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Never pack your woman's suitcase when you're going on a trip,
There's a danger you may wind up with a swollen bleeding lip;
You know it's very likely you will leave something behind,
And all the while you're travelling you won't have peace of mind!
She will natter, nag and needle you over every piece of clothes,
And whether you packed ten or twenty pairs of panty hose!
Brushes, and puffs and soaps and stuff, effects best left unseen,
All items concerning feminine hygiene,
And many, many details that she can't be without.
She'll hound you and confound you, lessons I learned well.
For never, no, no, never, at any time of year,
Should a man be forced to figure out just what his woman wears!
Young King Eddy gave the crown to his brother George
Because Wally Simpson, while sailing from New York,
Kicked up a stink over a mink coat Eddy'd left behind,
And now there is no Yankee blood in the Royal line!
Imagine the first couple, sent together into space,
Just imagine something vital wasn't packed into her case!
Well if he'd been so stupid as to assemble all her gear,
And a specific special gadget somehow wasn't there,
That historic star-bound mission, now could not return,
A woman is responsible her man had never learned!
Never pack your woman's suitcase, there is nothing quite as blind,
It's foolhardy and dangerous, there's something you won't find!
Never pack your woman's suitcase when you're going on a trip,
You can't ever know her sizes, her bust, her waist, her hips;
You'll never know her colours, if you do she'll not agree,
Let her do it by herself, to hell with chivalry!
