quot;Walker!quot; Mac screamed.

quot;What happened?quot; Mulder demanded, scrambling across the small Zodiac to the pair.

With all her might, Mac shoved Walker’s inert body off of her and scrambled to her knees. The older man was clutching his side, blood spilling from between his fingers and pooling beneath him. His face was ghostly pale and sweat beaded his skin.

quot;Walker’s hit!quot; she cried, pulling at his web gear and shirt to find the wound.

quot;Put pressure on it!quot; John instructed, yelling over the motor and the gunfire. quot;Keep all his clothing in place and press down hard. No matter what, don’t let up on it!quot;

Mulder and Mac.

Webb, Harm and Travis heaved three more grenades and then from out of nowhere a rocket hit the beach beyond their boat. Smoke rolled upward in a great cloud as sand and debris hit the water. Jerking their heads up, they all could have wept with relief as they saw the first of two Pave Hawks from the Charlotte; the steady whap-whap-whap of the rotors a beloved sound.

Seconds later the Pave Hawk was directly above them. The firing from the beach was silent now after the Pave Hawk’s rocket. Hovering overhead in the dark night sky, the Pave crew lowered a basket and the men carefully transferred Walker to it. Mac climbed in, too, straddling his legs as she used her whole weight to press down on the bullet wound. They were lifted up and away. John aimed the IBS in the same direction, headed back to the Charlotte. Grimly, he focused on the darkness before them. With the bright moon overhead and his night vision, the deck lights of the carrier were soon in sight.

An intolerable amount of time later, a second helicopter touched down on the Charlotte’s deck and they tumbled out of it. Harm first, then Webb and Travis. Mulder was next - Scully cradled in his arms even though he could barely stand himself. John was the last one out holding a blanket wrapped Britain in a tender grasp. They were finally on their way home.

A little more than twenty-four hours later, Admiral Chegwidden burst through the doors of Bethesda Medical’s critical-care unit, a heavy scowl on his handsome face.

quot;Where are my people?quot; he demanded the instant he spotted Webb.

quot;They’re fine, A.J.,quot; Webb soothed, coming to his feet.

quot;I want to know what happened, Mr. Webb, and this better be damned good. You can start by telling me where Commander McKaye is!quot;

Webb glanced around to make sure they weren’t attracting attention but there wasn’t anyone else on the waiting area. He glared at A.J. quot;He’s here but so far no one else knows that and I’d like to keep it that way!quot; Webb hissed.

quot;You’re obstructing justice, Agent Webb,quot; A.J. bit out.

quot;He wouldn’t leave her unless we forcibly removed him anyway so it’s easier to let him stay,quot; Webb shot back.

quot;That’s beside the point,quot; A.J. growled. quot;However…quot; He drew out the word. quot; I agree with you in this instance.quot;

quot;You do?quot; Webb was momentarily taken aback.

quot;Don’t let it go to your head,quot; A.J. muttered dryly. quot;That doesn’t mean I’m not furious that you broke him out of prison in the first place.quot;

quot;I had no choice,quot; Webb stated simply. quot;I needed his help.quot;

quot;You should have come to me,quot; A.J. retorted sharply.

quot;I couldn’t endanger you that way, Admiral, you know that.quot;

A.J. sighed. quot;Let’s table this until later. I want to see Rabb and MacKenzie.quot;

quot;They’re in the first room on the left,quot; Webb directed.

A minute later, Admiral Chegwidden knocked gently on the door and heard Harm call for him to come in.

quot;Admiral!quot; Harm stated in surprise, jumping to his feet.

quot;At ease, Commander, quot; A.J. murmured, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. quot;I wanted to see for myself that you’re both in one piece.quot;

There was another chair in the room near the door and the older man pulled it over to the bed, seating himself besides Harm.

quot;It’s good to see both of you,quot; he stated gently, a cross between his formal self and the man who viewed these two as family.

quot;Good to see you, too, sir,quot; Mac replied warmly.

A.J. leaned forward slightly, bracing his forearms on his thighs. quot;What happened over there?quot; He asked flatly. quot;This was supposed to be a planned extraction.quot;

quot;When you find out let us know,quot; Harm answered dryly.

Admiral Chegwidden raised an eyebrow at him.

Harm sighed. quot;We don’t know what happened, Admiral, but somehow they knew we were coming.quot; Briefly, Harm related what happened up until they escaped without Agent Scully. quot;We got to a safe place where Mac could rest and waited. I knew as soon as we missed our pick up, Webb would send help in to get us out,quot; Harm explained simply. quot;But I never dreamed he would break John out of jail to do it.quot;

quot;He put us in a definite bind by doing what he did,quot; A.J. muttered wryly. quot;He should have come to me.quot;

quot;He wouldn’t risk putting your career on the line like that, Admiral. Besides, I think he’s been trying for longer than any of us know to atone for an old wrong with John. Giving him the chance to go after Britain was probably the best way to do that,quot; Harm returned.

quot;It ensures a court martial for sure,quot; Admiral Chegwidden pointed out.

quot;If he’d known we were in trouble over there he would have gotten to us one way or another,quot; Harm murmured. quot;He wouldn’t have given up, Admiral.quot;

quot;I know, Rabb – he reminds me of two other people I know,quot; A.J. smiled slightly and Harm and Mac exchanged a glance. quot;Both of you need to rest. Is everyone else all right?quot; he questioned, his voice softening.

quot;Mulder took a hit in the leg and Scully was beaten pretty bad. Walker was shot, Admiral, and it’s bad. They were going to keep him overnight on the carrier to make sure he was stable before transporting him back,quot; Harm related.

quot;Damn Webb,quot; A.J. cursed under his breath. quot;I hope he can explain all this to the SECNAV. Imagine putting civilians in the middle of this mess…quot; his voice trailed off and he looked at the pair again.

quot;It wasn’t Webb’s fault, Admiral. He was only helping us out of a mess we got ourselves into in the first place. Remember? We went to him for help?quot; Harm reminded gently.

A.J. nodded slowly. quot;You’re right, Commander,quot; he sighed. quot;What about Commander McShane? Was she still alive when you got there?quot;

Harm and Mac exchanged another glance and Harm took a slow, deep breath. quot;They almost beat her to death. I didn’t even recognize her when John brought her out of the room they were holding her in.quot;

Admiral Chegwidden looked at his clasped hands for a moment and then back to Harm and Mac. He stood and moved a bit closer, laying one of his big hands over theirs on the bed.

quot;If you hadn’t made it out of there I would have come after you myself,quot; he murmured. quot;I’m grateful that Commander McKaye risked himself to go after you and I’ll help you see to it that his charges are dropped,quot; he stated in a low voice.

quot;Thank you, sir,quot; Harm murmured, moved by his CO’s words.

Admiral Chegwidden gave them one more solid look and then quietly left the room. Harm let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and met Mac’s eyes. She smiled tenderly at him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

quot;Everything will work out. We’ve come this far,quot; she whispered reassuringly.

Harm studied their clasped hands for a moment. quot;When that door exploded the first time we went in…quot; he broke off and looked up at her, his eyes blazing with feeling. quot;I was afraid…quot;

Mac reached up and pressed her fingers to his hard mouth. quot;Don’t torture yourself with what might have happened. We’re home now and everyone will be okay, Harm. We did the very best we could. I was scared, too,quot; she added, reaching for him.

Harm needed no further urging. He moved to sit on the bed and gathered her into his arms, mindful of her infected leg. Having her in his arms was enough for now. Tenderly, he rocked her, splaying his hands across her back, relishing the feel of her slender form. His big hands buried themselves in her mussed hair, tilting her head back until he could see her eyes. Mac met his dark gaze. There was something in his stare as he studied her, something she wasn’t sure she could identify. The pad of his thumb brushed tenderly over her bottom lip, tugging slightly. Overwhelmed by the simple touch, Mac’s lids fluttered shut, her breath coming in short puffs. Harm tilted her head forward slightly and pressed his lips to the corner of one eye, feeling the silky brush of her lashes.

quot;I love you,quot; he murmured deeply. quot;You are my whole world.quot;

quot;And you are mine.quot;

Webb pushed the door open just in time to hear the last two lines of talk. Uneasy, he cleared his throat and started to back up.

quot;Come in, Clay, it’s all right,quot; Mac called, catching sight of him over Harm’s shoulder.

Webb walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He went to the side of the bed and Harm and Mac parted except for their entwined hands.

quot;You doing all right?quot; he asked gruffly.

quot;We’re both fine, Webb. They’ve got Mac on meds for her leg but Lt. Varano said we’ll be able to go home tomorrow,quot; Harm answered.

Webb didn’t miss the other man’s ‘we’ reference. He smiled slightly and nodded. quot;I’m glad. Look, you two, I don’t know what happened out there. I know the leak wasn’t with Holland. He’s worked with me…quot;

quot;Clay,quot; Mac cut him off. quot;No one blames you. We asked for your help and you’re the one who found Britain’s location in the first place then arranged for us to get to her. You also came and got us out. We’d still be there if it weren’t for you,quot; she reiterated.

quot;That’s right and besides, I bet I know who leaked the info,quot; Harm put in.

quot;Who?quot; Webb raised one brow.

quot;The same yellow belly who had her kidnapped in the first place – Admiral Cruise.quot;

Webb nodded in agreement. quot;I would bet on it. Probably so scared he ratted on them that he turned around and told them about the extraction to score some points.quot;

quot;So what do we do now?quot; Mac questioned.

quot;I’ve already arranged for a SEAL team to go in now – get ‘em while their numbers have been decimated. I believe we’ll be able to catch the leader.quot;

quot;Do you have an identity?quot; Harm inquired.

quot;No – unfortunately. The team will do what they have to,quot; Webb stated flatly.

quot;Travis!quot;

Travis turned at the sound of his wife’s voice to see her flying down the hospital corridor. He opened his arms and caught her as she launched herself at him. Crying openly, Jenny hugged him hard, barely able to believe he was really standing there holding her.

quot;Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re really here! I was scared to death you wouldn’t come back!quot; she ground out against his neck.

quot;I’m here, baby.quot; Travis closed his eyes as a shudder racked him. quot;Shh, everything’s all right,quot; he whispered soothingly, stroking a trembling hand over her silky hair.

A gentle tug on her long tresses brought her face up and he kissed her briefly, his hard mouth crushing her softer one. He broke off and hugged her again, never so glad to be holding her. Over her shoulder, he saw King a few feet away. Beside him stood Alex, who was twisting her hands together and looking around for some sign of Walker. Keeping one arm tightly around his wife’s waist, Travis steered them over to King and Alex.

quot;Storm didn’t come?quot; he asked King briefly.

King gave a negative shake of his head.

quot;Where’s Walker?quot; Alex questioned, a tremor in her husky voice that belied the way she drew herself up straighter.

quot;He was shot, Alex.quot; The words were blunt no matter how Travis tried to soften them.

quot;Where is he?quot; Alex questioned evenly.

quot;Still on the carrier. They were already operating by the time the rest of us got back onboard. They wanted to send us all back here immediately but Captain West was afraid to move Walker so soon. When I left he was in critical condition but stable. They wanted to keep him there a little longer before putting him through the long flight here,quot; Travis explained.

To her credit, Alex’s expression remained unchanged. quot;How soon will they bring him home?quot; she asked softly.

quot;As soon as they can,quot; Travis reassured, reaching out to squeeze her clenched hands.

quot;How are the others?quot; she continued, her eyes flickering over Travis’s tall form.

quot;Assorted injuries but everyone will be fine. Walker’s going to be fine, too, Alex. Believe that,quot; Travis stated emphatically.

Alex only nodded and turned away to go sit down.

Travis exchanged a look with his older brother.

quot;Go sit with her and I‘ll go round up some coffee,quot; King murmured.

quot;Ship-to-shore for you, Captain Wesley. Lt. Prescott at Bethesda.quot;

Captain Patrick Wesley left his surprise patient and crossed the room to the phone. quot;Captain Wesley,quot; he greeted.

quot;Captain, Lt. Prescott – glad you called.quot;

quot;I needed a second opinion,quot; Wesley half-joked. quot;I can’t treat Ranger Walker properly onboard ship and I certainly can’t remove the bullet. He needs to be flown out of here.quot;

quot;Are we close enough to get him here?quot; Prescott questioned.

quot;If we pack him up tight he should make the flight fine,quot; Wesley answered.

quot;Then get him ready. Call me when they lift off and I’ll make sure a team is ready for him,quot; Lt. Prescott promised.

He hung up the phone at the station and made his way back to the waiting room where Admiral Chegwidden was waiting with the Ranger’s friends and family. They looked up expectantly when he came in, saluting to A.J. before addressing the group.

quot;I just spoke with Captain Wesley onboard the Charlotte. They’re preparing Ranger Walker for transport here immediately. Based on Captain Wesley’s reports, Ranger Walker’s condition is severe. The bullet is lodge between the thirteenth and fourteenth vertebrae and pressing against the spinal cord. Currently the swelling in the area is too great for us to operate. Once we get him here and get him settled, we’ll have to wait for it to subside and then we’ll have a different outlook.quot;

quot;Is he going to be all right?quot; Alex spoke up, her face pale

quot;I can’t make you any promises, ma’am. I’m sorry. We’ll do the very best we can when he gets here. I can promise you that,quot; he stated.

He turned on his heel and left the room. Calmly, Admiral Chegwidden walked over and laid a hand on Alex’s shoulder. She tipped her head back to look up at him.

quot;They have some of the very best doctors here, Ms. Cahill. Be strong,quot; he murmured reassuringly, giving her a gentle squeeze.
quot;Thank you,quot; Alex whispered.

Down the hall, Webb paused outside of Agent Scully’s door and knocked gently. He turned the knob and went in when he heard Agent Mulder’s voice. The room was dimly lit and Webb felt like an intruder when he saw Scully nestled snuggly in bed with her partner very close by, their hands entwined.

quot;Come in,quot; Mulder ordered gently.

Webb closed the door behind him and walked to the foot of the bed, his eyes flickering over Scully’s face.

quot;It doesn’t hurt as bad as it looks,quot; she mumbled.

One corner of Webb’s mouth tilted up. quot;Glad to hear it. I just wanted to…quot; he stopped abruptly and thrust one hand through his hair in an agitated gesture. quot;I wanted to say thank you - for being a part of this. You risked your lives for someone you didn’t know and I’m grateful,quot; he bit out in a rush.

Mulder looked at Scully and smiled partway. quot;Never thought I’d hear Clayton Webb in a moment like this,quot; he stated sardonically.

quot;Very funny,quot; Webb snapped.

quot;That sounds more like him,quot; Scully mumbled again through swollen lips that didn’t want to work properly.

quot;You’re welcome, Webb,quot; Mulder drawled. quot;The risk is part of the job. Besides, we owed you one.quot;

quot;Yeah, well, I still wanted to say thanks,quot; Webb retorted and walked back to the door. He paused, one hand on the handle and looked back to the bed. quot;I’m sorry for what they did to you,quot; he expressed in a rare show of heartfelt emotion. Scully’s beautiful alabaster skin was a map of bruises and cuts, a prelude to what followed down her slender form.

quot;It wasn’t your fault,quot; she assured him softly. quot;But, thank you.quot;

quot;Get some rest,quot; Webb returned shortly, gathering up his defenses again as he opened

Webb continued on his trek to the elevator and up two floors to ICU. He found the room number he was looking for and stopped outside the door to draw up his courage. The lion’s den waited on the other side.

BACK DOWN THE HALL…

Mulder moved as close to his small partner as his wheelchair would allow, still holding her hand. Scully turned her head just a bit and looked at him.

quot;You should be resting,quot; she scolded.

quot;I’m resting just fine here with you,quot; he murmured.

Hesitantly, almost reverently, Mulder lifted his hand and stroked his fingertips across her cheek. His hand was trembling and he squeezed his fingers into a fist, hovering over her for an instant before dropping to the pillow next to her bright red hair. The enormity of the situation hit him all over again and he felt the sting of tears. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them, his lashes spiky. He gazed at her face, taking in the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. They almost faded into oblivion among the bruises. An image of her in the room where they’d found her flashed through his mind.

quot;How can you ever forgive me for this?quot; he whispered, startling himself when he realized he’d spoken aloud. He picked up her hand and closed his fingers around her small ones, bringing them to his mouth. quot;I can’t even forgive myself,quot; he continued. quot;Thank God you’re all right. If I’d lost you… Oh, God, Scully, I wouldn’t have been able to go on,quot; he ground out bitterly.

quot;Don’t… you…. Dare.quot;

He jerked his head up and looked at her. Slowly her lashes lifted and her clear blue eyes focused in on his ravaged face. For a moment there was not a sound in the room outside of the monitor keeping track of her heartbeat.

quot;It wasn’t your fault,quot; she whispered, reading what was on his mind like she had so many times before. She reached up and touched the corner of his eyes where a trace of wetness remained.

Mulder felt the tears coming yet again as his mind refused to let go of the near-horror of how close he just came to losing her for good. He didn’t even bother to try and cover up how he was feeling with pride or excuses.

quot;I’m sorry, too. Sorry that you had to go through this,quot; she told him, her own feelings of self-reproach apparent.

quot;It wasn’t your fault,quot; he stated softly. quot;You couldn’t have known that…quot; By the look on her face he realized he’d been had. quot;All right, neither one of us could have known what would happen,quot; he agreed reluctantly.

quot;Then call it a draw,quot; she murmured.

quot;I can’t get the picture out of my mind of turning around and finding you gone. I thought… Oh, God, Scully, I’ve never been so scared in my life.quot; The words sounded as if they were torn from the very depths of his heart. quot;I wanted to go after you and Rabb wouldn’t let me. He said we had to wait for help.quot;

quot;And he was right. You could have been killed and then where would we be?quot;

Scully struggled to raise herself into a sitting position, her hands reaching for him at the same time. Mulder grasped her upper arms as he rose, maneuvering himself out of his wheelchair and moved to the side of the bed. Scully wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him fiercely. Afraid he would hurt her, Mulder gingerly wrapped his arms around her small form and held her close, savoring the feel of her. He buried his face in her silky hair and cried like a baby. Holding him as tight as she could, Scully tried to absorb the tremors that shook his big frame as tears rained down her own cheeks, wetting his shirt where her cheek rested. For several minutes they sat there like that, taking comfort in each other. Finally, Scully moved slightly and brought her hands up to cup his head. She lifted her own head just far enough to press her lips against his forehead. She held them there for several seconds as Mulder’s hands came up in her hair, holding her to him. He lifted his then, too, and without missing a beat, his mouth found its way to hers.

In the one single instant, the world tilted. All the waiting and wondering and hiding fell away with that first, tentative kiss. Scully’s lips clung to his and they were still, frozen by their own heartbeats. Then his hands tightened in her hair and he really kissed her, feeling her mouth part beneath his as she responded to him. Mulder tenderly broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closed as he struggled to calm his thundering heart.

quot;I love you.quot;

The words came and went so fast neither was sure who’d spoken at first then they realized they’d both spoken at exactly the same time. Reading each other’s thoughts in a way that had become so much like second nature to them. Mulder shifted his head a fraction of an inch and pressed his lips to hers, holding them there. Scully smiled against his mouth and it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever felt. He moved then and hugged her tight, nestling her close to his heart and holding on as if he’d never move away from her again. Scully held him just as tight, cuddling closer until she was almost sitting in his lap. A heartbeat later, she was sitting in his lap as Mulder shifted and brought her there, sheets and all. A ray of light couldn’t have gotten between them then.

quot;I don’t want to hurt you,quot; he murmured against her hair.

quot;You’re not. Just stay here with me.quot;

quot;I’ll always be with you,quot; Mulder whispered into her hair.

quot;I was scared over there, Mulder. I was afraid you wouldn’t find me,quot; she admitted, her words muffled against his chest.

quot;I would have died trying,quot; he returned gently.

quot;I think their leader came in. He wanted to know where the rest of you were. I didn’t know but I wouldn’t have told him anyway. I’m just glad we’re home now. All of us and that we found Britain. What’s going to happen now?quot; she asked, lifting her head.

quot;I don’t know. I guess it’s in Webb’s hands for the time being. You and I are going to take some time and recuperate. You’ve got some pretty serious injuries.quot;

quot;Maybe this is what was supposed to happen all along,quot; she whispered against his neck.

He smiled into her hair. quot;Like fate?quot;

quot;Something like that,quot; she answered.

quot;I thought you didn’t believe in things like fate and destiny?quot; he teased gently.

quot;I didn’t until I met you,quot; she murmured. quot;But I believe in the way you make me feel.quot; She lifted her head and met his gaze head on. quot;I love you,quot; she stated simply but her whole being was tied into those three little words.

Mulder felt the only sense of peace he’d ever known returning to him. A peace that came only with her presence in his life. quot;I love you, too.quot;

She smiled then and it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. So he smiled back at her. That crooked little boyish grin that always made her so weak in the knees.

Webb slowly pushed open the door to Britain’s room and slipped inside. John was standing several feet from the bed, legs braced apart and his arms crossed over his wide chest. He looked grim and exhausted all at once. And forbidding in his black cammies. He turned when he heard the door and stared at Webb as the younger man walked to his side.

Webb turned his eyes to the bed where a doctor was working over Britain. quot;How is she?quot; he asked in a low voice.

quot;Not good,quot; John answered shortly. quot;They…quot;

The doctor turned just then and walked over to them. His face was set. quot;This is the wait and see stage, Commander. I’m sorry – I wish I had a better prognosis. Commander McShane has slipped into a coma. While we don’t like to see comas, it’s probably the best thing for her at this stage. Her body is extremely traumatized and she needs rest more than anything. I’ll allow you to stay with her for as long as you like, okay?quot;

John nodded at Captain West. quot;Thank you.quot;

Captain West only smiled and excused himself from the room.

The two men stood for a moment staring at the prone figure on the bed.

quot;How bad was she hurt?quot; Webb questioned quietly.

quot;They tortured her.quot; John expelled a slow breath, inwardly shoring up his strength. quot;Captain West made a thorough examination when we got here. She has three broken ribs, extensive bruising all over her body and a serious concussion.quot; John heard Webb’s indrawn breath. quot;They also whipped her severely – her back and hips and bottom are cut up and they broke her left pinkie. The only thing they seem to have saved was raping her.quot;

Rage vibrated through Webb as he listened to John’s words – a rage that was palpable from the other man as well. quot;We’ll get them all, McKaye – every last one,quot; Webb promised.

John arched one brow questioningly.

quot;Team One is moving in as we speak.quot;

Which John knew meant they’d be lucky if any of the Libyans were brought back alive.

He turned slightly to face Webb, his expression and stance never changing. quot;I thank you for giving me the way to go get her, Webb, but that’s as far as it goes. This doesn’t change a thing,quot; John stated evenly, his voice hard and emotionless.

quot;You are a cold bastard, McKaye. I just hope you’ll see the truth someday,quot; Webb sighed, feeling a rare moment of defeat.

quot;I know the truth,quot; John scowled.

quot;No, quot; Webb pointed out softly. quot;You only know what you want to believe. What are you going to tell her when she wakes up?quot;

quot;I won’t be here by the time she wakes up,quot; John replied firmly.

quot;That’s not fair to her. She’ll want to know where you are. Who’s going to explain it?quot; Webb persisted.

John fixed the shorter man with a hard glare in the dimness of the room. quot;You’ve always been good with fixing things, Webb. I’m sure you can come up with something suitable – if she even remembers me taking her out of the building.quot;

quot;Oh, well,quot; Webb shrugged casually. quot;She’s used to you running out on her.quot;

quot;Don’t push me, Webb,quot; John growled.

quot;What are you gonna do? Hit me?quot; Webb taunted. quot;You’ve done that before.quot;

quot;Get out of here, Webb, and let me alone. I don’t want or need your interference.quot;

quot;You never did,quot; Webb replied very softly.

Then he turned and left the room. John stood still for a moment, pushing everything out of his mind except for the woman on the bed before him. In a deep coma, as Captain West had reported. The man had been amazed when John told him she’d been conscious when they rescued her. That same will to live was what she needed now.

Slowly, he uncrossed his arms and walked over to the bed, pushing the chair closer as he sat down. Almost hesitantly, he slid his hand beneath hers, lifting it in the cradle of his fingers. Eyes glazed with deep emotion roamed over her face. He couldn’t even see the bruises and the cuts – just the beautiful woman he remembered from so long ago. She still looked the same way his memory had framed her.

quot;I’ve never stopped loving you, Brie.quot;

The words sounded loud in the still room. It wasn’t what he’d intended to say but it was the truth. John realized how badly his hand was shaking and he tightened his grip. He was never one for talking. And giving way to his private feelings was another matter altogether. But somehow he had to get through to her so he forced himself to continue. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself and everyone else that he didn’t love her – he did. There would never be any getting around that.

quot;I came after you because of that. Regardless of what happened three years ago - I couldn’t turn my back on you. I still hate you for what you did to me. I’ve hated you every second of every day over it until it’s eaten me alive. I loved you, Brie. I loved you more than anything in my world and the second you got…quot; He broke off abruptly. quot;Well, I guess that doesn’t really matter now. The minute I confirmed the news with Mary I was on my way. Whatever they did, whatever happened in Libya – you’ve survived it, Brie. Torture like that would have broken many of the men I know. But you made it through somehow. You have courage and strength unlike any other woman I’ve ever known and you better hang on to that now. There are a lot of people waiting to see you pull through – don’t disappoint us. I wish you the best, Brie – I always have.quot;

Hesitantly, he reached out and touched her face, smoothing her now clean hair back. Her long, tumbling curls had always fascinated him. One of the nurses had washed it and now it splashed across the white pillow in an inky mass. Her face was almost unrecognizable beneath the bruises and cuts. Rising from the chair, John bent over and gently laid his forehead to hers for just a moment and then he tenderly pressed a kiss to her lips.

quot;Be well, Britain,quot;

He took a few steps away from the bed and hesitated. With one last look back at her, he left the room.

When he rounded the corner into the waiting room, the group gathered there seemed surprised to see him. Webb pushed away from the wall where he was leaning and came forward with a bemused look.

quot;What are you doing out here? Is she all right? Did she wake up?quot; He demanded in rapid-fire fashion.

quot;She’s still in the coma,quot; John returned evenly. quot;I’m ready to go.quot;

quot;Go?quot; Admiral Chegwidden jumped up. quot;Go where?quot;

quot;Back to the Naval yard,quot; John answered, turning his attention to A.J.

quot;What?quot; A.J. roared, practically in the younger man’s face.

quot;You heard me, Admiral. I’m not needed here any longer. It’s time to go.quot;

quot;Aren’t you carrying this thing too far?quot; Webb exploded, walking right up to John.

quot;Back off, Webb,quot; John grounded out.

quot;Or what? You gonna take a swing at me?quot; Webb taunted. quot;Go ahead. One of these days you’ll realize you’re wrong, McKaye, but if it’ll make you feel better to beat the hell out of me than go ahead,quot; Webb ordered in a low, hard voice.

quot;Gentlemen!quot; A.J. interrupted sharply. quot;Back off now!quot; he ordered angrily. He looked between the two men. quot;It’s been apparent to us all that there’s something between the two of you. I want to know what it is.quot;

quot;With all due respect, it’s private, Admiral Chegwidden,quot; John returned, his eyes daring Webb to say otherwise.

quot;He’s right, Admiral. It happened a long time ago but he’s too stubborn to let it go. You might as well take him back to the brig,quot; Webb shot back, his voice ringing with defeat.

A.J. looked between the two before his gaze settled on John. quot;I know how you feel about her,quot; he started in a low voice. quot;Don’t you want to stay with her until she wakes up?quot;

John looked at the Admiral with bleak, lifeless eyes. quot;I can’t, Admiral. Please, just put me back into custody.quot;

A.J. studied him for a moment longer before he finally nodded just once. quot;Very well.quot;

With one sharp motion of his hand, the older man summoned the SPs that had been on guard near the waiting room entrance. In the blink of an eye they had John in handcuffs aimed for the doorway.

quot;John!quot;

They all stopped at the intrusion of a new voice and turned to see Harm coming down the hall. He looked around the room in confusion before stopping right in front of his friend.

quot;What the hell’s going on?quot; Harm demanded, turning to look at Webb and the Admiral. quot;You promised he could stay with her!quot;

quot;Harm…quot; Admiral Chegwidden began.

quot;I asked them to take me back,quot; John interrupted.

quot;You what?quot; Harm’s head swung around to John. quot;Why? She needs you here!quot;

John shook his head sadly. quot;She doesn’t, Harm. She never did.quot; John looked at the SPs. quot;Let’s go.quot;

The three men started forward again but halted again when Harm grabbed John’s arm.

quot;Why are you doing this?quot; Harm demanded in a low voice. quot;After all you’ve told me about her – about how much you love her. How can you walk away now of all times?quot;

quot;I can’t bear the memories. You don’t know the whole story – no one but Webb does and now isn’t the time for me to tell it.quot; John leaned close to Harm until they were only an inch apart. quot;I hate her, Harm. I hate what she did to me and sitting by her bed isn’t going to change that. It’s better this way for her and I both,quot; he stated flatly.

A red haze descended over Harm’s vision. quot;Goddamn you, McKaye!quot; he roared. quot;You put us…quot;

Without even finishing his tirade, Harm drew back his fist and hit the other man with all his might. John stumbled backward out of the grasp of the two SPs and went down over a chair, hitting the ground with a thud. Just as Harm started to lunge after him, Admiral Chegwidden raced forward to grab him, one arm beneath Harm’s chin, bending him backward.

quot;Commander Rabb!quot; A.J. bellowed. He looked at the two guards. quot;Get him out of here!quot; he ordered sharply.

quot;Yes, sir.quot;

Harm struggled against the Admiral’s hold, his eyes still on John as the two guards pulled him to his feet.

quot;You don’t deserve her anyway with an attitude like that! After all you put us through to go get her. The rescue, Agent Scully, Mac, Walker – how dare you act with such little regard to all our safety just to turn around and walk away from it all in the end? You have no right! Who died and left you in God’s place? You can’t…quot; Harm spewed furiously, his words tripping over themselves.

quot;Commander!quot; A.J. yelled, cutting him off.

quot;What is going on out here?quot;

Mac came hobbling into the room, holding the wall for support. She took in the scene before her; Harm in a chokehold by the Admiral, John cuffed between two SPs with blood trickling down his chin from a split lip and the others all gathered around.

quot;I can hear you yelling in my room!quot; she continued as she started across the room.

quot;Scully and I can hear you, too! Doesn’t anyone remember this is a hospital?quot;

Mulder was right behind Mac, stepping forward quickly to offer her a supporting arm.

Before anyone could answer, a new, authoritative voice cut through it all like a laser.

quot;Ms. Cahill, they’re here with Ranger Walker!quot;

Alex cut swiftly through the group as Lt. Prescott burst into the room. quot;Where?quot;

quot;He’ll go straight into surgery. We’re going to take that bullet out now instead of waiting. I’ll have someone keep you posted on our progress. We’re going to do our damndest – I promise you that,quot; the doctor assured her firmly.

Alex nodded, biting her bottom lip. quot;Thank you,quot; she whispered, forcing the words past the knot in her throat.

Lt. Prescott smiled and squeezed her clenched hands. quot;I can let you see him for just a second while we transfer him into the OR.quot;

quot;Please!quot; Alex pleaded in a gasp.

Lt. Prescott nodded.

As she followed him out of sight, the tension in the room seemed to deflate instantly. Harm stopped struggling against A.J. as the enormity of how serious things still were overtook him. Without another word passed, the SPs led John away and A.J. released Harm. Mulder released Mac and Harm took his place, slipping his arm around her slender waist. Mac leaned gratefully against his side and looked up into his face. Then she looked between Webb and A.J.

quot;What’s going on?quot; she asked quietly, soothing some of the underpinnings in the room.

quot;John offered himself back into custody,quot; Harm sighed with resignation.

quot;What?quot; Mac looked shocked. quot;Why?quot;

quot;I wish the hell I knew,quot; Harm shook his head.

Alex followed Lt. Prescott on shaking legs into the OR room where the trauma team had just come in with Walker. It took every ounce of will she had not to break down the minute she saw him. The organized rumble around her faded into nothingness as she went to Walker’s side. Reverently, Alex picked up his hand, leaning over him and smoothing her hand over his dark hair.

quot;Oh, Walker,quot; she whispered, her voice shaking. quot;Please, don’t leave me. We’ve come this far. You’ll be fine,quot; she continued. quot;They’ll all see. You’ll be just fine.quot;

A single tear splashed onto what shown of his face beneath the oxygen mask and the straps holding him down on the gurney.

Alex pressed her lips to the corner of his eye. quot;I love you, Walker. Come back to me.quot;

quot;We have to go ahead,quot; Lt. Prescott murmured at her side, touching her shoulder.

Alex nodded and stepped back slowly until her link to Walker was severed when his hand slipped away from hers. Her eyes remained fixed on his still form even as she was moved into the hall and the OR doors were closed.

quot;He’s gonna pull through this, Alex.quot;

Travis moved up behind her, his gaze on the man beyond the doors. He turned his eyes to the blonde at his side. No matter how else she might have behaved, she was as stoic as he’d ever seen her. Travis thought to all the times Walker had been injured – all the chances he’d taken to save a life or capture a criminal. And each time Alex waited and prayed. She looked up at Travis and without a word he wrapped his arms around her. Alex clung to him without a word or a sound, her eyes moist with unshed tears. She held fast to Travis who offered up strength to keep her going.

They parted a minute later and turned to find all the others waiting patiently. Harm, Mac, Mulder, Webb, A.J., Jenny and King. Travis and Alex moved to join them and they found seats, settling in for the long wait ahead of them.

Hours later, they were still waiting. One of the nurses had come twice to tell them Walker was holding his own. Finally, Lt. Prescott came out, exhaustion sketched into his face as he pulled a blue surgical cap from his head. Alex jumped to her feet the instant she saw him, followed by Travis and the others.

quot;How is he?quot; she demanded.

Lt. Prescott smiled fully. quot;He came through it just fine. We removed the bullet and found no permanent nerve damage. He’ll need some recovery time and physical therapy but he’ll be back to 100% in no time.quot;

quot;Thank God,quot; Alex whispered, sagging against Travis as he put an arm around her.

quot;They’ll be moving him to Recovery and then I’ll let you see him,quot; Lt. Prescott continued.

quot;Thank you, Lt. And thank you for saving his life.quot;

quot;How do you propose we make this mess come out right?quot;

Admiral Chegwidden slowly lowered himself into his desk chair with a deep sigh. He and Webb had just remanded custody of John over to the guards at the Naval yard. The Commander was steadfast in his refusal to take a defense on going AWOL and the surrounding events.

quot;I don’t know what to do, Admiral. You saw for yourself what he thinks of me,quot; Webb answered flatly

A.J. eyed the younger man thoughtfully. His earlier anger had dissipated because he knew the Agent had simply done what was asked of him this time. Frankly, he went beyond his obligation because of his relationship with Mac and Harm and A.J. was grateful for his help in their extraction.

quot;I can’t defend him like this, Webb. I have no idea where to even begin.quot;

life for a woman he clearly loves more than anything and then walk away from her.quot;

Webb raked one hand through his hair, clearly agitated.

quot;Webb, I can’t recall ever seeing you this upset over anything,quot; A.J. observed sardonically.

Webb arched one brow. quot;Okay, I deserved that and probably more.quot;

quot;I apologize. While it’s true I spend more time furious with you than not, I do realize you behave the way you do because of the life you lead. I don’t envy you your position. Now tell me this story, Webb.quot;

Webb leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs, staring at the floor between his feet. quot;Three years ago I was working on putting an end to a terrorist faction in Egypt. The CO heading up the operatives was Admiral Faraday.quot; Webb looked up and saw A.J. cock a brow in recognition. quot;When we got ready to send a team in, they assigned McKaye to head up the extraction. His XO on the team was Lt. Jason Strasser. Here in the States, Commander McShane was also working with Admiral Faraday as a weapons consultant because the faction was moving a high tech American weapon.quot;

A.J. leaned forward and folded his hands together on his desk. quot;I remember that incident well. Faraday gave the rest of us a bad name. These weapons were the ones sold to the terrorist group by the double agent that was killed – Bradford or something, wasn’t it?quot;

Webb nodded. quot;Kurt Bradford or the Jackal as he was known in our circles. He was killed in Egypt when the whole thing blew up in our faces. McKaye and Strasser went in to Egypt and did all the recon and intel for the mission. This was before any of us knew Faraday was in on the weapons trading. It was also when John and Britain first met. I think they both fell so hard right from the first that there was no turning back.

We got right down to the wire on this mission, A.J.,quot; Webb muttered harshly. quot;Almost to the end of months of research and planning and it went to hell in a few short days. Faraday called a meeting with me. He wanted me to have McKaye and Strasser removed from the mission because matters had shifted and we were no longer going to pursue our present course.quot;

quot;Sounds like that pompous ass,quot; A.J. interjected. quot;He was pulling the mission because it was getting too close to his involvement, right?quot; he surmised.

quot;Right. Which everyone knows because that bastard is rotting away in Leavenworth. I told him there was no way in hell unless I had direct orders from the SECNAV. Faraday made arrangements with Bradford instead.quot; Webb paused and leaned back in the chair, crossing one ankle over the opposite knee. quot;John got back to Egypt first and found a package waiting for him. It was full of photos of Britain and Jason in some very misleading positions.quot;

quot;An affair? I wouldn’t have guessed that.quot;

quot;Because they weren’t having an affair. Outside of you and Harm and Mac, the only other people I’ve come close to making friends with over the years were these three. Britain had come to me with concerns that her involvement with John might compromise the mission. I asked her why and she told me she thought they were drifting away from each other because he seemed to be withdrawing. I asked her to hang on a little longer since the mission was almost over and she agreed. Lt. Strasser was McKaye’s best friend so Britain turned to him for guidance. There were pictures of comfort between them that John construed as an affair. He made a very bad assumption but the pictures were very convincing.quot;

With a deep sigh, Webb rose from the chair, shoving his hands in his trouser pockets. He began to walk slowly around the office. He stopped and looked directly at A.J.

quot;There was a tape with the file and a letter – both from me. Once he heard the tape and read the letter there was no explanation in sight. They were forged – by Bradford, I’m assuming since it was a professional job. John was livid and that was that. No explanations – nothing. He lit into me with accusations of trying to sabotage the mission by distracting him over her and Jason.quot;

quot;Where was Lt. Strasser during all this?quot; A.J. inquired.

quot;Still in the States with Britain which didn’t help. Anyway, to finish up the story, Jason arrived the next day in Egypt but before John could talk to him, the faction attacked the embassy offset building where they were staying. Lt. Strasser and Bradford were both killed in the bombing.quot;

quot;And Lt. Strasser was killed before John could talk to him,quot; A.J. surmised.

quot;Right. John was shot but not bad enough to keep him from returning home. He went straight to Britain and attacked her. She didn’t even know what was going on in the first place,quot; Webb explained.

Slowly, A.J. leaned back. quot;So, if we could somehow get John to learn the real truth, then he’ll stop this stubbornness and let me get these stupid charges dropped.quot;

quot;One can only hope.quot;

Harm left Mac sleeping peacefully under the effects of her painkillers and went down the hall to Britain’s room. He had already called William and Mary who would be on the next flight out. But for now he didn’t think the pretty young woman everyone had worked so hard to go after should be alone. There was a chair already close to the bed that he lowered his tall frame into. Folding his hands in his lap, he studied Britain McShane.

John showed him a picture once after their illuminating talk aboard the carrier all those months ago when he was flying. John thought of her as the perfect vision of a southern belle – well, as close as you got to the south in Texas. He remembered that her eyes were a startling shade of blue. Dark and mysterious like the sky at dusk as the sun dropped into the horizon. The way the sky looked when they were up in their Tomcats at sunset.

Hesitantly, Harm leaned forward and reached for her hand. He stopped just short of it and curled his fingers into a fist – them went ahead and picked up her hand. She was a small woman and her hand rested across his palm – much like Mac’s tiny hands.

quot;You remind me of Mac. She’s endured some pretty horrible times and come out of it. You will, too, Brie. You’ve made it this far so don’t give up now. I don’t know if you can hear me or not – maybe you can. I’m Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr., and I served with John aboard the Nimitz several months ago. He told me about you. Not a whole lot but enough for me to see and hear how much he loves you. I imagine he always will no matter how stubborn he acts to the contrary. He told me about how he left you behind because you wanted something he couldn’t give. I know now that wasn’t true. At least it wasn’t the whole truth. We all know there’s more to the story because of the animosity John has with Clayton Webb. And if I wasn’t convinced already, I am now because he walked out of this room a few hours ago like it was nothing. After all we went through to get you back. But don’t let that discourage you. John went AWOL from the carrier to go after you. He loves you so much that he was willing to sacrifice everything he has to come after you. He was shot and we convinced him to go into custody and let us handle this – my partner and I and some others Webb brought in to help us. Then our mission went all to hell and Webb broke John out of jail to come after us.

Can you imagine that? Clayton Webb breaking a man he can’t even be in the same room with out of jail? But they had a common purpose. Webb told me it was the one way he could give John a chance to save you himself. I don’t mind admitting, Brie, that I’m confused about all this. I know John loves you more than anything else in this world. He risked his career and life for you. So forgive me for not believing him when he told me he hated you for what you’d done to him. No man who hated a woman that much would do what he did for you. I want to know about your past, Brie, all of us do. But first you have to get better. John is in custody now in the Naval yard facing a court martial because he refuses to defend himself. My CO, Admiral Chegwidden is going to defend but he can’t do that without John’s help. Someone needs to kick his six all over D.C. until he comes to his senses.quot;

quot;I’ll second that.quot;

Harm swung around in surprise. Mulder gave a half smile and slowly hobbled into the room. He was dressed again in his black cammies and Harm raised one brow in question.

quot;They can make me stay overnight but that can’t stop me from wearing my own clothes,quot; he stated firmly.

Harm was in his own cammies, in fact, and it must look a strange sight to have a group of them wandering the halls of the hospital dressed in such a way.

Harm smiled. quot;Can’t say that I blame you. How are you feeling?quot;

quot;Okay. Just ready to get the hell out of here.quot;

quot;Amen,quot; Harm agreed with a sigh.

quot;I see you had the same idea Scully had. She wanted to come but she isn’t feeling up to that much activity yet. She thought someone should be with Britain. Told me to find something to talk about. Anything to keep Commander McShane holding on,quot; he explained.

quot;Pull up a chair and join me,quot; Harm smiled.

Mulder made himself comfortable on the other side of the bed, studying Britain thoughtfully. He glanced back up at Harm.

quot;What do you make of this mess?quot; He asked casually.

Harm sighed. quot;I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t have the whole story and what I do have isn’t making sense. I know he loves her, Mulder. As sure as I know how we feel about Mac and Scully. After all he went through it get her back from the Libyans, I thought we’d never get him away from her. I never expected him to just up and leave.quot;

quot;I’ll admit my curiosity is about to get the better of me. Webb and McKaye are violent around each other,quot; Mulder commented. quot;I know Webb and I know the affect he has on most people –quot; One corner of Mulder’s mouth lifted when Harm nodded in agreement. quot;But he honestly seems to be trying with John. I’ve never known Webb to be so worried about someone else’s feelings.quot;

Harm nodded again. quot;When I got the original story from John, there was no mention of Webb at all. I would never have guessed he even knew him. The way it appears to me, Webb knows Britain, too, and was involved somehow in whatever broke John and Britain apart,quot; Harm speculated.

quot;You think he was somehow to blame?quot; Mulder asked.

quot;I don’t know. Webb can sink pretty low sometimes, as I’m sure you know, but I can’t imagine him breaking up a relationship. Not unless he truly thought it was better for everyone,quot; he added.

quot;But from what appears between these two, nothing good has come from them being apart.quot; Mulder turned his eyes back to the still form on the bed. quot;How bad was she hurt?quot;

quot;Bad enough to probably wish they’d killed her,quot; Harm muttered. He gave the other man a rundown on her injuries.

Mulder swore softly. quot;I can’t imagine how she ever pulled through.quot;

quot;Given the way I know Mac, I think Britain is an extraordinary woman. Probably much the same as Scully,quot; Harm pointed out, glancing sideways at the Agent.

Mulder nodded slowly. quot;We’ve been through some things most people could never understand. She is the only person in this world I’ve ever trusted with my life.quot; He looked up and met Harm’s eyes. quot;Until now.quot;

Harm smiled. quot;I can’t even begin to imagine what you and she have endured. Based on the way you act with each other and what I’ve heard, I probably don’t even want to know. Trust is a difficult thing. I can’t imagine a life without Mac. Even before we reached the place we’re in now. She’s my partner and my best friend. I depend on her every day to get me through,quot; Harm admitted.

quot;Me, too, with Scully. She’s brought order to my world in many ways. She’s never once been afraid to tell me what she thinks, even if it’s to tell me my ideas suck.quot; He grinned boyishly in a rare moment. quot;She makes sense of things when I don’t understand them and keeps me sane when I feel like I’m hanging on by the last thread.quot;

Harm looked back to Brie and touched her cheek with his fingers. quot;I was under the impression that John felt that way about Brie. I can’t believe we would come all this way just to let it end like this,quot; he stated.

quot;Maybe when she gets better. There’s still a case here to solve. Admiral Cruise needs to be brought down along with the jerks he’s working with.quot; Mulder met Harm’s eyes. quot;I thought Scully and I were the only ones who had this much trouble with internal corruption.quot;

Harm shook his head. quot;Apparently not.quot;

quot;Ms. Cahill?quot;

Alex jerked her head up, realizing she had dozed off against Travis’ shoulder.

quot;Yes?quot; She answered, jumping up as the nurse smiled gently.

quot;I’ll take you to see Ranger Walker now.quot;

Alex turned her head to look at Travis, Jenny and King. Travis nodded reassuringly and Alex followed the woman out of the waiting room. Several feet down the hall, they stopped in front of a glass-fronted room. Inside, Alex saw Walker lying still and pale, hooked to a multitude of machines. The nurse touched her shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

quot;I know it looks pretty frightening but he’s doing very well. Lt. Prescott will be around in a little while to check on him. He can answer any questions you may have.quot;

quot;Thank you,quot; Alex murmured, her eyes focused on her best friend.

quot;You can stay with him as long as you like,quot; the nurse continued.

Without another word, Alex slowly walked into the room. There was a chair already beside the bed and she sank into gratefully as her knees shook with aftershock. Gingerly, she picked up his big hand, careful of the IV tube running from the back of it. His broad palm was warm and strong against her cold skin but it signaled that he was very much alive. Dropping her head forward against his side, she began to cry, finally giving way to the churning emotions she’d held in check since first getting the call to come to DC. After a few minutes, she lifted her head and wiped her free hand over her eyes. Taking a deep, steadying breath, she turned her focus to the man before her.

quot;It’s time like this that make me see why marriages to cops fail so often. You scared the hell out of me, Cordell Walker. I hate to be the one to break this to you but you’re not getting any younger. Neither am I. One of these days you’re gonna have to leave this covert stuff to the younger guys. Not that you don’t do a wonderful job but I want to grow old with you – not as a widow.quot; She stared at his face for a moment, noting the bruise on one jaw and several tiny cuts – probably from flying debris.

Alex scooted her chair forward and leaned closer to him. With trembling fingers, she traced his features. The tiny little laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, the slight furrows above his brow, the full lips that always held a warm smile. Even the smooth, close-cropped beard she loved so much. She gently laid her fingertips over his mouth, tenderly tracing their shape.

quot;This is how you must have felt when I was shot last year. The fear of having to wait and not knowing the outcome. We’ve been through so much together. I know that every time we go through this, it could be the last time. Since we started this case helping Travis and Harm and Mac, I’ve taken a good look at each of them. These other couples so closely mirror what you and I have. Harm and Mac, Mulder and Scully – even Travis and Jenny. Each day there is a challenge and each day I thank God when you come home safe and sound. Being a Ranger is who you are – not just what you do. It would never be fair of me to ask you to give it up. Just like I would never expect you to ask me to give up my work. I guess this is an instance where we just do the best we can. We’ll have to because I love you too much to ever give you up.quot;

Admiral Faraday was showing every day of his 61 years as he was escorted into the visiting room. A.J. and Webb stood near a table, both men solemn and formidable looking. The older man looked worn and bitter, angry lines etched into the sides of his eyes and mouth. He stood at the table – opposite of them – and waited in the silence. A.J. and Webb stood their ground, sizing up Faraday, looking for chinks in his armor. Finally, A.J. broke the silence.

quot;Sit down, Faraday.quot;

The man did so grudgingly, his every move hostile.

Webb and A.J. both seat themselves. Webb dropped the folder he was holding on the table in front of him and folded his hands in his lap, his every move slow and deliberate.

quot;I want to talk to you about what happened in Egypt.quot;

quot;I have nothing to say,quot; Faraday answered flatly.

quot;I think it would be in your best interest to listen to us, Faraday. You’re in no position to exert any power of choice here,quot; Webb countered calmly.

quot;You can’t make me talk about it,quot; Faraday reiterated.

quot;I think I can. I want you to tell Commander John McKaye what really happened in while he was in Egypt.quot;

quot;No.quot;

Webb stood up calmly and leaned forward, bracing his hands on the small tabletop. quot;You listen to me, you pompous son of a bitch. That disaster you engineered is still causing problems three years later. Commander McShane is lying in a hospital in a coma. Commander McKaye should be with her but he won’t go because he still thinks she had an affair with Lt. Strasser. He blames me, too, because he thinks I set it up. You and I both know better,quot; Webb stated, his voice low and vibrating with fury.

quot;I did what I had to do in Egypt.quot;

quot;Bullshit. I wouldn’t dance to your tune and recall the mission. What I’d really like to do is beat the hell out of you, Faraday. If I’d had my way you would have gone before an old-fashioned firing squad,quot; Webb continued, warming up to his tirade. Behind him, A.J. fought a smile. Webb stood up and leveled a cool glare on Faraday. quot;As it is, we’re willing to offer you a deal in exchange for your talk with McKaye.quot;

quot;Yeah, right,quot; Faraday scoffed.

Taking a cue from the good cop/bad cop routine - except with two bad cops - A.J. lurched to his feet and moved directly in front of Faraday, staring coldly at the man.

quot;I suggest that you listen real close to what Agent Webb has to say. It would be very much in your best interest to cooperate with us.quot;

quot;You can’t intimidate me, young man!quot; Faraday thundered at A.J., rising to his feet so they were nose-to-nose.

quot;Even if it means getting out of here?quot; Webb put in, his voice dangerously soft.

Faraday turned in Webb’s direction and sneered at the young agent. quot;Even you can’t arrange for that, Webb, so don’t think you can set me up.quot;

Webb made a tsking sound and shook his head. quot;Faraday, you know I can arrange for anything I want – including an untimely demise for a certain jailed ex-Admiral.quot;

His meaning was perfectly clear and something akin to fear flickered in the old man’s dark eyes.

quot;I see you’re not as immune as you’d like us to believe,quot; Webb commented casually. quot;I think we’ll leave and let you consider your options. I’ll expect to hear from you by the end of the day.quot;

John was slowly going mad. Not from being locked up in the cell or the lack of activity. Not even from the threat of losing the career he’d worked so hard to build. It was the torment of having seen her again. After all these years of trying to get her out of his system. And to see her in such a way… All he wanted to do was make her better. Whatever it took to heal her from this ordeal. But that kind of power was far from his grasp. Bitterness and regret ate away at his soul like an open, ugly sore that refused to heal. It expanded inside of him until it blocked out his life, leaving no room for anything else.

No other woman had come close to taking her place. And he had no will to try and replace her. Instead, he kept her tucked away in the recesses of his mind – alive and waiting when he needed to recharge his batteries. Safely locked in his memories he could think about all their good times and how much love they had shared. One memory in particular haunted him most of all. The first time he ever laid eyes on her. He remembered clearly how she looked the day they met. Her laughter and her smile. How she made him so at ease while being shy at the same time. She was an intriguing puzzle – a mixture of innocence and sass, of tenderness and grit. She consumed him from that moment on – quickly becoming the sole occupant if his tunnel vision. She meant that much to him that fast.

Despite their harrowing surroundings, the minute he picked her up from the cot in that dingy, broken down hell hole – he felt like he’d come home after years of being lost. When he walked away from her three years ago, he thought he was doing the right thing. He walked away because he thought she made a choice that no longer included him and it was honorable to turn his back and walk away. But being right and honorable was hard and stupid. It didn’t make him feel better. It didn’t banish every long, lonely night without her – and it sure as hell didn’t stop the endless memories that he couldn’t break free of.

Now he’d walked away from her yet again and this time she wasn’t even facing him and defending herself. A fist squeezed around his heart and a spasm of pain tightened his entire body. When she came out of the coma and found that he’d gone, it would hurt her all over again but he had no choice. A man didn’t forget that kind of betrayal – no matter how deeply the vein of love ran. Later, when this ordeal was over – when he was strong enough to face how he really felt – he would admit that he’d truly lost her this time. And maybe then he could admit that he’d lost himself, too.

quot;Are you sure you don’t want to go home? It’s late and Lt. Prescott said you really need to rest.quot;

Mac finished dressing and reached over to squeeze Harm’s hand. quot;I can rest in a chair next to her bed just as easily. I really would like to go sit with her for a while."

Harm studied her face for a moment. She was looking much better after having slept most of the day. The antibiotics the doctor had given her had taken a quick hold on the infection from the shrapnel in her leg.

He nodded. "Okay. " He stood his ground as she stood up, clutching his arm when a small wave of dizziness swamped her. She nodded her readiness and they started out of the hospital room. "She looks really bad, Mac. Captain West said the coma is as effective as sedating her so that she isn't agitated but the longer the coma goes on the less bright the situation looks," he continued. "We've tried keeping up a steady stream of talk to her but..." he shrugged helplessly.

"You said William and Mary are here?" Mac asked as they made their way down the hall toward the bank of elevators.

"Yes. They arrived a little while ago."
"How are they handling it?"

"As well as can be expected. I was afraid of what would happen when they saw her but they both stood their ground. I can see where Brie got her will from."

"She'll need it still if she's ever going to recover from this," Mac murmured as they elevator chimed, signaling their arrival to the ICU floor.

It had been a long few weeks and showed no signs of slowing down. A.J. rose from his desk and turned off his lamp, using the light from the open doorway to cross his office. Dropping his cover on his head, he strode across the deserted bullpen. Exhaustion aside, he wanted to go back to Bethesda and check on everyone’s progress. He wouldn’t sleep anyway until he did. A few minutes later he was on his way. Traffic was slim due to the late hour and he used the quiet time to mull over all that was happening.

Being the JAG was a trying process. He considered himself blessed to have Harm and Mac and Bud and Harriet under his command. They worked hard everyday. Under anyone else’s command, some of the stunts his two senior officers pulled would have gotten them removed from duty. In his case he supposed it was a hazard of having gotten closer to them than he should have. At the very least, he felt he owed some of it to them because they had supported him on more than one occasion.

The glow of the passing streetlights cast shadows over his stern face. They were in a pickle now. Technically, the group as a whole had gone beyond their duty in this case. Even Webb had done much more than was required. Honor was a funny thing. The same thing that made him support Harm and Mac, even when they knew they’d screwed up, drove Webb and the others to help Commanders McShane and McKaye. Despite the past that ate away at them, Webb was still willing to go out on a very slim branch to bring them to safety and to somehow reunite them. A.J. respected him for that above all else.

0710 ZULU

CLAYTON WEBB'S OFFICE

WASHINGTON DC

It was very late and he was exhausted. Flipping on the small lamp on his desk, Clay sat down and tiredly rubbed a hand over his burning eyes. This whole mess was wearing him down. After coming home from picking up the pieces in Egypt, he thought he’s managed to put away all the memories of it. Locking them away deep inside where they would no longer bother him. Sitting there in the silence of late evening, his office had never seemed so empty. Damn it all, he thought fiercely. My life was calm and orderly before this. Now it’s in pieces at my feet. Right along with my heart, he added morosely. Sighing, Webb leaned back slightly, staring at place in the past only he could see. He’d gone over this argument in his head a thousand times since the time in the Egyptian desert and still could make no sense of what happened. No matter what he did or how he tried to make amends for something he didn’t even do - he couldn’t make it right for any of them. Jason was dead; John and Brie were merely existing apart when they could be loving together. And they wondered why he was so hard and bitter. He has reason to be. And letting people in – allowing them to become friends – only meant a way for him to get hurt. The same thing had already happened more than once with Harm and Mac.

He didn’t like putting himself at risk like that. Propping his elbows on the desktop, he cradled his aching head in them. The phone at his left rang, echoing like a gunshot in the quiet stillness of the room. He snatched it up before it could ring again.

"Webb."

The deep voice on the other end of the line identified itself and Webb listened. He hung up the phone a minute later. The SEAL team had accomplished their mission - effectively wiping out what remained of the faction who'd kidnapped Britain. They had managed to bring back four men - one of which they believed to be the leader.

Webb picked the phone back up and punched in a number. It was answered on the second ring. quot;I need information.quot;

On the other end of the line, Special Agent Kyle Reid chuckled. quot;When do you not need information, Webb?quot;

quot;Maybe you just need to switch professions,quot; Webb shot back.

quot;Nah, I like what I do,quot; Kyle answered. quot;What can I do for you?quot;

Briefly, Webb explained about the team bringing back the Libyans. He could hear the man on the other end moving around.

quot;Four of them?quot; Kyle questioned.

quot;Yep. I want to know who the leader is and I want him tied up with Admiral Cruise.quot;

quot;You got it, Webb – complete with a red ribbon.quot;

0315 ZULU

INTENSIVE CARE UNIT

BETHESDA MEDICAL CENTER

After stopping for a few minutes to talk with William and Mary McShane about their daughter, Mac finally made it to Brie’s bedside. Mulder had gone back to be with Scully and Harm went in search of fresh coffee, leaving Mac alone with the woman who currently held all of their attention.

Mac studied the battered face for several long moments as memories of another similar time in her own past rose up. A time in the not so distant past that still gave her nightmares. She slowly reached out and touched the back of Britain’s hand.

quot;You’re not alone in this, Brie. I know you don’t know any of us but we know a lot about you. I know you’re strong and courageous or you wouldn’t be here with us now.quot;

The memories still choked her. The drugs, the endless pain from being tied up and his blows. She remembered every single second of the ordeal. Unbidden, Mac heard a chilling voice in her head.

quot;I see you’re awake again, Major. Tell me, how are you feeling?quot;

quot;I apologize, Sarah.quot;

quot;I can see how your beauty captivated him.quot;

quot;For weeks I have watched and waited.quot;

quot;I still hear what he said all the time,quot; Mac murmured aloud to the still form on the bed. quot;It gives me nightmares. They’re not as bad now – being with Harm and all. But I still know what it’s like. I remember the endless pain and wishing I could just die. In the next breath I was praying Harm would find me.quot; Mac leaned closer to Brie. quot;I don’t know if you can hear anything I’m saying, Brie, but I hope you can. I realize you don’t know any of us, but we did the very best we could to get you. I’m sorry for all that you went through over there. We only found out about your kidnapping by accident.

John went AWOL to find you. He refused Harm’s help at first but we couldn’t let him tackle this alone. It took us some time to put together enough details to figure out where you were. Whether you know it or not, there are a lot of people around here who care about you. Your parents are here and Agent Webb. We don’t know the whole story there but we do know the two of you are friends.quot; Mac gently stroked her hand over the other woman’s dark hair. quot;Hang in there, Brie. I know you can pull through this. If nothing else, I hope for you and John to work this out. No matter what he said or may yet say, he needs you. I would be my last breath on that. He needs your help right now because if someone doesn’t get through to him he’s going to end up in Leavenworth. Did you hear me on that, Brie? Leavenworth. So, please, wake up and help us help John.quot;

**************

Voices were speaking to her. They sounded so far away and it she didn’t recognize the voice. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was stay in this nice warm place she was in. Where it was quiet and dark and safe. No one was hurting her here….

***************

quot;Colonel, I didn’t expect to find you here this late. You should be sleeping.quot;

Mac turned from Britain’s bed at the sound of Admiral Chegwidden’s voice and smiled wanly at him. quot;I wanted to sit with her for a while. I guess we’re all kind of taking turns.quot;

quot;How is she?quot; A.J. asked as he came toward the bed.

quot;Still in a coma. There’s hasn’t been any movement from her and no change in her vitals,quot; Mac answered.

quot;How are you feeling?quot; He asked, pulling up another chair.

Mac shrugged gently. quot;Okay. I feel worn out mostly. And they’ve got me on some pretty heavy duty meds.quot;

quot;Mac… Oh, Admiral, when did you come in?quot;

Mac and A.J. turned to see Harm in the doorway. He came in and stood behind them.

quot;I wanted to see if you needed anything,quot; A.J. stated.

quot;I just came back from Recovery. They’re moving Walker to CCU. He came through the surgery fine. They’re just waiting for him to come out of the anesthesia now.quot;

quot;I’m so glad he’s going to be okay,quot; Mac murmured.

quot;Admiral, have you decided what you’re going to do about John’s case?quot; Harm asked, leaning against the back of Mac’s chair.

quot;Webb and I had a long talk yesterday and he told me about the history between he and Commander McKaye and Commander McShane. It’s one of the most convoluted misunderstandings I’ve ever seen. In a nutshell, it involved Admiral Faraday, who I’m sure you’ve both heard of. Webb and I paid the Admiral a visit yesterday. He has the power to clear up the problem between them all. Webb’s trying to threaten him into talking to John in exchange for a lighter sentence. This whole matter could be resolved with a suspension in wages from Captain Glenn instead of a full-blown court martial!quot;

quot;Want me to go see him?quot; Harm offered.

quot;No, Rabb, especially not after the way you two last parted,quot; A.J. stated dryly.

quot;Webb’s pretty sure Faraday will buckle so we’ll see what happens. Right now I want all of you to worry about getting better and getting out of here.quot;

At such a late hour, there weren’t many people around to notice the tall, distinguished man that strode in. And he was dressed in uniform but then so were most of the people in the building. He already knew where to go. He had sources of his own despite everyone thinking he was so stupid. He would show them all.

quot;Good evening, Admiral. Can I help you?quot;

He stopped at the nurses’ station and smiled warmly. quot;I’m looking for Commander Britain McShane’s room.quot;

quot;I’m sorry, visiting hours don’t begin until 0800, sir,quot; The young nurse stated apologetically.

quot;I understand that but I’m her CO, Admiral Michael Cruise.quot;

There were two guards posted on either side of the door to her room when he came down the hall. One of them stepped forward to meet him, holding up his hand. Without a hesitation in his stride, Cruise pulled a gun from inside his jacket and shot both men. Even with a silencer, the shots echoed like a cannon in the tiled hallway of the unit.

Inside Brie’s room, Mac jumped when she heard gunfire. Just as she jumped from her chair the door flew open and a tall, wild-looking man rushed in, hi gun aimed at Mac.

quot;Admiral Cruise!quot;

quot;Sit back down in that chair, Colonel!quot; Cruise ordered sharply. "Do exactly what I say and you won't get hurt."

quot;What the hell are you doing?quot; Mac demanded, moving backward to put her body between Cruise and Britain.

"I came for her," Cruise retorted, jerking the gun toward the bed.

"What? What were you going to do? Just waltz in and take her?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm taking her back to the men who wanted her in the first place. If I don't, they'll kill me."

Out in the hall, Harm and the Admiral came at a run when they heard the gunfire. Rounding the corner, A.J. spotted the two dead guards and threw up a hand to halt Harm. He turned to the hospital personnel behind and ordered them to stay back.

"Admiral! What's going on here?"

Admiral Chegwidden didn't bother to turn around as he heard Captain West's voice.

quot;Admiral Chegwidden! Where’s our daughter?quot; William McShane demanded as he and Mary also came running.

"I'm not sure yet but I intend to find out." A.J. swung around and found the nurse who was working the front desk. "Who passed you in the last 10 minutes?" he demanded.

"Commander McShane's CO, an Admiral Cruise. I tried..."

A.J. didn't give her a chance to finish. He looked at Harm, his mouth set in a tight line. "I'm going to call for a team. Get everyone out of the surrounding rooms and do it quickly!"

"Aye, sir."

Within ten minutes, the nurses and Captain West along with Harm and Mulder evacuated the 20 rooms along the hall and had all the patients temporarily relocated to the CCU unit on another hall. Admiral Chegwidden came back, carrying the firearms they'd all checked at the desk when they arrived earlier. Harm and Mulder both took theirs and checked the ammo.

quot;Mac’s in there with him,quot; Harm stated grimly.

quot;We’ll get her out,quot; Mulder assured him, hoping he wouldn’t make a liar out of himself later on.

quot;Cruise!quot; A.J. called.

The door opened a minute crack but Cruise remained hidden. quot;Don’t push me, Chegwidden. I have one of your people in here with me and I’ll shoot her if I have to.quot;

quot;What do you want?quot; A.J. demanded

quot;I’m taking Commander McShane with me.quot;

quot;Over my dead body,quot; A.J. sneered. quot;You’ll never make it out of here alive!quot;

quot;We’ll see,quot; Cruise returned snidely. quot;Just stay out of my way. I’m taking her out of here one way or another.quot;

Harm glanced at the Admiral. quot;He’s crazy,quot; he muttered under his breath.

quot;As a loon,quot; A.J. agreed. quot;We’ll wait him out for a few minutes and see what he does.quot;

Cruise stood behind the door, weapon aloft as he eyed Mac and Britain. Mac turned slightly and smoothed her hand over Brie’s forehead. A fine sheen of sweat dotted the young woman’s skin. The monitor next to the bed registered a slight change in frequency and Mac frowned. She picked up Brie’s hand and bent close to her.

quot;Brie? Can you hear me? Brie? It’s Colonel MacKenzie.quot;

The monitor picked up a bit more and fine lines of tension bracketed Brie’s mouth and eyes. A low moan whispered its way from her throat. Mac smiled and smoothed her hair in sow, even strokes.

quot;Open your eyes, Brie. Open ‘em now and look at me.quot;

Very slowly Brie’s lashes fluttered. Her breathing increased marginally and Mac tightened her grip on her hand. By degrees, the dark-haired woman opened her eyes, her gaze straight.

quot;Hi, there,quot; Mac whispered. quot;You’ve had us awfully worried.quot;

quot;Get away from her!quot; Cruise barked.

Mac looked up and glared fiercely at him. quot;I will not.quot;

Cruise raised his gun and pointed it directly at her. Mac stood slowly, still holding Brie’s hand and met his stare head on.

quot;If you shoot me it’ll erase any slim chance you had of getting out of here alive.quot;

quot;Don’t threaten me, Colonel,quot; he sneered.

quot;Oh, I’m not threatening you, Admiral. I’m promising,quot; Mac stated coldly.

quot;Ad…Admiral… what…quot;

Mac whirled around when she heard Brie’s reedy voice and squeezed her hand. quot;Hush now. Don’t try to talk. You just rest, okay? Everything’s going to be just fine.quot;

quot;Shut up!quot; Cruise roared.

Mac held her ground, refusing to even flinch under his wrath. Cruise spun on his polished heel and cracked the door again. quot;Chegwidden! Where are you?quot;

Without even stopping to think about what she was doing, Mac grabbed up the metal framed chair shed been sitting in and threw it at him with all her might. Cruise started to turn just as the chair hit him square. He fired but the shot went wild. As Mac started toward him, the room door flew open, hitting him from the other side as A.J. and Harm rushed in. In the blink of an eye they had the older man subdued.

quot;That was a stupid chance you took, Marine,quot; Harm growled.

quot;I had to do something,quot; Mac only shrugged. She caught sight of Captain West beyond the door. quot;Captain? Britain’s awake.quot;

****************

Webb got out of the specially equipped car the brig arranged for him and went around to the passenger side to unlock the door and get Admiral Faraday out. He hadn’t been at all surprised when the call came earlier that morning. The man was old and he would take what he could get on his prison sentence. They two men went in and went through all the security measures before they were led to a private visitor’s room.

quot;I’ll bring Commander McKaye to you immediately, sir,quot; The guard told Webb.

quot;Thank you,quot; Webb returned. quot;Careful not to let him talk you out of it,quot; he warned the younger man.

The guard smiled. quot;I won’t, sir.quot;

The guard went to isolation where John was being kept away from the other prisoners and rapped on his cell bars. quot;Up you go, McKaye. Got a visitor.quot;

John didn’t bother to look up from where he lay on his bunk, hands laced behind his head. quot;I don’t want to see anyone.quot;

quot;You haven’t got a choice. Let’s go.quot;

John slowly sat up and sent the guard a hostile look. quot;I said tell whoever it is to go back where they came from,quot; he stated succinctly.

quot;And I said you don’t have a choice,quot; the guard stressed. quot;I’ll cuff you and drag you to the room if I have to,quot; he warned.

John glared at him for a moment before finally getting up and crossing to the cell door. The guard opened it and held up one hand, indicating that John should go first. The two men went back to the visitor area to the room where the guard left Webb and Faraday. The minute John saw Webb he started to run around.

quot;Take me back to my cell,quot; he ordered in a tight voice.

quot;Can’t,quot; The guard growled and shut the door in John’s face, turning the lock in place.

And then John saw Faraday. He turned to Webb as fury blossomed in his face.

quot;What the hell are you trying to pull?quot; John demanded, advancing on Webb.

quot;Just sit down and shut up for once, McKaye. The Admiral here has something he’d like to tell you about.quot;

John looked between the two men. quot;There’s nothing I want to hear from either of you.quot;

quot;Well, you’re gonna hear it, boy, so sit your ass down and shut up!quot; Faraday thundered, rising to his feet and slamming his shackled hands flat on the table.

quot;You don’t tell me what to do anymore, old man,quot; John snarled in a low voice.

quot;Then stop acting like a jackass and sit down!quot;

John simply crossed his arms over his chest in defiance and glared at the two men. quot;What’d you hope to accomplish by bringing him here?quot; he demanded, looking at Webb.

quot;I did it to make you see reason! You’ve spent all these years hating me, hating Brie – hell, hating the whole world because you think you were wronged! Well, I’ve got news for you, Commander, a lot of innocent people were hurt back then but not the way you think!quot;

quot;So you keep saying but I saw the pictures, Webb! I saw the pictures of her and Jason. And I heard your voice on those tapes! Your signature on the papers!quot;

quot;You only saw what we wanted you to see!quot; Faraday broke in angrily. quot;I set Webb up just like I set the rest of you up. I wanted you out of Egypt and off that mission because you were about to blow the whole thing up in my face!quot;

quot;You’re lying right through your teeth,quot; John growled.

quot;Am I? If you’d pull your head out of your ass for two seconds and think back to what really happened you’d know I’m not lying. Why would I? You were so close to figuring it out for yourself, remember? The operative leaking the information? The one you couldn’t quite put your finger on?quot; Faraday prodded. quot;I ordered Webb to pull the mission and the three of you before it went any further. He refused.quot;

quot;You have to know that’s truth, John. I wanted that mission with a vengeance. So much it was consuming me. I would have never called it off.quot;

John looked between the two men. His mind was dragging forth the ledgers of that time so many years ago. Flipping through the dusty pages of the mission, sorting the ragged images of the hot, dirty city where they were working out of the US Embassy. Webb drove them relentlessly. He wanted the traitor responsible for treason against the US and he was determined to get him at any cost.

quot;I can see you’re thinking about it,quot; Webb murmured. quot;The three of you were so close to the truth. Why would I sacrifice all that? Can’t you see that?quot; he demanded raggedly.

quot;Why would you do it?quot; John prodded in a low voice, his words colored with anger as he looked back to Faraday. quot;And what about Jason? Why kill him?quot;

quot;Why?quot; The old man laughed mirthlessly. quot;To protect myself from the rest of you. I was in too deep to let you overturn all our plans. And you wouldn’t back off anymore than Webb would, McKaye. You just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. So I did the only thing I knew would work – I turned you against each other. Lt. Strasser’s death was an accident. I thought he would remain stateside with Commander McShane. That ambush was meant for you. I had help – I assume you recall Agent Bradford?quot;

John sneered. quot;The Jackal. Apt name.quot;

quot;When Webb refused to pull the mission I had Bradford put together the pictures, tapes, the papers – everything. I knew if I got you to pull out – the others would fall apart without you. You were my ace in the hole, McKaye. And I played you like a fiddle,quot; Faraday stated snidely, unable to resist twisting the knife a little deeper.

John stood his ground, his expression as hard as any stone. quot;I don’t believe you.quot;

quot;No – you don’t want to believe me,quot; Faraday pushed. quot;Believing would mean admitting you’ve been wrong all this time.quot; Faraday pushed himself to his feet and looked at Webb. quot;That’s all I’ve got to say. Take me back.quot;

Webb sighed and looked between the two men. John still hadn’t moved. Finally he nodded. quot;Fine, let’s go. Guard!quot;

John stepped aside at the last minute – after the door was opened and waited until Webb and Faraday went out before he allowed the guard to take him back to his cell. Once back in the little square hellhole, he paced, his head spinning with what he’d just learned. It couldn’t be true. Webb was only trying to assuage his own conscience – probably cut some kind of deal with Faraday for this little display.

{But what if you’re wrong?)

quot;I couldn’t be,quot; John muttered to himself, willing that niggling voice in his head to be quiet. quot;It sounds like something out of a bad soap opera.quot;

But the seed of doubt had been planted and it began to take root and grow – furiously crowding out everything else in his mind. He dropped heavily onto the cot, clenching his fists against his thighs, suddenly sick to his stomach. The memories sprang forth again –endless, endless memories that now had new fuel to thrive on. The very day he’d gotten the envelope with the pictures… Webb had been after him all morning, pushing him not to give up. Telling him not to let the others give up. Jason felt they were tying themselves into knots and Britain was worried the mission was consuming John, shoving away all rational thought.

John swallowed hard, staring at the floor with eyes that were looking at something only he could see. There was more to that fateful day. In fact, it started several days before. Britain asked him to return stateside with her and Jason and he refused. They were too close to let up even a little. He remembered how he felt the bonds of commitment choking him. She was asking for too much – asking him to sacrifice something of his career for her. But she hadn’t really. She was afraid they were growing apart. He was consumed with bringing their traitor to justice and he was in SEAL mode – blocking out all emotion and existing on ration and methodical action.

All those years ago… she’d been right.

quot;Oh, God…quot; John squeezed his eyes shut tight, hoping it would block out the images crowding his mind.

They had their first major fight that day. He could still hear every ugly word – mostly from his own mouth.

And Jason’s death could have been avoided. As much as he thought John was in over his head, he’d returned to Egypt because they were friends and he was John’s right hand.

The next day Jason called to say he would meet John at the Embassy. Webb had come back with him, too, but Brie remained on US soil. She would help with intel on that end instead. John stared at the concrete floor between his feet. How could things have gone so wrong? It seemed at times as if those last few days would never go away. That they would be firmly etched in the front of his mind for the rest of his life. Right along with all the things that could have been done differently. No matter how many times people said not to dwell on what-ifs. To never look back. That was easier said than done. Especially when he could still recall the heat of the day - the oppressiveness and the dull haze over the city. The flies buzzing around the trash littering the streets in the part of town they were in. He could still see the Embassy and the buildings around it. But most of all, he could clearly recall seeing Jason turn and go back in the small building after Bradford. And then it exploded right before their eyes. There was nothing left minutes later but a pile of splinters. But more than that building was blown up that day. The pieces of John’s well-ordered life were blown up right along with it. Things hadn’t been the same since.

She was tired of being poked and prodded. And they asked a million questions. She didn’t want to answer questions. All she wanted was to go to sleep. She hurt all over – God, how she hurt. Her parents were there and she’d tolerated their loving concern but Captain West finally convinced them to go back to their hotel and get some rest. Now that she was awake and out of danger.

quot;I’m going to give you something to help with the pain,quot; Captain West murmured gently and Britain felt the small sting.

Then she was alone except for three people: the tall Commander, his pretty partner and their CO. The three looked at her with gentle expressions. Harm stepped forward and smoothed his broad hand over her forehead.

quot;Don’t try to think about all that’s happened,quot; he stated softly.

quot;I can’t block it out,quot; she admitted.

quot;Would you rather not remember at all?quot;

A slight but sad smile touched Brie’s mouth. quot;No. I don’t want to forget one single second of it. Especially the fact that so many of you risked your lives to come after me,quot; she answered, her eyes deep pools of misery. quot;I don’t even know you.quot;

Harm smiled. quot;But we know a great deal about you. And you know how we all ended up coming after you. I’m only sorry he’s not here.quot;

Brie’s closed her eyes and one solitary tear slipped down her cheek. quot;He won’t come back,quot; she whispered.

quot;You don’t know that. ‘Course, he’s in the brig now but that didn’t stop him the last time,quot; Harm teased gently. quot;But don’t worry about that, either. Admiral Chegwidden is going to see him later so we can get him out of there and back on duty. You just concentrate on getting better,quot; Harm ordered softly.

Brie managed a slight nod. She looked past Harm and looked at Mac and A.J. quot;Thank you for doing so much. I can’t possibly repay you for the risks you took,quot; she told them.

Mac came up to Harm’s side and touched Brie’s hand. quot;Don’t you worry about that. We’re only sorry we didn’t get to you sooner.quot;

quot;Promise me something,quot; Brie urged.

quot;What?quot; Harm asked.

quot;When I get out of here and get some of my strength back – I want to know the whole story. I want to know what happened before you found me.quot;

Harm and Mac exchanged a glance. quot;Okay. We’ll talk about it. But not until you are feeling much, much better,quot; Harm stressed.

quot;Deal,quot; Brie returned, a ghost of a smile touching her lips.

With final touches and smiles, they left and she was alone. Rolling carefully onto her side, Brie curled up in a ball and held the blankets tightly around her. She hadn’t been surprised to hear that John wasn’t there. Hurt, yes – surprised, no. She still wondered at all his efforts to get her back. A part of her hoped it was because he still loved her but with all the time between them she couldn’t be sure. The image that remained with her now was seeing him come through the door of the room in that warehouse a few days ago. Between the darkness and the cammies, she wasn’t even sure there was someone there until he came right up beside the bed.

{I came to get you.} The whispered words had gone right to her heart. So he had to still care about her, no matter what his actions to the contrary. It was his pride. The same pride that had refused to let him back down when they were in Egypt. He hurt her deeply that day – accusing her of smothering him with concern he didn’t need. And that had been the crux of the problem. Brie had always felt that he didn’t need her. That while he might love her, he didn’t need her. Hindsight was certainly 20/20. Had she any inkling her actions would come back to haunt them all, she would have never turned to Jason for comfort. The other man knew Brie and John parted badly and he was only trying to help as a friend to them both but it backfired in their faces.

Whatever Captain West gave her was kicking in and Brie felt sleep overtaking her. There would be plenty of time later to think about this. Time was something that never ran out as far as her memories went.

quot;Damn you, Cordell Walker. This has gone on long enough. Wake up and talk to me before I lose my ever-lovin’ mind,quot; Alex demanded, squeezing his hand tightly, trying to will him to respond. quot;Do you hear me? Wake up, damn it!quot;

Walker felt pressure on his hand and thought he heard Alex’s husky voice. Alex felt the change in him almost immediately. Watching carefully, she saw his lashes flutter. Sweat beaded his face, his breath coming faster, shallow. Leaning closer, she stroked his hair with her other hand.

quot;That’s it, my love. I’m here. Open your eyes and look at me, Walker. Come on, baby, that’s it. Just a little more,quot; she crooned tenderly.

Walker struggled against the weight holding him down. Her voice was so clear now. He had to see her. Even if it was only for an instant. Light seeped in beneath his lashes as his eyes started to open, blinding him. Loving fingers were touching him, soothing him, easing the way. A face came into his line of vision. Blinking rapidly to dispel the blurry edges, Alex’s image began to take shape. She came into focus finally and Walker’s breath caught as he tried to speak. God, she was beautiful! She looked worried and tired and afraid. For him? He couldn’t remember what happened to him. His gaze skittered past her. They were in a hospital. He came back to her face and saw tears filling her frightened eyes. Her smile was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

quot;Oh, Walker! Oh, thank God, you’re awake. I need to get your doctor.quot;

She started to stand up and Walker pulled on her hand, his strength surprising Alex. She turned and smiled at him, reaching down to touch his cheek.

quot;It’s all right, darling. The doctor will be glad you’re finally awake.quot;

She tugged her hand away and was gone before he could form another thought. A minute later, a flood of hospital personnel filled the room. His eyes searched for Alex but found no sign of her.

quot;He’s awake!quot;

Alex raced into the waiting room where Travis waited alone since King returned to the ranch, taking Jenny with him. Travis jumped to his feet and caught her hands.

quot;Is he all right?quot;

quot;Seems to be. A little disoriented.quot;

quot;What happened? Is Walker okay?quot;

Travis and Alex spun around as Mulder and Harm came into the waiting room.

quot;He just woke up,quot; Alex answered happily.

quot;That’s great!quot; Harm returned. quot;Then you missed all the excitement upstairs.quot;

"What excitement?" Travis demanded, concern knitting his brow.

Briefly, Harm related the events of early morning. "And through it all Brie

"And I can't believe I missed it," Travis moaned good-naturedly. "At least

Harm grinned. "Well on his way to the brig. How’s Walker?quot;

quot;Lt. Prescott is with him now,quot; Alex replied.

quot;Looks like we’re all on our way to being out of here then,quot; Harm sighed. quot;I’ve seen enough of the inside of this place to last me for a long time.quot;
quot;Where are you headed now?quot; Travis asked. quot;Need any help?quot;

Harm shook his head. quot;I’m going with Admiral Chegwidden to see John. All we have left to do is tie up loose ends and Webb will probably handle most of that. Now that we have Cruise and then men he was working with in Libya, the weapons can be returned. Webb will see to it that Britain is cleared of any implications in the theft. Now I just have to get John to see reason so he doesn’t end up doing life in Leavenworth.quot;
Travis recalled the hard man who’d led them into Benghazi. quot;Good luck.quot;

Harm grinned wryly. quot;Thanks. Listen, you two, Mac and I are going to arrange for something a little more formal later but I want you to know how much we appreciate all you did to help us with this. All of you. There aren’t enough words to express it.quot;

Travis shook the hand Harm held out and smiled fully. quot;Where I come from friends stand by each other. We would do it all over again. You ever need anything else all you have to do is call,quot; he stated firmly.

quot;Same goes to you.quot; Harm turned to Alex. quot;I can’t tell you how sorry I am Walker got shot but we couldn’t have pulled this off without both of your help either.quot;

Alex smiled warmly and clutched his broad hand in both of hers. quot;Walker’s been hurt before, Harm, and I imagine he will be again. Besides, you and Mac were injured along the way, as well. I think we can call it a draw but Walker and I would have helped no matter what. And we would again.quot;

quot;Thank you,quot; Harm answered and bent slightly to kiss her cheek. quot;I’ll check back on you later and see how things are progressing with his condition. If you need anything, call my office and you’ll have it.quot;

quot;We will,quot; Travis assured him.

Harm went back to Mac’s room and found her sitting on the bed waiting. quot;All set?quot; he grinned, taking in the foot she was tapping on the floor.

quot;Let’s get the hell out of here,quot; she muttered.

He chuckled softly and picked up her bag. They went down the hall to Scully’s room and knocked softly, pushing it open when Mulder called for them to come in.

Scully was sitting up in bed, Mulder close by holding her hand tightly. They both smiled.

quot;You two outta here?quot; Mulder asked.

quot;Oh, yes,quot; Mac stated fervently.

The four laughed and Mac walked over to the bed to touch Scully’s hand. quot;You should be about ready to go, too.quot;

quot;I am. Captain West said I could leave later this afternoon. With all the excitement around here I’ll get more rest at home,quot; Scully murmured dryly.

quot;Hey,quot; Harm said, coming up to slip his arm around Mac’s waist. quot;We want you to know how grateful we are for all of your help in this. Mac and I could never have managed this mission alone. You risked your lives for people you didn’t know all because Webb asked you to. We can’t repay that,quot; he stated.

quot;You don’t have to,quot; Scully smiled softly. quot;Isn’t that we’re sworn to do when we take our jobs? To protect people and our fellow agents and officers? Besides, you stayed behind in Benghazi, determined to get Brie out and you saved me and kept Mulder from getting himself killed coming after me.quot; A loving grin touched her bright eyes and Mulder smoothed his hand over her hair. quot;We’re glad we were able to help. You two helped keep us all together until we got her and got home. And no one was killed,quot; she added quietly. quot;That’s the most important thing. We’re all here.quot;

quot;And no one will ever be the wiser for our heroism,quot; Mulder’s mouth twisted sardonically. quot;But if anyone had waited for the proper channels, Britain would probably be dead and those rail guns would be in the hands of the Libyans and Lord know who else.quot;

quot;We couldn’t let that happen,quot; Mac sighed. quot;At any cost.quot;

quot;Mac, Harm,quot; Scully reached forward until she could grasp both of their hands. quot;Mulder and I have seen…seen some things that most people would never be able to comprehend. We’ve been betrayed by our own chain of command and there is no one we trust outside of each other. But along the way, you two have come to be very close friends. You risked your lives for us when you could have left us behind,quot; Scully stated emphatically, including Mulder because she knew he would have never left her. quot;We will never forget that. If you ever need anything, you can call – day or night.quot;

Touched, Harm and Mac exchanged a glance. Mac squeezed Scully’s hand and gave her and Mulder each a look. quot;This whole event has done some eye opening for all us, I believe,quot; she began. quot;All though the outcome hasn’t been exactly happy, I would say it was productive. Some good things came from it,quot; she affirmed, staring pointedly at the agents’ joined hands.

Mulder looked down at the woman he valued more than his own life. quot;I would agree with that,quot; he nodded, a slight but tender smile curving his mouth.

quot;Mac and I feel the same way about the two of you. You have our numbers – day or night,quot; Harm promised firmly.

John was silent and sullen when the guard brought him in to meet with Harm and A.J. He stood by the door like he was going to bolt at any minute. Sighing, Harm walked over and touched his arm.

quot;I’m sorry about what happened,quot; he began gently.

quot;What for? You were right,quot; John retorted bitterly. quot;I’ve been a stupid, blind fool.quot;

quot;Come sit down,quot; Harm urged. quot;Admiral Chegwidden told me about Egypt,quot; he continued once they were seated.

quot;The whole ugly, sordid tale?quot; John drawled sarcastically.

Harm couldn’t suppress a grin. quot;The whole ugly, sordid tale. We had a little excitement at the hospital early this morning.quot;

quot;What happened?quot; he demanded.

quot;Admiral Cruise decided to pay a visit,quot; A.J. interjected.

He filled in the rest of the details and John sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face.

quot;Everyone okay?quot; he asked.

quot;Yeah. John, Brie’s awake.quot;

John stared at Harm for several long moments. quot;She okay?quot;

quot;She will be. Captain West said he would release her tomorrow if she continues to improve. Now that she’s out of the coma and her vitals are good, there’s not much else they can do for her there. All that’s left is time and rest. They don’t want her to travel just yet so she’ll probably stay with Mac for a few days.quot;
quot;I’m glad. She’ll be safe with Mac,quot; John sighed.

quot;She didn’t seem surprised that you weren’t there,quot; Harm mused. quot;I had no idea what to tell her. You should go see her, John. The two…quot;

John stood up abruptly, cutting Harm off. Harm got up and followed him.

quot;Listen to me, damn it. The two of you can make this work. You would be fools not to. Can’t you see that, John? Put the past to in the past where it belongs. This whole ugly mess has brought you back together and given you another chance. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? Alone and miserable? I know you love her. Why won’t you go to her?quot;

John drilled Harm with a hard look. quot;I just can’t, Harm, and that’s all I’m going to say about it.quot;

Behind them, A.J. rose from his chair. quot;I talked to Captain Glenn and Admiral Burkman. As far as they’re concerned, the issue of your disappearance is over. They’ve agreed to 30 days suspension of duties without pay. You have yourself a vacation whether you want one or not. There’s no earthly reason to continue toward a court martial and the judge agreed with me. You’re free to go, John.quot;

John looked at A.J. in disbelief. quot;Just like that?quot;

quot;Just like that. They understand there were extenuating circumstances,quot; A.J. explained, deciding not to mention that Webb had a hand in the explanations.

Harm knocked on the door of the room to signal that they were ready. quot;So, what do you say we get the hell out of here?quot;

Harm waited outside of his office while John talked ship-to-shore with Captain Glenn. Then John would be able to do whatever he wanted.

quot;You understand we had to decide on a punishment, Commander,quot; Captain Glenn was saying.

quot;Yes, sir, I understand. Frankly, I expected this to go much further,quot; John confessed.

quot;I know you did, son, but a court martial wasn’t the answer. I’m only glad someone was able to make you see reason before it was too late. Take this time to get your head on straight and decide what you want to do with your life. You always were cut out for much more than flying on this carrier.quot;

John felt an uncharacteristic lump in his throat. He swallowed hard. quot;Thank you, sir. I didn’t realize you felt that way.quot;

quot;We all do. No man of your caliber should be in a dead in end like this. That’s the same thing I told Commander Rabb. You’re both cut much from the same cloth. I’ll see you in thirty days, Commander McKaye.quot;

quot;Aye, sir,quot; John answered and hung up.

Hearing him end the call, Harm came in and sat down behind his desk, lacing his fingers together on the blotter. Outside, life moved on as usual in the bullpen. It was like they’d never been away and Harm was never happier to see the familiarity of home.

quot;Sounded like it went well,quot; he mused.

quot;It did,quot; John returned. quot;Better than if I’d been in his shoes, I think. He had every right to throw me to the dogs for taking off.quot;

quot;You had reason and I think your record speaks for itself.quot;

quot;He told me he thought you and I were cut from the same cloth.quot;

Harm raised one eyebrow. quot;How so?quot;

quot;That we were cut out for more than flying on a carrier for the rest of our careers.quot;

This brought a full grin to Harm’s wide mouth. quot;For a SEAL I’d definitely agree with that. So what are you going to do now?quot;

quot;I need to find a place to live for the next month and go shopping. I don’t have any belongings with me outside of the little bit in my duffel.quot;

quot;You’re welcome to stay with me. Mac and I trade off a lot but Brie’s going to be with her for a week or so at least.quot;

quot;I appreciate the offer – more than you realize – but I’ll go find a place. A hotel or something. It’s not like I can’t afford it,quot; he sighed and managed a grin.

quot;Nothing to spend it on miles out to sea,quot; Harm nodded, laughing. quot;John?quot;

quot;Yeah?quot; John returned as he started to rise.

anything about the talk.quot;

quot;There isn’t much to say,quot; John sighed deeply. quot;Except that my pride has kept me believing all the wrong things. If I hadn’t been so stubborn and blind three years ago I would have realized it then.quot;

quot;What happened?quot; Harm prodded gently.

John knew the younger man wouldn’t let it go. quot;Faraday set us all up to blow the mission. The double agent working with him forged all the tapes and papers from Webb and took the pictures of Brie and Jason. Jason’s death was an accident – they didn’t expect him to come back when he did. That explosion in the Embassy outbuilding was meant for me. He didn’t say if Bradford’s death was an accident.quot;

Harm studied him thoughtfully. quot;There isn’t a damn thing I could say to make you feel better about this. I will tell you from experience that I know how hard it is to realize something you believed was wrong. As trite as this sounds, you have to find a way now to put all this into a straight line. It’s already haunted you far longer than it ever should have. Don’t let it continue to make a mess for the rest of your life. You’re bitter, John, and that bitterness is eating you alive. Sort this out and look at the parts that are the most important and throw the rest away.quot; Harm leaned forward, his body tense with urgency. quot;Several months ago you urged me not to screw up the rest of my life when I still had a chance to make things work with Mac. Now I’m telling you the same thing. I know you love Britain. I know you love her with every breath you take or you would have never gone through the past few weeks. Don’t let her get away from you this time. Get your head on straight and go find a way to make it work.quot;

quot;Are you sure you’ll be okay while we’re gone?quot; Mac asked anxiously, looking at Harm.

From her position on the couch, Brie smiled. quot;I’ll be fine. I’ll probably end up going to sleep right here watching TV. You two go and have a good time. You’ve been cooped up here with me for two days now.quot;

Once she was released from the hospital, Mac took several days of personal leave to stay with her. Harm had returned to work and was slowly working his way through the mound of files that had piled up in their absence. With some gradual exercise and fresh air, Brie was healing. The bruises and cuts on her face weren’t as livid now and she definitely looked more the way Harm knew her to look.

quot;You have our cell numbers if you need anything at all,quot; Harm interjected, catching Mac’s hand and he backed toward the door. quot;Let’s go, Marine.quot;

Brie grinned as Mac shot her one last look, biting her lip on another protest when Harm sent her a look. They were so cute together. The door closed behind them and finally she was alone. She’d convinced her parents to go on home when Captain West released her and then Mac bundled her up and took her home. She hadn’t been alone for more than a few minutes in days and she was so looking forward to it now. Not that she didn’t love having Mac around to talk to. The other woman was turning out to be a kindred spirit. The two women spent long hours talking about the horrifying days Brie had been held captive. Nightmares abounded and neither of them had gotten much sleep as of late. Brie felt bad for keeping Mac up but Mac shrugged it off and told her she didn’t sleep much most nights anyway unless she was with Harm.

Despite all the people around and the loving attention, Brie had never felt more lost or alone in her whole life. Her desire to go to John was staggering. She wanted to see his face, to explain to him everything that had gone wrong. Now it only seemed as though her heart were broken and would never mend. After three years, she was sure she’d put the past firmly aside but this stupid ordeal had brought it all back to the surface with surprising force. In truth, she’d been lying to herself for a long, long time. Her feelings for the tall, stoic Commander hadn’t faded one bit since their parting. She loved him as much now as she always had. It took her this long to realize she would never be free of the hold John had on her.

She remembered very well the day they parted. Nothing on earth had helped her block it out and probably never would. Three years ago John left her. At the time she didn’t understand what drove him. And today she still didn’t. All she knew was that he’d decided they were getting to close. The bonds were constricting him and he didn’t like it. All the hateful words, the misunderstanding…

quot;We can talk about this tomorrow if you’d rather,quot; he offered.

John had been driving for a while now – debating on whether or not to go by Mac’s apartment. He knew Harm had taken her out for the evening, leaving Brie alone. He wanted badly to see her. To talk to her about all that happened. Harm was right about them. Their lives were never going to move forward, never going to be resolved until they dealt with all that was between them.

But how did one go about undoing years of hurt? How did he tell her that he left her because he thought she was having an affair with his best friend? How did he make her see that he’d never stopped loving her? That he really thought she deserved better than an embittered ex-SEAL? No matter how much he kept telling himself not to dwell on their parting, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from zeroing in on the recollections. Or maybe they wouldn’t turn loose of him. Maybe he was giving them too much control. It just seemed like no matter what he told himself, what he did, where he went – it was waiting for him at every turn….

quot;There’s nothing I can say to make you change your mind?quot;

MAC’S APRTMENT

GEORGETOWN

Brie wasn’t sure how she’d made it through that first night. Her heart was in tatters but she knew now as she had then, that she made the right decision. Tears came so easily to her these days. She felt them welling up now and sliding into the hair at her temples. Rolling over, she curled herself around a pillow, hugging it tightly and wishing with all her heart for the pain to go away.

Things were so complicated. Harder than she ever imagined it would be. Her life had been on track – more or less – and her career was thriving and then this mess had to happen. How only being kidnapped and tortured but now her history with him. Ripping open the multitude of stitches that she’d painstakingly sewn to put that time in a neat little bundle.

Just then a sharp knocked sounded at the door. Brie glanced toward it with some trepidation. Only a handful of people knew she was staying with Mac and Mac hadn’t mentioned the possibility that someone might stop by. Gingerly, she rose to her feet and went to look through the peephole. When she realized who was standing in the hall, she gasped and fell back from the door, one hand going to her throat. He knocked again and drawing a slow, deep breath, Brie reached for the knob.

Time slowed and the tableau froze. They stood staring at each other – Brie with a white knuckled grip on the door and John tall and straight, his spine so rigid you could bounce a quarter off of it.

Brie kept her eyes on his. He looked every bit as handsome as she remembered only there was a new hardness. He was a bit leaner, perhaps due to their recent experiences and the past few years had added a smattering of tiny lines to the corners of his eyes. But he was still the same man that knocked her feet out from under her the very first time she saw him at the Pentagon. His vibrant blue eyes held hers, his expression a careful blank. But looking closely, she could see the tightness around his full mouth.

quot;Hello, Brie.quot;

His deep voice slid over her nerve endings, waking them up and stirring her senses.

quot;Hello, John.quot;

John studied her carefully. Despite the bruises and cuts on her face, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. All he wanted to do was sweep her up and tell her that somehow everything would be all right and then kiss her senseless. Instead, he tried for a slight smile that he hoped looked warm.

quot;May I come in?quot; he asked.

She roused herself from wherever her won thoughts lay and stepped back. quot;Oh, yes, please do,quot; she murmured politely.

She closed the door behind him and then went back to sit down, her legs trembling beneath her weight. She was still regaining her strength but seeing him… well, it still had a funny affect on her system. John lowered his tall frame to a chair across from her.

Her face still bore the traces of the kidnapping and his heart skipped a beat for all that she’d suffered at their hands. The bruises were fading to green and yellow and he noticed that she moved stiffly, her body still recovering as well. quot;How are you feeling?quot; he asked, trying to break the ice.

quot;Better. I still have a ways to go. You didn’t come all the way out here to ask how I was doing, did you, John?quot; she asked, her lips twisting derisively as if she didn’t believe he cared that much.

quot;Truthfully, I’m not sure why I came. All the same, I’m glad to see you’re doing.... well.quot; The words sounded stilted and he winced. He was seldom at a loss for words and never with but now he felt as tongue tied as a wet-behind-the-ears kid on his first date.

quot;Why did you bother coming to the hospital, John?quot; Brie questioned flatly

quot;No matter what happened before, I still care about you,quot; he answered neutrally. {And that was a damn lie, he thought bitterly.}

quot;Is that why you came after me?quot; she continued, gathering up her courage.

John drew a slow deep breath and met her direct gaze. Sitting here with her now… it felt as if they’d never been apart at all. quot;I came after you because I had to,quot; he answered simply.

quot;Why are you here now?quot; she asked, her face impassive, giving him nothing to go on.

John didn’t answer at first. Truthfully, he didn’t know where to begin but he knew somehow he would have to try. And he had an ugly feeling this was going to get much worse before it got better.

Brie watched him steadily. She could almost see him gathering his thoughts and putting them in order. She’d been so surprised to see him that you could have knocked her over with a feather. He was the very last person she expected to find on the other side of the door. Especially after the way he ran away from the hospital.

His eyes were so hungry for the sight of her that it took every ounce of willpower he possessed not to swoop her up in his arms and carry her off. He was here to try and put things to right but ultimately the choice would be hers. He couldn’t make the decision for her.

Finally, he sighed, twisting his hands together. quot;This is hard, Brie, harder than anything I think I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. You were right about so many things. When I got the telegram from Mary about you being kidnapped, I felt my own heart stop beating. I was more afraid than I’ve ever been in my life,quot; he grimaced. quot;I thought you were going to die before I could find you. Before I could have a chance to tell you I was sorry,quot; his voice cracked slightly.

Brie listened, her heart beating so hard she was sure it would burst from her chest. So far this wasn't at all what she'd expected. And he looked more ill at ease than she could ever remember seeing him.

quot;Even though it doesn’t take away from all the pain I’ve caused you. Pushing you away hurt worse than anything I’ve ever done. And I know I hurt you very badly – not only by turning you away but also by refusing to talk to you about how I felt. The sad thing is, I brought this on all by myself. You’ve never done anything but love me, Brie. And I threw it all back in your face all over a stupid misunderstanding.quot;

Brie forced herself to loosen the death grip she had on the blanket, letting blood flow back into her cramped fingers. quot;I don’t understand,quot; she murmured, her voice sounding rusty to her ears.

quot;I didn’t either up until a few days ago. I’m still not sure I have everything straight. Maybe it will help if I start back at the beginning,quot; he paused and when she didn’t respond he continued. quot;Do you remember when we were in Egypt and you and Jason both wanted to come back here? Webb and I were both determined to see the mission through.quot; She nodded and he went on. quot;After you and Jase came back here to DC, a courier packet was delivered to me. In it were photos of you and Jason in several embraces – ones that looked highly inflammatory to me. Along with them were tapes of the two of you whispering – a lot of disjointed talk. And there was a tape of Webb telling someone that he was going to yank the mission because involvement was too high and the risks were getting to where they couldn’t be controlled. There were also papers with his signature backing up a call to back away from the mission and return us to our duty stations. Needless to say, I was livid,quot; his lips twisted mockingly and she could see the glitter of remembered anger in his eyes.

quot;I went straight to Webb with the information and he denied it all but Admiral Faraday and Agent Bradford both assured me they had direct orders from Webb to back off immediately. But I could have lived with that. The most damaging evidence was the stuff on the two of you. The next morning Jase came back and he was killed in that explosion before I ever got a chance to talk to him.quot;

Brie sat utterly still, trying to comprehend what he was telling her. Realization began to shed its ugly light on her. quot;You thought we were sleeping together?quot; she demanded in a hushed voice.

John could only shrug helplessly. quot;I had pictures and tapes. If you could see them now you’d know why… what else could I think? I had what I thought was concrete proof in my hands,quot; he stated.

quot;Bastard!quot; Brie swore angrily, lurching unsteadily from the couch. quot;How could you even believe it was true? In light of all the scum we were dealing with? Didn’t it even occur to you that they might be false or misleading? You didn’t even give us the benefit of the doubt! You just automatically assumed the worse. I was right the day you left me – you never trusted me at all. You couldn’t have or you wouldn’t have believed me capable of such deceit. And Jason – my God,quot; she gave a short, harsh laugh. quot;He died never knowing you had hate on your mind for something he didn’t even do.quot;

Hearing her express the situation in such a light was making John feel like the biggest ass in the world. The whole time he’d only though of himself and how he felt. He never entertained what she might have been going through or what she would think if she knew what really happened.

quot;Well?quot; she demanded, hands on her hips. quot;Aren’t you going to say anything? No – wait. I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say. In fact, I think you’ve said more than enough already. Get out! Get out and don’t ever come back!quot; she raged, her face flushed from the effort and tears welling in her dark eyes.

John rose to his feet and moved to stand toe-to-toe with her. quot;No,quot; he stated softly. quot;You and I are gonna have this all out once and for all. All the cards on the table now. We’re going to talk the way we should have talked three years ago.quot;

quot;And why should I give you that chance now? All this time… three years without a word from you! Three years of loving you every single minute and wondering constantly how things could have gone so wrong…quot;

Her voice trailed off and he felt tendrils of hope begin to unfurl deep in his heart. So she did still love him.

quot;Because I’m asking you for the chance. Mary called me about you being kidnapped because she knew I would bring you home or die trying. Did she tell you I got shot? Did they tell you about the train wreck that nearly killed Harm, Walker, Mulder and I? Or the mission to get you with Harm, Mac, Mulder and Scully? That Mac was nearly killed and Scully captured right along with you?quot; He pressed onward until she finally threw up her hands.

quot;I have to sit down,quot; she murmured, her face as white as a sheet.

John gently pushed her back down on the couch and sat down beside of her, turning slightly so they were facing each other. He took her silence as a sign to continue.

quot;Harm and Mac were assigned to find me after I skipped out on shore leave. They got involved against my protests because Harm is my friend. They contacted Webb after your home was blown up and he gathered the others. I was too blind and pigheaded to see it at the time but Webb did everything he could to help us. He gathered information, made sure everything we needed was at our disposal – he even broke me out of jail to come after you and the others in Libya after the first attempt failed. And he was with me every step of the way,quot; John explained steadily.

quot;I thought you hated Webb,quot; Brie murmured. quot;You two were friends once upon a time.quot;

quot;We were,quot; John confirmed with a nod. quot;Until I thought he betrayed me. A few days ago he came to see me in the brig with Admiral Faraday in tow.quot;

Her head snapped up at the mention of the Admiral. quot;Faraday? Isn’t he in Leavenworth for what happened in Egypt?quot;

John nodded again. quot;I don’t know how Webb got him to talk – probably a trade off to shorten his sentence. The important thing is what he had to say. He was behind the stuff I got on you and Jason. And he and Bradford forged all the stuff that was supposedly from Webb. He made a fool of all of us and laughed about it. He knew which buttons to push to get us to pull out and it worked. He said I was the center of things…quot; he laughed bitterly. quot;If he got me out of the picture then the rest of you would follow and he wouldn’t be under the gun anymore.quot;

Brie was silent for several minutes, trying to assimilate all he was saying. quot;So the whole thing was a setup?quot; she whispered finally.

quot;The whole thing. You have no idea how hard the past few days have been, Brie. To find out that I’ve spent three years hating everyone for what I believed happened. Hating you and Jason and Webb for betraying me. Holding a grudge against the world. I’ve realized just how much of a fool I was. I let Faraday play me like a fiddle. You were right - I should have known better but I was so consumed by our mission that I couldn’t see anything else. I refused to see anything else,quot; he amended cuttingly. quot;As Webb so aptly pointed out to me recently, I took it to extremes – even going so far as to give up being a SEAL.quot;

There was pain in his voice unlike anything she’d ever heard. She knew this man well enough to know that what he was saying now was coming from his heart. And she knew where the haggardness in his face had come from. The lines of tension and bitterness. And from the sounds of it, he had good reason.

quot;Oh my God,quot; she groaned softly. quot;What a mess… John, you didn’t know it was a ruse. You couldn’t have known,quot; she stated gently, tentatively reaching out a hand to lay it on his arm.

quot;I would have if I’d just took a minute to consider it reasonably.quot; He lifted his head and his eyes bore into hers. quot;But I loved you more than anything or anyone I’d ever loved and I could see past that. I thought you betrayed me,quot; he stated evenly. quot;When I think now about all this wasted time – being apart, being bitter and hating the whole world… Faraday took so much more from me than just you – and I let him. I’ve let this consume my entire life until it ate everything else us.quot;

Brie wanted to go to tell him right then and there that she still loved him and all would be forgiven but she held herself back. She desperately needed him to make the last steps on his own. She needed him to be sure.

John studied her closely, taking note of her pale, drawn features, of the dark circles under her eyes. A million things scrambled through his head and he didn’t know what to say first. He wanted to hear her say it would be all right. He wanted her forgiveness but he didn’t have the right to ask that of her. His heart dropped to his feet when she remained silent. He had so hoped.... Well, it didn’t matter what he’d hoped. Obviously she wasn’t ready to give him another chance and frankly, he couldn’t say he blamed her. Stiffly, he rose to her feet.

quot;I guess that’s all I have to say. I thought.... I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. Thank you, though, for listening,quot; his eyes glittered with something she couldn’t identify. quot;I had to try...something,quot; he whispered, barely able to force the words out.

As he opened the front door, John thought he heard her whisper I love you.

quot;Wait.quot;

Getting up, she came around and closed the door. She inched her way between it and him so she could face him. quot;You hurt me badly, John. Just thinking you didn’t trust me was a hard pill to swallow. I kept telling myself you needed time because you’d been hurt in the past. We hadn’t really been together for long but I knew I loved you. I think I did from the beginning, I just didn’t recognize it until later. You were my whole world and when you shut me out, it felt like a slap in the face. I know you were trying to find it in your heart to end things before they went too far, but you waited a split second too long. Things went way beyond our control. What frustrated me the most was not knowing what to do.quot; She paused and drew in a shaky breath, marshaling her strength.

quot;You don’t believe me, do you?quot; he murmured, reaching out with a hesitant hand. He stopped just shy of touching her and she saw his fingers tremble. He curled them into a fist and dropped it back at his side.

quot;This has nothing to do with me believing you. I do believe what you’re saying because I think I know you that well. You wouldn’t have fell for all Faraday did just offhand. But does that really matter now? I’m trying to make you understand how I felt but somehow I think you already understand. You’re not the only one who’s been living with the demons of that time. Why do you think I’m alone?quot; she whispered. quot;I never wanted to face that kind of pain again from a man.quot;

He did touch her this time, skimming his fingertips over the smooth curve of her cheek. He tucked them beneath her chin and lifted her eyes back to his. Agitated, she pulled away from his gaze and went back to the couch. This was wearing her down fast.

quot;I’m willing to settle for whatever you can give, Brie. I figure I can hold out in hopes that I will eventually wear you down. If I can’t, then I guess we’ll go on like we are now. It sure beats being without you. I love you so much that I’ll accept you on any terms. Even if you never love me the way you used to. All I know is that what we have has survived all this long, lonely time. As Harm so rudely explained to me,quot; a fond smile touched his hard mouth. quot;We’ve been given another chance and I shouldn’t screw it up this time. But I can’t do this without you.quot;

Brie managed a ghost of a smile and tears welled up in her eyes. quot;I can’t even tell you how it makes me feel to hear you say something like that. All the time they had me captive over there…quot; The horrible memories threatened to engulf but she forced herself to continue. quot;The whole time I was thinking about how mad I was that I would die in that rat hole without every getting to tell you I was sorry for what happened. Without ever getting to tell you how much I still loved you. That I would love you for the rest of my life. Now you’re asking me to open myself back up to you on whatever terms I decide. That you’ll settle for less. Well, that’s not good enough, John.quot;

His eyes were bleak. quot;I waited too long, didn’t I? Please, Brie, I....quot;

Brie held up one slender hand, silencing him. quot;It’s not good enough, John, because I want the whole ball of wax. I love you with everything single breath in my body and I would lay down my life to prove it to you. I want everything you and I can possibly reach for. I want marriage, babies and a lifetime of you. The only thing I’m one hundred percent sure of is your love. You would have never risked your life to come after me if you didn’t still love me.

And I’m sure that being with you is better than being alone. We can’t…quot; she began but stopped when he swiftly crossed the room and dropped to his knees in front of her.

She looked on in stunned surprise as he laid his head in her lap, his big shoulders shaking with silent tears. Crying herself, she reached out one hand and slid it into the cool softness of his short hair. John clenched her legs tightly, as if his very life depended on it.

With a deep, shuddery breath, she finished what she was going to say. quot;What happened is dead and gone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to be without you. Holding onto all this would just keep making us both miserable. And I think we’ve suffered enough,quot; she whispered lovingly, stroking both hands over his hair.

John lifted his head and met her gaze, his eyes wet. quot;I won’t ever stop loving you, Brie.quot; His voice was thick with emotion and as Brie watched, a tear slipped from his lashes and wound a path down his cheek. Tenderly, she reached up and brushed it away.

quot;I love you,quot; she whispered, her throat tight.

quot;I love you, too, baby, more than anything in this world.quot;

John raised himself slightly as she leaned forward. The first touch of his lips was so sweet, Brie felt as if her heart would burst. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she kissed him back, pouring every thing she had into the melding of their mouths. John pulled back slightly and pressed tiny kisses to the rest of her face, nipping at the end of her nose and drawing forth a laugh.

quot;I’d like nothing more in this world than to make love to you right now,quot; he murmured deeply, his voice alight with a thousand emotions. quot;But I know you aren’t strong enough for that now and I don’t want to hurt you,quot; he stated gently, resting his forehead against hers.

quot;I’ll settle for your arms wrapped around me,quot; she confessed, her eyes glowing with love.

Without a word, John had her in his embrace. His arms crossed around her back, tangling in her hair as he crushed her to his chest. Brie swallowed down her tears and clung tightly to him, her fingers digging into his muscled back.

Brie was at a total loss for words so she clung to him instead. She was stunned by this turn of events for them. If anyone had told her this was coming even an hour ago she would have called them a liar. Slowly, she lifted he head. Cupping her hands around his gorgeous face, she forced his head up until their eyes met.

quot;Do you know I feel closer to you right now than I ever have before? We’ve been through so much together.quot; Brie felt her own tears gathering again but she forced them down, gathering her courage. quot;John, when I was in Libya, the one thing that kept me going was knowing you would come. I don’t know how I knew, I just did. I held on to that and toward the end, it was all I had. I wanted to give up. But I kept asking myself what you would say if you knew that. And I wanted to be brave for you.quot;

John’s eyes were riveted on her beautiful face, her words penetrating clear to his soul. His grip tightened on her back, not letting her back more than a couple of inches from him. Her words touched him deeply, moved him beyond mere feelings.

quot;I can’t live without you, Britain. All this time I thought I’d gotten my life back on track – I’ve been lying to myself. I’ll never be fully alive without you. You’re as much a part of me as my own heart. As long as I live, I never want to be without you.quot;

Brie’s eyes were shining so brightly that it made his breath hitch. John grasped her beneath the arms and hauled her up until she was on her knees straddling his lap. His hands splayed across her back, holding her close. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Smiling ruefully, he glanced upward before once again settling his eyes on her face.

quot;I love you, Commander McShane, and I say we’ve wasted too much time already. It would be my greatest honor if you would be my wife.quot;

A wide, loving smile lit up her face and the brightness shining in her countenance lifted his heart. quot;Yes,quot; she stated simply. quot;Yes! Yes! Yes!quot; she cried, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Laughing, John hugged her tight, feeling as if the weight of the whole world was sliding away from his shoulders. For the first time since leaving her three years ago, he truly felt whole again and he realized everything he’d been searching for was indeed tied up in this one small woman.

quot;I’m glad you recognized his car before we went upstairs.quot;

Harm smiled as he flipped on a lamp, watching as she kicked off her shoes and hung her purse of the coat rack. quot;I told him to get his head out of his ass and set things straight now that he knew the truth. I didn’t know he was going over there tonight but I’m glad he did. And…quot; he whispered dramatically, sweeping her up against his chest. quot;It gives me more time alone with you, Colonel,quot; he stated, leering lasciviously at her.

Mac laughed and planted a quick kiss on hip smiling mouth. quot;And you know how much I like that!quot; she teased.

Still holding onto her, Harm dropped onto the couch. He eased back just a bit, sliding his broad palms down her bare arms. He lifted his head and met her loving eyes.

quot;I want to talk to you about something,quot; he murmured.

quot;Uh-oh,quot; she teased gently. quot;This sounds serious.quot;

quot;It is but not in a bad way,quot; he answered with a quick flash of a smile. quot;I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Going through this mission and watching the others – it’s made me take a close look at my own mortality. The past year has made me look at all we’ve been through and how long we’ve been together. It feels like we’ve already had nearly a lifetime. Being together these past few months has been like Heaven. After so long of holding ourselves back and being at arm’s length…quot; he shook his head as the old memories filtered in. quot;Well, I’ve never been long on words.quot;

Mac laughed softly and touched his jaw. quot;And I love that about you. You say what you feel instead of running over with a bunch of meaningless words.quot;

quot;Well, I’m just going to come right out and say this because I’m getting myself all tongue-tied sitting here looking at you,quot; he smiled tenderly.

Moving away from her side, Harm slid to the floor on his knees and took both of her hands in his. He looked at her slender fingers for a moment before raising his dark gaze to her face. quot;I don’t want to think about ever being without you. When I was on the Nimitz John helped me face what I felt for you. Now that I watched the way he is with Brie, I’m even more positive that I never want something like that to happen to us. I don’t want to spend another minute of my life away from you – not after it’s taken us all this time to be together.

Plain and simple here – I love you, Sarah. More than anything in the world. You are my home and where you are is where I want to be.quot; He lifted one of her hands and brought it to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to her palm.

quot;I’ve waited my entire life to find a woman like you. You’re in my heart. I will love you forever. Forever and ever until I take my last breath. I know I’m still low on the totem pole but I would feel like a king if would agree to become Sarah Rabb.quot;

Dumbfounded, Mac watched as he lifted his other hand and slid a beautiful platinum band on her finger. There were five diamonds – one large one in the center and two smaller ones on either side of it in descending sizes. She felt the weight instantly where the warm metal rested against her cold skin. Harm looked at her expectantly.

quot;Oh my God,quot; she whispered.

The white of his teeth flashed in the dimness of the room. quot;I hope that’s not all you’re going to say.quot;

quot;I just…I’m…quot; she stuttered. She shook her head slightly and took a deep breath. quot;I love you, Harm. More than I ever dreamed it possible to love anyone. I wouldn’t change a thing that we’ve been through because it got us to where we are now. You are my whole world, flyboy. I can’t imagine ever being without you. Being your wife would be the sweetest way to spend every day of the rest of my life.quot;

He smiled so tenderly that it brought tears to her eyes. He rose to his feet, towering over her. Still holding her hand, he bent his head and kissed her very softly. Then he lifted his free hand and touched the hollow of her throat.

quot;I love you from the very bottom of my heart, Sarah

quot;And I you, my love,quot; she whispered.

They stared at each other for several longs minutes. Mac’s eyes drifted shut when she felt the first light pressure of his lips. Tentatively, he kissed her, barely maintaining the contact of their mouths. She felt the slightest trembling in the callused palm resting against her neck and knew he was deeply affected. She lifted her arms to wrap them around is neck and slightly parted her lips against the curve of his mouth. Harm slipped his arms around her small waist and pulled her closer, shifting their positions until Mac was pressed along his length from head to toe. His hand moved restlessly up her back, catching in the silky strands of her hair. Mac slid her own fingers into the cool thickness of Harm’s dark hair and held him to her, squirming to get closer as the hard wall of his chest grazing the sensitive tips of her breasts. His tongue teased the seam of her lips and they parted beneath his onslaught, allowing him access to the moist interior. Reluctantly, she drew back slightly and looked up at him, her eyes shining.

quot;Before we get distracted,quot; she whispered teasingly. quot;There’s something I need to tell you. Did you really mean it when you said you’d love me no matter what? She murmured.

quot;I will always love you – no matter what.quot;

quot;Even if I gain 50 pounds and get fat and ugly?quot;

quot;Even if…. 50…quot; he muttered, trying to understand what she was saying.

quot;In seven months I’m going to be very fat,quot; she stated softly, sliding her hands up his chest in a wandering fashion.

Harm ignored the stirring in his lower body and pulled back slightly to look down at her. quot;Why in seven...quot; Comprehension dawned in his gaze. quot;You’re pregnant?quot; his voice was hushed.

Mac smiled tremulously and nodded. quot;With all that has happened and being hurt, I didn’t even stop to think about missing my period. I figured stress was a factor. I got the news yesterday from my doctor. It was in the reports that came back from Bethesda. I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you. We haven’t talked about…quot;

Harm grasped her arms and shook her lightly. quot;Are you saying we’re going to have a baby?quot; he demanded.

Mac laughed. quot;Yes! We’re going to have a baby! That’s what I just…quot;

Harm whooped at the top of his lungs and started laughing, kissing Mac at the same time. Mac laughed, too, feeling like a million bucks.

quot;Remember that promise we made? The one for five years? I never wanted to wait that long anyway – I should have said one when I had the chance.quot;

Mac laughed and threw her arms around him. quot;I wasn’t sure how you would react since we weren’t planning on this.quot;

quot;I love you and I’m going to love our baby. And it doesn’t matter to me that we haven’t talked about it. Babies are all a part of everything I want with you. This baby is going to be loved every second.quot;

quot;Sounds like this will be the luckiest kid in the world. As long she has your looks and my brains,quot; Mac grinned, pressing herself against him. quot;I love you, Harm.quot;

quot;I don’t care as long as we have a healthy baby but he can have your looks and my brains. I love you, too, Mac.quot;

Mac giggled like a young girl. quot;About gaining weight.... Are you sure you’ll still love me?quot;

quot;Shut up, Mac.quot;

Mac giggled. quot;Yes, Commander.quot;

The End