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I left the parlour early, I suppose it was scarce nine,
By damn good luck or fortune her room was next to mine;
My mind being like Columbia's, it was turning o'er and o'er,
I took a slight proceeding through the keyhole in the door.
She first took off her collar which fell upon the floor,
I saw her stoop to get it through the keyhole in the door;
A dark and a dim blue garter all around her leg she wore,
She was one handsome picture through the keyhole in the door.
She then proceeded further to take off her outward clothes,
With many sorts of linen, there were fifteen, I suppose;
With many sorts of linen, I'll bet there was a score,
In fact, I could not count them through the keyhole in the door.
Then up before the looking glass this pretty girl she stood,
A-viewing of her beauty it brought fever in my blood;
My hair it stood like brushes all on some angry boar,
Good God, I felt like jumping through the keyhole in the door.
She sat before the fire her little feet to warm,
With nothing but a nightshirt to conceal her little form;
I said pull up that nightshirt and I'll ask you nothing more,
You bet I saw her do it through the keyhole in the door.
And then upon the pillows she laid her little head,
The light being grown dimmer it brought shadows o'er her bed;
I knew the show was over, and I knew there's nothing more,
I then took my departure from the keyhole in the door.
Come all young men of science who oftimes strain your eyes,
The viewing of those planets all in the starry skies;
A-viewing of those planets you may view them o'er and o'er,
But the telescope is nothing to the keyhole in the door
Sung by Raymond Noseworthy of Pouch Cove, NL, and published in MacEdward Leach And The Songs Of Atlantic Canada © 2004 Memorial University of Newfoundland Folklore and Language Archive (MUNFLA).
