If someone had asked her a year ago, a month ago, even a week ago, she would have denied any thought of doing something this crazy. Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie rose from her couch and paced the floor. From his blanket near the TV, Jingo watched his mistress stop to stare out the window. Sensing her distress, he rose and ambled over to her, nudging her leg with his head. Slowly, Mac slid down to the floor, her back against the wall and hugged the dog, taking comfort in his warmth.

Pulling back, he looked into his deep brown eyes. "I have to do this, Jingo. I know it’s the right decision."

Sighing, Mac rose and went to sit on the couch. Before her on the coffee table were several brochures for the Potomac Women’s Center. For months now she’d been consulting with her own OB/GYN going over options for childbirth. She was approaching her mid-thirties with no prospects for a husband in sight. After turning Mic’s proposal down, Mac knew she couldn’t marry a man she didn’t love – not when she was in love with another man. And it looked like a future with that man wasn’t going to happen. She reached out and picked up one of the brochures. On the front was a woman lovingly cradling a newborn against her breasts. This is what Mac wanted more than anything – a baby of her own. A baby to love and raise. But she wasn’t getting any younger and this was the time prime time of her life to have a child.

She and Dr. Janet Ballenger talked about adoption. But adoption took a very long time and carried no guarantees. Mac had chosen a method that was becoming more and more popular with unmarried women. She was going to be artificially inseminated. Janet knew one of the doctors at the clinic – had gone to med school with him – and highly recommended that Mac pay him a visit. Mac got up and began pacing again. Her appointment with Dr. Kyle Blake had gone very well. He was about Janet’s age, mid-thirties, and very understanding to the way Mac felt about giving birth. She recalled their conversation in her head.

"It’s not at all unnatural for you to want to carry this baby inside your own body and bring it into the world. Single mothers are growing in numbers thanks to an openness in society. I won’t lie and say I don't wish you had a husband in this with you but it’s a good choice, Sarah."

"But is it the right choice for me?" Mac murmured to him.

Kyle smiled gently and patted her hand. "There are a lot of things you need to consider and look into. Like having a stable home, putting your finances in order. You’ll want to have money in the bank, Sarah. Worry over money will kill you. I recommend that you attend parenting classes, meet some other women who are single mothers. You might even consider joining a support group of single mothers. Talk to them, make friends, get to know what their lifestyles are like," he suggested. He turned and rifled through his files, pulling out several brochures. "Here, try contacting some of these groups and see what you find. After you look into all this, if you still think insemination is the best choice for you, then we’ll go ahead with the details."

Mac met his warm gaze and nodded slowly. "You’ve certainly given me a lot to consider. Thank you for taking the time for me on this. You don’t know how much I appreciate it," she murmured, clenching her hands together.

"I’m here if you need anything at all, Sarah. You won’t be alone in this no matter what you decide."

Mac drifted back to the present and stopped pacing, looking down at her beautiful dog.

"I feel alone in this, Jingo. I want a husband, someone who will love me unconditionally for the rest of my life. But I want a family, too, and if I can’t have both I’m going to have at least one. I have no one to talk to. The man I want to share this with the most would never understand. He definitely wouldn’t understand if I told him it was his baby I want to carry and give birth to."

Mac stopped abruptly and shoved her hands through her hair. She strode to the bathroom and looked at herself hard in the mirror. Was she really ready for a step this big? Could she handle having a baby and taking care of it, loving it, supporting it – without a mate to support and love her? It was the one question she would have to answer before making her final decision.

2230 ZULU

HARM'S APARTMENT

NORTH OF UNION STATION

Harm stared morosely at the TV, now muted so Pat Sajak's voice would not intrude in his thoughts, his hand holding a bottle of beer he was not drinking. He had spent the afternoon at Bethesda Naval Hospital, getting the results of the annual physical which he was required to have. Dr. Donnelly's words 'perfectly healthy' had been tempered with other phrases such as

'nearing forty', 'not getting any younger', prostate cancer becoming more likely' and 'sperm count decreasing'. The doctor had made a suggestion that he think about making a contribution or two to the sperm bank at Georgetown University, tactfully suggesting that somewhere down the road he might want to father a child and that there was no guarantee the 'plumbing would still work at one hundred percent efficiency' when it was needed if he postponed fatherhood too long. Not only would the sperm be there if needed, but also

he would have the option to allow any woman to choose his genes with which to be inseminated. He would be notified of a successful birth, but of course given no other particulars.

His mind wandered back to that day a year ago when AJ Roberts was born and how he stood on the front steps of JAG HQ with his partner, and they had discussed having a baby in five years. That conversation had never been mentioned again; and so much had happened, so much had changed since then. At times he felt he did not know the woman he came back to. Hell at times he felt he did not know himself any more.

His eyes strayed to the book case, at the wood carving of RABB in fancy lettering his grandmother had sent him many years ago, done by an artisan in her small town. The first Rabbs had come from Germany in the early 1700s, settling in the fertile valleys of central Pennsylvania. At first God's words to be fruitful and multiply had been heeded. Gradually the number of Rabbs lessened. Wars took their toll--there had been at least one Rabb in

every war the US had fought, beginning with the Revolutionary. And families grew smaller, each generation producing fewer descendants than the last. Peter and Sarah Rabb stopped at Harm Senior, and he and Trish with Harm himself. With his death, a long and proud Rabb lineage would end. Mental image of two Rabb children, a brown haired blue eyed boy like

himself, and a girl, dark hair and deep set dark eyes, flawless olive skin like her mother. That thought prompted a long swig of beer.

"Not likely, Rabb," he spoke aloud. "On the ferry you weren't bright enough to tell her what she meant to you, and you'll probably never get the chance again."

The thought of a little part of himself giving life to a new human being pleased him. If he could not have a child with the woman he wanted, then at least somewhere there would be a Rabb offspring, and a lineage that began in the U.S. almost three hundred years before would continue, in spirit if not in name.

"Thank you, fifteen hundred this afternoon," Harm confirmed his appointment and hung up the phone. The decision had been made, now he simply wanted to 'make the deposit' and move on to something else in his life. That 'something else' passed in front of his door and he discarded the idea as quickly as it came, calling out, "Colonel, a word with you."

"How many times have we had that discussion?" Mac glared at him. "I don't even out rank you anymore."

"I know but what else can I say that gets under your skin quite that bad--at least that's suitable for office talk," he gave her that quick grin and then turned serious. "Listen, can you handle the Magruder deposition without me? I need to leave at fourteen thirty. I have an

appointment--personal matter."

"Yeah, okay not a problem," she nodded. "You are ready for court this morning right?"

"Have I ever not been ready - don't answer that," he returned and saw her staring past him out the window to the trees. "Something you want to talk about?" he asked gently, "I know we don't really - you know - TALK any more but that doesn't mean we can't."

"Not about this," she sighed. "Not with anyone. Something I have to work through on my own."

"Mac, are you in some kind of trouble?" he asked, his concern immediate and deep, recalling when Ragle was in town and he did not listen to her, resulting in her facing murder charges.

"I'm not about to be court martialed if that's what you're thinking," she retorted and then softened her tone. "No, I'm not in trouble. Just something I need to come to terms with, a decision I'm trying to reach."

"Mac, you're not thinking of Mic again are you?" Harm's voice caught in his throat with the question and she smiled and shook her head, for not the first time wondering how he can not want her with Mic and yet not bring himself to say he cares for her.

"Done and gone," she promised. "No, this is a purely personal matter. Look, we're due in court. Let me get a better handle on it and maybe I'll want to talk to someone about it okay?"

"You can tell me anything, anytime," he reminded her.

"Thanks," she smiled gratefully and to his surprise, patted his hand. "Now move your six, Mr. Prosecutor. My client is innocent."

He was downright nervous. A man who was never nervous about anything and here he stood at the door of the clinic with his hands shaking and his palms sweating. It was just the idea of this. Putting his sperm on ice. And of having to go in and… and… he couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought. Drawing in a slow deep, breath, he pushed open the door and went in. Standing out here on the walk wasn’t going to get the job done any faster.

Several minutes later the paperwork was done and the nurse was leading him to a private room. She smiled reassuringly and handed him a plastic cup labeled with his name.

"You’ll find everything you need in the room. Use whatever you feel you need. There’s magazines, books and videos."

Harm simply nodded. Mentally shoring up his resolve, he went into the room.

Mac was attending her first support group meeting. It was comprised of single mothers and they had welcomed her right into the fold. She sat in a comfortable chair and listened while they talked. Introductions had already been made around the room and now the newcomers – two other women besides herself – were telling what brought them to the group. One was a widow and one was divorced. But that wasn’t all the group was comprised of. Mac found that several of them had adopted because of no husband and three others had been inseminated.

"Mac?" The group leader, Carolyn James, interrupted Mac’s thoughts. "Will you tell us what brought you here tonight?"

Mac looked around the room and saw their open, welcome expressions. She cleared her throat nervously, twisting her hands together. "My doctor suggested that I attend some meetings because I’m considering insemination. I was nervous about coming here tonight because I guess I’m still worried about what people might think of my choice."

"Because you have no husband?" Carolyn guessed.

Mac nodded. "And no boyfriend either. There is a man but he… well, I don’t believe he even knows how I feel about him – let alone that he may feel the same in return. But I’m getting older and more than anything I want a baby of my own. But I want to carry this baby. I want to give birth to it. I know that sounds bad but please believe me - I have nothing against adoption. It’s just that…" her voice trailed off helplessly.

"That you want to experience motherhood from the conception on." This was from on of the other women, Leah Tait. "That was why I chose insemination, too," she explained.

Mac smiled gratefully at her. "This all seems very foreign. I guess like all little girls I grew up wanting the fairy tale. But as each year passes that seems to slip further from my grasp. I don’t want to wake up one day and find that it’s too late for any of this."

"At least you’re trying to do something about it instead of sitting around letting life pass you by," Carolyn commented. "And who knows? Maybe this man in question will see the light. There’s still time."

"Tiner, is the Admiral free?"

"Good morning, Colonel MacKenzie. Let me check for you." He came back on the line a second later. "He said to come over now."

"Thank you, Tiner. I’ll be right there."

Minutes later, Mac was seating herself comfortably in front of her Commander. Admiral Chegwidden smiled and leaned forward over his desk, lacing his hands together.

"You looked troubled, Colonel."

Mac smiled ruefully. "How is it that you always read us so well?"

"Years of experience. Something wrong on a case or this personal?"

"It’s personal, sir. May I speak freely with you?"

"Certainly. Are you all right, Mac?" A.J. questioned gently, taking note of the lines around her eyes and mouth.

"I’m fine unless you count sleeplessness a cause for concern," she smiled.

"That would depend on what’s causing it."

"Well, what I’m going to tell you is probably going to cause you a lot of concern. I haven’t talked to anyone else about this yet but as my CO, I feel I need to discuss it with you so we can look at how it may affect my career here at JAG."

A.J.’s brow furrowed. "This is sounding more and more serious. Spit it out, Colonel."

"Sir, I’m planning on having a baby."

A.J. continued to stare at her and for once, Mac realized she was seeing him at a loss for words. A.J. cleared his throat and shook his head.

"A baby? Did I hear that correctly?"

"Yes, sir."

"I wasn’t aware that you were seeing anyone that seriously, Mac."

"I’m not, Admiral." Mac took a deep, slow breath. "The truth is, I’m planning on being artificially inseminated."

Now A.J. truly was speechless. "You’re what?" He demanded.

"I know, it sounds ludicrous," she sighed. "Please, let me explain."

"Go ahead," he nodded.

"I’ve been considering my options for a few weeks now and I’ve had many appointments with my OB/GYN and with a fertility doctor. I’ve also started going to meetings with a single mother’s support group. I want a family of my own more than anything, Admiral. I think most women do. But I’m approaching mid-thirties with no prospect for a husband in sight. I’m afraid if I continue to sit back and wait, my chances for childbearing will be gone." She took another deep breath and went for broke.

"I think you know how I really feel, Admiral. The man I truly love doesn’t see me in the same light and probably never will. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my feelings for him and unless I do, I can’t marry someone else that I don’t love. That’s why I turned Commander Brumby down. But I want a baby, Admiral. I want it so badly sometimes I feel like it’s an obsession. I know I can do this alone. There’s a lot to consider and I’ve certainly been busy lately going over all the options and ramifications. What I need to know from you, is how having a child – and being a single mother to boot – will affect my work here."

"Would you decide against the child if I said yes?" A.J. asked softly.

Mac squared her shoulders. "No, sir. I’d request a transfer – effective immediately."

A.J. allowed a smile to escape. "I’m glad to see you have as strong a conviction about this that you do with everything else in your life. Colonel, no one – including myself – can tell you what is best for you. As your friend, I would like nothing more than to see you happily married but, yes, I know how you feel. And I know you would never be happy if you settled for less than what you truly want. I also believe, Mac, that you’ll make a fine mother."

A sigh of relief whooshed out of Mac. "Thank you, sir," she murmured.

"As for your job here – that depends on what you choose to do. I have no problem at all having a single mother on my staff. Unlike some Commanders, I’m not above being flexible. There are going to be times when you’ll need to travel but if you can provide adequate care for the child during those times then I see no reason it would interfere," he went on.

"I don’t believe it will be a problem. I have Bud and Harriet and I’m sure I can find suitable daycare. Thousands of women do it everyday."

"May I ask permission to be added to the babysitting list?" A.J. asked, quirking one brow.

Mac looked at him in surprise. "Certainly, sir! I would hope you would take as much an interest in my child as you do in little A.J. – even if he isn’t named for you." She couldn’t help but add the teasing remark.

A.J. chuckled. "No, I wouldn’t mind it at all and I’d be honored to be a part of your child’s life. The four of you know how I feel about you outside of this office, Mac. Nothing’s ever going to change that. What breaks my heart here is that you feel you have to go this route as a last resort. But no one can force him to do something he isn’t ready or willing to do."

And they both knew the ‘him’ A.J. was talking about.

Mac nodded slowly. "That’s why I feel I have to move forward with my own life. I can’t spend the rest of it sitting around pining for him, sir. If I do then I may wake up one day and find myself old and alone with no legacy to leave behind."

"You have my full support in this, Mac. I’ll be here for you any way I can. You know your news is safe with me."

Mac slowly rose to her feet. "Thank you, Admiral, for everything. I might need to take a day off for the procedure but we haven’t finalized the details yet."

"Understood. Just let me know when you do."

She’d narrowed her choices down to three. There were thousands of donors available. The staff at the clinic had provided Mac with the final list for her to choose from. Their computer took the questionnaire she filled out and eliminated all but the donors who came closest to what she was searching for. The more Mac gave them the smaller the list became. The final number had been just 12 and Mac was down to three. But there was one… She picked up the sheet again and looked over the donor’s stats. There was something about this man. Mac sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Who was she kidding? The one in her hand – he reminded her of Harm. He was a naval aviator and a career Squid. He was tall – 6’4" with dark brown hair and green eyes. Liked to kickbox and keep physically fit. His hobbies were long and varied, his father before him was military. Mac knew this man could have passed as a dead ringer for Harm. But her partner wouldn’t be caught dead doing something like this. He was old-fashioned about a lot of things but Mac wouldn’t believe he’d ever put his DNA out for some stranger to pick up.

She looked over the long form again and resolutely set it aside. This was the one she wanted. Even if her true dream would never come true, maybe she could help by fantasizing a little. She could pretend – even for a little while – that this was the man she really wanted.

"Harm, we're going to have to pick this up tomorrow," Mac said suddenly, realizing what the time was. "In fact, I'm going to take this stack home and look at it. I've got an appointment this afternoon and if I don't move my six I'm going to be late."

"Uh, okay," Harm frowned, not having heard of it before.

"Sorry, I didn't tell you," she realized her oversight. "It's personal time. The Admiral cleared it first thing this morning."

"Sure, okay," he nodded. "Here I'll help you out to your car."

"Bless you," she grinned, truly appreciative of his assistance.

He helped her stow the files and laptop in her trunk and closed the car door for her, oddly making sure she was fastening her seatbelt.

"See you in the morning then," he smiled, reaching through the window to touch her shoulder.

He backed away from the car and she turned the key. The 'vette's engine cranked over but did not start. She tried twice more and then banged the wheel in frustration.

"They can be temperamental at times," he said sympathetically, remembering his own.

"I don't have time for temperamental," she exploded, banging her first against the steering wheel. "I've got..."

"An appointment, I know," Harm nodded. "Then I'll drive you. The Admiral won't mind, especially since he's at the Pentagon all afternoon."

A look of panic crossed her features. "No, Harm, you can't."

"Excuse me?" he looked at her intently, the first twinges of worry playing at his spine.

"It's a personal matter," she finished lamely.

"Then we're back to calling them," he pointed out, opening the door for her.

"Then I'll have to wait another month...." she moaned, suddenly thinking better of finishing that thought. "Yes, please, could you drive me?" she asked meekly, at the same time plotting how she could not let him know her exact destination.

"We could have done that ten minutes ago," he teased, helping her from the car. "Pop your trunk. I'll drive you, wait for you and then I'll take you home. In the meantime I'll get Henry to come check out the bomb here."

Mac hesitated, not at all sure she wanted Harm anywhere near her secret and yet it was this afternoon or nothing until next month. The little stick in the bathroom this morning told her it had to be today.

"Yes, thanks," she nodded, her mind made up, giving him a little push toward his car in the next row.

The SUV pulled smoothly onto the road leading from JAG and he looked at her expectantly for the address.

She took a deep breath and gave him the address and then a small sigh of relief when he did not react. Relief was short lived however when he pulled up, his mouth agape at the large letters on the white building.

"Mac," he finally got out. "Potomac Women's Center." He shook his head momentarily. "Maybe you'd better tell me what this is about because right now my imagination is telling me things that are scaring the crap out of me."

"Harm, it's an OB-GYN center," she pointed out, choosing her words carefully. "They do routine women things."

"Okay," he nodded, barely able to breathe. "Then it's something else, some kind of female thing. Mac, you don't have...something wrong do you...like breast cancer?" He almost did not get out his last words.

"Harm, no," she said vehemently, surprised at how alarmed he had grown. "I'm fine, promise." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "It is a female thing as you so aptly put it. Not something I want to talk about but certainly not life-threatening. Relax, you're not going to have to break in another partner."

"That I could handle, losing you I...." and that inner restraint that always kept him from revealing too much kicked in and he stopped. "Okay, how long do you need?" he asked. "In fact, I'm going to park and come in. I'll sit in the lobby like a good little husband...uh chauffeur...and work on some of this mess with the laptop."

"All right, thanks," she smiled after a minute, suddenly realizing how reassuring it would be to have him there.

As they walked inside Harm gave into the uncontrollable urge he was feeling---he took her hand and again that strong feeling of comfort came over her. She gave her name at the desk and when they sat down on a nearby sofa to await her being called, he kept his hand on hers. The feel of his hand over hers like that, coupled with the enormity of what she was about to do brought soft tears to her eyes and she blinked them away rapidly before he could notice. All at once she was seized by a powerful urge to tell him the whole story.

"Harm, I want to..." she began and was interrupted by a young woman in a bright blue uniform. "Ms. MacKenzie, ready for you."

That announcement melted her courage and she stood slowly, pulling her hand from his. He stood as well and caught her gaze, giving her an encouraging nod. His eyes never left her back as she disappeared behind a set of doors.

It was a long two hours that she was gone. He worked, but mostly he paced, entertaining notions of hacking into their records, demanding information from the desk, or marching through the doors to locate and confront her to find out what was happening with her.

"Mr. Rabb.... Mr. Rabb?" A soft voice from behind broke into his thoughts.

"Harm Rabb, yes," he confirmed, wheeling around.

The same young lady who had taken Mac was calling him. "This way, please."

He mutely followed her, unreasonably cold fear gripping his belly, which did not let up until he saw Mac sitting up in bed, her head back on the pillow and her eyes closed.

"There you go," the woman nodded and left him.

Harm was at her side at once. "You okay, Mac?" he asked anxiously, his hand immediately going around hers.

"Harm, hi," she smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, just woozy. Before when I was going to be alone they said I had to stay and sleep it off but they're going to let me go since I have you to lean on and I mean that literally." She searched his face for a few seconds. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not," he assured her when the relief washing over him allowed him to speak.

Before either could speak further, the doctor strode through the doors and handed Mac a folder. "Instructions and more information," he smiled. "Make sure you stop and get your prescription filled. You’ll have some discomfort but it varies with everyone. If it gets inordinately severe go to the ER and have them call me. Now since your escort is here, you're done." He turned to Harm. "See that she rests the remainder of the evening. After a good night's sleep she can resume normal activity."

Harm nodded numbly and Mac pushed the covers back, starting to swing her feet over the edge of the bed and swaying as soon as her head was far from the pillow.

"I've got you," Harm caught her arms. "What's wrong? You're scaring me here again."

"I had a minor procedure done and they gave me something to relax me," she explained, resting her hands on his outstretched arms. "They said it would make me woozy and they were right. I'll be okay, just point me toward the car." She started in the direction of the bathroom, still holding to Harm.

"Wrong way, Ninja-Girl," Harm laughed, holding tightly to her. "Let’s try the main door and then out."

He guided her to the car and settled her in, helping her fasten her seatbelt. Then they made the drive to her apartment through the D.C. traffic. She was quiet throughout, keeping her head back against the seat and her eyes closed.

"Need me to carry you up?" he asked when he pulled up in front of her place. "Or can you just lean on me?"

He asked with such seriousness that she could not help a smile.

"I'm fine really, just keep me moving," she told him.

"You got it," he smiled as well, parking and coming around to her side. The folder the doctor had given her was tucked under her arm and when he helped her out he reached for it only to have her clamp down tightly on.

"Sorry, top secret." He nodded. "Harm, I... I'm so grateful for you helping me like this," she stammered. "And part of me wants to tell you but I'm just not ready to share it. I don't even know how it's going to turn out. I can promise that it's nothing threatening my life or my work."

"I know that's what you said," Harm nodded. "And I'm hoping you'll feel like you can trust me with whatever it is at some point. But right now in the meantime I'm just concerned about your well being. Up to bed with you."

"Yes, Commander," she mustered a small grin.

Once Harm got Mac settled in bed in a spot that didn’t hurt her too much, she went to sleep and he slipped out to go fill her prescription. When he returned he put the bottle next to her bed with a glass of water. Sitting in a chair across the room, Harm studied her for several minutes. Her face held a pinched look around her eyes and mouth. She hadn’t looked at ease for the past couple of weeks but whenever he asked if there was something wrong, she just said no. He knew she wasn’t sleeping well. Maybe whatever she had done today would ease her mind.

Hours later, Harm had eaten and use her shower and worked on the report for a case, flipped through the channels on the television and still Mac slept. He checked on her periodically, wondering if he should wake her.

"No! No … not his fault. No, can’t… don’t take.... please."

Harm was on his feet the second he heard her cry out. Racing into the room, he found her tossing and turning on the bed, the sheets twisted around her slender body. Harm lowered his tall frame down beside her and slid partway down against the pillows. Carefully, he eased her into his arms. She quieted the instant his arms closed around her. Hers went around his waist, her damp hair resting on the hard pillow of his chest. Harm sifted his fingers through her silky hair, smoothing away the remnants of her nightmares. The fingers of his other hand moved just slightly over her back, rubbing gentle circles. She moaned slightly and Harm pressed his lips to her temple, holding them there for a moment before turning his cheek to her hair and closing his eyes.

Mac awakened some time later. She started to move and then realized she was pinned by a heavy weight. She shifted slightly and then realized Harm was with her.

"Harm?"

He was awake instantly, pushing himself away so he could look into her face.

"How you feeling?" he asked softly.

"Stiff," she murmured, stretching marginally.

Harm stroked his hand over her forehead and laid his hand back down next to hers on the pillow. "Go back to sleep. It’s early yet," he whispered.

"It’s the middle of the night," she protested. "Have you been here the whole time? Did you call the Admiral to check in? He must be…" Mac pushed herself up away from him and was immediately swamped by dizziness.

"Yes, I called him and he gave me the rest of the day and tomorrow off to stay put with you. We’re due back Monday morning," Harm answered, calmly pushing her back to the mattress. "Now, I want you to go back to sleep. We have no place to be."

Reluctantly Mac eased back against the pillows. Harm rose and started to get up.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "And what were you doing here anyway?" she added as an afterthought.

"You were having a nightmare," he answered, turning back to look at her. "I was only going to stay for a few minutes. I guess I fell asleep, too. Sorry, ninja girl. I’ll go sack out on the couch."

Mac felt the loss of his warmth the instant he moved away and suddenly felt more alone than ever before.

"Harm, wait. Would… would you stay with me? Just for a little while?"

Harm froze in the process of standing up and slowly glanced back at her. In the near darkness he couldn’t see much of her expression but her voice held something he couldn’t put a finger on. Slowly, he settled back down next to her without a word. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Go back to sleep," he murmured, his breath stirring her hair. "I’ll be right here."

"Bud, tell me again what the coroner’s report says?" Mack asked, shifting a pile of folders on her desk out of the way.

"An autopsy on Corporal Taylor showed swelling of the cranium due to a skull fracture. The angle indicates severe trauma induced by a blunt…"

Bud’s summary of the report was interrupted out of the blue when Mac jumped up and darted past him out of the office, knocking papers everywhere.

"Ma’…" Bud started to call but she was already gone.

Bud got up and followed into the bullpen where he ran into Harriet. They pair exchanged a concerned look and Harriet touched her husband’s arm.

"I’ll go check on her," Harriet murmured, heading for the restroom.

She found Mac on her knees in front of one of the toilets, her forehead resting on one arm. Harriett quickly wet a paper towel with cold water and moved into the stall behind Mac.

"Ma’am, are you okay?"

Mac eased back and took the proffered towel from Harriet and patted her face and neck with it. "I think I’ve got the flu," Mac answered, taking several shallow breaths.

"Have you gone to see your doctor?" Harriet asked, taking in her friend’s pale face.

"I have an appointment this afternoon," Mac told her. She opened her eyes and smiled reassuringly at the younger woman. "I’ll be fine, Harriet."

Harriet tried to muster a smile. "Yes, ma’am."

A few hours later Mac sat in Dr. Blake’s office, twisting her hands nervously. He’d been gone for twenty minutes, awaiting the results of her tests. The door opened and Mac’s head came up with a jerk. Dr. Blake walked in and gave her an enigmatic look. He sat down on his small stool in front of her and reached out to cover her hands with his larger one.

"Well?" Mac demanded, a feeling of dread settling into her stomach.

"It took, Sarah. You’re going to have your baby."

Mac gasped and leaned back in the chair, swaying dizzily. Dr. Blake quickly steadied her. "I'm real happy for you," he smiled. "It's nice to diagnose a pregnancy for someone who wants it so badly."
"What happens now?" she questioned when she could get her breath.
"Very little actually," Dr. Blake answered as he wrote on a prescription pad. "Your iron is low so I'm having you add a supplement to your regular vitamins; otherwise you're very healthily pregnant. You eat right, avoid stress, rest when you can, watch heavy lifting, don't exhaust yourself exercising--the usual precautions." He looked at her thoughtfully. "One thing I would recommend." He slid his chair back to his desk and pulled a small vial from the bottom drawer. "Don't keep this a total secret. Tell at least one person you trust," he went on. "Should you get sick or hurt the paramedics and hospital should know you're pregnant before any kind of treatment. And along those lines, it might not be a bad idea for you to wear this." He opened the vial and poured out a small rectangular piece of metal on a neck chain. "See?" When he held it up she could see it had the word 'pregnant' stamped onto it.
"Dog tags," she laughed.
"Medic Alert," he explained. "Like if you were diabetic or epileptic. I want to see you in thirty days. In the meantime take care of yourself."
Mac walked from the clinic with a new lightness in her step, her hand resting instinctively on her belly as if she could protect the life growing there. Back on the beltway she debated whether to return to JAG or go straight home and she realized she did not want to be alone right then.

"Maybe I can talk Harm into a pizza," she sighed and then frowned, bringing up the question of whether to tell him. That he was her best friend and that it would feel good for him to know was undeniable. That he would understand, and not treat her differently was questionable. She arrived at JAG to find it deserted except for Tiner, Gunny and a few support personnel, and Harriet about to leave.
"Evacuation order?" Mac laughed.
"No, ma'am," Harriet laughed as well. "The Admiral and Commander are with the Secnav at the pentagon. I think the Admiral needed a go between. Bud is at a client meeting and he's going to pick up AJ at daycare so I'm just putzing while I enjoy some time to myself."
"Would you like to get a pizza and talk then?" Mac asked quickly. "I have something I need to tell someone. It's pretty important."
"Now that sounds intriguing," Harriet laughed. "Give me five minutes to clean up here."

Harriet leaned over the table eagerly to Mac. "What did you need to tell me? I'm dying here," she begged.
"Pregnant, Harriet," Mac whispered. "I'm pregnant."
"Oh, wow," Harriet gasped, nearly choking on a breadstick. "Commander Rabb, right?"
"Of course not," Mac answered scornfully. "We've never.... Harriet, I'm telling you because I'm happy for one thing and for another because the doctor told me someone should know just in case."
''I think it's wonderful," the younger woman enthused. "Now who? I want details."
"I'm not seeing anyone," Mac shook her head somewhat wistfully.
"Then how....?" Harriet's eyes grew big as she realized. "Ma'am, that's... actually I don't know what it is but if it's going to give you the child you've wanted so badly---well then I'm thrilled for you."
"Thank you," Mac nodded and felt tears in her eyes which she quickly wiped away.
"Get used to that," Harriet smiled. "I didn't cry my whole life as much as I did those nine months."
"Harriet, one thing. This is not public knowledge. I'm going to tell the Admiral as my CO."
"And Commander Rabb?"
"Haven't decided there," Mac admitted. "I mean he was even with me when I had it done - he just didn't know what I was doing. Told him it was female problems. Men always back off at the first mention of that. I just don't know how he'd feel. You know when AJ was born he and I made that halfway promise we'd go halves on a kid in five years, well four now; but Harriet, honestly, I didn't want to wait that long."
"Maybe you and the Commander would have gotten around to it.... you know..... naturally," Harriet offered, turning pink.
"At ease, Lieutenant," Mac grinned, swallowing the last of her pizza. "And I have a starving dog and you a husband and child who need you."

with a book with the door buzzer sounded. Checking the peephole she was amazed to find Harm on the other side. "Hey something wrong?" she asked at once as she let him in.
"No, not at all," he assured her. "And I would hope I can come see you without there being some crisis. Actually I stopped to see how you are. I swung by Bud and Harriet's earlier and Bud said you were ill today and that you had gone to the doctor." He took her arm and led her to the sofa. "You're okay, aren't you?" he fretted, his blue eyes clouded with worry. "I
mean you did that clinic thing last month and now you were ill in the middle of the day like that and...."
She stopped him with a hand to his arm. "Harm, thank you. I'm fine. I just came from a double sausage pizza with Harriet in fact. I was starved to death. I uh...I guess I had a touch of stomach flu or something I ate last night didn't set well. Now would you like some coffee?"
He was about to say yes when he looked more closely at her robe and nightgown. "No, thanks. You're ready for bed and that's what you need to be doing. Long as I know you're okay I can go home and sleep myself. Goodnight. See you at JAG."
Before she could reply he had leaned down and kissed her forehead and was gone.
"MacKenzie, you know you have to tell him at some point," she berated herself as she returned to her bed. "You should have insisted he stay and laid it all out for him tonight. 'Harm, sit down, I have something to tell you--you know that day at the clinic? Well, I was artificially inseminated and I'm pregnant.' Now how hard could that have been?" She pounded her fist
into the pillow in frustration. "Impossible, that's how hard."

"At ease, Colonel. What can I do for you?"

Mac eyed A.J. across the wide expanse of his desk and felt nervous all of a sudden. "Admiral, I have some news."

A.J. was on his feet instantly and around the desk to hug her tightly. "That’s wonderful news, Mac. I’m happy for you. Have you told the Commander yet?" he asked as he pulled back.

Mac’s smile faded slightly. "Not yet, sir, but I did tell Harriet. My doctor said someone should know in case of a medical emergency and look – dog tags!" she grinned, pulling it from her shirt to show him.

A.J. gave her that funny little smile of his. "I’m glad you shared the news with me, too. I won’t tell Commander Rabb but I urge you to do so before too much time passes."

Mac was remembering her promise to the Admiral now as she struggled with her skirt. Her ‘soon’ had become three months and she was gaining weight. She wanted to tell Harm – of fact, she’d attempted to several times but she just couldn’t get the words out. Or something interrupted them or she just plain chickened out. She’d have to find a way soon or he’d find out on his own.
Harm checked his stack of folders and then looked around the tiny cramped quarters he

and Mac were sharing, only a screen separating his bunk from hers. They had been sleeping in that fashion, and using the tiny bathroom, hardly bigger than a broom closet, for privacy for dressing. Now into their second week aboard, they were investigating allegations of sexual
misconduct. The Portsmouth had one of the navy's largest female crew population, and the most vocal. Interviewing each female was taking a long time.
"Mac, I need the Watson file, please," he called as they were getting ready to move to the office they had been assigned. There was no reply and he assumed she was in the bathroom so he walked around the screen to her side.
"Whoa, sorry," he gasped, finding her standing in her bra and uniform skirt, tugging at the waist band in a failing attempt to pull it to button. "Dry cleaner shrinkage or too much fast food?" he questioned, laughing and turning his head at the same time.
"Harm, I'm..." she began and stopped short, curbing her exasperation.
"What?" he frowned in confusion. "What are you?"
"Late for our meeting with Master Chief Blevins if I don't get this fixed," she retorted.
"Wait one," he smiled and disappeared, returning a minute later with a small rubber band. "May I?" he asked and approached the offending garment.
"Please," she held up her hands in surrender. He looped the rubber band through the buttonhole and around the button, then zipped the zipper, which had its own difficulty but was finally in place.
"Okay, that should get you through...."

"Thank you, Harm," she smiled and moved away.

Mac closed the apartment door behind her and lugged her bags to the bedroom, dropping them on the floor at the foot of the bed for later. Right now she wanted to get out of these clothes and sit down on the couch with her aching feet up. Once she had on a warm pair of sweat, a T-Shirt and some fuzzy socks, she settled down with the giant stack of mail that piled up while she was gone. Flipping quickly through it, she separated it by junk mail, bills and other items.

Mac had stockpiled pregnancy books, wanting to know and learn everything she possibly could about what was still to come and how her baby was growing. All though she’d started gaining a little weight, the baby was only about three inches long but fully formed. It amazed her that something so small could be completely formed with organs and limbs in working order. Next month she might get to feel it move for the first time. The thought was… Mac’s hand froze on an envelope from the clinic where she had the procedure done. A feeling of dread settled into her stomach all though a letter from them was no cause for alarm. Slowly, she tore open the flap and pulled the sheet out.

Dear Ms. MacKenzie,

"Oh, my, God," Mac whispered, horrified.

She read the letter a second time and then a third. Surely this couldn’t mean what it… oh, no, there was no way. No way Harm could be involved in this. Oh, no, oh, no…

Harm changed clothes and fixed himself something to eat before sitting down at the table to leaf through the mail that collected while he and Mac were gone. Toward the bottom of the pile was a long white envelope with a return address from the Potomac Women’s Center where he’d taken Mac that day for the procedure she had done.

Dear Mr. Rabb,
We are very excited to be a part of the impending birth of your child! We are here to help in any way we can and as the first step, we have enrolled you and the mother, Ms. Sarah MacKenzie in our next set of childbirth classes. A schedule will arrive to you in a few days of the class times. If you find any sessions you are unable…

The letter fell from Harm’s fingers in disbelief, fluttering to the floor. What in the hell… he bent over and snatched it up as if it might bite him. He read it again and again, trying to make sense of the words. There had to be some mistake… how on earth could they have gotten he and Mac… The thought trailed right out of his mind. He had to talk to her right now. Letter still clutched in hand, he grabbed his keys and raced from the apartment.

Wen he arrived at her place he bounded up the stairs and banged on the door.

"Mac! It’s Harm!" he called.

Mac heard his voice and froze in her tracks. She hadn’t even had time to come to grips with the letter. Oh, God, what if he’d gotten one, too? Was that why he was here? Oh, no, she couldn’t face him now. Not like this. What was she going to say?

"Mac, I know you’re in there. Open this door right now," he ordered.

Drawing a deep breath, Mac smoothed her damp palms over her shirt and went to the door. She barely got it open when he was pushing his way in, striding past her into the room, his tall form fairly vibrating with anger. He whirled on her, shaking a white paper in his fist.

"Would you care to explain this to me?" he demanded.

"Why don’t you calm down and tell me what it is?" she countered, trying to stay cool.

"It’s a letter from the Women’s Center where you had me take you a few months ago. Here," he said, thrusting it at her.

Mac took the letter and read it. Without a word, she walked over to the coffee table and retrieved her own letter, handing it to him. Harm read it and raised glittering eyes to her.

"What’s going on, Mac?"

Mac stood her ground, meeting his gaze. He was furious and frankly, she didn’t blame him. She drew a slow breath. "It’s not what you think," she began.

"You don’t know what I think," he retorted icily.

"I do. You think something underhanded is going on, don’t you? I can assure you it’s not. Harm, I’m pregnant."

Without hearing words from her, Harm hadn’t been sure of anything. Her statement took the wind out of his sails. "What?" he asked hoarsely.

"I’m pregnant and if I’m understanding this letter correctly you’re the father."

Harm was at a loss for words. "How…" he stuttered. "Why don’t we sit down," he told her instead.

She moved to the couch without a word, Harm right behind her. He stared at her for a moment, not sure what to say.

"The day you took me to the clinic, I was inseminated. But I chose an anonymous donor, Harm. You have to believe that. I didn’t know who it was and unless you request it they don’t tell you. I…" she drew another breath. "I picked the donor I used because he reminded me of you. I suppose I could have made myself believe it was you but I didn’t think…" her voice trailed off and her brow knitted in confusion. "How did I end up with you as a donor? Harm, how on earth did you end up as a sperm donor?" she demanded, more confused than ever.

Harm sighed. "This is going from bad to worse," he muttered. "I went to the doctor several months ago for a checkup and he was actually the one who gave me the suggestion. I’m not getting any younger and I have no prospects in sight for a family of my own. So he recommended I look into freezing sperm and/or offering it as donor sperm for another couple. I did both. I asked to remain anonymous and I never in my wildest dreams thought anyone would ever pick it…" his voice trailed off. "But that doesn’t explain how you ended up with it or…" he broke off abruptly. "My, God, Mac, you’re pregnant and you didn’t tell me!" he stated, growing angry all over again.

She sighed deeply and looked at her clenched hands. He had every right to feel betrayed. But his words also struck a chord in her. "I didn’t know how," she answered flatly. "We haven’t exactly been on the best of terms the past few months! I know we’ve been trying to get past it but what’d you want me to do? Just walk up and announce I was having a baby? Yeah, right," she muttered sarcastically. "I went to the doctor for the same reason you did. I want a family of my own more than anything else in this world. I’m not getting any younger and I have no husband in sight. I did a lot of research and spent time with both my doctors and a woman’s support group before I made the decision. I want this baby, Harm. I want it very, very much. I just never expected to know who the father was."

"And you would have been happy with that? Never knowing his name or his face?" he questioned in disbelief.

"There had to be a compromise somewhere!" she shot back. "Don’t you sit there and judge me for what I’ve done! This is my life and my body! You have no say in what I do!"

Harm smiled grimly. "That’s where you’re wrong. That changed the second I read this letter, Mac. This baby you’re carrying is a part of me, too. And like it or not that makes me a permanent part from now on."

"You don’t know for sure it’s yours," Mac retorted angrily. "The donor’s name was never even supposed to be known. I want to make damn sure the clinic got their records right before I start giving you any say in the matter!" she stated coldly, jumping to her feet.

Harm got up behind her and grabbed her arm, swinging her around to face him. "We’ll go down there tomorrow together. You kept a major, life changing decision from me, Mac," he said in a flat voice. "There is no way for me to just overlook that."

"Look, Har-mon," she began, her voice now cold and calm. "A lot of years ago women were burning bras and marching in the street to secure some of the rights I'm enjoying today. Such as being a Lieutenant Colonel in what used to be--outside the typing pool--a man's world. One of the more important privileges we secured was control over our bodies. My body is now harboring a child, my child whom I want very much."

"My child, too," he maintained stubbornly, in the tone of a little boy refusing peas.

"Not by my choice," she returned.

"It could have been," was his immediate response.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "I should have called you and said Harm the stick says it's time, get over here."

"We might have worked something out," he said quietly. "But no need to go into that now. You're carrying my child. Where do we go from there?"

"The only place I'm going is to bed," she said wearily. "Harm, I'm sorry but I can't do this with you now. I'm in just as much shock as you are. And I'm tired from the trip and all that we did on the Portsmouth. I have terminal jet lag that's about to be joined by a migraine of equal severity and I'm rapidly developing a pain in another place, not of my doing. Am I making my point here? And as much as I hate to say this--to play the pregnancy card to use a totally cliched expression--stress is not good for the baby."

Harm held up his hands. "Okay, but this subject is far from closed. Mac, I want a child as much or more as you do. I just haven't been vocal about it. And I wanted that child with you believe it or not. Now I feel like it's been given to me and you're trying to...well not take it away maybe, but at least keep me from being a full part of it."

"We haven't been a full part of each other's lives in a long time," she reminded him quietly. "And I don't want to do that with you either."

Her words hurt as the truth often does. "Okay, I deserved that," he admitted. "First things first, what about these letters. Maybe there's been a mistake."

"No," she gasped, suddenly realizing she did not want the information to be wrong. Just as she had picked the donor to resemble Harm, she wanted Harm himself for the father now that the possibility existed. "You pick me up in the morning and we'll go to the clinic and find out for sure. Deal?"

"As long as we can talk more about all this, yes," he agreed. "Clinic and then breakfast sounds good." He looked down at the letter in his hand and felt anger that had never quite left him surge once again. "You could have told me," he said brokenly and then turned on his heel and left.

She followed him to the door and locked it, then leaned back against it. "I could have," she sighed to herself, realizing for not the first time that she had badly wanted to. She almost did aboard the Portsmouth when he helped her with her skirt and there had been many other times she wanted to. If she had told him about the pregnancy, the letter might not have caused quite as much distress.

Mac spent a restless night and Harm faired no better.

She was waiting outside when he arrived the next morning and neither spoke at first.

"About last night," he said finally, swallowing hard. "I was out of line storming over there and I...well I should have known you wouldn't have done something that underhanded. I should have known my partner better."

"An apology from Harmon Rabb," she smiled, only a slight note of sarcasm in her voice.

"You want it in writing?" he smiled as well.

"No, but I'll take it with some eggs and bacon as soon as we give this clinic a piece of our collective minds," she sighed. "I owe you one too, apology that is. I should have told you before about the baby. It just never seemed the right time; moreover it seemed...well daunting...to try to explain. And I'd better find out how pretty quick because I'm going to be into maternity uniforms."

"Tell the truth," he offered quietly. "Tell people it's my baby. The circumstances of its conception are no one's business anyway."

"I'll think about it," she conceded. "I'm still in shock over finding out that you're the father. None of my plans for me or this baby included a father in the picture and I'm having a hard time changing horses midstream here."

"I know you're going to need some time but remember that little life you're carrying is half mine. We promised each other a baby once and God sent it to us. Now it's up to us to do right by it."

"I never planned to do anything less," she returned. "But I did plan to do it alone and now I'm having to rethink all that."

An hour's ranting at the clinic gave them no satisfaction. Phrases like 'computer glitch' and 'programming error' kept coming up. Finally they were sitting in the director's office, awaiting confirmation of what the letter had promised.

"Colonel Mackenzie, Commander Rabb, Alan Rabinowitz." The tall balding head of the center introduced himself. "I could apologize again but I'm sure you don't want to hear it. So instead let me simply say that your suspicions are confirmed--it was indeed the Rabb donation which fertilized the Mackenzie egg."

Despite being prepared Mac gasped and swayed forward slightly in her chair.

Harm's quick hands caught her by the shoulders. "You okay? What's wrong?"

"It just hit me all of a sudden, that's all," she shook her head to clear it and then shrugged from his grasp. "I'm fine thanks. Can we get out of here now?"

"We'll be in touch," Harm told Rabinowitz and let the implied threat sink in before turning to Mac and helping her from the chair.

They were walking to the car when she stopped and called his name, her voice shaky and weak.

Automatically his hands went to her and this time she did not discourage him. "I'm just lightheaded from not eating," she admitted. "One of the books said blood sugar can fluctuate rapidly. "How about feeding me, Sailor?"

"Yeah, right away," he nodded worriedly, holding her tightly now and taking her to the car.

Fifteen minutes and a glass of orange juice later she was feeling better and the color had returned to her face.

"You scared me," he sighed, brushing her cheek with his knuckle. ''But it wasn't the first and I know won't be the last time."

She was quiet for several minutes and finally looked straight into his eyes. "You're happy about this then? Happy that you're my baby's father?"

"Very much," he nodded at once. "Not happy about the way it was conceived or that you kept your pregnancy from me all these weeks, but yes, very much for the fact that we're sharing a baby. And as long as we're talking that, I need to tell you that I can't--I won't--be an every other weekend, each Wednesday night kind of father. I want to be a diaper changing, two AM feeding, taking to the pediatrician kind. I hope you can live with that."

"It'll have to be worked out," she nodded. "But I think we can come to some arrangement that's fair. But, Harm, you're not going to hover over me for the next five months. I'm perfectly healthy and the baby is to. This is a normal pregnancy and you won't make me some kind of invalid."

Harm nodded slowly. "I can’t promise that I can totally stand back but I will promise to do my best not to smother you. You’ve had a few months to prepare for this, Mac. You’ll have to give me time to get my bearings and catch up and until I do, I may drive you crazy."

Mac allowed the tiniest of smiles to touch the corners of her mouth. "You already make me crazy," she murmured teasingly, a glimpse of her humor slipping through.

Harm met her gaze. "We’ll take this one day at a time, Mac. We’ve weathered a lot of things together and we can handle this, too. Just please promise me one thing – that know matter what we’ll keep our communication going. No hiding, no secrets – just open talk."

Mac held his earnest look. "I promise. Things have been hard for a while but you have to understand, Harm, that I really did have the best of intentions for myself and this baby. I didn’t know you were the donor I picked."

"And if you had?" he asked, almost holding his breath to hear her answer.

"I still would have picked you."

The next two weeks passed with a tentative truce between Mac and Harm. Mac’s final words to him that night in her apartment about still picking him rang in Harm’s ears. She’d admitted more or less to wanting him as the father of her baby. But then again she’d never been the one hiding her feelings. He stood at the window of his office watching her now and she talked with Harriet and Carolyn Imes.

"Spill it, Colonel," Carolyn prompted with a wide smile. "You’ve obviously been hiding your light under a bushel lately but now we see the truth," she teased. "Who’s the father?"

"Harm." The words were out of Mac’s mouth before she could recall them. Then she realized she didn’t want to hide the truth and to hell with what anyone thought.

"Harmon Rabb?" Carolyn demanded, snapping her mouth shut before it could drop open too far. "I always knew there was something between the two of you! How you managed to hide it this long is beyond me. Congratulations, Mac," she stated warmly, hugging Mac tightly.

Mac smiled in response and felt some of the tension slip from her shoulders. "Thank you, Carolyn. I appreciate." Over the shorter woman’s shoulder, Mac saw Harm watching them and took a step in that direction. "Harriet, are you staying for lunch?" she asked the younger woman over her shoulder.

"Yes, ma’am," Harriet answered. "I’ll come get you when I’m ready," she answered before Mac could say what she was thinking.

Mac smiled. "I’ll be waiting."

As she walked toward Harm’s office, her eyes met his through the glass and her mind wandered back over the past few days. True to his word, he was trying very hard not to smother her. He borrowed all of her baby books and even showed up with a few of his own. And breakfast had begun appearing her desk every morning. Simple things like fresh fruit and a muffin or a bagel. Something to get her started until midmorning at least when she was ready for a snack.

"Hey, Colonel," he greeted huskily as she walked in.

"Hey, Commander," she answered, letting a slight smile play at her lips.

"Carolyn seemed happy. I gather you told her the news?"

"She guessed the news. I told her who the father was," Mac admitted slowly.

Harm arched one brow in surprise. "You told her it was me?"

Mac nodded. "She wasn’t all that surprised."

"Did you think she would be?" Harm countered.

"It seems everyone else has been biding their time waiting on us," she told him with a gentle sigh. "We’re the only two not following the script."

Harm had to grin at her analogy. "I’m glad you told her it was me," he confessed, moving closer until they were toe-to-toe and crossing his arms over his chest.

Mac tipped her head back and met his probing gaze. "Does it mean that much to you?"

"More than you could ever possibly know," Harm stated in a soft yet firm voice. "Call it male pride or whatever else you’d like but knowing you’re carrying my child makes me want to swing from trees." Mac smiled at his statement as he continued. "This may not have started out the way I would have preferred but now that it’s a reality, I can’t think of anything I’ve ever wanted more than to be a father. And you’ll make the very best mother in the world to this baby, Mac. I believe that with all my heart."

Mac laid her palm flat on his chest and he uncrossed his arms to reach for her shoulders. "Thank you for that, Harm," she whispered. "Thank you for believing that this wasn’t a trick."

"I know you better than that. It was just the initial shock of it all and I’m sorry for the things I said. I would take them back if I could," Harm murmured earnestly.

"Neither one of us can go back and change how things happened. But at least it’s moving us forward, Harm. We’ve come farther in two weeks than in the past six months and I’m glad for that. I really am," she answered fervently.

Harm lifted on hand and pushed a strand of hair back from her cheek, his finger lingering on her cheek. "We’ll find a way to make this work. For our sake and the baby’s," he promised.

Mac allowed her eyes to close for just a moment, feeling her heart crack a little. {{I’d rather just hear you say you love me, she thought.}} Instead she lifted her lashes to look at him again and summoned a smile, aware that everyone in the bullpen could see them. "We still have a few months to get it right," she told him.

"And we will," he vowed.

For the next two months they did just that as life fell into a routine whereby he would follow her home to the apartment and they would have dinner and then either work or watch TV, or play board or computer games. Weather permitting, they would walk in her neighborhood as the doctor reminded her exercise was good for her and the baby. Harm helped her shop for maternity clothes and was with her when she picked up her maternity uniforms. But for the most part they concentrated on the life they were trying to build for the baby. When they did attempt to confront their own relationship they had less success. It seemed as if when one was ready to work on that, the other was not.

Two months before Christmas they were in the warm sunshine of Key West, having successfully defended an Ensign from the Naval Air Station on murder charges. They elected to extend their time there for the weekend and were in connecting rooms in a small hotel on the beach. Mac was about to start her seventh month and knew her travel would soon be curtailed.

Harm stuck his head through the door, which they had left open through their stay. "Are we going to try out that warm ocean water or what? You know back in DC they're having sleet. When we come back I'm going to call Bud and casually mention I have to get in the shower and wash the sand out from between my toes."

"I doubt Bud cares what you do in the shower," she returned. "As for swimming..." She held up a suit with a bubble top to accommodate the baby. "You're sure you want to be seen on the beach with the Great Pumpkin?"

"Put the suit on. We're burning daylight," he laughed. "But to answer your question, you are large and beautiful with my child and I'm damn proud of that."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Their eyes met for just a moment.

"You’re welcome," he answered just as softly.

He stepped back into his room to allow her a measure of privacy and then once she changed, he took her hand to walk out across the sand to the water's edge. Fingers interlocked, they looked at each other and smiled. Away from D.C. it seemed so easy.

"So, you ready to get wet, Jarhead?" Harm asked after they had spread out their towels and he helped her sit down.

"Actually, I think I'd like to just lie here and enjoy this warm sand and sun for a little bit," she admitted. "But you go ahead. I know you squids can't be around an ocean without being in it."

He hesitated for a few minutes, looking at the water and back to her.

"Harm, I said go," she urged with a tolerant smile.

"Yeah, those waves are great for body surfing," he grinned. "Just like in California."

"So go," she told him. "I can't do that anyway like this. I'll be right here."

Impulsively he leaned down and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before running into the water with all the abandon of a five year old boy.

She watched for several minutes as his dark head bobbled in the waves and then feeling lethargic, stretched out onto the towel and closed her eyes, falling asleep with one arm protectively across their baby.

The beach crowd began to disperse as the afternoon wore on and Harm finally exhausted himself in the waves, giving up to come lay with her.

"That water is beautiful," he enthused as he reached their spot, trying not to drip on her. His eyes were slow to adjust from the bright sun off the water but as they did so he realized there was something terribly wrong.

"Blood," he gasped in horror, kneeling beside her, his first thought that she had been shot or otherwise hurt. But no, the red liquid was seeping from between her legs.

"No, she can't lose this baby," he prayed. "Please Jesus." He looked around frantically, not seeing anyone at first until his gaze fastened on to the guard tower. His long strides closed the distance in no time and he panted up to the lifeguard. "I need help--I need an ambulance--my.... my wife... I’m afraid my wife is losing our baby."

The guard looked down at the almost hysterical man leaning on his chair and he pulled out his walkie-talkie, calling in the location. "ETA ten minutes, sir," he told Harm, who shouted a thank you over his shoulder as he ran back for Mac.

That she was still sleeping at first mystified him and then alarmed him as he wondered if she could be unconscious. "Sarah," he whispered urgently, taking her into his arms and pulling her partly onto his lap.

"Hey, wha.... what's all this for?" she shook herself awake, unaccustomed to this sort of display from him.

"Sarah, you're..." he attempted and then could only point with a shaky finger to the red stained towel beneath her.

"My, God, what's happening to me?" The onset of her panic was quick and he held her tightly.

"I don't know," he said, his eyes wide with his own alarm. "But I want you to be still and as calm as you can. The ambulance is on the way."

"Harm, the baby," she sobbed. "I'm losing the baby."

"Not necessarily," he tried to reassure her. "There's something wrong but let's not think of the worst first." He held her and rocked her gently, listening for the scream of the ambulance in the background.

"Just don't leave me. Don't let me go," she begged. "I don't think I've ever been this scared, not even in Bosnia under fire."

"Not for a second," he promised.

The next minutes were a blur of ambulance, ER, and doctors, including a vain attempt to separate the two while she was examined. Harm's steely gaze at anyone, and his hand firmly clamped around hers, finally made their point and no more was said about him waiting outside.

"I'm losing my baby here, aren't I?" Mac whimpered quietly when the OB resident finally reached her side after interminable waiting.

"Dr. Dana Craddock," she introduced herself. Are you cramping, Mrs. Rabb?" she asked quietly.

Mac's eyes opened wide. "No, not at all. In fact, I was asleep when the bleeding started. That's a good sign, isn't it?"

Dana smiled slightly and moved aside for the technician who was setting up the ultra sound machine. "It could be and it could also be that the expelling of the fetus hasn't begun yet. But this is going to tell us right here. Thank you, I'll do it," she dismissed the tech and squirted some gel on Mac's belly. "Cold, sorry. Designed by a man, no doubt."

Dana passed the transducer across Mac’s swollen belly, purposely not turning on the screen. "Okay, now we're listening for the heartbeat." She passed it several times without success and Mac held her breath, gripping Harm's hands tightly.

"Breathe, Mrs. Rabb," Dana encouraged and then turned up the volume. A steady lub-drub sound filled the cubicle.

"The baby's okay?" Harm dared to ask.

Dana held up her finger and then turned on the screen, praying that she was not about to display a dying infant. For a long moment she studied the image and made a few notes. "The pregnancy is intact." she pronounced. "For the moment at least."

"The baby's okay?" Harm repeated, the lawyer in him requiring the clarification.

"It's called placenta previa," Dana said slowly. "Basically the placenta is attached in an awkward place and as the baby is growing there's a little tearing and bleeding. Have you had a sonogram before?"

"No, this is the first one," Mac answered shakily, her voice still tearful.

"Well, when you get home, you'll need to see your own OB right away. A sonogram for bleeding is the method of detection so if you haven't had one-- but if there was no reason for it--your doctor wouldn't have known." Dana turned the screen more toward them. "But there's the heart beating, the spinal cord and the...." She paused and then gave a surprised chuckle. "Oh, my," she breathed.

"What is it?" Harm demanded.

Dana looked at the two of them and smiled wide. "Harm, Sarah, did you know you were having babies?" she asked.

"Babies?" Now it was Harm’s turn to gasp. "As in more than one?"

Dana nodded and for an instant Harm felt the room tilt. Mac squeezed his hand tight and tugged slightly, bringing his attention back to her.

"How could we have not known there was more than one?" Mac questioned.

"You wouldn’t unless your OB did a sonogram or listened for the heartbeats. I didn’t catch it at first myself because I wasn’t looking for it. Let’s take a look."

She started to move across Mac’s belly again and they all watched the screen. Fuzzy shapes shifted and moved and Dana started pointing them out.

"They’re stacked," she grinned. "Makes it harder to see them. But if you’ll look here – see there’s an arm? And there’s another one on the same side and here’s…yes, there’s a foot and here are the other three. Congratulations, it looks like you’re going to have twins."

Harm and Mac stared at each other, dumbfounded.

"Twins," Harm mumbled.

"There aren’t any twins in our families," Mac explained, her voice sounding far away as she tried to grasp this new information.

"Stranger things have been known to happen," Dana smiled encouragingly. "Did you go through any kind of infertility treatment?"

Her innocent question brought their gazes together sharply and she realized immediately she’d touched a nerve.

"I’m sorry, you don’t…" she started.

"No, it’s all right," Mac interrupted her. "I was inseminated," she finished, opting not to go into the details.

Dana simply nodded with acceptance. "Fertility drugs have a long history of causing multiple births. I would bet that’s how this happened," she explained.

"So what do we do now?" Harm asked.

"Total bed rest as much as you can," Dana answered. "If you were my patient I'd be looking to deliver you as soon as tests showed the baby could survive."

"And that's scary," Harm sighed. "I mean a preemie..."

"A baby's chances of surviving as a preemie are far greater than surviving a total placental abruption...uh separation," Dana said as gently as possible. "Now do you want to know the gender?"

"No," Mac said firmly, making the decision for both of them.

"I'm going to take this off then and put a fetal monitor on you," Dana nodded. "And I'm putting something to make you relax in your IV. You can leave in about eight hours if all remains normal."

It took but a few minutes to accomplish those details and they were left alone, the room now silent save the beating of the babies’ hearts as echoed by the monitor.

"It's going to be okay, Ninja-girl," he said softly, stroking her hair back from her forehead. "God, didn't make this happen this way just to have it end. We are going to hold our children."

"Hope so," she murmured, her voice already fading from the sedative's effect.

"Sleep now," he soothed, his fingers still squiggling in her hair.

"Okay, as long as you're not going to leave me." Her last words were barely audible as she was almost out.

"I'm not going anywhere," he answered and she smiled slightly, closing her eyes. Just before sleep claimed her, she was almost sure she heard him finish his sentence with, "Don't you get it, Marine--I love you."

After ten hours of rest and a phone call with Dr. Blake and Dr. Ballenger; Dr. Craddock finally released Mac with orders to get back to DC immediately. After stopping at Mac’s to pack her bags, Harm took them straight back to his apartment. Now he had her firmly settled in his bed with the covers up to her chin and plenty of pillows to support her.

"Can I get you anything else?" he asked, checking that the water glass on the bedside table was within her reach.

"You’re fretting," she teased gently, trying to forget about how exhausted she felt.

"Do you blame me?" he demanded in exasperation.

"No, I don’t," she murmured. "Would you just sit down here with me for a few minutes?" she asked hesitantly.

Harm lowered his tall frame to the mattress next to her and drew her close, snuggling her against his chest. Mac curled her fists into his shirtfront and pressed as close as she could, needing the reassurance of his presence. For once she was acutely aware of his strength and how fragile she felt next to him.

"I feel so stupid," she muttered, her words muffled by his shirt.

"What?" Harm demanded in surprise. "Why?"

"Gee, let me count the ways," she answered sarcastically. She pushed herself away from him and shoved her hands through her hair. "Look at me, Harm. When I made the decision to have a baby, I didn’t consider all the possibilities. I didn’t think about twins or triplets from the fertility drugs. I didn’t think about something going wrong – something that might hurt my baby!" her voice rose with each word and Harm could see how upset she was becoming.

Reaching out, he grasped her hands and held them tight. "Listen to me, Sarah. No one ever knows when something might happen. You’ve always told me not to dwell on what ifs – well now I’m telling you the same thing. You’ve been in excellent health during this pregnancy and Dr. Craddock told you this condition sometimes goes unnoticed. As for raising more than one child, there’s no doubt in my mind that you would have done the same with two, three or whatever as you would with one. You have more heart and determination than any woman I’ve ever met. And regardless of the circumstances or even if this – these," he corrected himself. "Even if these babies weren’t mine I would still be here every step of the way with you. You’re going to be fine and so are both of these children," he promised fervently, keeping contact with her eyes to make sure she heard and understood every word he said.

His words unleashed all the turmoil of the past hours and all the emotions Mac had been trying so hard to control and she started to cry. As she crumpled, Harm wrapped her up tight and simply held her. Tenderly, he stroked her back and her hair, pressing kisses to her temple and her eyelids as her head lifted and suddenly his mouth was whispering over hers. Her hands moved up to the sides of his face, her softer skin rasping over the stubble on his jaws. Harm’s mouth melded with hers as if he were trying to draw her heart out to him. And Mac kissed him back the same way – like she loved him more than anything else in the whole world. Like…

"What the…" Harm jerked away, startling her and breaking their kiss.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I felt something," he answered, his brow knitting.

"I… oh!" she exclaimed softly.

"What?" he demanded.

"I think you just felt your children kick," she murmured in wonder.

Harm caught her gaze. "Say that again," he begged.

"One of them kicked. That’s what…"

"No, the part about my children."

Mac really looked at him then and saw the intense emotion in his handsome face. "Your children, Harm. They belong to you and I. Here, feel."

She took his hands in hers and placed them on the tight roundness of her belly and waited with baited breath for him to feel it. And when it came the expression that stole over him took her breath away. The gentle roll beneath his hands grew until it felt like a barrage of punches.

"Wow," he breathed. "Do they kick like that all the time?"

Mac shook her head. "I thought something was wrong with them, Harm. I haven’t really felt any movement at all. Nothing like this," she explained.

"Things change now that we know there’s two of them," he murmured.

"Maybe that’s why there wasn’t much activity. It’s really crowded in there now," she joked softly. "But I’m so happy to feel them doing this."

Pushing her shirt up, Harm smoothed his hands over her very, very tenderly. His broad palms stroked the warm, tight skin as if he could reach right inside to the babies beneath. Lifting his eyes to hers, he smiled. And one of the children inside responded with a sharp kick.

"Lie back," he ordered gently.

Mac did so, stretching her legs out as she stacked the pillows behind her. Harm rose and left the room but came back almost immediately carrying a bottle of oil. Mac frowned when she saw it was olive oil from the kitchen.

"What are you going to do with that?" she asked suspiciously.

"A few of the books talked about how tight your skin will feel and the stretch marks. They said olive oil would be good to help ease that," he answered.

"I don’t want to hear it when I smell like one of your salads," she muttered.

Harm laughed and made himself comfortable on the bed at her side. "I promise I won’t say anything."

He poured a small amount of the oil in his palm and set the bottle down. Rubbing his hands together to warm the oil, he put them back on her belly and started to rub. Mac sighed with pleasure as warmth stole through her. His hands moved around and around and around, soothing her and the lives that she protected. Mac shifted, stretching her arms above her head and closing her eyes. After a few minutes, she lifted her lashes to look at him when he began to sing softly.

They say for everyone there’s that certain one out there somewhere

I’ve been looking hard searching every heart getting nowhere

Didn’t know I was making my way to you

Now I know how the river feels when it reaches the sea

And finally finds the place it was always meant to be

Holding fast, home at last, knowing the journey’s through

Lying here with you, I know how the river feels

Miles of loneliness now make perfect sense here beside you

Tears like waterfalls, they were worth them all just to find you

These are the last arms I’ll run to…

I know how the river feels when it reaches the sea

And finally finds the place it was always meant to be

Holding fast, home at last, knowing the journey’s through

Lying here with you, I know how the river feels

Holding fast, home at last, knowing the journey’s through

Lying here with you, I know how the river feels…

I know how the river feels…

I know how the river feels…

As he finished the last words of the song, he pulled the hem of her shirt down and slid up beside her, drawing her body back against him. Without a word, Mac linked her hands with his and tucked them beneath her chin, feeling his warmth surround her.

"Love me like I’m your whole world," she whispered just as she drifted into sleep.

And Harm heard the barely audible words and he tightened his embrace and touched his lips to her temple.

"I already do."

A week later when there had been no more bleeding, Dr. Blake allowed Mac short periods out of bed to walk. A.J. was ecstatic when he learned Mac was carrying twins and granted Harm’s request for time off to stay at home with her until they were sure the danger had passed. Dr. Blake was consulting with a colleague of his – a high-risk OB – to make sure they were doing everything possible to have Mac carry to term.

"Are you sure you feel up to this?"

Mac rolled her eyes as Harm helped her into her coat. "You’ve asked me that four times already. I wouldn’t go if I didn’t feel up to it. Dr. Blake said it was okay and I’m tired of being cooped up. I want to go with you."

"Just promise me you’ll tell me the minute you’re ready to leave."

"I will, Harm."

They headed into JAG headquarters so Harm could pick up some more things to work on at home. Mac was swept up by their coworkers as soon as they stepped off the elevator.

"Sir, ma’am, it’s so good to see you! How are you feeling?" Bud asked as he awkwardly hugged Mac.

"Good, Bud. Tired but I have two gymnasts kicking me to death so I guess that’s expected," she sighed and grinned at him.

Bud smiled and his cheeks reddened slightly. "Harriet had the same problem, ma’am. AJ moved all the time. I’m glad to see you but don’t stay too long with the Commander, okay?" he ordered gently.

"I won’t, Bud. Promise."

"Colonel, what are you doing here and out of bed?"

"Attention on deck!"

The two voices cut across the bullpen at the same time and everyone froze in place as AJ strode in but he waved them off with one hand. "At ease, people. I repeat, Colonel, what are you doing here and Commander, why did you bring her?"

Mac smiled at A.J.’s gruff tone. "I wanted to get out of the apartment for a bit and my doctor said it was okay," she explained.

"You’re sure?" he asked a bit anxiously.

"Yes, sir. Positive," she confirmed.

"Sir, if I might leave her in your capable hands for a few minutes?" Harm asked. "I just need to get some things from my office."

"Go, go," A.J. waved him on. "We’ll just walk down and you can meet us in the lower lobby," he ordered.

"Aye, sir," Harm smiled tolerantly.

Linking her arm through his, A.J. went back to the elevator with Mac and they waited for the car.

"How are you really doing?" he asked gently.

"Good, I think, sir. Finding out I’m carrying twins was a shock. It completely changed everything I’d been planning for," she admitted.

"But you have the Commander now," he pointed out.

"Yes, sir, but we haven’t paved the road between us yet. Right now we’re just waiting for them to be born," she sighed.

"Let me tell you something, Sarah," he began, using her given name for once. "If you wait around for the ‘right’ time then you may end up waiting the rest of your lives. It seems to me that’s always been a problem for the two of you – you keep putting it off hoping to find just the right minute to discuss it or to make a move. And instead all you do is waste time you could already be together. Being together and having a family is what both of you have wanted for a long time. So let go of all that’s come before and take a hold of what you have now. This isn’t about Commander Brumby anymore or Commander Parker or Ms. Peterson – it’s about you and Harm – and these two new lives that are going to depend solely on you."

Mac tightened her grip on his forearm and they walked down the front steps of the building and squinted against the cold wind that blew into her face.

"Go slow so you don’t slip on the ice," A.J. cautioned. "I’d like to see the two of you happy. You’re making this harder than it needs to be, Mac. Just think about that, okay?"

"I will, sir, it’s just that…"

"Admiral, take cover!"

The yell interrupted what she was about to say they both swung around to see what was wrong. From the front of the building, a young corporal barreled out, SPs right behind him. A.J. caught sight of the gun he was waving and immediately turned to shield Mac with his own body. Shots rang out and a mass of confusion ensued behind them. One of the guards took aim and hit the man in the shoulder at the same time he lost his footing on the ice. The three of them went down hard on the ice in a tangle of arms and legs. A.J. took the brunt of Mac’s weight, trying to cushion her as much as possible but he heard her cry out at the impact.

"Mac!"

They heard Harm’s cry over the shouts of the SPs as they pulled the corporal away from A.J. and Mac.

"Are you okay?" Harm demanded, as he reached for Mac.

"I think so," she puffed, struggling to her feet.

"Sir?" Harm asked, extending a hand to A.J.

"I’m fine," A.J. grunted as he rose to his full height.

"What the hell is going on?" Harm demanded and not waiting for an explanation took Mac into his arms, gathering her close. "I heard the noise and then saw all this, and then you on the ground and I thought, my God, you were really hurt."

"No I think I’m…." she began as Harm stood back to look at her closely while A.J. began issuing orders to bring the pandemonium under control.

"You’re what?" he asked, his concern and alarm rising again.

She looked blankly for a moment and then shook her head. "I’m all right, just shaken up. We can go now right? Suddenly the apartment seems warm and cozy compared to being out in this dangerous world."

"Yes, of course. Just hang on a second." He made sure she was steady on her feet and hurried to A.J.’s side to check on the situation, which was being rapidly brought under control. "Sir, we’re going to be heading back then. Nothing like a little excitement wherein a man could have ten heart attacks."

"You keep me informed," A.J. requested and Harm nodded and then saluted before returning to Mac. "We can stop and get some of that lemon chicken you like so well."

She was uncharacteristically quiet and he looked at her closely. "You’re okay now, right?"

"Just shaken, I think," she decided after a moment. "I was pretty scared."

"Oh, I was way beyond scared," he declared. "Past scared and heading for panicked very quickly." He wrapped his arm around her and put her into the SUV, securely belting her in.

A long hour later they were back at her apartment, which more properly was theirs since he had been spending so much time with her since Key West. Working quickly he installed her in the recliner and began to warm the carryout food. She was still extremely quiet through dinner but it was not until they were finished that she reached for his hand. "I’m bleeding again," she whispered, her eyes wide with fright. "I didn’t say anything because I was sure it would stop, but I don’t think it’s going to. I’m very scared, Harm. These babies may be all I ever am allowed to carry and if I lose them…." Her voice trailed off as two tears rolled down her cheeks.

"No," he said firmly, "that is not going to happen."

At the same time his own thoughts were racing as he contemplated what she was saying and he helped her up, drawing his breath in sharply at the blood stains he could see. Carefully he helped her to the sofa, counseling himself over and over that his panic would only add to her distress and possibly make the situation worse. A quick telephone call to Dr. Blake instructed him to bring her straight to Georgetown and the doctor’s comment just as he hung up chilled him through and through.

"We’ll probably have to deliver by c-section tonight."

"I’d carry you downstairs but I’m too afraid I’d drop you," Harm said softly as he pressed a blanket around her. "It’s going to be okay - I promise."

"You can’t promise me that," she sniffled, "and you said you don’t make promises you can’t keep, remember."

"That’s right I don’t," he grinned, "so you’ll have to trust in my word."

Dr. Blake and Dr. Ballenger were ready and waiting with the Labor and Delivery trauma team when they arrived. Within ten minutes the sonogram was telling the story. The separation had begun again, more severe this time and the babies were already showing signs of oxygen deprivation.

"Sarah, Harm, the twins are in fetal distress. We have to do an immediate c-section," Dr. Blake stated firmly.

"What if we don’t?" Harm asked, the lawyer in him wanting to know all the options. "I mean, these babies are tiny and how can they survive…" His voice trailed off as a small sob escaped from Mac.

"They can survive outside the womb much better than they can inside," Kyle pointed out. "We have no choice, Harm. The cord is wrapped around the neck of one of them. Plus, if this bleeding isn’t stopped, the uterus may be so badly scarred that a future pregnancy will be out of the question." Dr. Blake leaned a little closer to the pair and touched Mac’s hand. "There is no choice. We could lose all three of you if we don’t proceed immediately."

"Oh, God," she gasped. "Harm," she cried, squeezing his hand tighter. "Please, make them take care of our babies. Please! I don’t care what happens to me but please tell them we can’t lose our babies!"

She was edging on hysterical and Harm smoothed his free hand over her hair. Leaning closer, he pressed his lips to her forehead and held them there.

"Angel, listen to me now. These babies are going to need to be born. I know you’re scared. I’m passing scared and heading for terrified personally; but our children are going to be just fine. I promise you that," he murmured. He kissed her wet cheeks and pressed his face to hers. "I promise you, Sarah."

"We have to go now, Harm, Sarah," Kyle interrupted gently. "One of the nurses will come let you know as soon as we have both babies," he promised Harm and they started down the hall with Mac.

With efficiency that an assault team would envy, Mac was whisked away and Harm was left there in the hall. Slowly, he turned and walked a short distance away where he saw a phone and leaned heavily against the wall. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he drew a slow, steadying breath. Slowly, he lifted the receiver and punched in a number. It rang once, twice…

"Hello?"

"Ad… sir…" Harm began, his voice cracking.

"Commander Rabb?" A.J. answered swiftly. "What’s wrong, son? Is it Mac?"

"They just took her into surgery…" Harm’s words trailed off, his tone almost idle then he jerked himself up straighter and gripped the phone tight. "She went into labor, Admiral. They’re taking both of the babies by c-section."

"Are you at University?" A.J. demanded sharply.

"Yes, sir."

"I’m on my way."

Harm replaced the receiver and looked up at the ceiling. "If you can hear me at all," he began softly, almost under his breath as he looked to Heaven. "If you can hear me at all then you know how much I want those two babies. But you also know that I can never have another Sarah. Please don’t take her from me."

In the OR, Kyle and Janet took their places at her side. "I want five minutes between incision and babies crying," he ordered.

The various members of the surgical team nodded crisply and then began. In less than a few heartbeats, Kyle Blake made the necessary incisions and reached for the first of the two infants. Carefully, he lifted the small boy free and quickly cut the cord before passing him to Janet.

"Looking good," she murmured. He was making soft cries and rapidly turning pink.

Janet carried the tiny boy to where two of the neonatal nurses and the neonatologist, Dr. Margaret Thompson, waited to take over his care. She hurried back just as Kyle was untangling the umbilical cord from the second child. Mac’s second child – a girl – was much smaller and an unhealthy shade of blue.

"She’s in distress," Kyle stated calmly as they immediately moved with the small body to a covered table.

Dr. Thompson joined them and Mac’s two doctors stepped back to allow her to work.

"Give me a minute," Margaret stated crisply, keeping her voice calm. Three minutes passed in silence. She cleared the tiny infant’s nose and mouth and began to perform infant CPR. The hiss of the ventilator on Mac filled the room as everyone watched and waited in silence. Margaret’s shoulders were rigid as she kept trying. There was no response from the impossibly tiny baby girl. Margaret lifted her by the feet in a last ditch effort and gave her a firm tap on the back. Again, no response. She did it once more, a bit harder and waited. But there was no reaction. Margaret gently laid the little girl down and looked at Kyle, her eyes over her face mask liquid with heartfelt sympathy.

"I’m sorry," she shook her head. "Paul, call it," she ordered to the attending resident.

"Time of death…" Paul began.

Before he could finish a tiny foot jerked, scraping against the paper on the warmer table. Margaret looked back down and caught the tiny twitch of fingers. Carefully, she lifted the baby again and thumped her on the back. A plaintive cry filled the room and a collective sigh of relief went up.

"Good job, Dr," Kyle praised loudly over the cheers. "Now let’s get Sarah finished up and out of this OR."

Back in the waiting room, Harm paced in agitation, wondering what the hell was taking so long. An hour had passed already with no word from anyone in the operating room.

"Harm!"

Harm turned when he heard A.J.’s voice and was surprised to see Harriet and Bud and little A.J.

"Sir, we came as soon as the Admiral called us! Has there been any word?" Harriet asked as she rose on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

Harm shook his head, slightly dazed by their appearance. "None. What are you doing here?" He managed to choke out.

"We had to come, sir," Bud stated simply as if that explained it all.

"Thank you," Harm whispered, unable to say more.

"Why don’t we have a seat?" A.J. suggested. "You can tell us what happened this afternoon."

"Commander Rabb?"

Harm swung around at the sound of his name and Dr. Janet Ballenger coming toward him, hands outstretched.

"How’s Mac?" he demanded as soon as she was close.

Janet smiled wide. "She’s just fine. Came through the surgery like a trooper. And you, Commander, have a son and a daughter."

The words hit Harm with the impact of a cement truck and for an instant he felt the room spin. Someone grabbed his arm, the Admiral, and steadied him.

"Whoa, son," the older man murmured.

"A son and a d… daughter?" he stuttered.

Janet nodded. "One of each. How lucky is that?" she teased.

"Are they… are they okay?" he asked.

"Just fine. We had a bit of a scare with your daughter but she came around. Must get it from her parents. As soon as we get Sarah settled in a private room I’ll send a nurse to take you to her. Later we can go down to NICU and see you’re babies," she promised and turned to go back to the OR.

"Oh, Commander, that’s wonderful news!" Harriet cried, throwing her arms around him.

"Congratulations, sir!" Bud was fairly beaming as he hugged Harm with his free arm, holding A.J. to the side.

"You did good, son. You should be very proud," A.J. added his praise as he clapped Harm on the back.

Harm simply stood there, trying to soak it all in. "I think I need to sit down for a minute," he muttered and they all laughed as he dropped into the nearest seat.

"Kinda hits you all at once, doesn’t it, sir?" Bud asked, grinning.

"Yeah," Harm nodded, exhaling roughly. "I expected two more months to be ready."

Harriet patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Speaking from the Mother’s point of view, you’re never really ‘ready’, sir."

"Commander Rabb?"

Harm looked up at the new voice and saw a smiling nurse. "Yes, ma’am?"

"Would you like to meet your son and daughter?" she asked brightly.

"Yes, I would," he stated, suddenly feeling calmer than he had all day. "Will you come with me?" he asked, looking at his friends and CO.

"Damn right, we will," A.J. stated with some of his customary gruffness.

They followed the nurse to the other end of the floor Labor and Delivery was on and came up to a bank of windows.

"I can only allow two of you in at a time," the nurse state apologetically.

"You, go, sir," Harriet put in immediately, touching A.J.’s arm.

"That’s a great idea, Admiral. Harriet and I can see them later," Bud chimed in.

"Okay?" A.J. asked Harm.

"I’d be honored, sir," Harm returned.

A few minutes later, nurses helped them into hospital gowns, masks, caps and gloves. The neonatal ICU was a quiet, sterile area filled with small isolettes.

"Commander, meet your son and daughter."

Harm wasn’t aware of another thing after that except for the two tiny babies curled together in the isolette. In the back of his mind he was conscious of Admiral Chegwidden moving to the other side of the incubator.

"Oh, my God," he whispered, staring down at the perfectly formed infants.

A feeling unlike he’d ever known swept over him. These two perfect little creatures were the product of him and Sarah. Of the years they’d been together. Of all their hardships, their trials, triumphs, hugs, smiles, jokes – all of it. A product of all the love he felt when he looked in her brown eyes. Of the future he saw there.

"Oh, Sarah," he whispered more to himself. "Look at our beautiful little girl and boy." He felt the harsh sting of tears in his eyes and blinked to clear his vision but they began to fall anyway.

His eyes slid helplessly over the small bodies, miniscule arms and legs and round little chests. Bodies was no bigger than his hands – only four pounds each.

"Would you like to hold them?" The nurses questioned, moving closer to the isolette.

"Please," Harm murmured deeply.

The young woman lifted the boy first and very gently transferred him to Admiral Chegwidden’s arms before turning to give Harm his daughter.

"Congratulations, Mr. Rabb," A.J. stated gently. "I’d say this was the best thing you’ve ever done."

"No, sir, I would believe the best thing I’ve ever done was loving their mother."

*************

Two hours later Harm was shown into Mac’s room where she was slowly coming awake for the first time since the surgery. Sliding into a chair next to the bed, he picked up her hand and leaned forward to tenderly kiss her.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," she answered.

"How do you feel?" he asked her gently.

"Like I just fought World War III all by myself."

Smiling, he smoothed his free hand over her silky hair and placed another kiss on her forehead, resting his lips there for a moment.

"Thank you," he stated deeply, lifting his eyes to hers.

"For what?" she asked.

"For our son and daughter. But most of all for loving me."

Mac’s breath caught slightly and her eyes searched his.

He went on, not giving her a chance to continue. "I know it’s taken me the long way to get here but please believe that I love you, Mac. I have loved you since the day I saw you in the Rose Garden. I’m only sorry it took me so long to realize it. And I know we got off to a rocky start with your pregnancy but none of that matters now. What does matter is you and I being together for the rest of our lives and raising our children."

For a moment Mac wasn’t sure she dared to hope. She studied him intently, looking for some kind of shield in his eyes but there was none. Just honest emotion laid bare to her.

She chuckled and it came out watery from the tears that were building in her throat. "Is that your way of proposing?" she asked, almost holding her breath for his answer.

"If it were, would you say yes?" he asked, his hand tightening around hers.

"Yes."

She smiled then and Harm felt his stomach bottom out with relief.

"I…" he began.

"Commander, Colonel, someone would like to come in and see you."

Harm straightened up and turned to the door, still holding Mac’s hand. Mac shifted, trying to see past his broad shoulders. The same nurse that helped Harm earlier came through the door wheeling the isolette. As the nurse moved closer, Harm helped Mac sit up in the bed, propping pillows behind her. She watched, eyes wide, as the nurse lifted their little girl and handed her to Harm. Then she handed their boy to Mac… and she got her first good look at her children.

"Oh, Harm…" she breathed, stunned by the emotions swamping her.

Tears rose and ran over, rolling unheeded down her cheeks. Fingers trembling, she touched her fingertips to her son’s downy head. He whimpered softly, nestling against her, seeking her warmth and her touch.

Harm sat on the bed next to Mac, transferring their daughter into Mac’s embrace as well, and then cradling all three with his arms.

"We did good," he teased lovingly, his warmth breath ruffling her hair.

Mac lifted her eyes to his. "We sure did," she smiled, blinking to clear her vision.

"What are we going to name them?" he asked idly.

"I like the two we talked about," she answered.

"Catherine Leigh and Michael Robert," Harm announced. "Big names for such tiny squirts," he grinned.

"They have big shoes to fill," she responded, looking back at him. "Thank you," she told him very gently.

"For what?"

"For everything, Harmon. For everything I’ll ever need for the rest of my life," she answered tenderly.

"All I need is right here in my arms," he returned, kissing her. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she rejoined. "Oh, and one more thing…"

"What?" he asked.

"Thank you for not making me wait five years to go halves on a child."

The End