Murphy's Law, JAG Style: Harm Takes a Trip

damngunnyshot

Part of a series written with Layla: thanks for the idea to

do this :o)

Disclaimer: If I could own any one of them, it would be a

toss up between Harm and Gunny...but unfortunately, I

don't. So please don't sue me.

A.N. Uh, nope, not based on real life events at all.

Really. Honestly. Would I lie to you? OK, OK, the only

thing I didn't do was take out a judge or anyone else, but

the trip was actually taken in front of our glass-walled

boardroom. And yes, there was some sort of (large) meeting

going on...*sigh* And as for the landing on someone, my

partner in crime might have taken out a certain French-

Canadian-Indy-500-winner-turned-F1-driver at a race some

years ago... not embarrassing at all, nope....?

A.N. 2 Yeah, I know the link included with the story leads

to a completely different explanation, but the picture

simply called out to be included in a Harm/Mac story :o)

*******

Ugh, it was going to be one of those days. He just knew

it; it was cursed from the start. He must have turned his

alarm clock off instead of hitting the snooze button, and

then he got caught in two traffic jams. OK, so one was a

legitimate jam on the Beltway, and the other was a traffic

jam at his favourite drive through coffee stop.

Finally, running just under an hour late, Harm got to work

only to find a visitor parked in his space. Finding the

absolute last spot under a tree in the furthest reaches of

the parking lot, Harm got out of the car, precariously

balancing his briefcases, his lunch and his keys. Slamming

the door closed, Harm looked up at a noise coming from the

tree above and saw a bird fly from the branches. Not

giving in a second thought, he went to turn and walk into

the building -- but before he could even take a step, snow

came crashing down from the branches to cover him with a

huge pile of light, fluffy snow. Small piles a few inches

tall sat on each shoulder, and he didn't even want to think

about his cover.

Feeling a bit like Charlie Brown, Harm muttered to himself

that it couldn't possibly get any worse so it only had to

get better, right?

Fumbling his way into the bullpen, Harm was relieved when

he saw his partner/best friend/hopefully someday wife,

hoping to get some sympathy and some help.

"Careful Frosty. Stick around here and you might melt

away. Mac quipped as she grabbed Harm's lunch bag and his

briefcase.

"Very funny, Mac" grumbled Harm.

"Feeling a bit grumpy there, Frosty?" she replied, laughter

in her voice and in her eyes. "I hope Happy Frosty makes

his appearance before Court today. Judge Helfman is liable

to kick your snowy six out of her Courtroom if your

personal snowstorm doesn't melt away."

Snickering as she watched Harm put his coat and cover away,

Mac thought aloud. "Hmm, or maybe I don't want Happy

Frosty to show up. I might actually win this one. Oh, and

better not let the cover get too far away, Harm. Isn't it

the magic hat that brings you to life?"

Balling a piece of paper which he intended to use as

artillery against Mac, Harm raised an eyebrow and said,

"Oh, the fun never ends when you're around, does it Mac?

Besides, I'm going to kick your six in Court today anyway.

My client is definitely not guilty."

"Riiight. So, when the census takers come around, do you

include your ego as a roommate? Your client landed his

plane on a military police vehicle, Harm. (A.N. to see the

Government's primary evidence, click here:

http://community.webshots.com/photo/5750710/5751375ErfrQTJe

yz) How much more guilty can you get?" Mac asked

incredulously.

"We'll just see, Mac, we'll see." He replied smugly as he

looked down at her with that infuriating look that he had.

"See you in Court, counsellor".

*****

Once he was defrosted, Harm noticed that that he needed to

get moving if he wanted to make Court on time. He gathered

the voluminous files and wondered yet again what it was

about the legal world that created so much paperwork. As

he was leaving his office and turning into the busy hallway

that passed the elevators, the top file began to slide off

its perch. Fortunately, Harm did some fancy manoeuvring

and caught it just in time. Unfortunately, a guy who is as

tall as Harm usually has some larger than normal feet. In

his effort to catch the falling file, Harm tripped over his

own feet.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOO"

In slow motion, all four volumes of the file flew from his

grasp. Papers, documents, photographs, file covers. No,

they couldn't simply fall to the ground in some semblance

of order, they had to mix together in a flurry of papers.

At the same time that Harm watched his files mingling like

a room full of drunken shmoozers, he realized that the

hallway floor was coming closer and closer to his face.

From the corner of his eye, he could also see the dark blue

chest that he fell into on the way down.

He made a highly undignified and rather awkward landed atop

one Commander Amy Helfman, his legs intertwined with hers,

arms on either side, his face in the judge's chest.

"Ma'am, sorry ma'am" Harm stuttered as he scrambled off

Judge Helfman. Grabbing the papers surrounding them, his

face flaming like a Tomcat's afterburners, he quickly stood

and offered a hand to the fallen judge.

"Well, Commander, I had no idea you wanted to get so close.

What would Colonel Mackenzie have to say?"

In his rush to find the hole in the ground he was wishing

for, Harm grabbed the papers from the hand extended towards

him, stuffed them into the first file cover he could find

and slunk off towards the courtroom.

His indignity (and embarrassment) only increased as her

heard his CO's voice behind him. "With landings like that,

no wonder they keep him on the ground," the Admiral

commented with a hearty laugh.

A more delicate giggle made its way into Harm's

consciousness and finally he looked up at the person who

was still handing him papers. While Mac's mouth struggled

to remain neutral, her eyes gave her away and finally she

could not hold in the laughter any longer.

"Oh, Harm, I know you're willing to do anything to win a

case but I didn't think that included copping a feel on the

presiding judge. Good thing it's not Admiral Morris, huh?"

He just glared at her. "Just wait, Jarhead. Your day will

come," he growled before stalking into the courtroom,

leaving a mirthful Marine in his wake.

A.N. Harm's little problem actually happened to a very good friend of

mine when she moved from BC to Alberta. She doesn't stop there

anymore.

************

"Aaauuugh, dammit Harm I wish you would have stopped at the last gas

station. How much longer until we get to the next one?"

"But Maaac," Harm whined, "it was on the wrong side of the road. Not

only that but I just finished passing all of those trucks and RVs and I

don't really want to have to pass them again. I can pull over if you

want."

Sending her sexy partner looks of death, Mac yanked the map out of the

glove compartment. Grumbling under her breath "Just 'cuz you've got

outdoor plumbing doesn't mean *I* want to let it all hang out for the

whole world to see" she frantically tried to find anything that even

remotely looked like it might have a washroom. City, town, rest area,

campground, ANYthing! Damn men, why can't they ever just STOP the

first time they are asked? For that matter, why did they always have

to drive?

The longest ten minutes of Mac's life later, an oasis appeared on the

horizon, bringing joy into Mac's heart and bladder. Noticing that this

rest stop was again on the wrong side of the road, Harm began to open

his mouth, but quickly shut it as Mac threatened his future ability to

father children if he didn't stop at this one. Had Mac not had to visit

the ladies' room so badly, she might have laughed out loud at the

beaten expression Harm wore. It was so very, "yes dear". But

breathing was difficult at this point, forget laughing out loud.

The car hadn't even come to a complete stop before the Marine jumped

out and tore into the building, only to come face to face with a tour

bus crowd of seniors, all in line for the single washroom.

'Marine's do not cry, even in frustration. Must not yell at seniors.

Must not cut in line. Must be patient.' This mantra played itself

over and over again in Mac's head and she tried very hard not to cross

her legs and dance.

"For those of you who are interested, there are more washrooms in the

restaurant side." The young man behind the counter directed his

comments at Mac, noting her obvious distress.

With a relieved "thank you!" to the clerk, Mac raced off in search of

relief.

Meanwhile, Harm had taken his time, for there never seemed to any any

line ups for the mens' room. Sauntering back into the restaurant area,

he decided to grab some coffee for the next leg of the trip. 'Or maybe

I shouldn't get anything for Mac. What goes in must go out' He

snickered out loud as he got in line to order two large double doubles.

From the corner of his eye, Harm noticed a tall, beautiful blonde woman

smiling at him from the other end of the line. Hoping that Mac wasn't

around, he smiled back. Oh sure, he knew nothing could ever come of

it, strange woman in a far away gas station, not to mention his

feelings for Mac, but still, it did his ego good to see that he still

had it.

The line up was moving quickly and he was able to place his order. The

blonde woman slowly looked him up and down. When her gaze went back

down his body, the woman's smile got bigger.

'Oh yeah, baby, I still got it' Harm thought with a chuckle.

Just then, the woman crooked her finger with a "come hither" look.

Closing the last feet between himself and the woman, Harm's smile was

as big as the wingspan of his beloved Tomcats. She sidled up to him,

snaked her wrist around his neck and pulled his ear down to her mouth.

She whispered in his ear, her breath tickling his neck. "Did you know

that you have a lot of toilet paper attached to your shoe?"

Harm's eyes whipped down to his feet. Sure enough, there was about ten

feet of toilet paper trailing from his left shoe. Feeling the fire

rising in his cheeks, he bent over to yank the offending paper from his

shoe, and ran away.

"Sir? Your coffee is ready? Two large double doubles. Sir?", the

confused clerk called after him. "Huh. Guess he figured out about the

t.p. Next!"

"Please be at the car, Mac," Harm prayed as he ran towards the car.

Glancing up at the sign, he burned it into his memory as "Place I Never

Want To See Again. Ever."

Someone must have heard Harm's prayer, for Mac was certainly waiting at

the car. Too bad for Harm, she was doubled over at the waist with

tears running down her face as she howled out loud.

"Oh Jesus Harm, that's the funniest thing I've EVER seen! Oh you

should have seen the look on your face when that woman smiled at you!"

"Mackenzie, right now I don't ever care if you shut up, just get in the

car." Harm ordered, anxious to get the hell out of there. Knowing he

shouldn't, he glanced over his shoulder as he practically dove into the

car, and saw the blonde woman still giggling in the window.

Still laughing about as hard as she ever had, Mac was gasping for air

and pawing the tears from her cheeks. "Did you know if you transpose

the a and the i in trial, you get TRAIL? Talk about a TRIAL lawyer's long TRAIL of PAPERwork!" She was the only one in the vehicle to find that statement funny as she fell into laughter again.

Her only answer was a glare over the top of Harm's aviator sunglasses,

and a simple statement. "Someday, Marine, you will get yours. And

when you do, be assured that I will be there."