TITLE: "For Heaven is High and Earth is Deep" Chapter 1 AUTHORS: Anne R. and Pat Steiner SUMMARY: Picks up immediately at the conclusion of Merry Little Christmas. Mac, Mattie and Harm are still at the Wall as the story opens. CLASSIFICATION/RATING: J/S/R/A PG for language. SPOILERS: In any of our work, any JAG episode may be referred to. FEEDBACK: If you're so moved but never expected nor begged for. Addy is ssbpmn@aol.com. Please however, we request you respect the work, and the effort that goes into writing it. NOTE: All parts of this story and previous chapters, as well as much of our other works, are available at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AnniePatJAGstories The message archives are open to all registered Yahoo users-no subbing required. Please ignore any notice of adult content you may see-there is no R nor NC17 content there. Other archives containing our stories: http://thearchive.mine.nu:85/exlibris/ or http://www.netroenterprises.com/exlibrisjag or BTL- http://www.wtv-zone.com/trgarchive/btl/ http://destined.to/btlarchive - {BTL H/M Fanfiction archive.} WARNING: Character Death. Please note that we did not choose death for expediency in the matter of Mac and Harm. Any competent writer could have at any time resolved the matter of Mac and Clay without his death, and most certainly long before the events of "Take it Like a Man". As anyone who reads our work knows, we very much like Clay Webb. However the Clay Webb we write is the man of "Game of Go" and "Embassy". Not the stranger who has graced Mac's life since Paraguay. That Clay Webb we don't know—nor do we want to—and it is that Clay Webb who will shortly meet his doom in this story. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& "For Heaven is High and Earth is Deep" Chapter 1 VIETNAM MEMORIAL WALL Washington, DC Christmas Eve, 2003 Mac kept her tears in check only until she reached her car. Once there she finally gave into them, wanting nothing more than to go back to Harm and Mattie instead of going to see Clay. But she had no choice. She had to go. His urgent call earlier had told her it was important. And Harm would be okay now that he had Mattie. The depths of his caring for the young girl had surprised her, despite seeing him do the same thing so many times in the past. And she allowed herself a small measure of satisfaction at getting Mr. Johnson to turn Mattie over to Harm. She'd done it purely out of love for Harm, not wanting to see him hurt again. At least they would have a Merry Christmas. "Clay it's me" she said a few minutes later when he answered his cell phone. "I'm running a little late. There was something I needed to take care of first." "Harm?" "Clay please don't ask about him" she begged as she felt more tears pooling. "Not right now. I can't deal with that." "I'm sorry I've put you in this position" he sighed. "And you know I wouldn't have asked you to come on if it wasn't important. But Elena is here and she'll explain everything when you get here. Just hurry." "I'll be there as soon as I can" she whispered. She hung up, fighting the urge to cry again. Crying wouldn't do her any good anyway. It was too late. And Harm would be happily at home with Mattie by now anyway. Mac sniffled softly as she thought about the young girl. She reminded Mac of herself and Mac knew with Harm's guidance she would turn out okay. "Suck it up Marine" she said to herself as more tears slid down her face. "You'll get through this just like you did everything else." With a deep breath and a reminder to herself what was important, she steered the car out Route 66 towards the mountains where Clay was waiting for her. ********************* "Harm you okay?" Mattie asked as he stood there silently, looking out at the darkness where Mac had disappeared minutes before. "Yeah I'm fine," he said with a forced smile. "Actually I'm great. And it calls for a celebration don't you think?" "I'm sorry Mac isn't going to be here to celebrate with us," Mattie said softly. "Well she has other obligations. So it's just you and me kid." "Harm why did she do what she did for you if she's with some other guy?" Mattie asked. "I mean, why did she even care about me and how you felt about having me?" "Because Mac has always been there for me" he sighed. "Even if I haven't done the same for her." "Does she love this other guy?" "I guess so" he shrugged. "Look I'm happy that Mac did what she did. But right now I don't want to talk about her. Besides we've got to get you settled at my place." "Cool" Mattie grinned. "It is it a typical bachelor pad?" "Well there maybe some beer in the fridge" he smiled. "But there's also tofu." "Tofu" she groaned. "Barf. Don't tell me you actually eat tofu." "On occasion," he smiled. "I order in or do take out a lot of the time. Which is funny because I am a good cook. Just not fun to cook for one person." "OK, but just don't try to sneak any tofu onto my plate," she smiled. "Hey Mac says you come here every year. To the Wall I mean." "I do. I don't have a grave to visit." "I see. I go to my mom's a lot. Put flowers down and talk." "And you still can. I'll take you whenever." "Thanks." She fell silent for a long minute. "Bet Mac doesn't think that what you said." "Huh?" "About you not being there for her. I mean she sure came through for you--for us. She must have owed you." "Well it's not about keeping score," he shrugged. "But I pulled her and Mr. Webb out of Paraguay last spring." "So he's a friend too," she persisted. "Of sorts yeah. We understand each other." "When is it OK for me to ask you if you love Mac? When I'm not being out of line I mean." "Not tonight Mathilda." "That's OK. It's pretty obvious anyway." "Give it a rest." ============ By the time Mac reached I-81 there was snow hitting the windshield. "Clayton Webb how I let you talk me into this is just beyond comprehension," she muttered. Waking up in a cold cabin on Christmas morning was not her idea of a good time. Waking up in her own bed was at least what she would have preferred. Waking up in Harm's bed. . ."Mackenzie you have really lost it now," she murmured. Blessing her Marine sense for being able to follow directions she was able to navigate through the darkness. Left on Lone Pine, watch for the cabin with the big gazebo in front, turn left again, and there would be the cabin where Clay and Elena awaited her. The driveway was narrow and the front yard for parking small. With Clay's car already there she was forced to leave hers back several yards. Light shone cheerfully from the windows and the aroma of a wood burning stove eminated from the chimney. She could also smell food, possibly stew. "OK Mackenzie this is not going to be so bad," she murmured as she walked. "You'll find out what Elena wants to impart and then she'll leave and you and Clay can make the best of a night together. And the fact that you're talking to yourself out loud would indicate how much this whole Harm-Mattie thing has unnerved you." ============= HARM's APT 5PM Christmas Day "Harm that smells wonderful," Mattie enthused, taking a deep breath to appreciate the baked ham aroma coming from his oven. "Yeah I thought we were going to have to eat at Denny's," he smiled. "Bless Rubensteins for staying open on Christmas day. Are the potatoes cooking good?" "Yep, almost done." "We can pour the. . ." he began only to be interrupted by the door buzzer. "Should I get that?" "No. This is not the greatest of neighborhoods," he reminded her as he strode across the floor and checked the peephole. "However in this case." He swung open the door. "Admiral sir. Come in. This is a surprise. You remember Mattie don't you." "Hello sir," Mattie smiled. "Mattie, Commander," AJ said softly, almost somberly. "Sir we're about to sit down to dinner. And there's plenty," Harm told him, trying to glean something from his demeanor. "Harm this isn't a social call," he sighed in that same tone and nodded to Mattie. "I don't know if this is something you want to hear in front of her." Harm's mouth dropped open. "Sir I really don't want to have secrets from her." "Yeah. OK." AJ swallowed several times as if looking for the right words. "I was summoned to the Pentagon a couple hours ago. To the Assistant Chief of Staff for Intelligence's office. It took him twenty minutes to tell me the story and get to the point. I'm not going to do that to you. Short version. Colonel Mackenzie and Clayton Webb were still working together on the aftermath and repercussions of the whole Paraguay mess." He paused to let that digest and Harm spoke up. "Sir I thought--I mean I understood--I figured--they were dating sir. Involved. Close." "And they may well have been," AJ agreed. "I have no knowledge there. But I do know that there was a professional association." "SIr please, is there a point coming because I'm imagining a lot of really bad things right now," Harm said softly. "I don't think you could even in your worst nightmare imagine this," AJ sighed, "and I'm just going to say it straight out. Last night the Colonel went up into the Shenandoah area to meet with Mr. Webb. At noon today a courier from the Agency arrived as scheduled. He found the body of Clayton Webb." "Clay's dead?" Harm sank onto the nearest chair only to get right back to his feet. "Sir, Mac? That's why you're here? In person. To tell me she's dead. Oh my god sir. Please don't." "I'm sorry Harm--I have to do this. The other body was burned beyond recognition. The initial ME exam was of a female, Mac's size. Plus her car was parked there. I'm so sorry Harm. There's no doubt. Colonel Mackenzie is dead." Once again Harm sank into the chair, hearing nothing after AJ's last words. Colonel Mackenzie is dead. It couldn't be. There had to be some mistake. Sarah Mackenzie could not be dead. Not after what she'd done for him. "Harm." It was Mattie's tearful voice that finally reached him and looked up at her tearful face. "I'm so sorry" she whispered. "This isn't right. She can't be dead." "I'm sorry," AJ said quietly. "There was no easy way to tell you this. Nothing could have prepared you for what I was going to say. I still can't believe it myself." Harm said nothing, his mind still not comprehending what AJ had told him. There was no way he was going to believe that she was dead. She wasn't. She couldn't be. "Harm is there someone I can call" AJ asked. "Because I'm not leaving you alone like this. I'll be happy to stay myself if you want." "Sarah Mackenzie is not dead" Harm whispered. "She's not. This is all a big mistake." "I wish it was" AJ said miserably. "But there's not. Her car was there. The other victim matches her physically." "And she said she was going to see Mr. Webb" Mattie sniffled. "I should have stopped her," Harm said mutely. "I should have made her come back with us. Then she wouldn't be dead. If I'd just told her that I loved her and didn't want her to leave, she would still be alive." "Harm you had no way of knowing that she was still working with Webb on the Paraguay fallout. Hell I didn't even know until today and I'm her CO." "Was. And I was her friend and I knew something was going on but I didn't know what. I didn't know it was this. I thought…" Harm's voice trailed off and he blinked back tears that were suddenly threatening. He'd been so wrong about so much. He'd never stopped and asked her why she was still seeing Webb. He'd just assumed it was personal, not professional. "You thought she was still seeing Clay personally" AJ finished. "Harm she didn't tell any of she was still involved in this mess. And right now I wish I'd know." "Sir I need to be alone" Harm whispered. "I need you to take Mattie somewhere. Maybe to Bud and Harriet's." "Harm no" Mattie pleaded. "No please don't make me leave. You shouldn't be alone. I know how you feel. I know what it was like when I lost Mom. But running away alone isn't going to help." She came to him, her arms going around him as he sat in the chair. "Harm I'm so sorry but please don't leave or make me go. I don't want anything happening to you either." It took a few moments for his stunned mind to realize that the young girl needed him. That because of what Mac had done for him, she was his responsibility. And he owed it to Mac to see it through. "Harm?" AJ said softly. "Go on" Harm said finally. "Please when you talk to the others, just tell them I can't talk to anyone. Not right now anyway. I've got Mattie here with me." AJ nodded. "I'll be by later. And of course if I get any other information, I'll let you know." He left them alone and Mattie gently reached for Harm's hand and tugged him towards the living room and the sofa. "I want you to tell me about Mac" Mattie said softly. "I know she was a wonderful person. Look what she did for us." "I loved her Mattie" Harm whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. And now with the Admiral gone, he didn't have to hold back. "I loved her so much and I never once told her." Tears shown in his eyes and Mattie squeezed his hand as the tears slowly trickled down his face. "Why?" "I don't know. Eight years I had. And in those eight years I never once told her I loved her. And now she's gone. And I'll never get to tell her." Mattie pulled his head against her shoulder and stroked his head as he let the tears go unchecked. Mattie's tears mingled with his as she too cried for a woman she'd barely known, but who had done so much for her in such a short period of time. Finally Harm raised his head, wiping away the traces of tears as he forced himself to pull it together for Mattie's sake. "I'm sorry. I'm not handling this very well." "I wouldn't expect you to" Mattie whispered. "I cried for days after Mom died. I didn't want to believe she was never coming back." "I was just a kid when my dad went missing," he said softly, "but I never gave up hope. Not until a couple of years ago when I was forced to admit he was gone. That's why I visit the wall." For how long they stayed like that he had no idea. Only vaguely did he recall helping Mattie to the bedroom and telling her good night, with assurances that somehow they would get through this. Assurances that he himself did not believe. The desolation he felt after Paraguay was nothing compared to the emptiness now in the pit of his gut. "Why Lord, why," he gasped out loud before flopping down onto the sofa. His eyes closed as he tried to shut out the world, only to keep popping open again. Mixed with his intense grief was the sense that there were arrangements to be made. Arrangements he felt he should attend to. Finally somewhere just before the first streaks of dawn would be breaking over the city he managed to fall asleep. And in his dreams she came. A kaleidoscope of their history together, from their first meeting long years before to the times they were there for each other and to the times the distance between them was Grand Canyon wide. He felt himself call out to her, and then in his dream she answered him. 0700. He awoke with a start, drawing a long sigh of relief. It was just a dream. Mac was not dead. She was with Clayton Webb, but they were alive and. . .no. No that's not right. The Admiral's visit was all too real. Christmas Day 1969 had brought a similar visit, and now another Christmas was destroyed by the loss of someone he loved. He dropped back onto the sofa, his mind playing the events over and over. In his dream she answered him. Answered when he had cried out her name. Sarah. Not Mac. Sarah. For only the third time in his life he had called her Sarah. His mouth fell open as he recalled the dream he had awoken from, and for a long moment he sat, frozen in place. But for only that moment. He rolled to the other end of the sofa and grabbed his phone, dialing furiously. "Sir it's Rabb. I'm so sorry sir to call you at this ungodly hour." "Harm it's OK," AJ assured him. "I really wasn't asleep. Haven't been all night to speak of. Are you OK? What do you need?" "The location of where Mac was meeting Webb sir." "The cabin? Harm why? For what reason would you. . ." "Admiral can I not explain right now? Can you just please find out and call me back. You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't really important." "Harm if you're thinking of going up there, there's no reason. . '" AJ began and then pictured the grief stricken man's face. "OK. I know who can give it to me. I'll call you right back." ============ I-66 Westbound Mattie had not said a word since Harm woke her. He had told her to get dressed, put on something warm and they were going. She had done exactly as he asked and now it had taken her the distance they had covered to work up the courage to ask the question utmost on her mind. "Harm? Harm are you thinking they were wrong? That Mac is not really dead?" He never took his eyes from the road. "No. I mean yes. No I mean. . .god this is hard. Look, a couple of years ago I crashed an F14. Well I punched out I mean. And I was about to die. I was freezing to death and swallowing water and Mac was about to marry another guy and I just wanted to die. To go be with my dad. But all of a sudden there was a chopper overhead. Mac had sent it to me see. So as loony as this sounds, I'm being sent to her." "You're serious? This really happened?" "Look no one believed it either but apparently Mac walked up to the map of the Atlantic Ocean and marked a spot and said that's where I was. And that's where I was." "So she saved your life? And you two this weird connection thing going on." "Something like that" Harm sighed. "And right now this could just be major wishful thinking on my part but something is telling me I need to go there. So that's why we're doing this." "I hope it's not just wishful thinking," Mattie said softly. "I hope by some miracle she really is alive. And I hope if you do find her, you tell her how you feel." Harm nodded and once again concentrated on his driving. He prayed this wasn't just his mind not able to deal with Mac being dead. That somehow she really was calling out to him and he was going to find her. Alive. A short time later he made the exit on to I-81 and not long after that made the left onto Lone Pine, his stomach knotting as he neared where the cabin had been. They passed the first cabin and a moment later pulled up at the still smoldering ruins of the cabin. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought you here" Harm sighed as he watched Mattie's face pale as she looked at the remains. "No I'm okay. I just don't know if this was such a good idea for you. I mean it was horrible enough to think about but actually seeing it…" Her voice trailed off and she let out a long sigh. "She wasn't in there," Harm said softly. "I don't believe it. She didn't die like that. There's no way." "But her car was here Harm. She was here." "That doesn't mean she was in the cabin," he said as he reached for the door handle and climbed out of the SUV. "Maybe she was here but not in the cabin." "They would have found her Harm. Wouldn't there have been all kinds of people here for the fire?" He nodded and looked ahead to the woods behind the cabin, something pulling him towards it. "Harm?" Mattie questioned. "Bundle up" he ordered. "We're going for a walk back there in the woods." Mattie zipped her jacket and added her earmuffs and gloves before reaching for Harm's hand. She was surprised to find it trembling and she wrapped her smaller hand around it. "Harm whatever happens, I'm here for you." He nodded and with her hand still around his, they made their way around the smoldering remains to the woods. He had no idea what how he would even find her if she were there, but once again it was as if someone from above was guiding him as he found a path that lead into the woods. "Okay now what?" Mattie asked when he stopped. "She's here. Somewhere. I can feel her. I know she's here. She's not dead Mattie. She's alive. I just have to find her." Mattie gave him a worried look, afraid that Harm wasn't facing the fact that Mac could be dead. Not that she didn't want to find Mac. But the chances of it were slim. Meanwhile Harm closed his eyes, willing Mac to tell him where she was. He knew she was alive. She hadn't perished in the fire. She was alive and he was going to find her. A moment later a vision popped into his head. He opened his eyes and looked around, looking for anything that was in his vision. A fallen tree caught his eye and he suddenly sprinted towards it and Mattie quickly hurried after him calling his name. He reached the tree and looked around, a moment later letting out a small cry when he saw her. Tucked up against the tree, her body curled up in an attempt to stay warm. She was still in the uniform she'd been wearing when she'd left him at the Wall. "Sarah" he whispered as he knelt down beside her. "Oh God, please don't let me be too late." "It's Mac," Mattie gasped unnecessarily, leaning over Harm's shoulder as he rolled her onto his lap. She was blue with cold and while he could see from the gentle rise and fall of her chest that she was breathing, it was shallow and slow. "Harm what happened to her? How did she get out here? Why?" "I don't know Mattie. I have no idea," he replied distractedly. "Right now what's important is getting her to help." "Ambulance? 911?" He bit his lip in thought. "No. It would take longer to get someone here than we can take her ourselves." "What can I do?" Harm handed her the keys to the SUV. "You go ahead of us. Get it started and crank the heat.. But don't get so far ahead of us you're out of my sight." "How are you going to get Mac back?" she frowned. "Watch this," he said grimly and with no effort at all, scooped her into his long arms as he got to his feet. "OK lead the way. Stay close though." Mac's head lolled against his shoulder and he pressed his cheek to her forehead, forcing himself not to recoil at the icy touch of her skin. Right then a hundred questions were running through his mind and he was gleaning no answers. How she came to be there, how he managed to find her, how badly she was hurt--no answers to any of that. The SUV was warm and Mattie had pulled it forward as far as she could to the end of the trees. "Nice job," Harm breathed while she opened the passenger door. "She's not going to die is she?" Mattie whispered, watching him settle Mac against the seat and pull the seat belt over her. "She's alive now. And with this Marine, alive is enough. Enough for us to get her to the hospital," he replied fiercely. "No she's not going to die. I'm not going through that again." It took him just another few seconds to pull a blanket from the back end and tuck it over her. "Mattie get in and put your belt on," he barked. "We're going to make some time." With the same agility he put to good use in the cockpit of an F14, he swung the SUV around and floored the gas pedal. The powerful engine sent the vehicle back toward the interstate. Harm put his arm over Mac as if he was willing her his strength. They had gone but a few miles when behind them came the familiar siren and the flashing red and blue lights. "Harm?" Mattie called softly as if he did not see. "You better put the pedal to the metal there." He stole a glance backward and then looked into Mac's pale face. "No. He can help us get here there." "Harm she's still breathing isn't she?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "Yeah. But she's so cold, and I wish she'd wake up." He hit his turn signal and eased off the road, watching the state trooper pull in behind him. "All right cowboy Merry Christmas and where's the fire? I always say that by the way," the officer half-way smiled. "Let's see license, registration and insurance." "Officer please. Yes I was speeding. My friend. She's very sick or hurt. I don't even know. I found her like this." "She's not just drunk is she?" he asked, peering in. "If you only knew how ludicrous that question is," Harm sighed. "No I think she's been in the cold all night in the mountains for starters." Officer Belk gave a low whistle. "It was damn near zero up there last night. You keep your hands where I can see them sir." With that, he came around to the passenger side and Harm unlocked the door. After his first glance, he reached for his radio mike. "Unit Six Bravo. I need a chopper evac at mile marker seventy-three in the field by the highway. Priority." "Oh my god thank you," Harm gasped. "You might have just saved her life." "She's pretty important to you I take it?" "Oh yeah." "While we're waiting let's see some ID from you." Harm climbed from the car and came around, handing Belk his ID folder while he pressed his hand to Mac's cheek. "I've had the heat up all the way, but she's not getting much warmer." "Well they'll know about hypothermia up in Winchester," he promised and looked into the back seat where Mattie had made herself small against the door. "Daughter?" "Sort of. Long story. Guardian right now." Belk nodded and guided Harm out of the doorway so he could close it to keep in the heat. His radio crackled and Belk listened intently. "OK Mr. Rabb good news on two fronts. First you're who you say you are, and second, the chopper is inbound. ETA is five." "Thank you" Harm whispered. "Thank you so much." "You're welcome. Now of course there won't be room for you in the chopper. They'll just stop and pick her up and be on their way." "I need to be with her." "I'm sorry Mr. Rabb. I can do my best to get you there quicker but that's all. You won't be able to go with her. The chopper out here is strictly for the patient." "How quick can you get us there?" "With my escort, pretty damn quick" Officer Belk smiled. The chopper touched down a few minutes later and Harm held onto Mac's hand as long as he could, answering the medic's questions as best he could. "How long has she been exposed to the cold?" "She came up here around midnight, Christmas Eve" Harm answered. "I don't know exactly what happened to her or how she got out in the woods. I just need her to be okay." "We'll do our best sir" the medic replied and a moment later Mac was taken from him and lifted into the waiting chopper. He watched the chopper take off, feeling Mattie's hand reach for his a moment later. He gave her a small smile of thanks before turning to the Officer. "You said something about getting me there pretty quick?" With the escort, Harm arrived at the hospital a short time later, hurrying inside to the ER with Mattie. "Sarah Mackenzie" he gasped when he got to the desk. "She was brought in by chopper. I need to know how she is." "Glenda any word on the hypothermia patient yet?" the woman called and a moment later a nurse came to the desk. "You are?" she asked Harm. "I found her. She's my partner. Please I need to know how she is." "Doctor Russell is still with her" Glenda informed them. "It's probably going to be some time before he's going to be able to tell you anything." "Is she still alive?" Harm whispered. "I'll be honest and tell you that they lost once during transport but were able to get her back pretty quick. And right now that's going to be the biggest problem. We'll get her warmed but because of how low her temperature is, well there's always the risk of heart failure. But I promise you as soon as we know more, we'll let you know." Harm stood there mutely before allowing Mattie to lead him to a chair in the waiting room. "She's not going to make it" he whispered. "She's going to die. I didn't get there soon enough. I should have gone when the Admiral told me what happened. If I'd gone then…" "Harm stop. She's going to be okay. We didn't find her just so she could die on us. Try having some faith." "What do you know about faith?" he sighed. "I know that the other night I thought my world was going to come to an end because I was going to be sent away to a foster home" Mattie sniffled. "I wanted so much to be with you and I thought it wasn't going to happen. But then Mac came through for me. For us. And because of her, I'm with you. So see, sometimes what you want most does happen." "The only thing I want is for her to be okay. That's it." He let out a long sigh and leaned back in the chair, not wanting to think about how he could still lose her. It wouldn't be fair if he still lost her after this. "Can I get you something?" Mattie asked a few minutes later. "Maybe some coffee." "I don't want you going off alone" he sighed. "Right now I'm on the edge here and if anything happened to you, I'd really lose it." "Come with me then. I don't think we're going to hear anything right away." "No I guess not and with every passing moment I feel like she's slipping further away," Harm sighed pushing himself upright and following her toward the snack bar. "And I'm sorry. I'm scaring you and this is not how you deserve to spend your holidays." "Harm I wanted to be with you. I can take anything that involves. I figured you life wasn't all calm you know." "Thanks sweetie. And what I said a minute ago about just wanting Mac to be OK. I didn't mean that I didn't want you or that you're less important all of a sudden." "Oh good grief I know that," Mattie scoffed. "Harm I don't expect your life to revolve around me." "Well part of the time it will. Right now this is just more imperative." "You going to tell her you love her when she wakes up?" "Mathilda Grace." "OK sorry. That's an off limits subject. How about this. What are you going to do if you find out that she and Mr. Webb were. . ." "Look all I want is for her to be OK. At this point I don't care if she's pregnant with his. . ." His voice trailed off and Mattie simply stared, waiting for him to correct himself. "Sorry. I just want her to be OK. If she and Clay were. . .involved, well he's dead now." "She doesn't know that I'll bet." Harm's eyes widened with realization. "My god she probably doesn't. Someone will have to tell her." "Someone? It will be easiest to swallow coming from you" "And the hits keep on coming," he moaned, knowing she was right. "Come on bring your hot chocolate. I don't want to be too far from her." The doctor was just emerging when Harm and Mattie reached the ER area and at once held his hands up to stop the onrushing Naval Officer. "Mr. uh. . .Rabb right? Sorry. It was a long night and Ms. Mackenzie was the last thing I needed before I get off." "Yes sir. I know the feeling. Tell me she's OK. Please." Dr. Majenski looked down at the young girl whose hands were wrapped around Harm's arm. "Sir you can speak in front of her." "Very well. Your friend was pretty far gone when we brought her in. She coded once in the ambulance and again while we were warming her. You know what that means?" "I do," Harm nodded numbly, feeling Mattie's hands tighten and hearing a small sob from her. Mac had almost died. His Sarah in fact had died, not once but twice. "OK good. Now the good news. Her temperature is climbing nicely. The next hurdle is to see if she can maintain it. Along with her blood pressure. We're giving her drugs to help her heart maintain normal rhythm and now we just need to wait and see what if any after-affects there are. Also she's showing signs of some kind of concussion injury. Her chest and ribs are bruised but the hypothermia is her main threat." He nodded again, trying to digest all of that. "I guess this means we can't take her home?" Mattie whispered. "Not for a while" Dr. Majenski told her. "I'm sorry. I know you want more but at this point, the fact that she's still alive is honestly a miracle. And like I said she is on the right track, it's just a matter of how many more hurdles she'll have." "Can I see her?" Harm asked. "Of course. At some point when she wakes she's likely going to be very confused and it's going to help to have a familiar face. Do you know what happened to her?" "No honestly I don't. I know she was going to see a friend at a cabin and that the cabin was destroyed in some kind of fire or explosion." "Her friend was killed?" "Yes" Harm sighed. "And I have no idea how much of that she saw or witnessed or anything." "We'll deal with all that when we get to that point" Dr. Majenski nodded. "Right now getting her past this is my main goal. We can deal with all the other trauma later." Dr. Majenski led them to the ICU area and Harm braced himself for seeing her. But in the back of his mind he just kept reminding himself that at least she was alive. "Go ahead. And just be careful if you want to hold her hand. She's hooked up to all kinds of machines to monitor just about everything." Harm nodded and looked to Mattie. "Are you going to be okay with this?" he asked. "I don't want to scare you." "No I'm okay" she told him. "I want to be with you." Together they walked inside Mac's room and Harm let out a long sigh when he saw her. So pale and still and as the doctor had said, wires running from every imaginable spot on her body. "If only I'd asked you to stay" Harm whispered as he carefully reached for her hand. "This wouldn't have happened." "She had to go Harm" Mattie said quietly. "But I knew she didn't want to. Couldn't you tell that she really wanted to be with you and not go to Mr. Webb." He shook his head. "When she said she was going to him, I just sort of blocked the rest out. I just wish I'd known there was still stuff going on from Paraguay." "Do you want to be alone with her?" Mattie asked. "No. Please stay. Unless you're uncomfortable being here." "Why don't we sit down" she suggested. "And then you can tell me what all this Paraguay stuff is." "I can't really" he sighed as he sat down. "Except that Mac and Webb had gone undercover in Paraguay and gotten in trouble. That's when I resigned my commission to find her." "Because you loved her." "Because she was my friend and I couldn't leave her in trouble. And yes, because I love her." "So what happened when you found her? Wasn't she happy to see you? I mean, you gave up your career for her." "It wasn't quite the way I thought it would be" Harm sighed. "She and Webb had gotten close. So I backed off. Especially when she told me that there was never going to be an us." "Harm she cares about you. She wouldn't have done what she did if she didn't." "I know. Mac and I have just never been able to get our feelings into words at the right time. We've always had a major disconnect there." "So fix it" Mattie told him. "If you'd told her straight out how she felt, there wouldn't be any confusion." "Mattie it's not that easy" Harm sighed. "I'm not that good at expressing how I feel." "Harm you made it pretty clear how you feel about me" Mattie said softly. "That wasn't hard. Why can't you do the same with Mac?" "Well it's not how we play the game for one thing," he flushed uncomfortably. "Honey I honestly don't know. You know what, if I could answer you--if I knew--I could have told her that along time ago. I could have spared all of this. Hell I might have even spared Paraguay." "Yeah?" Mattie cocked her head interestedly. He shrugged. "Yeah. I mean I told her I didn't want her to go. She started to leave. I called her name. She stopped and waited for me to go on. And I froze. My god it's a good thing I'm not like that in the air." "I guess so," she giggled and looked down at the pale woman she would not have recognized for the healthy spirited Sarah Mackenzie, briefly though they had met. Tentatively she put her hand on Harm's arm. "She's not going to wake up right away and we've seen she's OK. Would you like to walk down the hall? I saw a little chapel room there. In fact I think I'm going to. It's OK if you'd rather stay here. I won't be long." A slow smile came over his face. "No I'll come. I think that's most appropriate right now." With a deep breath for courage he leaned over Mac and kissed her forehead. "Sarah we're going to take a little walk. We won't be long. You could be thinking about opening those big brown eyes of yours while we're gone." He held Mattie's hand as they walked the hall, and once the heavy chapel doors closed behind them there was silence. Blissful silence. The noise and bustle of the hospital was no more. For a long minute Harm did not move, but simply stared at the simple altar until Mattie tugged his arm. "When my Mom was killed I was mad at God for a long time. But God doesn't let you for very long." "God knows me from a hundred times in the cockpit," Harm sighed. "Just not from daily life I'm afraid." With that he moved forward and knelt at the altar rail, putting his head down to rest on his hands as he prayed. As he begged for the life of Sarah Catherine Mackenzie. Mattie hung back watching him in silence before she directed her own prayer skyward. Finally when several minutes passed and Harm had not moved, she walked forward and put her small hand on the back of his head. "You ready?" "Yes. Let's get back to her." He turned and faced the young girl who had grown to mean so much to him, giving her a long clinging hug. "I'm glad you're here," he added. Mattie smiled and took his hand once more. She was glad she was there too, but in her heart she knew it was meaningless unless he had Mac in his life as well. Harm was nearly back to Mac's room when he realized he needed to tell the others that Mac was alive. That she wasn't dead like they all believed. "Mattie I forgot to call everyone and tell them I found her." "So what are you waiting for?" she smiled. "Go on. I can go back in and sit with Mac. Maybe she'll be waking up soon." "We can hope. Okay you go on. I'll just be down the hall making some calls. And don't leave her room." "Harm I'm not a little kid" Mattie sighed. "I know but I'm new at this parenting thing" he sighed. "So just bear with me if I'm a little overzealous please." "Okay this time." Mattie returned to Mac's room where the nurse was in checking the monitors. "Is she okay?" Mattie asked anxiously. "Nothing happened while we were gone did it?" Nurse Gaby White shook her head. "No she's okay. Just my normal check here. In fact these numbers are looking good. Her temperature is continuing to go up and she's maintaining her blood pressure. All good signs." "So she's going to be okay?" "I'd put my money on her" Gaby smiled. "Are you her daughter?" "No ma'am. But because of her I'm not in a foster home. I'm with Harm. He's my guardian and Mac's best friend." "Just best friend?" "Well ma'am he does love her. And I think she loves him. See she got my real Dad to agree to let Harm take care of me for a while. They were both fighting over me and the judge said I was going to have to go stay in a foster home and Mac talked my real Dad into letting Harm have me." "That's quite a story." "Yes and then we thought she was dead and I don't know Harm knew she wasn't but he did and we came up here and she was alive." "They must have some kind of connection." Gaby slipped out of the room and Mattie sat back down beside Mac's bed, reaching gently for her hand. "Mac you have to get better" she said softly. "Harm loves you and he won't be okay if you're not okay. So you just keeping getting better." Her hand was still around Mac's when Harm returned and he sat down beside her. "Any change?" "The nurse was in and said she's doing better" Mattie told him. "Then maybe our trip to the chapel helped" he said with a small smile. "Thank you for suggesting it." "Did you call everyone?" "I talked to the Admiral and he'll let everyone else know before he comes up here. And maybe I should have you go back with him. You could stay with Bud and Harriet…" "Harm no. I want to stay with you. Please." "Mattie I'm just not sure how good of an idea it is to have you here that's all. At least not all the time like I plan on being until I know she's okay." "You're moving in to her room?" Mattie giggled, lightening the mood slightly. "Lock stock and barrel," he smiled, "much as they'll let me. The point is, you need more of a normal life than that." "Harm she's not going to be here for months," Mattie reminded him. "I pray not," he sighed. "She's going to be fine and you're going to take her home." "You have a lot of faith for one so young," he sighed again. "I like her Harm. I like her a lot. Already. I know good people. I mean I liked you right off. And I liked her the same. And I know she's going to be OK. God took my mom, and I'm coming to terms with that. But He wouldn't do that to me again. More, He wouldn't do that to you." "Please let you be right," he breathed. An hour later AJ Chegwidden stood in the doorway of Mac's room and stared. First at the still figure on the bed and then at the two huddled together watching her breathe. "I had to see it for myself. And until this moment I didn't believe it," he called quietly. "Sir." Harm got to his feet at once, mindful of the paraphernalia over Mac. "As you were Commander. Hello Mattie." "Hi," she said softly. "I don't know what to call you." "AJ works just fine. I hear you've had an exciting day." "Yes sir. I think Harm is still in shock." "Commander is that true?" AJ asked with a slight smile. "I'm just numb to it all sir," he admitted. "I mean twenty-four hours ago part of my mind was planning her funeral. How I would eulogize her. The other part of me was kicking my six around the moon for letting any of this happen." AJ nodded and walked over to the bed. "So tell me how she's doing." "The nurse was pretty happy with her," Mattie told him. "Really?" AJ looked to Harm. "Well that's what she told Mattie apparently," Harm confirmed, allowing himself a small measure of relief. "Sir did you find out anything at all about what she was doing up there?" AJ shook his head. "Nothing. And the Assistant Secretary was in shock that Mac was alive. That means they've got a body about whom they have no idea. Plus he's of course worried about whether the operation, which he did not share the nature of with me of course, was compromised." "Oh yeah that's my biggest worry right now too," Harm moaned in sarcasm, getting up from Mac's side to stand next to AJ. For a moment both men were quiet as they contemplated the pale figure on the bed. "I'm sorry Harm. And you know you're going to have to deal with Mr. Webb's death as well," AJ finally said softly. "Tell me about it," Harm sighed. "Right now the hardest thing about that is that I don't know if she and Clay were actually. . .in lo---well involved. . .or if she was just keeping a promise to finish a job." "Well you know son I once asked you what you would sacrifice to keep her." "I know sir, and I didn't have an answer for you then." Harm closed his eyes for a moment remembering that day in AJ's office. Desperate to find her, he knew what he had to do then. For the afterward he had not been so sure. "Do you now?" "Yes sir. Everything." "I'm glad to hear that" AJ said with a small smile. "I just hope you tell her that. She's the one who needs to hear it." "I plan to sir. As soon as I get the chance." His first chance would come along twelve hours later. Mattie was dozing in the chair and Harm himself was barely awake when Mac finally stirred, her soft moan reaching him at once. "Sarah" he whispered as he leaned closer to her. "It's okay. I'm here." "Harm" she murmured. "Yeah it's me. You're okay. You're at the hospital in Winchester." "I don't remember," she said as she forced her eyes open. "Why am I here? What happened?" "I don't know for sure. I was hoping you would know." "The last thing I remember was being at the Wall with you and Mattie" she murmured. "That's all." "You were meeting Clay up in the mountains near here" Harm said quietly. "But something happened. I found you in the woods near the cabin you were meeting him at. But you don't have to think about that right now. All that matters is you getting better." She nodded slightly, her eyes closing once again. Harm let out a long sigh, realizing that for the moment he hadn't had to explain to her that Clay was dead. But he would eventually. The next time Mac awoke Mattie was awake as well and Mac gave the young girl a weak smile. "Hey what are you doing here?" "Making sure Harm is okay" Mattie smiled. "And that you are too. You scared us really bad you know." "I don't remember anything" Mac murmured. "They thought you were dead" Mattie told her and Mac's gaze at once went to Harm. "Mattie why don't you give us a few minutes" Harm said to her. "Just don't go too far okay." Mattie nodded and stood up. "Mac I'm really glad you're going to be okay. "She's sweet" Mac sighed when they were alone. "Very. And I never got to thank you properly for what you did. You have no idea how much that meant to me. You went above and beyond this time Marine." "Why did you think I was dead?" Mac asked. Harm sat down and reached for Mac's hand, taking it gently in his. "Mac I know you don't remember what happened. And I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this." "It has something to do with Clay doesn't it. You said I was going to meet him. Did something happen to him?" "He's dead," Harm said quietly. "I'm sorry." "Clay's dead? How? Why?" Tears pooled in her brown eyes and he hated being the one to tell her this. "The cabin you were going to meet him at was destroyed by a fire. Likely by some explosion. Clay was killed. There was another body found at the cabin and they were sure it was you. Your car was there and you'd told me you had a date with Clay." "It wasn't a date" she whispered, tears now sliding down her face. "Oh God Harm I remember it now. I was meeting Clay because of Sadik. There was supposed to be someone else there. She had information for me and Clay." "Then likely she's who died with him" Harm sighed. "And I am so sorry about Clay. I'm just so glad you weren't there." "I was late because of Mattie. If I hadn't done that, I would have been there." Harm shuddered lightly at those words, once again blessing the young girl who had come into his life. He lifted her hand to his cheek, pressing the back against his stubbled face. "Mac I'm sorry about Clay. I know I just said that but like when I'm in court, I repeat myself when I don't have anything else." Two large tears pooled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. "I can't believe he's dead. I had just talked to him. Just told him I was on my way." Harm nodded, not sure what to say. "Do you remember getting there?" "No I don't think so. You thought I was dead?" Her chocolate eyes were filled with misery as she spoke. For his fear or for Clay's death? Probably both Harm decided. "Yeah. We were just about to sit down to dinner Christmas afternoon and the Admiral came to tell me." Now it was his turn to reflect that same misery and she touched his cheek. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't how you meant Mattie's first Christmas." "Well that you're alive helps a lot. Clay I can't do anything about. Though I wish. For your sake if no other reason." "Thanks," she whispered. "I wish I could remember. I want to make his murderer pay." "You probably will. Just don't push it." She was silent for a full minute and when she spoke again her voice trembled. "Am I OK?" The fear she emoted touched his heart and he cupped her cheek with his palm. "You gave us a real bad scare Ninja-Girl. Hypothermia and some injury from the blast concussion. They're keeping you here to be sure you don't have any complications." She nodded and rose partway from her pillow, only to fall back down. "I guess I have a ways to go." "Yes you do, and I'm going to stay with you most of that time." "Thank you," she managed as her eyes closed again. She turned her head into her pillow and Harm heard her sob, and heard the word "Clay" before she was still. As soon as he was sure she was sleeping comfortably, he went in search of Mattie, finding her in the lounge at the end of the hallway. "Well what did she say?," she asked anxiously. "She doesn't remember much of what happened," he told her, sinking onto one of the sofas. "At least not right now. And I was afraid to upset her by pressing her. She'll have questions enough to answer down the road." "Harm I meant what did she say when you told her you loved her," Mattie yelped with typical teen impatience. He shook his head. "It wasn't the time." "I'm sorry? Why the hell not?" she demanded, her hand going to her mouth as she realized what she had said. "Mattie," he said warningly. "You're going to have to take it easy in that area. She was upset over Clay's death. Now maybe he was a friend, maybe he was more. Regardless, she doesn't need emotionalism from me confusing her while she deals with that." "She needs to know you love her," she insisted stubbornly. "She knows I care. I told her I would be with her. And she thanked me. For right now that's where it's stopping. You reading me?" "Yeah I am" she sighed. "I just want you and Mac to be happy." "One day if it's meant to be, we will be" he sighed. "Right now I'm still just thanking God she's alive. That's all that matters at this point." Mattie nodded. "So she's going to be okay? We're going to get to take her home soon?" "Well I'm not sure she's going to want to come home with me" Harm told her. "More likely I'll be taking her back to her place and staying with her until she's well enough to be on her own. But Mattie you need to understand that she's lost someone she cared about." "How much?" "I don't know. I just know they shared a horrible experience in Paraguay and since then they've still be seeing each other." "But wasn't that because they had to? Isn't that what AJ told you?" "I don't know for sure that that was the only reason she was seeing Clay" Harm sighed. "And I don't want to do anything right now to upset her. So we're just going to take this slow okay?" "Okay. I get it." "Thank you. Now she's sleeping so why don't you and I go grab some breakfast? Likely when she wakes she'll be a little more alert and maybe be able to tell me what happened." "I'm just glad she's going to be okay" Mattie sighed. "Me too" he sighed. "Me too." They had breakfast in the hospital cafeteria before returning to Mac's room; Mattie tentatively stepping in when she realized Mac was awake. "It's okay" Mac told her. "You can come in." "How are you?" Mattie asked. "Okay. Thank you for worrying about me." "Well I kind of owe you" Mattie said softly. "If it weren't for you, I would be in some icky foster home right now." "And if it weren't for you, I might not be alive" Mac countered. "So I think we're even." "Yes ma'am." "Harm I want you and Mattie to go home" she said as she looked up at him. "I know you've been here all night and you both need some rest and a shower and some real food." "We slept while you slept and just had breakfast at the cafeteria" Harm told her as he sat down. "As for the shower part, well I can get us a room nearby and we can clean up. But I'm not going back to DC until you're able to come with us." "Harm I can't ask you to do that" Mac whispered. "Especially not with Mattie." "Ma'am I was the one who told him I wasn't leaving in the first place" Mattie spoke up. "He wanted me to go back with AJ but I won't leave him." "She takes good care of me" Harm said with a small smile. "Instead of me taking care of her." "I can see that. And honestly, you don't have to stay." "You don't want us to?" Harm asked. "And I'll understand if you don't Mac. Just say the words and we'll be out of here." Mattie shot Harm a long look and Mac let out a long sigh. "It's not that I don't want you," she said softly. "I'm just not going to be real good company and I'm sure there's better things you could be doing." "I'd rather be here" he whispered as he reached for her hand. "Friends remember? Always there for each other no matter what." "Mattie needs you." "Mattie is fine," the young girl spoke up. "Besides I'll make him go home soon. He just can't right now. He can't until he knows you're OK. He's afraid to be gone and something could happen with you. If he's here, he feels like he can protect you." "Uh. . .that about covers it," Harm nodded, looking admiringly at his ward, a term which he hated. "Harm she's pretty smart," Mac smiled softly, listlessly poking at the soft diet breakfast in front of her. "Does anyone have any idea when I can leave this frickin' place?" "Well even when you do, you're not going to just rush back to work," Harm reminded her sternly. "Whatever happened to you, your body took quite a beating." "If they'd stop dripping this stuff in me, I'd feel more like me," she objected, her eyes closing halfway, only to snap open again and her hand convulsed in Harm's. "Harm what funeral arrangements have been made for Clay?" The question took him totally by surprise. "I don't know. I didn't ask." "Why not? Find out will you please." "I guess but you'll have to excuse me if I didn't think it was too important. He's dead Mac. And that's a tragedy, but my focus has been on you. And you getting better. And worrying if I was still going to have my partner and my best friend in my life." Their eyes were locked together at that point and for a long minute, neither spoke. "I'm sorry. So sorry," she whispered. "I got so caught up in me and Clay I didn't think." Harm remained silent while Mattie walked slowly to the other side of the bed. "Mac when he thought you were dead, it was like he had died too." Harm attempted to rebut what she was saying, only to have words fail him as Mac tugged on his hand, wanting his attention. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "I'll live," he finally managed. "It's over. You're OK and we can go from there." "I am, but Clay is not, and I want to go to his funeral. Please find out. Call Mrs. Webb. You can do that can't you. She knows you." "Oh yeah she knows me," he smiled, remembering the half-crazed Rabb person who called her during Mac's time of being gone. Called her and begged desperately for information. "I will check with the Admiral and call her, but I wouldn't count on attending. You're just not in shape for anything like that." "I'll deal with how later. Right now just find out. Please." "Promise. You going to rest or eat?" "I used to open cans for Jingo that looked better. I'm going to rest. Can you dispose of the breakfast remains?" "Sure. Come on Mattie let's make a couple of calls." "I'll sit with her if it's OK," Mattie decided after a moment's thought. "Mac?" "Of course. Glad to have you. Long as you don't expect me to be social." Harm stood in the doorway, hesitant to leave Mattie alone with Mac given the information the young girl was desperate to impart. And yet liking that she would stay with Mac. "OK that's fine. Uh. . .Mattie. . .remember what we talked about it. I mean it." "Yeah yeah--go do what Mac asked. It's cool." "So what did Harm mean about meaning it?" Mac asked with a quiet smile. For a long second Mattie was sorely tempted. Finally she laughed and shook her head. "You know men, always giving an order and going--I mean it. Who can keep up." "OK. I'm glad you're here." Her eyes closed and she was asleep in minutes. "Morning sir" Harm said when AJ answered his phone. "Good news here. Mac's awake and doing a lot better." "That is good news. Why don't you sound as happy about it as you should be?" "She knows about Webb. And she wants to go to the services for him. I've tried to talk her out of it but you know how stubborn she can be." "I don't know anything about services. I know Mrs. Webb was out of the country when this all happened. I assume she's back now but I don't know if plans have been made yet." "I'll call Mrs. Webb" Harm sighed. "Not that I want her going." "Commander he was a friend to her." "And maybe more sir. I just don't know how much more." "Does she remember what happened?" AJ asked. "No. She just knows she was meeting Clay. She doesn't know why. The only reason she wasn't there when it happened was because of her bringing Mattie to me at the Wall." "Someone was looking out for her Commander." "Yes sir they were. And I plan on doing that from now on if she'll let me. But right now she's pretty confused about everything." "Keep me posted. I have this feeling you'll be bringing her back sooner than you think for Clay's services. I know Mac. She isn't going to let that go." "No sir she won't." Harm hung up and let out a long sigh before dialing the number for Porter Webb. It took him a moment when she answered but finally he got his voice. "Mrs. Webb it's Harmon Rabb. We've spoken before. I knew your son very well." "Of course." "Look ma'am I'm very sorry for you loss" Harm continued. "Clayton Webb was a good man." "Yes he was" she sniffled. "And thank you for your condolences." "Ma'am my partner, Sarah Mackenzie wanted to know if you've made any arrangements yet. She's in a hospital here in Winchester but she wants to be there when you do." "I thought Ms. Mackenzie was with him in the cabin" she gasped. "She's not dead then?" "Thankfully no ma'am she's not" Harm sighed. "She was injured in the blast and nearly died from exposure but she's going to be okay." "Who was with my son then?" "I don't know ma'am. Mac doesn't remember why she was meeting Clay up there that night. So she doesn't have any idea who was with him." "This is all very confusing" Porter Webb sighed. "Yes ma'am I'm sure it is. And I'm sorry that Clay is dead but I'm not sorry that Mac wasn't in the cabin with him when it happened." "He loved her too you know" she said quietly. "After Paraguay he told me." "I didn't know that" Harm whispered. "She must have been very torn. Having two men love her like you and Clay did." "Clay told you he loved her?" Harm managed still coping with the news. "He did, but then so did you Commander. You just seemed to be unable to say it as eloquently as my son." "Yes ma'am that's me," he admitted. "Ma'am forgive the intrusion on your grief. Mac--Sarah--is hell-bent, excuse me ma'am, on attending Clay's funeral. Have you begun to make arrangements?" "I've tried but every time I do I fall apart. The Agency sent me a casualty assistance officer but I sent her back. She was hopeless." "Maybe someone a little further removed. I have a friend at JAG who's dad is a chaplain if you'd like to think about something low-key. If I asked him, he'd help. He didn't know Clay but he's that kind of guy." "Would you ask him to come by then?" she asked hesitantly. "With his father if that's possible." "Yes ma'am I'll have him give you a call." "Thank you Mr. Rabb. Clayton didn't often talk about his work, but he mentioned you several times. Sometimes with frustration, but always with admiration." "Yes ma'am thank you. That means a lot. I'm going to miss him." "Thank you Harm. Perhaps you'd speak at the service?" That request took him totally by surprise. It took three swallows for him to give voice to his response. "Yes ma'am. I'd be honored." With a long sigh he hung up the phone. At sometime in the near future, he would have to sit down and figure at just what point his life began to spiral so out of control. He stood there for several minutes before picking up the phone again and dialing Sturgis' number. "Hey buddy I need a favor" he sighed when Sturgis answered. "Anything as long as you tell me how Mac is." "Doing okay. At least physically she's getting better. She's got a lot to deal with emotionally which is why I'm calling you. Clayton Webb. His mother is having a hard time getting through this. Do you think you and your Dad could call her and help her out?" "Of course. We'd be happy to. Does Mac know Clay's dead?" "Yes" Harm sighed. "And she wants to be at the services so when you talk to Mrs. Webb if you try and get her to hold off a few more days that would be good." "I'll do what I can Harm. I'm just glad Mac's going to be okay." "Me too. And I need to get back to her. Just call me when you've got something worked out please." "Of course. And tell Mac we're all thinking about her." "I will. Thanks Sturgis." He returned to Mac's room, not surprised to find her asleep again. "Did you find out for her?" Mattie asked. "No plans yet" Harm sighed as he sat down. "Which is good. It gives her a few more days to get better." "You okay? You look a little out of it now. Maybe you should take a nap. I know you didn't sleep much." "Mattie I'm fine" he assured her with a small smile. "And for the record, I'm supposed to be taking care of you not the other way around." "I know but I worry about you. I know how hard this has been for you." Harm nodded, thinking just how much harder it was going to get. There was Clay's funeral to get through plus the fact that Clayton Webb had been in love with Mac. The question now nagging his mind was whether Mac had been in love with him too. "Would you like to be alone with Mac when she wakes up?" "No. This is fine." "Harm now are you going to tell her" she started before stopping when she saw his stony look. "Sorry." "Look I'm going to go get another cup of coffee" he sighed. "Can I get you anything?" "Can I come with you?" she asked quietly. "Or would you rather I didn't." "I always want you with me" he said with a small smile. "You know that. Come on. I need some fresh air too. Maybe we can take a quick walk outside too." "The sun is pretty," Mattie nodded. "And the air up here is so clean too." "Yeah. Let's walk first and then I'll take the coffee back to Mac's room." They donned their coats and stepped outside, each taking in a large lung-full of air. "I didn't realize the air in there was so stifling," he sighed and reached for Mattie's hand. "You don't mind do you?" "Of course not. My Mom and I when we went to the mall always did. It was kind of a joke between us that I could get lost." After a few minutes of silence, Mattie tugged Harm's hand. "You've been kind of zoned out since you talked to Mrs. Webb. I don't expect you to tell me about your business but can you just let me know you're OK?" "You are taking care of me aren't you," he smiled softly. "My Mom said I was a nurturer," she smiled gently. "I used to bring home orphaned animals and at church I always liked to help out in the nursery. So yeah I guess it kind of comes naturally." "Well that's sweet. I guess it's just all kind of hitting me now. But it's not something you should have to be concerned with. You're not my caregiver, it's me who's taking care of you." "Maybe but I don't need much. Besides this will be over soon. Mac will get out of here, the funeral will be done, you'll tell her you love her--you know." Harm only could shake his head. The optimism of youth. The ability to uncomplicate the most complicated of issues. Mac was just waking up when they returned to her room and Mattie quickly walked to the side of the bed. "Hey." "Hey yourself," she smiled wanly. "You taking good care of Mr. Rabb?" "Yes ma'am. But only until you can do it yourself," she giggled and turned and ran for the door. "I'll just be down the hall. Harm believe it or not I've made a friend here." He nodded dazedly. "Yeah just don't run off." "You look tired Sailor," Mac said when he sat down. To his surprise it was she who offered her hand. He took it at once, closing his two around it. "I'm OK." "No you're not. In fact I'm probably more OK than you are, but we can talk about that later. Did you find out about the funeral?" "Not much. Mrs. Webb is pretty distraught." "I want to see her." "You've met her?" "Well yes. Of course." "Of course," he murmured. "Anyway, she was offered help from the agency and I guess wasn't receptive. Sturgis is going to call her. His dad would do something nice that didn't resemble the king is dead long live the king." "You fixed that?" "Yeah I did," he nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, her hand trembling in his. "Now fix it so I get out of here to attend. And what is happening with the investigation into Clay's death? And is anyone determining the ID of the woman who was supposedly me so that her family can be told?" "Hey wait whoa," he yelped. "Mac up here on this mountain I'm pretty out of touch with DC. And no one is calling me. For the simple reason that I'm sure the Admiral feels like staying with you is my priority. Which is exactly right for right now. Making sure you're OK." "I appreciate that," she replied in a small voice. "Really I do. But getting the bastards who killed Clay is important. Harm I don't want him to have died for nothing. To be just another casualty of terrorism." "I know you do. And someone will get the people responsible. But that someone isn't going to be you." She gave him a long look. "Harm I am not going to just go on with my life and not think about this. Clay was more than just a…." She stopped and Harm waited for her to finish. "You don't have to tell me what Clay was to you" Harm said softly. "It's none of my business." She didn't answer and Harm felt another stab of jealousy. Maybe Mac and Clay hadn't just been seeing each other because of business. But it was not his place to ask, especially if she did not want to volunteer that information. "Why don't I let you get some rest?" he said finally. "You're still exhausted and if you want to be at Clay's services, well it's best to rest now." Mac nodded and closed her eyes, Harm not missing the small tears that slid out of the corner of her eyes. Tears for Clay. The man she likely loved. Harm remained in her room until Mac was asleep and then finally wandered out in search of Mattie. To his surprise he found her down the hall, in the room of an elderly woman. "Mattie." She turned and gave him a smile and motioned for him to come into the room. "Harm this is Mrs. Anderson." "Hi Mrs. Anderson. I hope Mattie hasn't been bothering you." "Oh of course not" Mrs. Anderson smiled. "In fact she's been keeping me quite entertained. I've got a granddaughter her age out in New Mexico. Reminds me so much of my Katie." "Harm sit down. Mrs. Anderson was telling me about her son. Guess what he does?" "I can't imagine" Harm said as he sat down. "I'm guessing he must be some kind of pilot." Mattie nodded. "Just like I want to be. Well except he's in the Air Force. I told Mrs. Anderson that you fly for the Navy sometimes." "You must be proud of your son" Harm smiled. "Oh very. I just wish they weren't so far away. Seeing this young lady just reminds me how much I miss them." They chatted for a bit longer before Harm sensed the older needed to rest and he managed to get Mattie to leave the room. "She's really nice isn't she" Mattie said as they left the room. "I wish I had a grandmother like her." "Well you can sort of have one" Harm said with a small smile. "Actually two. My Mom and my grandmother." "Your grandmother is still alive? She must be ancient." Harm gave her a long look. "I am not that old young lady. I just turned forty okay. Grams is over eighty but she's got more energy that I do." "I'd like to meet her. She sounds fun." "She is" he smiled. "And so is Mom. Grams still lives up in Pennsylvania and Mom and Frank are in California." "Who is Frank?" "My step-dad." "I bet you didn't like him when you were growing up" Mattie smiled. "We have a better understanding now that I'm older," Harm admitted. "I wasn't exactly a model child growing up. More like a total rebel." "Like me?" "Yeah. A lot like you." "See we have more in common than we think" she said softly. "You are good for me." "And you're good for me." "How's Mac?" "Exhausted and hell bent on being at Clay's services so I told her to rest." "You need to let her," Mattie said softly. "She needs to say good-bye." "You're awfully smart for someone so young," Harm sighed, as much to himself as to her. THE END Watch for Chapter 2 coming soon in which Mac says goodbye to Clay and she and Harm are forced together as they deal with the threat that is Sadik Fahd.