." Mac's eyes flashed briefly and she bit her lip, as Harm's face played across her consciousness and the tears that continued to threaten grew in intensity. She averted Katlin Sawyer's eyes focusing on the stained table in the corner that held the coffee machine.

"So you are not involved...romantically?"

"No."

"Have you ever been?"

"No."

"So neither of you hold any romantic feelings towards the other?"

"Detective Sawyer, I really don't understand what my friendship with Commander Rabb has to do with what some perverse son-of-a-bitch did to..."

"Colonel, you say you don't remember anything about the attack. Could he have come back after you were asleep..."

"NO!" The force with which Sarah Mackenzie stood sent the chair she was sitting on tumbling to the floor coffee swirling across the papers that were lying on the table. She leaned across the table, ignoring the pain that was shooting through her arms and burning through her body. "HE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! IT WASN'T HIM! I KNOW IT WASN'T HIM." Dizziness overtook Mac, causing her to lean heavily against the table her world spinning wildly out of control.

Katlin Sawyer moved quickly to Sarah Mackenzie's side supported and guided her to the other chair by the side of the table. She saw the fire in the Marine's eyes, she heard the strong conviction in her words, and she felt the love hidden behind the strength of her voice. Love for her partner and her best friend. Katlin evened her voice as her own lost memories tried to surface and consume her taking her to that time of her life she had buried so deep.

"Colonel, I'm sorry. These questions need to be asked. You claim you do not remember the assault or your assailant, yet you are so sure your friend could not have returned. Why is that?"

"Because I'm sure. I'm sure it wasn't him."

"I know it is difficult for rape victims to believe that a close..."

"Because of his scent...it wasn't Harm's...it wasn't Harm's scent." Mac squeezed her eyes shut trying to forget...trying to forget the suffocating scent of the animal that had done this to her. The animal that had taken her future away. The animal that had shattered her dreams with his perverse need.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA.
1730HRS (EST)


Harm stood at the window watching the evening shadows that surrounded and shielded the perfectly manicured grounds. They had all occupied their time with mundane tasks, except for him...thoughts of his Marine too all consuming to allow him to concentrate on anything but her. Mac, always Mac.

"I could have stayed with her last night. I wanted to. God, how I wanted to be with her."

"Why didn't you, Son?" A.J. turned hearing the whispered words and looked at Harm standing stoically by the window staring out into the darkness.

"I couldn't...it is complicated, Sir...it's just so damn complicated."

"Love often is, Son. Love often is." They were simple words, but A.J. knew it was time that someone finally said them. He just hoped it wasn't too late. Too late for the stubborn Commander and for the pig-headed Marine. Were the events of last night, the darkest of all demons, that would take Sarah Mackenzie from them. She had fought the other darkness that had been her life and won. Could she fight this too and survive?

"Sir, I'm sorry but..." Harm shocked, tried to digest what his CO had just said so simply, but before he could complete his response, Bud's arrival paralyzed any thoughts except thoughts of Sarah Mackenzie's fate. He had waited for hours for word about his Marine and now Harmon Rabb was scared to death to find out the truth, the whole truth.

"Bud, where the hell..."

"Sit down Commander! Let Mr. Robert's catch his damn breath." A.J.'s impatience was as strong as Harm's, but they all needed to get a grip if they were to be of any value to Sarah Mackenzie.

"I'm fine, Sir. Colonel Mackenzie is as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Harriet stayed with her...here is the file. It took me a little longer to get it then I thought..." Bud stopped in mid sentence as Harm grabbed for the folder being offered to the Admiral. When Bud saw the Admiral nod his head he passed the file to the Commander and then sat apprehensively in the chair breathless.

Harmon Rabb took the medical file for patient number 1098, his jaw tightening and his posture stiffening as he started scanning its contents. But when he got to the pictures of his Marine, bruised and battered, his composure finally cracked as his heart shattered into a million shards, his hands shook and tears welled in his eyes. The file finally slipped to the floor, as he slumped in the chair his head tenuously held in his unsteady hands and the light of his world dimming around him. "Dear God. Dear God, why?" The words were a forced hoarse whisper that barely could be heard above his ragged breathing.

"Son?" A.J. took the medical file that Bud had recovered from the floor and steadied himself as he went through it, his eyes dark with the fire of an all consuming rage.

"The Rape Kit?"

"That's why I was so late...I called in a favor at the Medical Examiner's office and..." Bud's eyes darted between the Admiral and the Commander before he continued..."it was positive, Sir. It was positive."

"NO!" The desperate scream was chilling as it froze the stillness of the room and vibrated throughout the JAG Offices. It was filled with despair, rage, and the pain of a wounded animal caught in the death grip of a steel trap, draining the life out of its prey.

Their worst fears were realized as Victor Galindez and Jason Tiner raced into the Admiral's office at the echoing sound of anguish. The four men stood in the cloaking darkness of pain, helpless to find the words. Were there words that could comfort Harmon Rabb, themselves and ultimately and most importantly Sarah Mackenzie?


ROBERTS RESIDENCE
MCCLEAN VA
1830HRS (EST)


Harriet was exhausted as she collapsed on the living room sofa. She had successfully convinced Mac to stay with them and she was now settled securely in the upstairs guestroom. Thanks to the medication, Mac had fallen into a drug-induced sleep, which Harriet hoped would give the Colonel a brief respite of peace from the horror of the last 24 hours.

She laid her head back on the soft pillows, allowing the tears that had burned her eyes throughout the day to stream down her cheeks again, the emotions of the day finally washing through her. The rape and the beating had been de-humanizing, the medical examination humiliating and the police interrogation emotionally draining and degrading. How much more could her friend stand, before even the strong Marine shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces. How much longer would she be the victim? How could she find the happiness she needed and deserved if the cruel hand of fate always managed to slap her back when she took a step forward?

Harriet Beaumont Sims Roberts sobbed uncontrollably for her friend and her small son as she realized with a surreal conviction that they all now lived within a city without walls.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
1830HRS (EST)


"Damn it Bud! Where is she?" Harmon Rabb had heard distantly the discussions between Bud and the Admiral, but his heart was not allowing the visions of his Marine to leave his mind. It was time now to find her, it was time now to put his pain aside. It was now the time to pass his strength to her.

"Sir, she doesn't want to see anyone...she was..." Bud couldn't get the words out, because he knew in his heart that Sarah Mackenzie needed Harmon Rabb, now more than ever. "She's with Harriet, Sir. She's at home with Harriet."

"Let's go, Bud." Before the sentence was complete, Harmon Rabb was racing towards the stairs, only stopping briefly when he felt the Admiral's hand on his shoulder.

"Harm, go to her son. Give her our love. Let her know we are all here for her, no matter what."

"I will, Sir. I will."

As A.J. Chegwidden watched the twosome disappear into the stairwell, he turned to his Petty Officer. "Get me Captain Jack O'Keefe, Tiner."

"Yes, Sir!"

This was civilian jurisdiction and A. J. knew it. This was a crime that D.C. Metro would investigate. This was a crime that the District Attorney would prosecute. But Admiral A.J. Chegwidden didn't give a rat's ass. All he knew was that he would insure that no stone was left unturned in finding the bastard who did this. All he knew was that he would insure that there was no legal loophole that the bastard could slip through. All he knew was that he would insure the bastard would pay dearly for what he had done. That was all that A.J. Chegwidden knew, as he heard the Police Commissioner's voice come over the line.


ROBERTS RESIDENCE
MCCLEAN VA
1830HRS (EST)


Harriet was jolted from her sleep, as she stared with sleep-laden eyes at the two naval officers before her. She tried to clear her head when she felt her husband's arms encircle her in a warm comforting embrace. She clung to him drawing on his comfort.

"Harriet, A.J.?"

"He's at Mrs. Barton's for the night."

"The Colonel?"

"She's upstairs asleep, I hope." Harriet stood shivering, missing the warmth of Bud's arms around her, but she walked to where Harm stood apprehensively .

"Go to her. She needs you, Sir. No matter what she says she needs you."

Harm took Harriet in his arms, giving her a tight hug. "I've never let her push me away before, I won't now. Thank you Harriet, for all you've done today. You're a good friend...to both of us." Harm felt her pull away from him and he knew it was time.


Mac had fallen asleep more times then she could count since Harriet had settled her in the guestroom. But each time she drifted off in the strong arms of her naval aviator, she awoke in a sweat, as the shadows of the stranger enveloped her in his sickening darkened presence. Finally, her mind's fears won over her body's exhaustion and she wrapped herself in a warming blanket and curled in a tight ball on the window seat with Jingo at her feet. Her head leaning on the cool panes of the window, she heard the soft knock at the door. All she wanted was to be left alone...she had to heal in her own dark reality. She had to do this alone. Before she had been fortunate to have Uncle Matt and Harm to help her in her darkness hours, but this...this she would have to face alone.

Harm stood in the hall outside Mac's room listening for her soft reply. He knocked again and this time when he heard no response, he gently and quietly opened the door and stepped into the moonlit darkness.

"Mac?"

"Go away. This is not a good time, Harm." Her voice was barely a whisper, but it held her normal firmness and conviction.

"When did that ever stop me before?" Harm's eyes focused on her quickly and he moved purposely towards the window seat. He wasn't going to let her push him away this time and he wasn't going to let her run...this time.

"Harm...please. Just let me be. Please." Mac couldn't turn to face him, even when she felt his presence close to her. When she felt him sit on the window seat next to her, she tried to shield herself from his gaze by turning further towards the window.

"Mac, don't. Don't turn away from me. Please, don't." Harm reached out to touch her and he felt her recoil from him almost in terror. His heart breaking, he stood his ground, as he lifted her face gently and tenderly around to face him.

"No. I can't stand you to see me like this...please just leave me..." Mac tensed at his touch, but the minute she felt the warm tenderness of his hand on her face, tears welled freely in her eyes for the first time since her world was turned upside down.

"Mac, Oh Mac, do you think it matters to me what you look like on the outside. You've always been so beautiful. But it's what's on the inside that I care about. It is what makes my kick-ass jarhead the person she is...it's what's on the inside that makes Sarah Mackenzie the person I know and care about. It's what's on the inside that has always made you beautiful to me. Please, please just look at me."

Slowly Mac turned the tears now streaming down her bruised and battered face, fully facing Harm for the first time and only seeing an overwhelming concern in his eyes. "That's what I'm afraid of Harm. I feel like I'm dying on the inside and I can't stop it. I hurt more on the inside then the outside and I'm scared. Scared what it will do to me. Scared on what I'll become." She felt him pull her gently into his arms and she relaxed finding a comfortable position against him that didn't inflame her injuries.

"You'll make it Marine. You'll make it. You have friends who care for you and who will help you get through this...whatever it takes you and I will get through this. I promise." Harm closed his eyes as he held her. He had successfully masked the nauseating shock that cursed through his body at the sight of what someone had done to her. But he was terrified that he wouldn't be able to mask the rage that was building inside him, with every sob he heard in the thickening silence. Her pain had become his, her fears had become his and her despair had become his...but his rage was his own and it terrified him.


Three days had passed since the attack and Sarah Mackenzie had taken great comfort in the support of her friends. Her body was starting to recover slowly, but her mind and heart were still consumed by the darkness of the attack...and she was dying inside a little each day.

Her nightmares continued and she started to slip into an acute depression. Her feelings of shock, disbelief, dismay and anxiety were all consuming, her unstable emotions severely limiting her ability to function..to feel. But perhaps the most frightening feelings she experienced were her feelings of helplessness, her feelings of being out of control and her feelings of shame as she watched what her condition was doing to her friends. She was making them victims too and she couldn't stand the guilt that burned painfully within her.

Harmon Rabb had been with her each night when she fell asleep and each day when she awoke. He was always there with words of encouragement, with patience and with an undying strength and tenacity to see her through this. But the personal toll it was taking on him in Mac's clouded reality was too great a price to pay for her recovery. So this night as she pretended sleep, felt him tenderly kiss her cheek before he slipped from her room, she knew what she had to do. What she had to do to free them all from the nightmare that should and would only be hers.


When the night shadows consumed the house and all were soundly asleep, Sarah Catherine Mackenzie slipped quietly into the night, turning her back on the life she had created for herself against all odds. Slipping quietly into the night, she left the man she would always love behind. Slipping quietly into the night, she did not know where she was going or what she was going to do. Slipping quietly into the night, she knew if she was ever going to find the strong Marine again, she had to do it alone.

She had left a letter for the Admiral...she had left a letter for Bud and Harriet and she had left a letter for the man she would always carry in her heart. If she never found herself again, if she never returned to what had been her life, she knew she would always have his smile and his touch in her heart forever.

Nothing changed. Deep down the fire still burned for him.


NORTH OF UNION STATION
WASHINGTON, DC
0230HRS (EST)


After two days sleep finally found Harmon Rabb and through the dreams that returned one final night, he found the truth.

He found himself in the familiar place as the darkness and fog swirled around him. He was on the deck of the USS Patrick Henry, only this time he wasn't alone.

He felt the coolness of the weather envelope him, as he tried to focus on the figure that was walking towards him. As the landing lights of a tomcat caught her reflection, like a spotlight on a stage, he recognized the marine uniform as the form slowly moved closer. It was Mac. This time it was Mac. He turned as the familiar voice warmed him with the strength and the truth.

"Yes, Son. It has always been Mac, held only in your dreams."

"Dad?"

"She needs to be freed from your dreams and made your reality now, Son."

Harm's voice caught in his throat, the pain and loss of the years suspended him in time, as he felt his Father's hand on his arm propelling him towards her. He tried to move to her with all his strength, but it was like he was welded to the carrier deck. He watched as she moved closer and closer until she was inches away from him.

Harm willed himself to raise his arms and pull her close to him. As he held her tight against him, all the years, the distant and the pain of being without her seemed to melt away and fall into the angry sea around them. "Mac, I'm sorry. So much time wasted, so much time." His words echoed around him as he felt her hands on his face, caressing away all his emptiness and the loneliness he had felt without her.

"I know my love. Time we both wasted and now it is too late." Her lips found his in a tentative kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her.

Harm's passion held deep within him all these years exploded, as he felt her soft lips part giving entrance to his passion his uncontrollable need for her. Never had he felt what he was now feeling. He felt her mold perfectly to him, he felt the silkiness of her hair and her familiar scent fueled his desires. No kiss had felt so right, so complete, so mind altering. As the kiss deepened and every nerve in his body ached, he realized that all the relationships in his life had provided surrogates for the love he had always held hidden deep inside him for Sarah Mackenzie.

Harm felt the woman he truly loved with all his soul pull away, drawn to the man who appeared in the distance beckoning her to join him. "No!" Harm heard himself scream as he lunged to pull her back to him. But his hands couldn't get a grip, as she slipped through his fingers like the air around him. Slipped quietly into the night.

Again welded to the deck of the carrier he was unable to move, to get his footing to go after her. Harm needed to get to her to hold her again and tell her all that was in heart, all that he couldn't say before. "Why are you taking her away from me!" Harms words were choked sobs.

The stranger turned with a vindictive grin on his face. "You never had her Commander, because your fears, pride and stubbornness and insecurities blinded you from expressing your love for her. You waited too long. She now belongs to me forever." With the words spoken, he guided her into the mist that encircled them, as the Tomcat's landing lights went out and Harm was lost in darkness again. The last words echoing in his mind were his Father's as he too faded into the misted darkness.

"When you see her...Tell her the lights are still on for her."