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I went to the stable to milk me cow,
And all these things happened I will tell to you now;
At the end of it all, I wound up in jail,
All I tried to do was keep milk in the pail.
I sat on my bench seat beside of me cow,
With the pail underneath I start to milk now;
With the pail almost full, I let out a wail,
'Cause with her right leg she kicked over the pail.
I tied her right leg to the side of the post,
And got in position where I'd milk the most;
With the pail almost full and my fingers in pain,
Sure, with her left leg, sure, she did it again.
I tied up her left leg just like the right,
To a post on the left but it wasn't too tight;
I was milkin' ol' Bessie, lots of milk in the pail,
But she knocked the pail over with a swish of her tail.
I looked at the cow and was losin' all hope,
I tied up her tail but I had no more rope;
A pair of suspenders from my pants held 'em tight,
I'd tie her tail to the rafters and I'd do it just right.
Tail tied to the rafters, from a vent I looked down,
As I hit the floor, sure me pants they fell down;
I'd get milk as fine, of that I was sure,
Then I saw my wife and her mom in the door.
That's all that I needed to make my day,
My wife's face turned red and her mother's turned grey;
I stood there frozen, could not speak no how,
All I tried to do was get milk from the cow.
I hauled up me pants to explain to me spouse,
But her and her mom ran back into the house;
No milk in my bucket, disappointed at least,
To the house I was going, then I heard the police.
They charged me with making love to my cow,
Behind iron bars is where I am now;
My wife she has left me, I'm here in jail,
All I tried to do was put milk in the pail.
My wife she has left me, I'm here in jail,
All I tried to do was put milk in the pail.
