I'll tell you of a burglar boy that went to rob a house,
He opened the window, then crept in as quiet as any mouse;
Looked for a place to conceal himself while all went fast asleep,
"And now," said he to the family, "I will take a quiet sneak."
Under the bed the burglar crept and he lay quite close to the wall,
He never thought it was an old maid's room or he wouldn't've gone there at all;
Thinking of the money he'd get, as under the bed he lay,
At nine o'clock he saw a sight that made his hair turn grey.
At nine o'clock the old maid came in, "Dear me I'm tired," she said,
Sure thinking everything was alright she never looked under the bed;
She took out her teeth and her big glass eye and her hair right off of her head,
And this burglar he had seventeen fits as he lay there under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crept, he looked a total wreck,
The old maid, she being wide awake, she grabbed him by the neck;
The old maid wasn't frightened at all, she looked as cool as a clam,
"How now," said she, "My prayers are heard: Thank God, I've found my man."
The old maid drew a revolver out and to the burglar said,
"It you don't consent to marry me I'll blow off the back of your head."
The burglar looked around the room to see where he could scoot,
He thought of her teeth and her big glass eye and he said, "For God's sake, shoot!"