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Now as I come home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be;
Well, I called me wife and I says to her, would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
You're drunk as drunk could be;
For that's the lovely woolen blanket that me mudder gave to me.
Well it's many a days I travelled a hundred miles or more,
But buttons on a woolen blanket sure I never saw before.
Now as I come home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a hat upon the mat where my old hat should be;
Well, I called to me wife and I says to her, now would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that hat there on the mat where my old hat should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
You're blind you cannot see;
For that's the lovely chamber pot me mudder gave to me.
Well, it's many a days I travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a chamber pot with a rim like that I never saw before.
Now as I come home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe there on the chair where my old pipe should be,
Well, I called to me wife and I says to her, now would you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that pipe there on the chair where my old pipe should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
You're blind you cannot see;
For that's the lovely tin whistle me mudder gave to me.
Well, it's many a days I travelled a hundred miles or more,
But tobaccy in a tin whistle sure I never saw before.
Now as I come home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two boots beneath me bed where my two boots should be;
Well, I called me wife and I says to her, now would ya kindly tell to me
Who owns these boots beneath me bed where my two boots should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
You're blind ya cannot see;
For that's the lovely geranium pot me mudder gave to me.
Well it's many a days I travelled a hundred miles or more,
But laces in a geranium pot I never saw before.
Now, as I come home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a head there in the bed where my old head should be;
Well, I called to me wife and I says to her, now, would ya kindly tell to me,
Who is that head there in the bed where my old head should be?
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool,
You're blind ya cannot see;
For that's the lovely baby boy me mudder gave to me.
Well, it's many a days I travelled a hundred miles or more,
But whiskers on a baby's face I never saw before.
