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Well, he came home on Monday night,
As drunk as he could be;
And he saw an arse outside the door,
Where his ol' arse should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the arse outside the door,
Where my ol' arse should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk, you're drunk,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only just a sow,
That me mother sent to me.
Now, many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more;
But a sow with a saddle,
I've never seen before.
Well, he came home on Tuesday night,
As drunk as he could be;
And he saw a coat upon the door,
Where his ol' coat should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the coat upon the door,
Where my ol' coat should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk again,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only just a blanket,
That me mother sent to me.
Now, many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more;
But a blanket with button holes,
I've never seen before.
Well, he came home on Wednesday night,
As drunk as he could be;
And he saw a pipe upon the chair,
Where his ol' pipe should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the pipe upon the chair,
Where my ol' pipe should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk, you're drunk,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only a tinwhistle,
That my mother sent to me.
Now many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more;
But a tinwhistle with smoke in it,
I've never seen before.
It was Wednesday night or Thursday night???
Thursday night he came home again,
And I think we're all getting soused, you see;
And he saw two shoes beneath the bed,
Where his ol' shoes should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the shoes beneath the bed,
Where my ol' shoes should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk again,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only two geranium pots,
Me mother sent to me.
Now many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more,
But geranium pots with laces,
I've never seen before.
Friday night he came home,
And he was soused as soused could be;
And he saw a head upon the bed,
Where his ol' head should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the head upon the bed,
Where my ol' head should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk again,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only just a baby boy,
Me mother sent to me.
Now many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more,
But a baby boy with whiskers,
I've never seen before.
Saturday night he staggered in,
And he was as drunk as he could be;
And he saw a hand upon her breast,
Where his ol' hand should be.
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
Would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns the hand upon your breast,
Where my ol' hand should be?
Ohhhhhhhhh, you're drunk again,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only just a brassiere,
That me mother sent to me.
Now, many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more,
But a brassiere with fingers,
I've never seen before.
Now he came home on Sunday night,
And he saw a blankety-blank;
So, he says to his wife, he says to her,
(Never mind what)
Would you kindly tell to me,
(Use your imagination)
Who owns the blankety-blank?
Oh, you're drunk again,
You silly old fool, drunk as you can be;
It's only just a rollin pin,
Me mother sent to me.
Now, many a day I've travelled,
A hundred miles or more,
But a rolling pin with a head like that!
I've never seen before!
