Title: Freedom's Price
Author: LobsterDoc
Rating: PG-13
Category: missing scene, angst
Spoilers: Persian Gulf specifically, any other episode
possible
Disclaimer: Characters are owned by DPB, Paramount. I
am just having fun with them. 
Summary: What was Harm doing while Mac was confronting
Sadik? 

AN:Takes place right after Mac leaves Harm's apartment
on her way to meet Sadik. This is my first attempt at
Harm's POV. 

Thanks AG for the beta.
************************************************************************************************************

His first instinct was to run out of the apartment and
follow her on whatever suicidal scenario she was
intent on seeing to the finish. He turned to grab his
keys and rushed toward the door, barely avoiding a
face-plant as the dizziness overtook him again. As he
leaned against the wall, trying to regain his physical
and emotional equilibrium, he realized with chagrin
that she was right; he was a liability. In his
condition he was of absolutely no use to her. He
slammed his fist against the wall and staggered back
toward the couch. What the hell! How was he supposed
to just sit here while she took on Sadik by herself?
His muscles fairly popped with tension and his stomach
roiled. The terror that had engulfed him when she went
to Paraguay with Webb returned full force and
threatened to overwhelm him again. Only this time, he
was powerless to help her. Powerlessness was a feeling
Harmon Rabb Jr. had not experienced very often, and he
didn't like it.

As he sat on the couch willing himself to calm down,
he replayed their conversation in his head. What had
she said when he asked if the CIA was on Sadik? 'They
will be?'

"Oh God," he moaned, the sound echoing in his empty
apartment. They were using her. Again. Why couldn't
the spooks just leave the two of them alone? Kershaw
had used Harm's feelings for Mac to point him at Sadik
like a loaded weapon. There was no mistaking, in
retrospect, that taking out Sadik had been Kershaw's
goal all along. Saving Webb and Mac was just icing on
the cake, an unexpected bonus. Nobody in Langley, if
they had given the situation any thought at all, had
really expected Webb or Mac to come back except in a
body bag. And now, Kershaw had Mac. Somehow, she had
been maneuvered into a face to face confrontation with
a man who wanted to torture and kill her. Kershaw was
using her sense of duty and loyalty to convince her
that she had to meet Sadik on his own turf, to get
information or set him up for capture. Mac was, Harm
feared, absolutely expendable, caught between an
agency who would willingly sacrifice her for "national
security" and a terrorist who would gleefully play the
executioner. 

He had to find out what was going on and stop it, if
possible, before the situation went from bad to worse.


The dizziness having passed for the moment, he stood
and began to pace. How? How could he find out what was
going on? Who would tell him anything? Webb? Out of
town. Kershaw? Not likely to even pick up the phone
for him. Blaisdell? Too far removed from the
situation. He whirled toward the phone as the only
person who could and would help him popped into his
head. Catherine! She would know how to find out. She
still owed him. He stumbled against the couch but kept
his feet, reaching frantically for the phone. Heedless
of the time of day, he hit the speed dial button
programmed with Catherine's home phone. She picked up
on the second ring, sounding rather frantic herself.

[Hello!]

"Catherine? Harm. I need a favor," he spat out without
waiting for her to identify herself.

["I'm fine thanks. Nice to hear from you too,"] she
answered tersely.

Harm took a deep breath trying to calm down. "Sorry. I
didn't know where else to turn. I, ah, I need some
information about an ongoing operation."

["Of course you do."] She sounded resigned and
unhappy. 

Harm hesitated, wondering if he had made a mistake
calling her. But he really had no other choice so he
took a deep breath and plunged in. "Mac is on a
collision course with Fahd tonight. I need to know
she's all right, that somebody has her back. I can't
help her and I won't be able to live with myself if
anything happens to her."

["I'm on leave, Harm. I don't have any information
about ongoing operations,"] she answered, clearly
exasperated.

"But you could call Kershaw. Get him to let me into
the loop again. At least have him call me when it's
over. Something. Please!" His voice rose in pitch as
her continued to beg her for help, his desperation
growing with every passing second.

["Harm, I'm not in the loop on this one."]

Harm jumped immediately on her slip of the tongue. "So
there is something on?"

["Harm."]

"Please, Catherine -" he begged softly. He was at the
end of his rope, desperate to find out anything about
what was going on. He didn't want to play the fake
wedding card to get her cooperation, but if he had to
he would.

["I'll see what I can do. But I can't promise."] She
broke off as a baby cried in the background.

"Thank you, Catherine. I owe you one. Dinner some -"

The baby cried again. ["I've got to go."]

And she was gone. As he hung up the phone and sank
onto the couch, he realized belatedly that it had not
even occurred to him to ask about the baby. He leaned
his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his
hands. He hated this. Mac was in desperate need of his
help and he couldn't help her. She had come to tell
him, just like when she went to Paraguay, but this
time he wouldn't be able to do anything for her if she
fell into Sadik's clutches. Panic began to take hold
as he thought about how tonight could end. Sadik would
never be taken without a fight. Somebody would
probably end up injured or worse. Either Mac or Sadik
would probably end up dead. The first one he couldn't
even bear to contemplate. He had been telling
Catherine the truth. Even though he and Mac were not
even really friends at the moment, he could not
survive if anything happened to her. The other? She
had killed before, out of necessity, and so had he. It
was never pretty, or easy. After everything that had
happened this year, how could she survive another
disaster? When was life going to cut her a break?

The ringing phone nearly gave him a heart attack. He
snatched it up.

"Rabb."

[Kershaw. You do not have a need to know what is going
on tonight. Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie will call you
as soon as she is available. Do not interfere in
Agency business again.]

"Thanks," he started. But Kershaw had already hung up.

For the next two hours Harm alternated between sitting
on the couch and roaming the apartment restlessly,
like a caged animal. He put away the dinner dishes. He
tried to play the guitar but gave up in disgust after
a few chords. He flipped restlessly through the few
channels he received over the antenna on his portable
TV. He talked to Bud about a case, forcing a lightness
in his tone that he didn't feel. He tried to read, but
re-read the same paragraph ten times. He opened the
door to head to Mattie and Jen's apartment three times
and changed his mind all three times. He just didn't
know what to do with himself. He hated waiting. He
hated being powerless. He hated not knowing. He hated
the way things were with him and Mac. There had been a
time when she would have told him exactly what was
going on. Waiting for the phone to ring was killing
him. He thought about going to sleep, but he knew that
sleep would be impossible. He was just getting ready
to pour himself a drink when the phone rang. He dove
for it.

"Rabb," he gasped, trying unsuccessfully to keep the
anxiety from his voice.

"It's me. It's, it's over," she answered hesitantly.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly, gently, afraid what
might have happened to her.

"He took me to his apartment at gunpoint. He's dead,
Harm. I killed him."

The hollowness of her voice confirmed his fears. He
knew what she was going through, what this night had
cost her. He chose his words cautiously, careful not
to let her off the hook too easily or to make light of
her experience. Instinctively, he knew she wasn't
interested in recriminations or absolution from him.
Soon enough she would be trapped by her own feelings,
his would only complicate the situation. "I know, Mac.
You did what you had to -"

She interrupted him tonelessly, "I put a bullet
between his eyes."

He took a deep breath. "It was self defense, Mac. He
held you hostage," he answered, the calmness in his
voice never betraying his dismay or concern.

She sniffed softly but did not answer him. Her silence
spoke more clearly than her words ever could. As dread
permeated every cell in his body, Harm flashed to a
vision of Charlie Lynch, the fire axe raised above his
head. And to the little girl who would never have been
free as long as Charlie Lynch lived. Harm had
purchased Darlyn's freedom that day, but the price was
a piece of himself, a loss he would never recoup. He
had taken advantage of Agent Holland's assumptions of
what had gone down in the bowels of the ship and had
told no one what he had done. Oh yes, he knew just how
much Mac had given up and soon so would she. 

"Oh, Mac," he sighed, unable to keep the sorrow from
his voice. 

She sniffed again. "I, I have to go Harm. They want to
debrief me. Bye," she rattled out and hung up before
he had the chance to respond.

He stood with the phone to his ear for several seconds
listening to the dial tone. He put the phone down and
sank onto the couch.

"Damn," he swore softly as he realized that things
were definitely much, much worse.