Five Drunk Nights

Now, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found a horse in the stable where my horse ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come that horse in the stable pillow where my horse ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a milk cow my granny sent to me.

I've travelled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But a saddle on a milk cow I never did see before.

Well, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found a hat on my hat rack where my hat ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come that hat on the hat rack where my hat ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a milkpail my granny sent to me.

I've travelled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But a sweatband in a milkpail I never did see before.

Now, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found a coat on the coat-rack where my coat ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come that coat on the coat-rack where my coat ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a blanket my granny sent to me.

I've travelled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But pockets on a blanket I never did see before.

Now, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found some boots under my bed where my boots ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come those boots under my bed where my boots ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a bed pan my granny sent to me.

I've traveled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But spurs on a bed pan I never did see before.

Now, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found some pants on the dresser where my pants ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come those pants on the dresser where my pants ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a dish rag my granny sent to me.

I've travelled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But a zipper on a dish rag I never did see before.

Now, I came home the other night, drunk as I could be;
Found a head on the pillow where my head ought to be.

Oh, come my wife, my pretty little wife, explain this thing to me,
How come that head on the pillow where my head ought to be?

You blind fool, you drunken fool, can't you never see?
That's only a mush melon my granny sent to me.

I've travelled this wide world over, a hundred miles or more,
But whiskers on a mush melon I never did see before.