Title: Surrogate II - Up and Flying
Author: MSHDV, MSHDV@aol.com
Summary: A personal crisis brings Mac and Harm closer, but is it still a past love that is still in his heart?
Disclaimer: JAG characters portrayed belong to JAG, CBS and Paramount Television. No copyright infringement intended. All other characters depicted are purely fictional and any similarities to actual people are purely coincidental.

Author's Notes - This is the second part of the Surrogate Series. This series will be in 7 parts. It has all the characters we love and love to hate! Feedback is more than welcome. Some of the facts are based on the series...some have been fed by my imagination for the story line. "Up and Flying" belongs to Reba McEntire and MCA Records.


Surrogate II - Up and Flying


Prologue II


  Lately I'm alone a lot
Mostly I guess your not
Forgive me if I stop and stare
I was just a little unprepared

So the world is falling at your feet
Yea you hardly even missed a beat
Everyday your heart beats a little stronger
But my nights for me get a little longer

You've gone on a million miles from here
Swept up like a feather in the air
Well you make it look so easy
Well that doesn't seem quite fair
Cause baby I'm still trying
To get myself up and flying

I should be farther on by now
I just can't seem to catch a breeze somehow
I should be free to leave the ground
With no dreams left to weight me down

But could you tell me what I have to do
Oh yea I've been trying to deny the truth
Well here it is right now the living proof
The one I love loves someone new

You gone on a million miles from here
Swept up like a feather in the air
Oh you make it look so easy
That doesn't seem quite fair
Cause baby I'm still trying
To get myself up and flying

Oh you make it look so easy
It doesn't seem quite fair
Cause baby I'm still trying
To get myself up and flying

Up and Flying
Up and Flying



HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION
0430HRS (EST)


Harm fell into a restless sleep. He found himself in a familiar place as the darkness and fog swirled around him. He was on the deck of the USS Patrick Henry. He felt the coolness of the weather envelope him, as he tried to focus on the figure that was walking towards him. As the landing lights of a tomcat caught her reflection, like a spotlight on a stage, he recognized the navy uniform as the form slowly moved closer. It was Diane. His Diane lost to him so long ago. Harm's voice caught in his throat, the pain and loss of the years suspended him in time. He tried to move to her with all his strength, but it was like he was welded to the carrier deck. He watched as she moved closer and closer until she was inches away from him.

"I've missed you Lt. Commander Harmon Rabb." Her voice was different, but it was definitely his Diane.

Harm willed himself to raise his arms and pull her close to him. As he held her tight against him, all the years, the distance and the pain of being without her seemed to melt away and fall into the angry sea around them. "Diane, I've missed you more than you could ever know." His words echoed around him as he felt her hands on his face, caressing away all his emptiness and all the loneliness he had felt without her.

"I know my love. Though you never said the words I always knew how you felt, even if you didn't know until it was too late." Her lips found his in a tentative kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her.

Harm's passion held deep within him all these years exploded, as he felt her soft lips part giving entrance to his passion and his uncontrollable need for her. Never had he felt what he was now feeling. He felt her mold perfectly to him, he felt the silkiness of her hair and her familiar scent fueled his desires. No kiss had felt so right, so complete, so mind altering. As the kiss deepened and every nerve in his body ached, he realized that all the relationships in his life had provided surrogates for the love he had never been able to express to Diane.

Harm felt the woman he loved with all his soul pull away, drawn to the man who appeared in the distance beckoning her to join him. "No!" Harm heard himself scream lunging to pull her back to him. But his hands couldn't get a grip, as she slipped through his fingers like the air around him.

Again welded to the deck of the carrier he was unable to move, to get his footing to go after her. Harm needed to get to her to hold her again and tell her all that was in heart, all that he couldn't say before. "Why are you taking her away from me!" Harms words were choked sobs.

The stranger turned with a vindictive grin on his face. "You never had her Commander, because your fears, pride, stubbornness and insecurities blinded you from expressing your love for her. You waited too long. She now belongs to me forever." With the words spoken, he guided her into the mist that encircled them, as the Tomcat's landing lights went out and Harm was lost in the darkness again.


Harm awoke with a start from a fitful sleep sweating and trembling uncontrollably. He focused on his surroundings and realized grimly that it had been just a dream. No, it had been a nightmare! He pulled his large frame up and set on the edge of the bed. He tried to clear his head as he looked at Jordan sleeping peacefully beside him. A pang of guilt sliced through him as he remembered the events of the previous night. Guilt for allowing himself to be manipulated by his loneliness and jealousy. Allowing himself to make love to Jordan not because he wanted her, but because he wanted to get back at Mac for what she confessed about Brumby.

"Damn it, Rabb." He cursed himself for his weakness. He felt Jordan stir and lifted himself quietly from his bed not wanting to disturb her. No, he just didn't want to deal with her right now.

Harm walked to the window wanting to justify to himself how he had detoured down this road. He had become someone he didn't recognize and someone he didn't like very much. He had always prided himself on his honesty, his compassion, his integrity and the ability to hide behind his armor clad composure. Tonight he had been no better than a drunken sailor on shore leave, looking for sex, for all the wrong reasons from anyone that was convenient and willing.

Harm had come back to JAG with so much hope for the future, knowing it was what was right for him. It was his true calling. He had found the truth about his Father. He had proven himself as an aviator. He was an accomplished litigator and investigator. But what had happened to the honorable man. Had he left him somewhere with his past dreams? He shook his head ironically remembering something Mac had said so long ago. "Harmon Rabb Jr., so righteous, so pure, you've never had a weak moment in your life, have you?"

Harm made his way to the bathroom with Mac's words echoing in his head. Always Mac, he thought miserably. He couldn't get her out of his head lately. He saw her ever day, but she was a million miles from him and the distant left him aching for the way it was. The whys were still a mystery to him. How could he be so intuitive when it came to everyone else, but with Mac he could no longer see pass the distance they had created between them.

The full force of the shower hit his body like cold sheets of steel. He would deal with Jordan later. But how was he going to deal with Mac. He braced his arms on the cold tile and asked God to take help him find his way back.


JAG HEADQUARTERS
FALLS CHURCH, VA
0645HRS (EST)


Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie pulled the vette into her assigned space at JAG Headquarters and noticed Harm's SUV already parked in his space. Wow, she thought this must be a first. Commander Harmon Rabb in before 0700. He must have had one hell of a night! Remembering the intense reaction he had when he saw her come out of the bathroom, she hoped that she had something to do with his sleeplessness.

Mac walked into the bullpen and noticed the only light on was in Harm's office and that his blinds were closed. She walked into her office, grabbed her coffee cup and headed to the kitchen. First things first, she thought. She rounded the corner and ran right into Harm.

"Whoa, Commander!" Mac swung out of the way of his cup as Harm lost his grip and it toppled to the floor spilling it contents everywhere and shattering into a million pieces as it ricocheted off the floor cabinet.

"Thanks, Mac." Thoroughly agitated Harm grabbed the roll of paper towels off the counter and started cleaning up the mess.

"Here, let me help you." Mac bent next to him, trying to pick up the pieces of glass that were scattered across the kitchen floor.

The cleaning continued in an uneasy silence. When finished, they both rose and Mac deposited the remnants of the coffee cup in the trash. She looked at Harm. He was definitely preoccupied and looked like sleep had escaped him completely the night before.

"Harm, you look like something the cat wouldn't even drag in." Mac tried to lighten the mood that was starting to get overly oppressive. Harm looked up blankly, not understanding the comment and just shook his head at her.

"Well, I had a friend walk out on me last night, because she didn't care enough to see things through. Actually, she walked out on me about 7 months ago." He grabbed a new cup filled it with coffee and left the room. When he reached his office Mac heard the door slam shut behind him.

Mac felt like she was punched in the stomach as his comments and the tone in his voice left her gasping for breath. She felt her anger rising uncontrollably as she stormed from the kitchen towards Harm's office. That's it she thought! How could he say something so vile! It was time to settle this once and for all, no matter what the consequences were!

Bud entered the office and spun around as he saw the Colonel move like a bat out of hell towards the Commander's office. "Good Morning Ma'am." Bud sputtered the greeting as Mac flew pass him, seething with evident rage. He watched her enter Harm's office and slam the door behind her.

"Uh...Oh." It was going to be one of those days, he thought as he headed to the Active Investigation Board. He hated when the two of them fought. It was like watching your parents fight.

Mac stood in Harm's office her rage now all consuming. "How dare you say something so hurtful and untrue! If you correctly remember you left me! You walked out to follow another one of your obsessions, not caring about anyone or anything but yourself! How many times did I follow those obsessions with you at the risk of my own life! Once you were gone, you didn't even have the decency to answer any of my letters or calls for 3 months! Now you're back and you expect everything to be just as you left it! Well, think again, Commander! Say something! Fine! I've had it!" Mac tore from Harm's office like she was on fire. As she exited on her way back to her office, she collided with Bud.

"Not now, Bud!" She shouted the words as she entered her office and slammed the door.

Harm sat at his desk, trying to comprehend all Mac had said. Obsessions! Damn her! He thought of all people in his world, she understood his dreams and what flying meant to him! What the hell was wrong with her lately! As he stood fitfully, the rest of Mac's words hit him like a sledgehammer. 'Once you were gone, you didn't even have the decency to answer any of my letters or calls for 3 months!' What was she talking about! She had been the one who had ignored his letters, his calls! Something was very wrong and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

This time when Bud heard an office door open he stood clear. He watched as Harm raced to Mac's office in two even strides. As he walked into Mac's office, Bud saw him close the door quietly. Bud smiled, maybe they were about to make up.

Harm stood watching Mac standing by the window, her arms tightly clasped in front of her. She didn't acknowledge his presence, not even when he spoke. "How many letters did you write, Mac? Mac, I asked you a question." Harm tried to keep the emotion out of his voice, not wanting to antagonize her further until he got to the truth. He walked to the window and spun her to face him. "How many Mac!"

Mac tensed as she looked at him, rage still in her eyes and hurt clutching at her heart. "What the hell difference does it make how many letters I wrote! You answered none of them. Why do you want to know? So you can humiliate me further!" She tried to move away from him, but he blocked her path. Feeling like a cornered animal, she lifted her hand to slap him.

Harm caught both her small wrists with his hands, knowing instinctively what was coming. He guided her to her chair. "Shut up and sit down Mac! Just answer my question!" Harm watched her carefully as he saw some of her rage turn to confusion.

"30 or 40! I don't know. I don't remember!" When Harm let go of her, she tried to get up, but Harm had knelt by her chair and placed each of his hands on the arms of the chair pinning her in place. Mac looked at him and saw obvious shock on his face.

"Mac, that's impossible! I didn't receive one!" Harm stood and walked to the window shaking his head in disbelief. "The day I got to the carrier was the first day I wrote you. After that it was every time I returned from a mission or missed you. Looking back now, I guess it was every day. I did that for about 4 months, but when you didn't answer I just thought you had moved on and wanted nothing to do with me. I thought that maybe our friendship was merely a consequence of our partnership and once the partnership was over so was our friendship." Harm grew silent and just stood gazing out over the JAG grounds.

Mac could not believe what she was hearing. She thought of the how miserable she had been all those months, when she thought he had forgotten her. She remembered how worried she was and how she had made discreet inquiries, if he was OK. "Why didn't you talk to me when Brumby and I came aboard." Her voice was weak, drained by all the emotions.

"When I heard you and Brumby were coming for JAG, I wanted to confront you. But when I saw you on the deck and saw the oak leaves, I just couldn't. The fact that you didn't tell me about your promotion gave me the answer. I knew how important your career was to you and if you didn't share that with me...I was afraid of what else you would tell me. Why didn't you talk to me Mac?" Harm's voice cracked as he remembered that day on the carrier and glanced at her for her answer.

"I guess for the same reason. I was hurt to think that you could put all we had shared so easily behind you. On the carrier deck, I saw how happy and composed you were. As if nothing had been passed between us. I guess I was scared too. Scared to dredge up all the unhappiness again. I... As Mac was going to continue, she heard Tiner's voice come over the intercom.

"Sorry Ma'am, but is Commander Rabb with you?" Tiner was hesitant on interrupting the pair as Bud had pre-warned him that they were behind closed doors and it wouldn't be a good idea to disturb them.

"Yes, Tiner he is. What do you need?" Mac regained her military tone, realizing that the scene was probably being heard by all in the bullpen.

"I have Lt. Parker on the phone for the Commander and she says it's urgent." Tiner waited apprehensively for a response from either of them.

"Tell her I'll call her back!" Harm's voice was harsher than he had intended.

"I tried Sir, but Lt. Parker is insistent on talking to you now. When I told her you weren't in your office, she told me to find you. She apparently is about to leave your apartment and can't..." Tiner heard the Commander pick up the phone abruptly silencing the intercom.

"Put her on." Harm had walked to Mac's desk and grabbed the phone. As he turned his back to Mac, he cursed himself at his bad luck.

"What is it Jordan...No I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of something important...You can't...There is one on the side of the refrigerator...Yea, I will...Talk to you later..." With that Harm ended the call and kept his back to Mac as he leaned on the corner of her desk.

Mac sat with her hands clutched tightly together on her desk. So Jordan was back in the picture! She had hated leaving him with Jordan last night, but she never thought...of coarse she did. Harm was hornier than hell last night, thanks to her games. What did she think would happen? Harm had always had feelings for Jordan. He was a man, she was a woman and Mac had set the stage. She willed her mind from presenting her with visual pictures of Jordan in his arms, kissing her, taking her to his bed, making love to her. She shook her held violently and closed her eyes. Jordan was just an obstacle on the road back. She would deal with her in time. Right now she had to focus on the issues currently at hand.

"Did you remember my birthday?" The words came out as no more than a whisper, as Mac stood and laid a hand on Harm's shoulder.

Harm turned at her touch, glad to see that there was to be no discussion of Jordan. "What do you think, Mac?" As an ironic smile crossed Harm's lips as he continued. "Someone enjoyed an expensive bouquet of 4 dozen red roses. One for each year we spent together as partners." Harm noticed the smile that played on her lips as she finally looked into his eyes. He would have delivered the roses personally if he had to, but Bud assured him they had been delivered. He knew how important birthdays had become to her. Childhood birthdays had been ordinary days for Mac, shattered by the abuse by her father.

The silence grew in the room as they both just stood looking at one and other trying to understand all that they had said. Both wondering how they had been so stupid to let it get this far. Both wondering what happened to the pieces of paper, that has held their thoughts, fears and desires. Emotions that both would have only shared with each other. Each one wondering what impact all those lost words would have had on their relationship...wishing all the lost moments in time could be found.

Harm broke the silence. "You know I have always been honest with you, but you also know it has always been hard for me to break out of the cool shell I have built around myself. I..." Harm's voice trailed off as yet again they heard Tiner on the intercom.

"Commander?" Tiner's voice was really hesitant this time.

"What now Tiner." Harm softened his voice, knowing that the Petty Officer was only doing his job.

"I have a Doctor Matt Cochran from Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital on the phone for you. He says it is concerning a Mrs. Sarah Rabb." Tiner answered, waiting for his response. Harm grabbed the phone, still holding Mac's gaze as fear clutched both their hearts.

"Put him through now!" Harm couldn't keep the dread that was growing out of his voice. Oh dear, God. Something had happened to Gram!

Mac watched with apprehension as Harm talked to the Doctor. She tried desperately to comprehend the one sided conversation. Fear started to overwhelm her as she carefully watched Harm's eyes for some sign. As she saw his eyes dull and change color, she took his free hand in hers holding it tightly against her.

Harm thanked the doctor and ended the call. As his gaze left Mac's he fell silent for what seemed an eternity to her. Mac lifted his chin gently so that she could see his eyes. "Harm, what is it."

Harm felt her touch and moved away from her, as his knees weakened and moved to sit in the chair in front of her desk. Mac followed him and perched herself on the edge of her desk directly in front of him.

"Gram has been in a car accident. She was on her way to town, when the State Police found her car in a run-off ditch on the side of the road." He looked at Mac not wanting to continue, but when he saw the growing fear in her eyes he went on. "She was unconscious when they took her to the hospital. She has regained consciousness, but they are worried about internal injuries and her age. He's going to call me when he knows more." Harm's voice was starting to choke with emotion and Mac knew it was too hard for him to go on.

"No he won't, Harm. He won't need to." Mac saw the confusion on his face as she continued. "He can tell you in person because you'll be there." She watched as he started to protest and held her hand up authoritatively cutting his protestations short.

"That is an order, Commander! As the Admiral's unofficial Chief of Staff, I have the authority to remove counsels from any case. I am removing you from Corporal Grady's Article 32. Bud can sit second chair and you can be in Bellville by the time the tests are completed." Mac moved to her desk and set down preparing to counter any further arguments.

Harm hated when she pulled rank on him, but knew she was right. He would never forgive himself if he wasn't at Gram's side if anything happened. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to quell the growing fear that was starting to consume him. He had not told Mac all of it, not wanting to worry her any more than she already was. Harm knew she would be furious with him for not telling her the whole truth concerning Gram's condition, but he would deal with that later. He knew he had to get to his grandmother and quickly.

Harm rose and walked to the door of Mac's office. "Mac, are we ok now?" The words were a whisper as he turned hesitantly to face her.

"We are more than ok, flyboy." Mac watched the beautiful smile cross his face. It wasn't as brilliant as she remembered, but still enough to light her world and take her breath away. "Get out of here Commander. I'll call you later for an update. Give Gram my love." With all that said she watched Harm leave.

Mac sat at her desk, unable any longer to control the dread that was starting to spill from her heart for the well being of the woman that had become like a mother to her over the last year. Mac leaned her head on her hands as she tried to gain her best military composure. She still had to deal with the Admiral and brief Bud on the case and she only had 52 minutes. Mac rose and straightened her uniform and headed to the Admiral's office.

Tiner watched sheepishly as he saw the Colonel approaching. God, he hoped she wasn't going to reprimand him for all the interruptions.

"Tiner, I need to see the Admiral now." Mac fidgeted as she waited for Tiner to announce her. When he heard the Admiral tell the petty officer to send her in she took a deep breath and knocked on his door.

"Enter." The Admiral saw her enter his office and stand at attention. "At ease Colonel. I'm glad you're here, I was just about to ask Tiner to get you."

Mac stood at ease apprehensive as to why the Admiral had wanted to see her. Had he heard the scene played out in her office? Had she again gotten on his wrong side for her inappropriate behavior? She tried to read the expression on his face, but as always he was the controlled JAG.

"Colonel, you know how important I consider the decorum all my officers display at my command. It is as important as the legal skills they possess and military regulations dictate that they display that same decorum in their personal lives as long as they are part of the military." A.J. stood and walked to the front of his desk hands crossed across his chest.

Oh no, Mac thought miserably, here it comes. He had heard the harsh words between his two officers and he was about to chew her a new six! She had worked so hard to get her career back on track. How could she have allowed it all to slip away from her again? She tensed waiting for the worse.

"I was seriously concerned if you could overcome your past improprieties. However, based on your persistence and your performance since your fall from grace, I still recommended you for accelerated promotion. I wasn't sure my decision was correct." A.J. stopped picked up the letter from his deck and handed it to Mac, as he watched the expression of relief cross her face. "But you still always had my full support."

"Congratulations Colonel. Your appointment as JAG Chief of Staff has been approved by the Secnav and is effective immediately." A.J. smiled as he saw her reaction to the news. He had known he was right about this spunky Marine. He knew she had a brilliant career ahead of her in the military and her actions had confirmed his support of her. She was an accomplished attorney, a respected officer and a fine person. He had watched her, for the pass 4 years, maneuver successfully through the land mines her past had placed in her path, and had come up a winner. A.J. respected the courage and tenacity she had shone through it all, picking herself up after she faltered. He knew it had taken its toll on her personally, but also knew she would get that on track too.

"Sir, I had no idea..." Mac started to mumble the words still in shock over the speed of her appointment.

The Admiral raised an eyebrow at her as he attempted to put a stern expression on his face. "Colonel, you have been playing Chief of Staff since your promotion, so I find your attempt at humility rather surprising. Why do you think I submitted the request to the Secnav? You have played the role and played it well and I didn't want to give you the chance to change your mind when you realized all the work that was involved."

Mac smiled. "I just thought Sir, that the position could perhaps be out of my reach, because of my past history. It is a position of trust and..." Mac's words were muffled by her C.O. booming voice.

"Hell, Colonel the past is the past! What you need to concentrate on is the present." A.J. walked and sat down at his desk. "Now if there is nothing else Colonel, you are dismissed."

"Actually there is something else, Sir. Commander Rabb has found it necessary to take leave this morning on personal business. I have relieved him of his responsibilities on Corporal Grady's Article 32. I will handle the defense myself and Bud will be sitting second chair." Mac watched as her C.O. tensed at her news.

"Are you telling me that Corporal Grady will be receiving half the defense he deserves from this office. Need I remind you that a conviction in this case holds more serious implications than outwardly demonstrated?" A.J. eyes were slits and his voice had grown gruff with irritation.

Mac chose her words carefully. "No, Sir. The Corporal will receive a fully versed defense, as deserved. The Commander and I have worked closely on our strategies and I am fully confident that Grady will be properly and fully represented."

"You better be right Colonel Mackenzie. I would hate to watch that sailor's life go down the tubes, because of the lack of a zealous defense from this office. Would you mind telling me why the Commander found it necessary to leave so abruptly?" A. J. watched his new Chief of Staff closely knowing her propensity to cover for Rabb.

"The Commander's grandmother was involved in a rather serious accident. She is in the hospital and Commander Rabb is on his way to be with her." A.J. softened after all it was family and he knew how important Mrs. Rabb was to Harm. Family was something he himself on put on hold so long ago and now so many years later he was alone.

"Very well, Colonel. If there is nothing else, you are dismissed." The Admiral watched as Mac came to attention, voice her departure, and turn to leave. He waited knowing what was coming next.

"Admiral, I would like to ask..." Mac did not have to finish her sentence.

"Permission granted. When should I expect you and the Commander back?" A.J. smiled to himself as he watched the reaction on the Colonel's face. The two of them were so predictable. One never allowing the other to face any adversity without the other. When were they ever going to realize the truth? The truth would affect his command profoundly, but he knew what they felt for one and other was much more important. They were his surrogate family and their personal happiness was important to him.

"I will be back by Monday 0700. I'm not sure about the Commander, but will keep you advised. Thank you, Sir." Mac turned to take her leave.

"You do that Colonel. Give Ms. Rabb my best." A.J. watched as the Colonel exit his office lost in the thoughts of the adjustments that military conduct would force them both to make once they admitted their love for the other. He knew he would do all in his power to make their career decisions easier when the time came. He signed; realizing the long Thanksgiving weekend stretched before him. He pressed the intercom and asked his Petty Officer to book him on the earliest flight to Italy. Family was an important part of who a person was. Love was the necessary ingredient to a fulfilled military career.


SARAH RABB'S FARM
BELLVILLE, PA
1330HRS (EST)


Harm guided the Steerman down and landed in the clearing by the barn. As he secured the plane in the make shift hanger, he remembered lovingly the joy his grandmother had exhibited when he had decided to restore his father's plane. The plane held so many memories for her. The husband she had lost to one war and the son she had lost to another. The hunk of metal represented their devotion to courage, honor and duty. The restored Steerman was the memorial to their memory.

To Harm, it also represented the vehicle that had given him back his sanity and future after his crash.


OUR LADY OF MERCY HOSPITAL
BELLVILLE, PA
1530HRS (EST)


Harm checked the house, made his way into town, picked up the rental car and headed to the hospital. He entered through the Emergency entrance and found his way finally to the ICU Nurses Station. Still in his Navy Khaki's he was quite a sight for the young nurses congregating, whispering as he approached. Harm had to smile to himself.

"Commander Rabb, my name is Sandra Wilson. Dr. Cochran has requested I notify him when you arrive. It will be just a moment." Sandra Wilson was bit flustered by the handsome Naval Aviator as she had the doctor paged. Damn, she thought to herself what were the chances she'd find someone like him in this shit-hole of a town.

"Thank you Ma'am" Harm was anxious to see Gram and was worried why the doctor wanted to see him first. He leaned against the wall in the hall waiting for the doctor to arrive. He found himself silently wishing that Mac had come with him. He would call her once he found some news to tell her. Mac, always Mac.

Harm fidgeted as he waited for his Grandmother's doctor. His imagination being feed by his fears concerning her condition. Finally, he saw a man approaching him dressed in hospital scrubs. He was as tall as Harm, but younger and looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Harm felt apprehensive as the doctor extended his hand.

"Commander Rabb. I'm Dr. Matt Cochran. Let's go in there and talk." Cochran led him to the small ICU waiting area and sat down before he spoke.

"Dr. Cochran I am really anxious to see my Grandmother. I would like to see her now and have this discussion for later." Harm saw the concern in the doctor's eyes and sat across from him reluctantly.

"I know Commander Rabb, but I would like to explain some things to you before you see her. I think it would be best and it will help you understand some of things she may say during your visit." The doctor continued ignoring Harm's plea. "She has regained full consciousness and we have stabilized her physical condition. When she first came in, we were concerned by her episodes of unconsciousness, but they seemed to have passed over the last 5 hours. We are afraid there may have also been some head trauma, that is affecting her lucidity."

"I don't quite understand Doctor. Does she not remember anything? Will she not remember me?" Harm's fear was more than evident in this eyes.

"No, No, Commander Rabb. She remembers who she is, where she is and how she got here. But when asking her the same questions we did when she was first admitted, her answers are quite different. Let me ask you a question Commander. Are you married?"

"No, Sir I have never been married." Harm knew where this was going.

"Well, that is what she told us when she was admitted. Now she claims you are married and she is anxious to see your wife and the birth of her first great grandchild. We don't know how much of her episodes can be contributed to the shock of the accident and her age. Episodes of this type are not uncommon with patients of her age who have faced similar incidents. Was there any type of dementia visible before?" The doctor waited for Harm's response before he continued.

"No, not that I have noticed. Though I'm not with her constantly, I do speak to her at least twice a week." Harm realized how weak his response had been.

"Well, I have ordered an MRI to rule out any physical damage to her brain. Her episodes of dementia also are attributing to an unstable blood pressure, which affects people of her age adversely." The doctor stood. "Since we don't know her personal history, you would be a better person to gauge the extent of her mind's deterioration. I'll take you too her now, and would appreciate it if you would have me paged when you're about to leave. I think your discussions with her will help us better gauge the extent of her mind's injuries. Please understand Commander, that though we feel her physical injuries are minor, if her mind further deteriorates she could lose her independence and cause physical harm to herself without the proper care."

Harm stood absorbing all the things the Doctor had told him lost in his own confusion as they walked to his Grandmother's room. His Grandmother's mind had always been as sharp as a razor even with her age. He couldn't imagine her forgetting anything, let alone having hallucinations.

Trying to quell the apprehension he saw in Commander Rabb's eyes, the doctor left Harm with one last though. "This may all pass as quickly as it has manifested itself, we just don't know at this point. We would like to keep her here for a couple of days for observation"

Harm watched Cochran walk away and entered his Grandmother's room. She appeared so small lying on the stark white sheets that enveloped her. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Harm walked to her side and kissed her forehead ignoring the machines and hospital sounds that surrounded her. "Hey, Gram. It me, Harm."

As she heard the distant voice, Sarah Rabb awoke to see the face of her Grandson or was it her Son. The confusion in her mind cleared and she realized that she was staring at the face of her handsome grandson. She smiled as she felt him take her hand in his and kiss her palm. "It's about time you came to get me out of here, son. Hospitals are for the sick and I'm not sick."

Harm's heart warmed at the sound of his Grandmother's teasing voice. "That may very well be, Gram. But let's let the doctors come up with that diagnosis themselves." Harm chuckled at the pouting look on her face. "You do remember what happened. Don't you?" Harm hesitated in questioning her, but he remembered what the doctor had told him and wanted to try to gauge her mind's condition for himself.

"Of coarse I do" Confusion clouding her mind for a minute. Why was it so hard to think clearly? "I was in some kind of an accident. Wasn't I?" Sarah Rabb looked pleadingly at her Grandson for confirmation.

"Yes, Gram. You ended up in a run-off ditch. You're going to be fine. The truck took the brunt of the accident. I suppose you'll be dragging me shopping for a new one the minute your out of here." Harm tried to smile, but the dismay on his Grandmother's face stopped him abruptly.

I've had that Chevy for years and don't plan on giving it up yet!" Sarah Rabb fell into a drug-induced sleep before her Grandson could confront what she had said.

Harm stared at his Grandmother concern pouring out of every pore at hearing her comment. What Chevy? The truck she was presently driving was an Explorer he had brought for her 2 years ago. What Chevy? Her previous car had been a foreign something. Dread was starting to consume Harm, remembering the doctor's words concerning her condition and feeling helpless as to what if anything he could do to help.


Harm spend hours sitting by her side, holding her hand, talking to her softly, trying anything to help bring her back to reality when she awoke. He noticed that the nurses had left him alone, ignoring the ICU visiting hour regulations. He smiled as he stood and stretched. As he walked around the room, he heard the words Mac had once spoken so long ago..."That is a very nice smile Commander and I'm sure it gets you what you want..." Yea, he guessed this time it did as he recalled the admiring looks he had received from the women at the nurse's station. There was Mac again, always Mac.

Harm returned to Sarah Rabb's bedside when he heard her stir. "Harm, you're still here." She struggled to sit up in bed and but laid back defeated when she felt her grandson's hands gently guiding her back down.

"Gram, take it easy. I don't think you should try to sit up just right now. Just relax. I'm not going anywhere." Harm resumed his position by the bed and once again took her hand in his.

"I know you're not." She smiled sweetly, but her face clouded as she looked around the room agitated. "Harm, where is Mac? Why didn't she come with you?" Her eyes were questioning and filled with concern as she looked back at her Grandson.

Harm became alarmed as he leaned towards her trying to understand why she was so concerned for Mac. "Gram, she's not here. She is back in Washington. She told me to send you her love."

Gram shook her head violently, as Harm watched the blood pressure monitor rise dramatically and heard the beeping of monitors somewhere in the distance. "No...No! Your father told me this afternoon that she was coming with you. Harmon Rabb Jr. how could you leave your wife at home alone after all she has been through? You're not keeping her from me? Oh my God! Something has happened to her again! Something has happened to the baby! Answer me Harm!" His Grandmother violently trashed in the bed trying to get up.

All the color drained from Harm's face as he heard her words and watched her using the little strength she had trying to get up. "No Gram! Mac is fine! She'll be here I promise...please lie still!" Harm tried to get a hold of her and quiet her just as he heard Sandra and Dr. Cochran hurriedly enter the room.

"Back away Commander." Cochran shouted as he came around to where Harm was standing. Harm immediately acknowledged the doctor's orders, knowing controlling his Grandmother at this point was out of his hands. One machine after another started their incessant wail, as Harm watched helplessly as the hospital staff tended to his grandmother.

The activity in the room was a blur, as IV's were changed, as monitor results were read, as the doctor's order were followed by what seemed like an endless sea of faces constantly moving in and out of the room. Harm felt all his memories slipping away from him as he watched them work on the small fragile figure in the bed flailing wildly. He was ghostly white and he felt weak in the knees, trying to keep himself from falling he grabbed a hold of the windowsill. Noticing Harm's appearance through all the commotion, Sandra Wilson motioned for him to follow her into the hall.

Harm leaned depleted and deadened against the corridor wall. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the tears well up in his eyes.

"Commander, I think you better stay out here till we are finished."

Before Harm could ask a question or voice his doubts, the nurse disappeared back into the room. "Dad please don't take her from me now." Harm choked the words out as his sobs devoured him.


MAC'S CAR
SOMEWHERE ON THE WAY TO BELLVILLE, PA
1930HRS (EST)


Mac had been driving for hours cramped in the vette with Jingo asleep next to her on the passenger seat. She thought back to the courtroom scene and the absolute fury on the Judge's face when Mattoni had asked for a continuance, because of his "missing" witness. The Judge had granted the continuance reluctantly, visibly annoyed that it would stretch the next court date past the holiday weekend. The fates had been with her today. She wanted to get some personal matters taken care of before she left Washington and the short workday had afforded her the time she needed.

Mac had stopped by Harm's apartment to pack a bag for him, knowing instinctively that he had probably gone straight to the small airfield and taken the Steerman to Gram's. He had probably not even stopped by his apartment to pick up anything for the trip, not wanting to waste any time, so he could get to his Grandmother as soon as possible. She had gone through the current active investigation assignments with Bud. Then she had gone home and packed for herself and Jingo, piling everything in the vette for the trip to Bellville. She smiled at the thought of her packing for a dog. She glanced at him and noticed how cramped Jingo was in the front of the small car. Maybe it was time for that SUV she thought.

Through the entire trip, Sarah Mackenzie couldn't quell the fears that kept surfacing for the well-being of the precious life that come to mean so much to her over the past year. Sarah Rabb had never questioned Mac about her feelings for Harm, but Mac knew the woman understood more than spoken words. They had both been comfortable in each other's company sharing the love they felt for one man. One as a parent...one as a woman.


SARAH RABB'S RESIDENCE
BELLVILLE, PA
2030HRS (EST)


Mac turned into the drive noticing the house was dark. Harm must still be at the hospital she thought as she let Jingo out of the car and gathered the bags. Mac watched Jingo bolt from the car and run through the front yard of the white farmhouse. She walked up the steps and unlocked the front door with the key that Gram had given her on her last visit. She recalled the woman's words the last time she was here. 'You know Mac, I'm getting on in years and have no family with me. With Trish so far and my Grandson at sea again now, I would appreciate it if I could count on you if needed.' When Gram had heard Mac's response she had hugged her and handed her the key to the farm. She had spent the rest of their visit discussing and showing Mac where all the important papers were and the phone numbers Mac would need if anything happened. Mac shuddered as she made her way up the stairs to the bedrooms to deposit the luggage. Something had happened, only now Harm was with her thank God.

Mac showered changed and headed to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. On the drive she had fought the desire to stop at the hospital just to check the woman's condition for herself. She had thought better of it until she had the time to tell Harm how close she had become to his Grandmother. Harm had always been a very private person, even with her, when it came to his family and Mac did not want to invade his space until she had time to explain. They had shared so much with each other, but Mac was still apprehensive as to how he would react especially at a time like this. She had called the hospital repeatedly during the trip, always receiving the standard response. This would have to do until she could see for herself tomorrow.

Mac grabbed her jacket and made her way out to the front porch to find Jingo. Jingo was still out front exploring the yard. His age nor cataracts, seemed to be hindering his exploring this new territory. When the dog heard his master on the porch he came to her reluctantly leaving his adventure and curled up by her feet. Mac sat on the old swing in one corner of the porch. The cold had no affect on her as she laid her head back and let the serenity of the farm surround her. The night was clear and the sky was studded with a million stars. The full moon illuminated the grounds with it's graceful light. The farm had been in the Rabb family for 3 generations and had been home to all of them at one time or another. Though it was the permanent residence for the matriarch of the family, Trish and Harm had spent time here after his father's disappearance. Harm had made it his home after his crash. Mac loved the history of the place. Permanence was not something she had seeked nor experienced during her life growing up. Jingo stirred and moved to the comfortable rug that was positioned by the front door.


Harm turned into the back entrance of the farm and parked by the barn still devastated by all the emotions provoked by his hospital visit. He had intended on staying the night, but Dr. Cochran had convinced him that his Grandmother was stabilized once again and would sleep soundly medicated as she was. He promised to call Harm the minute anything changed in her condition. The doctor had scheduled the MRI for first thing in the morning, so Harm decided to go back to the farm and get some sleep planning to return the next morning before the tests were run.

He had to get some rest and try to put the pieces together. His father had visited her? Mac was his wife? Mac was pregnant with his child? Mac was hurt again? His Grandmother's concern for Mac's well being had made him uneasy. He tried to convince himself that nothing could be wrong, but it still made him try to call her. He tried her at home and got her machine. He tried her at the office and got her voice mail. He tried her at the gym and she wasn't there. He tried her on her mobile and she was out of the service area. He finally called Bud and Harriet. Bud told him that she had left the office early and was leaving town for the holiday weekend. He had no idea where she was going. Harm heard himself ask Bud for Brumby's number. Bud told him that Brumby had left the office shortly after the Colonel and would be gone on personal business till Tuesday. Harm's mind convinced him she was OK. Well if he considered her being with Brumby OK. Harm shook the thoughts of the two of them together out of his mind.

Harm walked toward the house, noticing for the first time that the light was on in the kitchen. He let himself in and thought he was really losing it. He was sure he had secured the house when he left. Sleep was what he needed. He turned off the light and made his way to the front stairs. As he got to the entry, he saw the front door was ajar. What the hell he thought? He opened the door further and noticed a dog lying on the porch soundly asleep. As he opened the screen door and stepped on the porch, Jingo stood shaking his tail at the tall stranger.

"Where did you come from boy." Harm knelt as he petted the dog. "Are you lost?"

Jingo thrilled with the attention, started licking Harm's face. Harm laughed for the first time that day.

"Where's your owner boy?"

"She's right here flyboy." Harm heard the familiar voice.

Harm watched as Mac walked out of the shadows, standing as she approached. His heart filled with emotion as he saw her. "Mac, you're here. You're OK." The events of the day and the thought of her hurt or with Brumby made him reach and pull her in his arms, hugging her tightly. He buried his head in her neck fighting back the tears of relief that came to his eyes.

Mac was confused as she felt his tears on her neck. "Of coarse I'm OK. Why wouldn't I be? Hey, Sailor look at me." Mac pulled back slightly.

Harm felt her slipping away from him. He looked in her questioning eyes. "I just thought...Gram said...I couldn't find...then I thought..." Hell he was making no sense, but all he could do was stand there lost in her beautiful eyes.

They both stood in silence, loosely in each other's embrace and lost in each other's eyes. Mac was the first to speak. "Let's go inside and warm up before we both end up with pneumonia."

She took Harms hand in hers and guided him into the living room and to the couch. "I'll get us some coffee." She left and made her way to the kitchen.

Harm sat on the couch emotionally drained. While they held each other on the porch all the events of the day fast forwarded through his head. He stood and walked to the fireplace, lit a fire and waited till the warmth spread throughout the room.

He heard Mac return as she let Jingo in and locked the front door. He watched her as she placed the two cups on the coffee table and then walked to where he was standing. She was inches from him, her arms loosely at her side. Harm wanted desperately to hold her again and feel her pass her strength to him, but his mind prevented him from crossing that line again. Why was he so afraid of touching her? It was never a problem before. Or was it?

He walked pass her and sat down on the couch. Mac stood in front of the fire warming herself. Now that she was no longer in his arms she felt chilled from the distance. She turned to look at him and saw that Jingo had found a comfortable spot on the couch, his head in Harm's lap. She smiled and shook her head, as she walked to the couch and sat on the other side of the mass of fir.

"I didn't know you had a dog?" Harm whispered the words, the animal's head still in his lap.

"I just got him. He was a gift." Mac decided that there was no reason to tell Harm that the gift was from Brumby.

"Mac, most people get puppies. This boy has been around the block a few times. He has to be..." Harm's words trailed off as Mac interrupted him.

"Twelve and yes he does have some wear. He's also got cataracts, but has spent the last 11 years in the service of his country." Mac smiled as she realized it sounded like she was describing a person.

The truth of who this animal was hit Harm like a ton of bricks and he couldn't help breaking out in uncontrollable laughter. "Are you telling me you adopted the prosecution's prime witness?" "Rescued is more like it. Because of his less than adequate actions in the courtroom, they had placed him in a shelter. They would have destroyed him eventually. I felt responsible. This Marine does have a heart you know!" Mac's own laughter subsided as she saw Harm grow silent and look at her intently. Jingo instinctively realizing he was in the way, hopped from between them and comfortably found a place by the fireplace.

"I know she does and anyone who has the privilege of getting a piece of it should consider themselves the luckiest person in the world." Harm was scared to death as emotions he still didn't understand started to surface again. She was so close to him, she was so beautiful, she was so special.

The look on Harm's face and his words Mac knew would be with her forever, no matter what happened between them. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Right there and then Mac wanted to pull him towards her, hold him, give him the pleasure she knew her body could evoke in him. But her being there was not for her it was to provide comfort for the other Sarah in his life. "Harm tell me about Gram." Mac turned fully towards him, trying to turn the emotion in her eyes from lust to love to concern.

Harm shook the thoughts of Mac's closeness from his head, as he started to tell her about his Grandmother's condition, about the diagnosis or lack thereof, about his fears concerning her recovery. He wasn't sure he should tell her who his Grandmother thought Mac was now, but remembering he had promised to bring Mac to the hospital he realized he had no choice.

"Mac there is more. During her last episode, she told me that you and I were married and that you were carrying her grandchild. Our child. She claimed my Father came and told her I would be bringing you with me to see her. When she didn't see you, she grew extremely agitated about your well being. By that time she was ranting about how I could leave you again after all you'd been through. That you had been hurt before and that I wasn't telling her the truth. The doctor had asked me to try to make sense of her thoughts, but I didn't have a clue when it came to her concern for you. I understood why she maybe thought we were together, you know like that. She always had it in her mind that we..." Harm's sentence ended abruptly as he looked down at the floor.

Mac felt like she was dying inside, listening to Harm's account of his Grandmother's condition. They were loosing her, not physically but emotionally. Mac didn't know which was worse. Her mind would only permit her to remember the woman who had taken care of her, who had shown her more love than anyone she had ever remembered except for Uncle Matt. The tears she had been holding back burned her eyes as they escaped down her cheeks.

When Mac didn't answer him, Harm looked at her and saw the pain in her eyes. He moved closer to her, wiping the escaping tears from her eyes with his hand. "Mac why would she think you were hurt?" He still had to get the answer to that question before he could put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Mac knew it was time. She had to tell him the truth about her stupidity in Texas and how she had gotten so close to Gram. She recovered her composure enough to even her voice out and stood, walking to the fireplace. She tended the fire into a roaring blaze and sat on floor, with Jingo resting comfortably on her lap.

"After you left, I was given a drug intervention case in Texas. Since the trafficking involved border Marines, the Admiral sent Bud and I to handle the investigation. Since the incident was also receiving more press than the Secnav liked, he sent me in undercover to try and determine the extent of the Marine's involvement." Mac paused.

"He sent you? What the hell? That sounds like something Webb would do. The Admiral would never put you in a position like that without the proper backup." Harm caught the words too late, realizing that the comments had probably pissed Mac off.

"Why Harm? Because I am a woman? Mac buried the anger her pride was trying to bring to the surface as she continued. "I was a Marine and the only one he had. He thought of sending Gunny with me, but thought Bud's computer skills would be more valuable. The ring was apparently using the base computers for manipulating the drug movements. Brumby didn't fit the profile and well, you were gone.

Harm stiffened visibly as Mac looked in his direction. "But still. It just doesn't sound like something the Admiral would do." Harm's questioning concern accentuated every word.

"The truth was Harm, I insisted on the assignment. Let's just say the months after you left made me stupid and numbed me to my own mortality. Everyone around me was dying and or leaving me and well I thought what the hell. I needed something positive in my life and thought this assignment would get me back on track. The mission was a success, but I guess I took one too many chances. The last night of the operation, I was careless, one of the Marines made me and I ended up going down. Bud found me sometime later with multiple gunshot wounds. The Admiral had me airlifted to Del Rio and I spent 3 weeks in the hospital recovering." Mac stood trying to shake off the fear and hurt that the memories she was discussing always gave here.

Harm stood and walked to her. She turned as she felt his closeness and his hands on her shoulders. "Mac, I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anybody tell me?"

Mac backed away from him. "You had gone on with your life. You were no longer a part of JAG and I asked them not to. I was afraid that since I hadn't heard from you in all the time you were gone, if they told you and you didn't come...well it would just add to my humiliation."

"Mac, I would have been there. I would have never let you go through that by yourself. You know that. You have to believe that." Harm couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice as he tried to move closer to her.

"I don't know what I believed back them. I spent most of the 3 weeks in a drug- induced coma and remember very little. Apparently the incident took on a political twist, got a lot of play on ZNN and when I awoke I was a hero. The result being my accelerated promotion."

"How does Gram fit into all this?" Mac was still out of his reach.

"Gram had apparently been following the story on ZNN and she called me in the hospital. She asked me to come here after I was released to recover and I accepted. I knew I wasn't ready to go back to the memories in Washington. The Admiral gave me some personal time and flew me and Harriet here immediately after my release from the hospital."

As Mac came to the end of the story she had relaxed and Harm had drawn her against him, her head now on his chest her arms firmly around his waist. "I came here to heal Harm. Just like you did after your crash." The last statement was barely audible.

Mac felt the wetness of his tears on her neck again. She pulled away from him as she heard him whisper. "I'm sorry Mac...I'm so sorry."

Mac took his hand in hers. "It not your fault, Harm. No more than it's mine. The blame belongs to whoever took that time away from us by hiding our letters. She signed. "Let's go get some sleep Sailor. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

They both walked upstairs together, no more words between them, both exhausted from the last couple of days. As Mac opened the door of the room directly opposite Harm's she turned to say goodnight. As she looked into his eyes she saw a flicker of truth. She knew he was starting to recognize that his feelings for her went deeper than friendship. At least she could hope.

"Thanks Mac for coming." Harm's voice took on a resonance she had never heard before.

"You're welcome flyboy. I wouldn't be anywhere else." He watched as she smiled and closed the door quietly behind her.

Harm entered his own room lost in the memory of her smile. He ran his hand through his hair as he noticed his duffle on the bed. He walked to the bed and opened the bag. Everything he needed was in there. No everything he needed was across the hall from him!

Harm's heart willed his body to leave his room and head for Mac. He stopped in front of the door unable to knock as the dream of Diane filled his mind. Was it Mac or Diane he was reaching out for? He was scarred to death that he had let himself confuse the two again. He had done it once before. Why had Diane's memory come back to him so vividly after all this time? He raised his arm to knock. He had to find out! He had to know!


OUTSIDE SARAH RABB'S RESIDENCE
BELLVILLE, PA
0045HRS (EST)


The Stranger sat in his car on the quiet country road as he watched all the lights go out in the white frame farmhouse. He smiled. She was too strong for him. She was too tough. He was too obsessive to realize his true feelings for her. Soon Sarah, very soon.