"We found MacKenzie."

"Where is she?"

"She’s been at Rabb’s apartment since they lost her at the hospital."

"And you’ve confirmed Rabb’s death?"

"Yep. Complications and blood loss from two gunshot wounds. They called Chegwidden this morning."

"Have you found Webb?"

"The men are looking for him. He disappeared from the hospital after Rabb was brought in."

"I want him found. He’s got a lot to pay for."

"And I want MacKenzie. Rabb was the first step – she’s the second."

"Then I guess we need each other, don’t we?"

The next entry in the diary talked about the Marine who took the Admiral hostage in his own office. And the now infamous Captain Osbourne. Harm made a quip about ‘leaving it to the Marines’ and Mac’s smart aleck reply of ‘they usually do." That brought a smile through her tears. She kept reading through their next two major cases and their first sparring match in the courtroom.

9/96 Bud said ‘it’s like watching your parents fight.’ The funniest thing happened – man, if you could’ve seen Mac’s face! I fired several rounds into the ceiling of the courtroom and she dove under the table. She swears ‘Marines don’t duck, they take cover’. I’m sure the Admiral will chew the hell out of me for that but it was hilarious. She also gave me my first red light. Remember that from high school? Red light, green light? We had dinner together and since the loft is still in it’s messy stage, we had to sit on the bed. Talk about a little too close for comfort. I’m having thoughts about my new partner she’d probably shoot me for.

10/96 Today I finally convinced Mac to go up in Sarah with me for a day of flying. Talk about a nightmare. We went down and ran into a group of poachers. She got shot and I was scared to death I wouldn’t get her to help in time. One of them… one of them attacked her and she killed him. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the look on her face afterward. I tried to make her understand she did what she had to but she was shell-shocked. I’ve had to kill people and they say the first one is the hardest but it never gets easier.

10/96 It’s been a couple of weeks since the incident with Sarah. We have a new case with the King of Romania and his daughter. There was a threat to kill him and they assigned me to watch over the princess. She sure gave me a hell of a time. Too spoiled but she ended up showing guts at the end. We attended a full-scale ball and Mac told me she knew it was like I was dancing with my sister. I don’t know where she ever got that idea. I think about her all right but it isn’t in a brotherly way. She still has some defenses with me but we’re finding our way. We have to learn to trust each other without a doubt. I believe I could put my life in her hands, though.

10/96 We ended up in Columbia on a mission involving Webb. Sometimes I’d like to shoot him myself. What a time we had! Despite the danger of the mission, I had moments with Mac I would not trade for anything. That woman has a damn good sense of humor when she forgets about keeping her guard up. I agreed to let Cordova go and she almost kissed me! Talk about a moment of surprise. If I’d had my head on straight I would have kissed her before she could back up. I know, I know, dangerous thoughts to be having about my partner. She just looked so good. She made a comment about my dress whites and gold wings. The only woman I want that to work on is her. She has this amazing talent for always knowing exactly what time it is – down to the second! I asked her how she did it and she said it was a Marine thing. Whatever. Right before we left she told me what they said about dress whites and gold wings was over-rated. We’ll see about that.

Mac wiped her eyes and smiled into the dimness of the room. "If you only knew, Harm," she whispered to the empty room. "You’re dress whites, gold wings and smile did more for me than you ever knew."

The entries kept going, one for almost every case they’d every worked on together. She couldn’t get over the things he noted – things she would have sworn went right past him. Now she knew him to be more observant but at the time she still considered him too arrogant for his own good. The next major entry was about her leaving JAG to work for Dalton’s firm and her heart broke reading his simple but emotional words.

11/97 I know I told her I was happy for her and would support whatever decision she made but I should have kept my big mouth shut. Dalton is a snake. He oozes charm like a salesman and he drives a Porsche! Come on, how tacky can you be? She’ll hate it there. Dalton’s not going to let her take anything major from him because she’s a woman and he has that ‘little woman’ attitude if I ever saw it! The Admiral isn’t happy about it at all. I know he’s thinks she’s throwing away her career but I think he really feels the same way that I do – she’ll hate it because it won’t be what being a Marine is all about.

Mostly I’m afraid of losing my partner and my best friend. I’m afraid that once she gets moved to his office, she’ll forget all about her time here and the rest of us along with it. Either that or Lowne the Clown will make sure she forgets. I know what she wants from her life – even if she thinks I don’t understand but I’m almost positive he isn’t going to be able to give it to her. He doesn’t understand her. I can see it every time he’s around and he hates the rest of us – especially me. Maybe because he views me as a threat. Or maybe because I’m close to her in a way he doesn’t like. But no matter my own feelings, I will support her. If this is really what she wants then I’ll see her off and be sure she thinks I’m happy. I would never do anything that might hold her back from a dream. Isn’t that what caring for someone is all about? That you put their dreams and needs above your own?

1996 Thank God she came back to JAG! Despite being a snake, I thought Lowne cared for her at least somewhat but I was wrong. He used her to get classified information about a case. She’s hurt and despondent and if it weren’t out of respect for her I’d tear his head off. He’s been pressuring her to give him another chance and she basically told him where he could shove it. Damn, I was proud of her! I’m just glad she’s back here where she belongs. Turns out our crusty old Admiral didn’t turn her resignation in. She said he still had it in his desk drawer and just ripped it up for her. Good for his foresight.

Mac kept reading. There were entries about Annie and how Harm knew Mac didn’t like the other woman. There was a long entry about Coster’s attack.

1996 We finally caught Mac’s stalker and it turned out to be Coster – the detective working on Dalton’s murder. I’ll never forget how I felt when I found her gone. I almost went crazy with it! When I untied her from that chair I knew she was close to breaking down but she sucked it up. As much as I wish she’d break down at times, I also envy her control. Sometimes I think she’s afraid. That maybe if she lets her guard down even a little bit, it would mean revealing too much. The closest I’ve seen her to losing control was the little episode we had in the courtroom. Coster had pictures of her hanging everywhere. It was sick and I can’t begin to imagine how she felt. When the mess first started, she believed Dalton was stalking her and then someone killed him. Despite having left him, she was devastated. I could see it in her face. But it wasn’t put of love, it was guilt. I wasn’t there for her when I should have been and I’ll always regret that. But I’ve learned regrets can kill a person. She hurt me that day in the courtroom with her barbs. I know it was the alcohol talking but it didn’t lessen the hurt. Funny thing is… I can only imagine how many times I’ve unwittingly hurt her. My Mom used to tell me that people who loved each other hurt them. Even without meaning to and you could never promise not to hurt. Maybe that’s what worries me the most. I would never willing hurt her for anything in the world but how many times have I done it carelessly?

1996 For a long time I thought I would never get away from Diane’s memory. When I first met Mac, it brought Diane back to me all over again. The two could be twins. Now this thing with Hobarth. But that isn’t even the crowning moment of my stupidity. I basically ran out on Mac at the loft. She followed me to the ship to stop me from screwing up my whole life. When she walked to me in the mist wearing a Navy uniform, it was like seeing Diane all over again and for a moment I went back in time. But as she stood there looking at me… I kissed her. The first and only kiss I’ve shared with Mac – only she thinks I was thinking of Diane. I let the whole situation drop without an explanation because I felt it was better that way. How on earth would I explain to her that I wasn’t thinking about Diane?

1997 Bud and Harriet finally made it to the altar today! And what a trip we all had getting there! This was just the week from hell. First, the dry cleaners gave my dress whites to someone else. A stripper, no less! The night ended up with Bud, the Admiral and myself getting into an old-fashioned barroom brawl. All the girls walked in bringing Harriet to have a little fun and caught us getting arrested. Mac bailed us out – and she was not happy. The next morning she worked miracles covering the black eyes and she had a heart-to-heart with Harriet who was hit with cold feet. And the whole time she looked poised and beautiful. That’s my partner. She’s the glue that holds up together at times. The wedding was wonderful and I was the proudest standing across the altar from her. I could hardly take my eyes off her. The number of pictures I have around here seems to be growing. She never says anything when she's here but I wonder if she thinks anything about it? I have a small picture that was taken of us together that I’ve put in my wallet. That way I’ll always have her with me.

1997 The past couple weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve ever known. I got a picture of my Dad that was supposedly taken in Russia in 1980. Some POWs were transferred to Russia after the war was over. I wanted to go look for him and Mac wouldn’t let me go alone. We got shot down. The search eventually led us to an old gypsy woman who told me my father as dead. He got shot protecting her from soldiers. She didn’t know where he was buried so I couldn’t even say goodbye. I’ve spent my whole life clinging to the belief that he was still alive and someday I’d find him. Now I’ve had to put that to rest. Mac was with me the entire way and I could never find the words to thank her. She gave me the strength I needed to keep going and even endangered her career ad her freedom to help me. Even the Admiral put himself on the line to come to Russia to rescue us.

1998 We had a roller coaster ride tonight helping Webb! He sent us to a party at the Sudanese Embassy and a terrorist group took the place hostage. They got a hold of Mac and I had a moment of panic. I never like to see her get hurt. She has a way of making me feel ten feet tall without a word. As we were leaving she stumbled and I put my arm around her (any excuse, you know) and she laid her head on my shoulder as we walked out.

Mac stared in wonder at the journal. Never in her wildest dreams would she have guessed how he felt. Her partner was very often hard to peg. He didn’t drop hints about his feelings and he was even better than she was at pulling a perfectly straight face. She thought she was good at giving him hints of where her feelings were headed for him but maybe he was as afraid as she was. The indication here was that his feelings for her were growing day by day – a fact she was completely unaware of. Their Sudanese Embassy trip was the last entry in this book. Sitting in on the bedside table, she slid out of bed and went back to the bookcase. Taking out the books one at a time, she searched for more of the journals. When she found none, she sat back on her heels, disappointed.

More determined than ever to find out if there were more, she went to the closet and turned on the inside light. Studying the boxes he had on the shelf, she tried to think of where he would put something that private so no one would discover them. There was a wooden box off to the side that looked like it might have been handmade. Carefully, she eased it off the shelf, surprised by its heaviness. She took it back to the bed with her and sat down. Drawing a slow, deep breath, she lifted the lid. There was a jumble of things inside. One by one, Mac started taking things out.

"Oh my God," she whispered, realizing what she’d found.

It was some kind of keepsake box. The papers on top were copies of various military awards and designations. There was a commemorative copy of his dog tags, another set of gold wings and his diplomas. The letter tapes from his Dad to Trish were in there. A copy of a faded wedding invitation from the marriage of Trish and Frank. Copies of his birth certificate, the papers telling Trish that Harm, Sr. was MIA and presumed lost. There was even a living will for him. She smiled at a whimsical crayon drawing from Josh Pendry and another one from Chloe. She remembered that the little girl had done it the day they were snowed in at JAG. The day they found Chloe’s Dad. There was a small rosebud, dried from age and pinned to a note that read: from Mac’s bouquet, Bud and Harriet’s wedding. And there was a copy of the first page of a court docket and written in his spiky hand – ‘first case she kicked my butt on.’

Mac sat for several minutes just staring at the plethora of items, stunned. Her partner liked clean and simplistic, almost Spartan. She thought she knew the tall Commander better than anyone else alive and now she was finding there were sides to him that she didn’t know at all. He kept memories. Lots and lots of memories of events she wouldn't have suspected meant much to him.

Lifting out more papers, she stared dumbfounded at a silk Bedouin scarf and it was pulled through a gold hoop earring she recognized from their wagon trip in Russia. Next to the two was a ticket stub. Turning it over, she saw that it was from the ferry ride they took to Luna Park in Sydney. She breathed slowly, trying to ease the tightness in her chest. There was a note stapled to the stub that read ‘my biggest regret.’

"Oh, Harm," she whispered to the quiet room. "How could this have happened? I want an answer. I have to know why you were snatched away from me."

She laid the papers aside and there lining the bottom of the box were more journals. Taking them out one at a time, she looked at the dates until she found the one continuing from the first. She put all the other things back in the box and lowered it to the floor then stretched out and opened the book.

1998 We’re into dangerous territory with each other. The past month has been nothing but a series of mishaps and miscommunication and I can only hope we’ll find our way back to equal footing. I thought I knew Mac better than anyone but she has secrets. And that secret is a husband. A husband no one knew about. Said husband turned up dead. Col. Farrow came around and there’s a big history between he and Mac. So many things hit me at once here. Ragle, Farrow, defending her for murder. She came to me that night I had Bobbi over for help and I turned her away. Remember what I said before about unwittingly hurting her? I know I hurt her that time but she left before I could even get my wits and call her back. If I hadn’t had my head up my ass I wouldn’t gone after her right then and there. She needed me and I turned my back.

Brumby thinks she’s guilty. I know better. I know Mac wouldn’t shoot anyone unless she had to. I can’t say the same for Farrow simply because I don’t know him as well. Turned out Ragle was in trouble with loan sharks so Mac went to Farrow for help. And the rest, as they say, is history. I was hurt she didn’t come to me. I would have helped her in any way possible. But I know she came to me before and I was too busy to listen.

Mac remembered every single minute of every detail he was describing. About how she felt he wasn’t supporting her. That he was too busy with Bobbi to pay attention to her. She remembered how ashamed she was to face him when he found out about Chris and John. Two of the biggest mistakes of her life. She skimmed the next few entries – ones that detailed the trip to Iran to get Keeter, Christmas at JAG with Chloe when Harm met Jordan. Harm’s worry over her Article 32 hearing, and numerous others right down to how he wished he’d gone with her to California when her Dad died. He hadn’t missed even one of the important events in their lives.

Carefully setting the journals aside to be put away, Mac knew what she needed to do. What she wanted to do was stay locked up right she was. She didn’t want to face anyone or go into work tomorrow and face the others. She didn’t even know if the Admiral had told anyone the news. Or maybe he was waiting until she was on hand for the announcement. Whatever lay ahead and no matter how she felt, she would go into JAG in the morning. In full uniform with her head high and her emotions in check. And she would find her answers. She would find every answer and maybe also find her peace.

Mac walked into the bullpen the next morning at exactly 0730. There were a handful of other people already working, including Bud and Harriet. They both said good morning as she passed and she answered, forcing what she hoped looked like a normal smile. She went to A.J.’s office instead of her own and smiled at Tiner.

"Good morning, Colonel."

"Good morning, Tiner. Is he in?" she asked.

"Yes, ma’am. One minute. Admiral?"

"Yes, Tiner?" The Admiral’s voice floated through the intercom.

"Colonel MacKenzie to see you, sir."

"Send her in."

Mac slowly entered her CO’s office, closing the door behind her. She turned sad eyes to the older man as he removed his reading glasses and stood.

"I didn’t expect to see you for a few more days. Sure you feel up to this?" he asked as he walked over to her.

"Yes, sir. I can’t stay holed up in his apartment for the rest of my life," she murmured sadly.

"I waited to tell the others until your were able to be here."

"Let’s do it now."

"You sure?"

"Yes, sir. They need to know before they hear it from someone else," she stated firmly.

"Tiner?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Would you please gather the Gunny, Lt. Sims and Lt. Roberts and send them to my office? And I want you present, too."

"Aye, sir."

Within a couple of minutes the small group was assembled, standing at attention and glancing curiously between A.J. and Mac.

"As all of you are aware, Colonel MacKenzie has been out for the past two days. I have some bad news but I wanted to wait until she was able to come back." He took a deep breath and saw the immediate concern in all of their faces. "Commander Rabb was killed two days ago."

The silence that met his statement was deafening. Mac held herself firm, her gaze focused so hard on a spot beyond their heads that her vision narrowed to a tiny pinpoint. She heard a soft gasp from Harriet.

"Oh my God," Harriet whispered, horrified. "Admiral, are you…are you sure?"

"Yes, Harriet, I’m sure. I’m very sorry and I hated to spring it on all of you like this but there was no easy way to tell you," A.J. answered gravely.

"What happened, sir?" Gunny asked quietly.

"He was killed on the undercover assignment. I don’t have any other details but make no mistake that I will find out," the older man answered harshly.

"Yes, sir," Gunny murmured.

"I know this is difficult news so I’m giving all of you the option to do what you feel is best for you today. You can stay or go," A.J. continued. "Dismissed."

A.J. watched, proud of his staff as they walked away, gathering their strength around them like a shield. He looked over at Mac and noticed her fingering something on a chain around her neck. She caught his look and glanced down at the item.

"It’s his academy ring. I thought it might give me strength," she explained.

After that Mac went back to her office and sat down to begin the task of putting herself back together. There was a soft knock on her door and she looked up to see Bud and Harriet.

"Come in," she invited.

"Ma’am…" Harriet whispered, her voice scratchy.

Mac saw the younger woman struggling to hold herself together. And then she saw Bud’s arm around his wife’s waist and she heard a roaring sound in her ears. Forcing down the wave of emotion threatening to swamp her, she rose and stepped around the desk.

"You don’t have to say anything, Harriet," she stated very quietly.

Harriet simply nodded, her eyes full of tears and then she threw her arms around Mac. The two women embraced for a long moment and Mac closed her eyes against her own tears, drawing in a slow breath, determined to hold fast. Finally, Harriet drew back and squeezed Mac’s hands.

"Please call if you need anything," she whispered.

Mac simply nodded, her throat tight.

Bud took a step forward then and he and Mac exchanged a long look. Standing there looking at him, it suddenly occurred to Mac how much Bud had grown in the years they’d worked together. She saw a mature, quietly strong man who’d been the backbone of her and Harm more times than she could count. As he took another step and slowly enfolded her in his arms, her composure almost snapped. He stepped back and she could see him struggling to control himself. In a gesture foreign to the sometimes bumbling young man she was so used to, Bud touched her cheek with a gentle fingers then squeezed her hand.

"He loved you."

The simple, honest statement hit her between the eyes.

Mac clenched her jaw so hard it hurt and met Bud’s gaze squarely. "I loved him, too," she admitted in a low, clear voice.

Simply nodding, Bud released her hand and then he and Harriet left. Mac stood there for several minutes, rooted to that spot. The world outside her office went on like it always did. Phone, clients, voices, papers…and yet there in her space, time was standing still because a part of her still refused to relinquish the belief that her beloved partner would never come back to her.

Mac wasn’t quite sure how she made it through the entire day but before she knew, it was dark and most of the other staff had gone home. She spent the majority of the day trying to locate Harm’s parents on one hand and trying to put her own things in order on the other. She didn’t succeed on either point. Trish and Frank, it seemed, were away on an extended trip in Europe. Her own affairs were less than organized. Her thoughts wondered away from the task at hand too many times for her to really accomplish anything. As she put away her things, Mac fingered the ring once more. Somehow, she found the way to make it through the day without totally falling apart.

"Think you might be ready to go home?"

Mac looked up beyond the circle of light over her desk and saw A.J in the doorway.

"You can’t stay holed up here, either," he pointed out gently.

"No, sir," she sighed, giving him the barest hint of a smile.

"Come on, I’ll walk you to your car," he said.

Mac went back to the loft, still unable to go home to her own apartment. Being in and around his things helped to ease the loneliness. She slowly closed the door and locked it and walked silently across the living room to the bedroom. She stepped up by the bed and kicked off her shoes. A strange feeling came over Mac and she hesitated, her fingers on the buttons of her blouse. She stood there for a long moment, unsure of what was stopping her. The hair on the back of her neck rose – as if someone were watching her. That’s ridiculous, she thought, shaking her head. But the feeling persisted and her stomach tightened in response to the tension. Suddenly she whirled and started to run for her purse. Someone grabbed her from behind – one arm around her waist and the other over her mouth with a rag. Instantly a hazy feeling came over Mac as she smelled the chloroform and then blackness engulfed her.

Mac blinked slowly, feeling awareness return by degrees. Her head was swimming and her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Swallowing hard, she tried to raise her head but it simply lolled forward.

"Ahh, Colonel. I see that you finally decided to join us."

A deep voice penetrated the fog surrounding her and Mac tried again to look up. Someone stepped closer and grabbed her hair, jerking her head back. A bright light was shown into her eyes, preventing her from seeing who was before her.

"Foolish thing, going back to Rabb’s. Made it easier for us to get you."

"Who… who are you?" she rasped out.

"Someone you’ll wish you’d never come in contact with."

The man holding her leaned very close, his lips almost touching her ear.

"I killed your partner, Sarah. And I’m eventually going to kill you."

A.J. pulled into his driveway, turned off the engine and sat in the darkness for a moment. Rubbing both hands over his face, he squeezed his burning eyes shut for a moment and then climbed out of the SUV. One of the things he loved most about his home was the peaceful surroundings. Tonight that was a curse and a blessing. It was quiet and he could regroup but the silence was double-edged and crowded him. Picking out the key to the front door, he stepped up on the stoop and his foot came in contact with a small package.

Frowning, he bent and looked closely at it. It was unmarked except for his name in bold script on the front. He gave it a slight prod with the toe of his shoe but didn’t see anything. Straightening up, he backed away and went back to the truck. In light of all that was going on, he wasn’t taking any chances. He punched in a number and waited for someone to answer.

Within the hour the place was crawling with a security team. It didn’t take them long to determine that A.J.’s house was secure and the package harmless. Erring on the side of caution, A.J. donned a pair of gloves before slitting open the end and dumping out the contents.

"Son of a bitch," he growled in a furious tone.

"What is it, sir?" one of the men questioned.

"Nothing I can’t handle, Lt.," A.J. answered calmly. "You and your men are free to go. I can handle things now."

"Are you sure, Admiral?"

"I’m sure. Dismissed."

"Aye, sir."

Once they were on their way, A.J. took the envelope inside and picked up the phone.

"This better be good," a voice growled on the other end.

"Mr. Secretary, A.J. Chegwidden."

"A.J., what are you calling at this time of night for?"

"I have to see Webb, Mr. Secretary. It seems that whoever killed Commander Rabb has now taken Colonel MacKenzie," A.J. stated grimly. "I know if anyone will know where he is, it will be you. I expect to hear from him ASAP, Mr. Secretary, or I will tear this town apart looking for him."

"Threatening me, A.J.?"

"Not at all, sir. It’s a promise."

A.J. dropped the phone back in its cradle and took the papers out of the envelope. In his hand was a picture of Mac bound and gagged in a chair. Also in the envelope were her dog tags and a note.

"One by one they all fall down. Up for a game of cat and mouse, A.J.?"

A.J. stared at the note until a red haze descended over his eyes. So this wasn’t just about killing Harm. It was about getting to him. Webb had to know who it was. And A.J. would beat it out of the younger man if necessary. He’d already lost one of his officers – he wasn’t about to lose another.

Webb finally got the message from the SECNAV that A.J. was looking for him and the reason behind it. Sighing deeply, the younger man scrubbed both hands over his face. Wishing desperately that he could just crawl in a hole and never come back out. This whole situation was getting worse by the minute. There was much more to this than Harm’s undercover role and the shooting. Now Mac had been kidnapped. Webb knew he was behind it. He hadn’t known until it was too late to save Harm but he did now. It was the Admiral who was the ultimate target. Everyone close to him would be taken care of one at a time until he was the only one left.

Oh, well, he’d better get over to Admiral Chegwidden’s before the crafty old bastard made good on his threat to tear the town apart looking for him. He made the long drive to A.J.’s and slowly climbed the front steps to knock on the door.

"It’s about God damn time you got here."

"Good to see you, too," Webb smirked as he stepped into the house.

"I want to know what the hell is going on, Mr. Webb. So I suggest you start talking."

"Tired, Sarah?"

The man’s deep voice roused Mac from the slight stupor she’d slipped into. Nausea kept her company in a world of darkness and her stomach rolled into a painful cramp. Colors danced behind her tightly closed lids beneath the blindfold. She forced herself to draw a slow, deep breath. His voice split through the confusion and Mac focused on it, determined to figure out who he was. She felt him move around in front of her and stop.

"I’ve been thinking about how I want to proceed with you, Sarah," he began conversationally. "You see, I want to make this as hard as I can for you but I’m not sure what I want to do. I want your torture to be as slow and arduous and the Commander’s was quick. I’m afraid it’s really your precious Admiral I’m after and what better way to get to him than through his officers?

I got too anxious when I discovered your partner snooping around in our little group. I killed him faster than I meant to and didn’t have a chance to make him suffer. Did you know that he’s very brave? Foolish, but brave. I was impressed by his determination to kill me even after I shot him. I believe he was thinking of you right at the very end. I hear people in love often do that."

Mac forced herself to remain silent and still while he was talking but inside she was seething. She still didn’t recognize the voice but she would make sure he ended up dead no matter what the cost. He leaned close and his fingers gazed her cheek.

"You’re very beautiful. I can see what drew him to you. I’ve invited A.J. to play a little chess with me. I don’t guess he’ll be able to refuse now that he knows I have you. After losing one of his officers I’m sure he’ll do whatever necessary to get you back. I’d like to get Agent Webb while I’m at it but he seems to have disappeared. Talk about a guilty conscience. He allows Rabb to get killed then disappears himself."

The man made a tsking sound and Mac gritted her teeth.

"What to do, Colonel, what to do… I know!" He snapped his fingers. "How about listening to a tape of your partner? I can’t imagine anything more delightful. He’s dead and you can feel closer to him and all that trite bullshit people in mourning talk about. Excellent idea, Colonel, if I do say so myself. I’ll just go get that tape and be right back. Don’t go away now, you hear?"

"I didn’t know he was there," Webb swore, pacing the width of A.J.’s living room. "After he escaped we trailed him out of the country and none of our people have gotten a firm location on him in the US."

"Then somebody hasn’t been paying attention!" A.J. shouted. "Damn it, Webb, he killed Rabb! And I’ll be God damned if I’ll let him kill Mac, too. I’m going after him and you’re going with me. I don’t care who else is involved in this little operation of yours or what it’s going to cost us. I will not lose another one of my staff and if I have to kill you first, I will!"

Webb locked his jaw and stared hard at the Admiral. He had no defense against the older man. He was right about not losing Mac, too.

"I would do anything in the world to have Harm back, Admiral. I don’t care what else you think of me or how many times you think I’ve screwed up in the past, I wouldn’t have left him in a place where he would be killed," he stated fervently.

A.J. stopped his own pacing and met Webb’s gaze. Desperation shown in the younger man’s face and for once A.J. caught a glimpse of a tortured soul like that of the men he toured in ‘Nam with. And Webb was right – he had screwed up before but no one knew better than A.J. how duty often bit you in the ass.

"I know that, Webb. We can’t save him but we can save Mac. I want that son of a bitch dead. This is the last time in my life that I am going to deal with Lt. Osbourne. And the last time he’s going to deal with anyone else."

It was very late and he was exhausted. But there was no time for resting. Flipping on the small lamp, Webb rubbed a hand over his burning eyes. He sat down with a sigh, promising himself he would only sit for a minute. Propping his elbows on the desktop, he cradled his aching head in them. The phone at his left rang, echoing like a gunshot in the quiet stillness of the room. He snatched it up before it could ring again.

"Webb. Go ahead." He listened for a minute to the voice on the other end of the line. "I need information," he stated.

"You always do, Webb," Special Agent Dixie McGraw muttered dryly.

"Osbourne has MacKenzie," Webb told her.

Dixie bit off an expletive. "When?"

"Yesterday. He’s after Chegwidden. I want you the hell out of there before something else goes wrong. If he finds out Rabb wasn’t the only one in cover, you’ll be the next one dead."

"Webbie," she chided playfully. "I didn’t know you cared."

"McGraw…" Webb drawled warningly.

Dixie laughed softly. Sometimes being the only girl in this boys’ game had its advantages. "I’m touched – truly," she went on. "However, I can take care of myself and you need me on this end. Get a team ready, Webb. I’ll see if I can find MacKenzie," she promised and hung up before he could say another word.

"Damn it!" Webb swore, slamming the phone down. "That woman is enough to try the patience of a saint!" he muttered.

It wasn’t often there was another operative but this time Webb had Dixie and no one but him knew of her role in Osbourne’s operation. She was one of the very best, although most would never believe what it was she really did by looking at her.

Webb picked the phone up again and dialed. Minutes later when he hung up, he had a strike team assembled. They would be ready to meet he and A.J. as soon as they had a location. He rose from his desk and headed out. He had to get himself ready so he could meet A.J.

Six black, faceless forms slipped silently through trees and brush to a ready point where they would find the compound shielding Osbourne. Leading them was A.J. and Webb. They split in half before reaching their destination and Webb and A.J. went around to the back. Flanking the entry, they waited for any sign of activity. When there was none, A.J. ducked in first, checking the knob. It was locked. He looked back to Webb and motioned for him back up. Outside, he up to the second floor. Webb braced himself against the wall and cupped his hands together. A.J. unwrapped his web gear and pulled free a black rope. A second later Webb boosted him high enough to grasp the edge of a darkened windowsill. Very cautiously, he peered over the edge of the sill. His night vision clearly illuminated a bedroom. There was no one inside and the door was closed. He held himself aloft with one hand while he used the other one to test the window. It wasn’t latched and he urged it upward.

In the blink of an eye, he lifted himself through. Turning he wrapped the rope around his waist once and then tossed the rest back out. Hanging onto the black cord on either side of body, A.J. braced his feet and gave a tug. Webb came through the window a second later. A.J. coiled the rope up and stowed it back under his webbing. Guns aloft, the two men moved stealthily to the door. With his gun in one hand next to his face, A.J. eased the door open a fraction and looked into the hall. Seeing no one in the darkness, he opened it the rest of the way and moved into the hall. Webb followed close behind, only a few feet separating them. They quickly traveled the length of the hallway to a darkened stairwell and started down, flat against the wall.

According to Dixie, Osbourne was holding Mac in a tiny room in the basement. There was no one else in the house except for Osbourne, Dixie and four other members of Osbourne’s ‘team’. Their locations were unknown. Dixie was on the first floor, her room in the back of the house and Webb had given her strict orders to get out. He only hoped she’d done it. Approaching the front door, A.J. and Webb met up with one of the other men at the front door as he slipped in. A weapons expert, he made a quick sweep of the ground at the bottom, searching for wires before the other members of the team slipped in. Staying flat to the wall, guns up and ready, they headed for the kitchen where they would find the basement stairs. A flash of motion came through the darkness at A.J. then it was over as the guard sagged and A.J. the dead body to the ground. The others didn’t so much as bat an eyelash. Leaving the man behind, they started forward again.

The four men following A.J. and Webb stayed in the kitchen, aiming down the stairwell and back into the front hall in case someone came along. A.J. went down the final steps and grasped the knob.

Mac heard the slightest of noises and drew in a slow breath. Osbourne was back for another round. She wondered what he was going to throw at her this time. She concentrated on the slow, measured breaths through her nose. He still had her gagged and she had to force herself to show him no reaction. The door opened and hesitant footfalls came into the room. The change in entrance caught Mac’s attention immediately. She held very still, almost holding her breath now as the person moved closer.

"Mac?"

It took a second longer than it should have but when A.J.’s voice sank in, Mac almost wept with relief. She felt a slight tug at her wrists and the ropes holding her fell away. The ones at her ankles were next and then the gag.

"Can you walk?" he asked in a low voice.

"I think so," she choked out.

Hanging onto him, she grimaced with pain as she swayed when a wave of dizziness struck her.

"Hold on tight," A.J. instructed and started forward, supporting her slighter weight.

"Thank God," Webb breathed under his breath as they approached.

"Webb," Mac murmured. "What are…"

"We’ll explain later," A.J. stated in a low voice, tightening his grasp on her. "We have to get out of here."

Keeping Mac between them, A.J. and Webb moved back up the stairs and the rest of the team closed around them. Quietly, they retraced their steps back to the main hallway.

"Well, well, well, I knew it was just a matter of time before you came to visit."

They all froze when they heard the low, mocking voice.

Behind A.J., the team waited for his instructions or for some sign of the owner of the voice.

"Get back," A.J. ordered under his breath.

Immediately they retraced their steps, taking cover along the darkened hallway. A.J. shifted Mac against him and she grasped his shirt.

"Give me a gun," she whispered.

"No," he whispered back.

"Admiral," she hissed.

"No," he answered. "What do you want, Osbourne?" he called out.

"Why… I want you, A.J. It’s been you from the start. Rabb was an unexpected surprise. Then I figured your little Colonel there would sweeten the deal. Now it’s just you and me, old friend," Osbourne called back.

"You forgot about me."

A woman’s voice came from nowhere and A.J. looked at Webb.

"I know you’re here, Webb," she called. "Admiral Chegwidden."

"Who’s there?" A.J. called back.

"A friend."

"Now I see what game we’ve been playing. Webb is here and I recognize the voice of my companion so you must have been planning to set me up. I must hand it to you, Webb, excellent plan," Osbourne chuckled.

"We have to get out of here," A.J. murmured. "Who is she, Webb?"

"One of mine. She can take care of herself."

"Then let’s move."

Holding onto Mac, they started toward the back of the house. Cautiously, the team went up the stairs to the second landing and to the back of the house. Moving quickly and quietly, they set up a rope and the first two men went out, dropping to the ground below.

"Sir, you and the Colonel go next," one of the other men ordered, stepping forward.

A.J. simply nodded. "Can you hang on long enough for us to lower you out?"

"Yes," she nodded.

A.J. helped her over the window ledge and held her up by the arms until she had a firm grasp then Webb helped him lower her to the ground below. A.J. went down right behind her and took her slight weight back from the team member holding her. In seconds the others were on the ground and they were moving into the shadows away from the house.

Suddenly the compound yard lit up like broad daylight. Floodlights chased the shadows out of every inch of the parameter and left them out in the open.

"Hold on, Mac," A.J. called, pushing her behind a tree.

Webb glanced over his shoulder at A.J. "He has more men here then we thought!" he cried over the belch of gunfire.

A.J. peered out at the open yard of the compound. The firing ceased for a moment as Osbourne’s men waited for them to make a move.

Several gunshots rang out, hitting the trees around them and sending pieces of bark flying in all directions. They ducked and fired several rounds in return. A.J. got down on the ground and inched forward. "Baker, take your position!" he called to one of the other men.

The sniper slid into place on the other side of the tree from A.J. and planted his weapon, taking a visual through the scope. "They’re under cover, sir," he called back a moment later.

A.J. pulled out his radio and pressed the button. "Eagle 1 to Mother Goose. Eagle 1 to Mother Goose. Move in now, we need assistance! Repeat – we need assistance. Move in!"

His call would bring in the other dozen men that belonged to the team with them now plus two helos. They would flush Osbourne out one way or another.

"Move!" A.J. snapped.

Osbourne’s men took to firing again, their shots peppering the trees and ground where the team was. A.J. fired, squeezing off two shots as he rolled a few feet to the shelter of another tree and came to his feet.

"Spread out," he ordered.

Firing as they went, the men gradually moved away from each other, keeping up a steady stream of return fire. Mac gritted her teeth hard and held on to tree, feeling the bark bite into her cheek. She could barely see the Admiral and Webb and the other men had moved away. She saw Webb stumble and catch himself against a tree but he didn’t go down.

"I’m hit," he mumbled.

"Can you make it?" A.J. demanded.

"Yeah. Let’s go," Webb shot back.

A.J. moved in front of Webb. "Stay close to Mac!"

"They’ve covered us, sir!" one of the men yelled.

"All we have to do is hold them until the helos get here!" A.J. yelled back. "On three we move! Webb, get Mac!"

Reaching for the belt around his waist he pulled a grenade free and tugged the pin out with his teeth, spitting it on the ground.

"One, two – three!"

Darting out, he threw it toward one of the small outbuildings. It exploded and the small group moved several feet, staying in the shelter of the trees. Osbourne’s men continued to shoot through the red glow of fire. Finally, A.J. and the others saw some of the men shooting at them move into the open, firing to cover themselves. A.J. tugged another grenade free, pulled the pin and threw it directly into the melee. The advanced again, making it several more feet away from the compound and toward the dirt road that led to the highway.

A.J. stopped behind a tree and raised his gun, dropping his spent clip so he could slide another one in. He turned and went back to Webb and Mac.

"You two okay?" he demanded.

"I’m fine," Webb answered. "Mac?"

"Okay," she gasped. "Just hurry every chance you get," she muttered.

"We’re trying," A.J. growled.

They sent out another round of fire and heaved three more grenades simultaneously then from out of nowhere a rocket hit the patch of outbuildings. Smoke rolled upward in a great cloud. Jerking their heads up, they saw the two Pave Hawks; the steady whap-whap-whap of the rotors a welcome sound.

Seconds later the Hawks were directly above them. Osbourne’s men scattered in all directions, trying to find shelter. Ropes hit the ground from the helos and men shimmied down, guns ablaze. What seemed to take forever really only lasted seconds. A.J.’s team dropped Osbourne’s men one after another, leaving only the aftermath of the fires and the sound of the helicopter rotors.

"Admiral! We’re clear! Let’s get you out of here!"

A.J. heard the leader of the second half of the team call to them and he lowered his gun. "Let’s go," he said, gathering Mac to his side.

The other men went ahead of he, Mac and Webb, their job far from over as they would stay to gather up any of Osbourne’s men that were still alive. Moving out of the protection of the trees, A.J. and Mac started for the helicopter with Webb limping behind.

"Go to the first helo, sir. They’ll get you…"

The loud report on a gun echoed and with a startled cry, Webb went down hard on both knees. A.J. and Mac whirled around.

"Webb!" A.J. yelled.

He released Mac and darted back to Webb. Squatting down, he grabbed the younger man and looked around, trying to see where the shot came from.

"Did you think I’d let you just walk away that easily?!"

"Osbourne! You bastard! Come out here in the open and stopping hiding like some yellow coward!" A.J. yelled furiously.

Another shot split the air and scattered the dirt at A.J.’s feet.

"Too much fun watching you scramble to find me!" Osbourne shouted.

He fired again and this time the bullet hit A.J. in the shoulder.

"Admiral!" Mac cried as A.J. and Webb both rolled to the ground.

"Stay down!" A.J. bellowed when he saw her move.

"One by one, they all fall down," Osbourne taunted.

Looking around, Mac scanned the area for some sign of Osbourne. The men around her moved out and started to surround A.J. and Webb but Osbourne fired several more times, preventing them from getting too close. He fired at A.J. again, barely missing the older man and scattering dirt next to his head.

"Give me your weapon," Mac ordered to the young man next to her.

"Colonel…" he began.

"Give it to me!" she snapped.

"Yes, ma’am."

She took the rifle and lifted it to her shoulder. "Admiral, come toward me!" she ordered, taking a step closer to her CO.

Her legs wobbled under her and she concentrated hard on each move, her eyes locked down the barrel of the rifle.

"Colonel, get back!" A.J. shouted.

"No!" Mac cried, blatantly disobeying him. "I’m not going to let him mow you down!" she hissed angrily.

Osbourne fired again, this time at her and the bullet hit the helo behind her. She took another step forward, moving toward A.J. and Webb.

"Here, chick, chick," Osbourne called in a sing-song voice. "You’re just making it easier for me."

"No, you’re making it easier for me."

The same clear, southern belle voice they heard earlier in the house rang out.

"It’s Dixie," Webb muttered to A.J. and Mac.

From the spot where he’d been watching his prey, Osbourne slowly straightened, lowering his gun. Behind him stood the woman who’d been with him for over a year now – his proverbial right hand. He looked her over, taking in the black cammies and the face mask, leaving only her eyes visible.

"You’re a traitor to your country," he spat.

She arched one delicate brow. "Think so? Not from where I’m standing. Start walking, Osbourne," she ordered with a jerk of her gun.

They started down toward the clearing, their measured steps bringing them right closer and closer to A.J., Mac and Webb.

"I have to hand it to you, my dear. You certainly had me fooled," Osbourne went on conversationally.

The woman didn’t answer.

"What? No smart comeback? That was one thing about you I always admired – your smart mouth," he continued. "Webb did good picking you. Too bad you had to sneak up on me to get the upper hand," he sneered.

Still she remained silent, walking him forward until they were about ten feet from the others. It was only then that she spoke.

"Y’all okay?" she called.

"Fine," A.J. answered. "You men take custody of this bastard and let’s get the hell out of here. Agent Webb needs a hospital."

Two of the other team members immediately went over to collect Osbourne. Just as they reached him, the older man bent and hit one square in the middle, sending him careening backward into the other. Spinning, Osbourne hit Dixie, knocking her gun out her hands. Turning back, he lifted his rifle and took aim at A.J.

"No!" Mac screamed.

Without another thought, she pulled the trigger, feeling the report of the gun vibrate through her aching body. Osbourne got off his own shot just as her bullet slammed into him, sending him flying backward. His shot missed A.J. by a hair’s breadth as Dixie launched herself at them, sending all three rolling over.

The tableau froze as they waited to see who was going to move first. When Osbourne remained motionless on the ground, one of the two men he knocked down scrambled over to him. He looked up a second later.

"He’s dead!" he called.

Numbly, Mac stared at Osbourne’s body. A split second too late and he would have killed A.J. Someone came over to her and took the gun away from her.

"Helluva shot, ma’am," the man murmured.

On shaky legs, she stumbled over to the Admiral, reaching for him. The other woman was leaning over Webb as A.J. rose and grasped Mac’s arms.

"We’ll have a talk later about you disobeying a direct order," he stated in a low voice. "Damn good shooting, Sarah."

"Thank you, sir," she whispered, her hands curling into fists in his shirt.

"What do you say we get out of here?" he suggested.

"Yes, let’s," she answered shakily.

"Webb?" Dixie called softly, leaning over him. "You aren’t thinking about checking out on me, are you?" she asked.

Webb blinked at her, her lovely eyes swimming before his. "Don’t think so," he slurred. "You shoot him?" he asked weakly.

"Nah. I got a bit careless. You can thank that pretty Marine of yours for saving your sorry hide," Dixie retorted offhandedly.

"I think we can safely give you some of the credit for saving all of our sorry hides," A.J. interrupted. "Agent…?" he let the question dangle.

Dixie whipped off the black headgear and they watched a tumble of honey blonde curls fall down around her shoulders. A woman who looked more like Miss America than a CIA agent smiled fully. "Agent Dixie McGraw. Pleased to meet you Admiral, Colonel MacKenzie."

"The pleasure is ours, Agent McGraw," A.J. sighed. "Now for the last time, let’s get the hell out of here."

"So they let you to go already? Any idea when they’ll let me out of this rat trap?"

A.J. arched a brow at Webb as he and Mac walked into the younger man’s hospital room. "Too soon, if you ask me. At least you can’t cause as much trouble in here."

"Very funny," Webb smirked.

Mac glanced between the two men, unsure of her own feelings on the matter. "I don’t know whether to thank you or hate you myself," she murmured.

Clay turned gentle eyes to her. "I know there’s nothing I can say, Mac, but I truly am sorry. I lost probably my best friend. You have to believe I didn’t know," he stated gently.

Mac nodded. "The Admiral told me what happened. There was nothing you could have done."

"Why didn’t you tell us about Dixie?" A.J. gruffly.

"I didn’t know," Webb admitted. "I mean, I knew she was working on Osbourne but no one knew until it was too late that he was involved with people I sent Harm to investigate. It wasn’t until after Harm got shot that I went to meet Dixie. That’s where I was when Mac got to the hospital. I would give anything I had to bring him back," he whispered.

Mac stepped forward and caught his hand, squeezing gently. Tears glazed her pretty eyes but she blinked them back. "He would have told me to get up, dry my eyes and get back to work," she murmured.

"At least you got revenge," Webb stated.

"Revenge is a two-edged sword, Webb. Osbourne’s dead but it didn’t bring Harm back."

"Is this a private party or can anyone come in?"

The three turned toward the door as Dixie stepped in, closing it behind her.

"I wondered if you were still hanging around," Webb muttered. "Instead of doing your job."

"You know I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, Webbie," Dixie chided gently.

A.J. and Mac exchanged a glance.

"But I’m afraid I didn’t come to see you," she continued.

"I’m crushed," Webb answered dryly, rolling his eyes.

Dixie looked at the A.J. and Mac. "Colonel, Admiral, I’d like the two of you to come with me," she stated.

"May I ask why?" A.J. questioned, eyes narrowed.

"No, sir, you may not. With all due respect, sir, it’s a security matter and better if you don’t know," she told him bluntly but respectfully.

A.J. stared at the younger woman. She had guts, that was for sure. He angled his head toward Mac. "You feel up to going now?" he asked her.

"Yes, sir. I want to get all of this over with now," she returned, assuming it had something to do with what had already happened.

"Then let’s go," A.J. directed.

"Don’t terrorize the nurses, Webbie," Dixie murmured, her eyes tracing Webb’s face.

His eyes held hers for the barest of a second. "I’ll do my best."

A few minutes later they were in Dixie’s standard issue sedan headed out of D.C. on the beltway. They drove for almost an hour in silence until Dixie finally turned into the driveway of a private estate.

"Who lives here?" A.J. asked as they circled the drive in front of the house.

"A friend," Dixie murmured.

She parked the car and they got out. A.J. and Mac were silent as they followed her to the door, taking in their surroundings. What could this possibly have to do with the mess with Osbourne?

A uniformed butler answered Dixie’s ring. "Ms. McGraw, good to see you, miss," he murmured.

"Howie," Dixie greeted, kissing the old man’s cheek.

Mac and A.J. looked at each other yet again as they trailed after her.

"Agent McGraw," A.J. broke in again. "Who owns this place?" he asked gruffly.

Dixie hesitated and turned to him. "My family does, Admiral," she admitted. "I know you don’t understand why you’re here but if you’ll just come with me, I’ll show you," she promised.

She turned without another word and started walking again. Her path led them up a winding staircase to the second landing and then to the end of the hall. She paused, hand on the knob and looked at them.

"I’ll explain everything to you later," she promised mysteriously.

With slight trepidation, A.J. and Mac waited, confused about what Dixie could possibly be about to show them. As the door swung open and the young woman moved out of the way, they got a good look inside the room.

"Oh, my, God!" The whispered cry came from Mac as her hands flew to her mouth.

Staring ahead, she felt her heart skip a beat and then start again, galloping frantically.

"Oh, God!" she cried again. "Harm!"

She was moving before AJ. even got his bearings, going to the bed in the middle of the room where Harm lay.

Crying openly, Mac leaned over him, afraid to even believe it really was him. Hands shaking, she touched him. His face, hair, the middle of his chest. He was real and warm and definitely not dead. She turned to glance over her shoulder at Dixie, her expression of mixture of confusion and wonder.

"How?" she whispered brokenly. "I was there. I saw him die!" she cried.

Coming forward, Dixie’s compassionate gaze swept Mac’s face. "I’ve had him here the whole time," she announced. "I knew who Commander Rabb was when Webb first brought him into the case but no one knew about me. I was there when Oz shot him but I couldn’t do anything to stop it. He thought the Commander was dead and told me to have the men dispose of him. When I realized he was still alive, I got him to the hospital. But, I knew if Oz found out he was still alive, he would stop at nothing to make sure he finished the job.

On the way to the hospital, I gave him a drug that would suppress his vitals. Once the doctors pronounced him dead, I got him and brought him here to hide him. I did what I thought was best at the time to keep the Commander alive," Dixie murmured, touching Mac’s shoulder. "I’m so sorry for all the grief you went through but I know Oz, Sarah. I’ve been working on him for over a year. If he had any idea at all that Harm didn’t die when he shot him he would have made sure he really was dead."

Mac stared wordlessly at the other woman, trying to assimilate all she was saying.

"You’ll understand it all later," Dixie promised. "When the shock wears off and you’ve had time to take it all in. But I can assure you this is your partner – alive and well. He’s in pretty bad shape and we’ve had him in a drug-induced coma so his body could heal. Dr. Baird took him off the suppressers yesterday so we expect that he’ll wake up sometime soon. He has a long way to go but he’ll make a full recovery," she went on. "I think the best medicine now will be having you with him," she smiled gently.

A.J., who had been quiet the whole time, finally stepped forward. "Later, I’m sure this will all make sense but for now, thank you," he stated gravely. "We owe you more than we could ever repay for this."

"I was the only one there to help him, Admiral. I believe he would have done the same for me. And I know how much Webb think of him," she answered. "Spend time with him," she urged. "I’ll have something to eat brought up to you and you’re welcome to stay here or come and go as you please."

And with that she was gone, finally out of explanations. Mac stood for several long moments just staring at Harm. Hesitantly she reached out and touched his face, her fingers tracing his eyes, mouth and the line of his nose.

"Oh, Admiral," she whispered. "I didn’t lose him. I can barely believe I’m standing here looking at him."

"I can barely believe it myself," A.J. echoed. "She just handed us a miracle."

"Yes, she did," Mac nodded. "The best one of my life."

Knowing how much she had suffered and how much this moment was affecting her, A.J. squeezed her shoulder and turned to leave.

"I need to get to JAG. I’ll come back tonight to check on you. If you need anything before that, call me."

"Yes, sir," she answered automatically. Then she looked up at him. "Thank you for coming after me."

"You’re welcome."

Finally alone with Harm, Mac lowered herself into a nearby chair before her legs gave out. His beloved face was bruised and he was gaunt and pale but still the most wonderful sight she’d ever seen.

Leaning forward, she lifted his hand to her lips, pressing them against the warmth of his skin. "I can’t believe you’re really here," she whispered tremulously. "I couldn’t bring myself to really believe I was never going to see you again. Oh, Harm…" her voice trailed off as tears threatened. "I love you so much."

Her head dropped forward onto his chest and she allowed herself just to cry. Only it was relief and gratitude this time that this man was still with her.

*****

The pain went right to his soul. It racked him like nothing he’d ever experienced and he just wanted it to go away. If he concentrated very hard on the darkness, everything else slipped away – including the pain. They had him hooked up to machines. Hooked up and monitored, stitched together and drugged. If they’d asked him first, he would have told them to let him die. He didn’t want it to be like this. It hurt so bad. He wanted his partner so much that now he was imaging he could hear her talking to him. She was crying and begging him not to leave her. But she couldn’t really be here, his soul sighed.

"I’m here, Harm. You’re not alone anymore so don’t you dare give up on me, got it? Dixie got you to safety and she’s had a lot of people taking care of you. I didn’t know… I’m so sorry. I would have come right away. But I’m here now and you’re going to be all right. We’re going to be all right," she swore softly. "I promise, Harm. You know what would really help right now? If you would just open your eyes and look at me. Please, Harmon. Open your eyes and look at me."

He remained quiet and still, the machines on the other side of the bed beeping steadily. Mac squeezed his hand tighter and pressed her lips into his palm.

"I won’t let you give up."

********

Opening his eyes felt like the hardest thing he’d ever done. Someone must have tied lead weights to his lids. He concentrated hard, sweat popping out on his forehead from the effort. There was someone with him, someone who’d been talking to him earlier. He felt Mac’s presence and wondered if it could really be her. She’d been silent for a while now but there was a gentle weight near his hip. Maybe it really was her.

He forced himself to take a slow breath. He knew he had to open his eyes to see if it was Sarah. But opening his eyes meant leaving the safety of the dark. It meant facing the pain that clutched him like a vise. It meant facing the unknown that rested beyond the walls of his own mind. His breathing became shallow and his heart beat painfully in his chest. Just a little more… just a little more and he could see…

The frantic change in tempo from the heart monitor snapped Mac from a fitful sleep. Jerking her head up, she stared around the darkened room for a moment, trying to regain her bearings. She looked down at Harm and realized what woke her. Scooting forward, she touched his face. He was feverish and clammy with sweat. She could see his lashes fluttering in the dimness of the room and she rose to lean closer.

"Harm? Harm, can you hear me? It’s Mac. I’m right here with you, Harm. Wake up and look at me. Please, wake up," she pleaded softly. Seconds ticked by and her heart thudded so hard it hurt and she could feel the blood pounding in her ears. "Come on, flyboy. I know you’re in a lot of pain but you can do this. You can do anything. Don’t you know you’re my hero? I love you and I’m right here with you. Every step of the way," she whispered.

A low moan slipped from him and she stroked his cheek. Very, very slowly, his lashes lifted until they were open all the way. Mac held her breath, waiting for his next move. Blinking repeatedly to clear his vision, Harm finally turned his head enough to look at her. Seconds ticked by as they stared at each other. Harm watched as tears trembled on her lower lashes before spilling over, splattering against his skin.

"You are here," he whispered, his voice sounding rusty to his own ears.

Mac laughed, her vision blurring. "So are you. Oh, God, Harm, I thought I’d lost you for good," she cried.

"Don’t… remember too… much," he whispered.

"That’s okay. You need to rest right now. Concentrate on getting better. The rest will come later," she promised, smoothing his hair.

"Glad you’re… here with me."

"Remind to tell you later how precious those words are," she murmured.

Several days later, all the final pieces had fallen into place and Harm and Mac had returned to Harm’s loft. Webb was out of the hospital and gone for a few days to recuperate. Mac suspected that Dixie was with him. The young woman’s presence had been explained to Harm and he and Mac speculated over the history the two agents might share. Bud and Harriet and all the others knew Harm was alive and well and A.J. had given Mac and Harm time to stay home and come to grips with all that had happened. The older man was back at work, refusing to let Osbourne’s bullet hold him down for even a few days. Everything had been explained, classified and categorized except for Mac’s reaction to Harm’s death. He watched her as she fussed over him and knew she was hiding something. Keeping something back – away from him. There were shadows in her eyes. A pain that seemed to go all the way to her soul. He knew now that everyone had believed him dead. Admiral Chegwidden told him about the hospital and his ‘death’. About Dixie stealing him away so Osbourne wouldn’t find out he was still alive. They told him about Osbourne kidnapping Mac. That it was all just a chain of events leading Osbourne to A.J. – the real target. And that in the end it was Mac who killed Osbourne.

Now, sitting on the couch, the radio playing low in the background and the light from a dozen candles flickering around the room, he wanted to ask her about what came before all that. About when she went to the hospital after he was shot. He had to know if all the time that’d passed with Renee and Brumby in the way had killed what she once felt for him. If his own stupidity and stubbornness about not mixing business with pleasure had extinguished that tiny spark.

"You’ve been too quiet the past two days," he murmured, finally gathering up enough courage to break the silence.

She was lying against the cushions, her head resting on the hard muscles of his thigh. She didn’t answer for several minutes.

"I have a lot to sort out," she answered honestly.

"About us?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes. And about what happened."

He frowned slightly at the back of her head. "About what happened? You mean the undercover assignment or getting shot?"

"All of it."

She moved then, turning and coming to her knees right against his side. She laid one hand on his arm and met his gaze. "Can you imagine how you would feel if you were standing at the door of a room and inside of it I was dying? How you would feel if you were with me one minute, feeling my heart beat and then the next I was gone? That a doctor was telling you there was nothing more they could do?"

Her expression was earnest, her brown eyes dark with remembered pain. Harm could only stare at her as her words sank in. He reached up with one hand, fingers trembling as he touched the curve of her cheek.

"I can tell you exactly how I would feel, Sarah. I’d want to blow my brains out," he stated truthfully. "Losing you in any way would be hard enough but watching you slip away right in front of me would kill me. I don’t honestly know how I’d find the strength to keep going."

Mac closed her eyes for a brief moment. "I fell asleep next to your bed. It was when your heart stopped beating that the machine woke me up. The nurses came in and Captain Hunt… they pushed me out of the way and I watched from the door. They tried so hard and then Captain Hunt covered you and told me you were gone. For a minute I thought I was going to die, too."

He watched her, not wanting to interrupt until she was done. There was a far away look in her eyes and he knew she was drifting back to that horrible day. Her eyes were on his face but unfocused, her voice distant.

"I ended up back here," she whispered. "I should have stayed away but being here made me feel like you were with me. I could smell your cologne and feel your presence. I found your ring and tags and the little picture from your wallet. Oh, Harm, it felt like I was never going to be whole again. I couldn’t stop crying or bring myself to believe that you were gone. There were too many memories here, too many reminders. The Admiral came by and… and I’ve never seen him look that way. Bud and Harriet took it hard. Bud said something to me that showed me just how much he’s grown and matured since I first met him. I slept in your robe, next to your pillow, hoping if I prayed hard enough I’d wake up you would be here."

She was rambling now, her words disjointed. Harm grasped her upper arms and drew her a bit closer. "Stop it, Sarah, I don’t want to hear anymore. Don’t go back to that place. Please. Don’t live it again."

Her eyes cleared and met his. "I can’t forget it happened. I can’t forget what it did to me or how it made me feel, Harm. It was unlike anything I’d ever known. All I could feel were the regrets. All the things we were never going to have time for. I begged God to give you back to me at the same time wondering what I could have done so wrong for him to take you away. Having you here now, looking at your face, feeling your touch – is like the greatest miracle I could ever have."

Tenderly, Harm’s eyes traced her features. "I can’t begin to imagine how you felt but I know how I would have felt. Losing you would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to go through and frankly, I can’t bring myself to even think about it. I would go back and change every second of those days if I could. I wish I could take it all away and spare you that pain. I know it’s not something you can forget but I’m asking you to put the memories away.

I can’t help but feel this is our second chance, Sarah. A chance to do all the things we haven’t done. The things we’ve talked about. Like having a baby. I’ve never – not for one second – forgotten that promise. I want that baby with you as much now as I did the day I suggested it. We have another chance to forget about everything that’s come before this moment and start over right now."

"What are you saying?" she whispered, almost afraid to believe.

"I’m saying I love you, Sarah. I’m saying it out loud. I’m saying I don’t want to wait for another near miss or something that might spur one or both of us on. Life – our lives – are too short to be wasted on regrets and mistakes. We’ve already wasted more time than some people ever get. I want to be with you every day and not just as your partner. I want to be your husband, your lover, your best friend. I want to have babies and make sure you always have lots of comfortable shoes. Marry me, Sarah. Marry me and love me for the rest of our lives. Let’s take every minute that’s been given back to us and live it enough to last for an eternity."

Mac stared at him wordlessly as tears filled her eyes, hardly able to believe what he was saying. "I love you, too," she whispered shakily. "I will always love you. I want everything with you, Harm. I want the rest of your life and I want you to have the rest of mine. Whether it’s a week or sixty years from now. We can fill it with love and never have a reason to look back in regret. I want…" she hesitated and her eyes fluttered closed.

Harm tucked a finger beneath her chin and forced her gaze back to his. "You want what?" he prompted.

"I have a confession to make and please, don’t be angry with me. It was an accident and then I just wanted to have the link with you," she went on in a rush.

"What are you talking about? What was an accident?"

"I found your journals," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

"My journals? How?" he asked.

"The first one by accident. I threw a pillow at the bookcase and knocked some things off. I found the journal as I was cleaning up. I wasn’t going to read it at first but then… then I wanted to have that part of you. No matter what was written inside – it was one more link I could still have with you. After I read it, I had to read the others. I found the box in your closet. I know it was invading your privacy but I had to, Harm. Please understand. I had to have those parts of you to hold on to," she explained helplessly.

He smiled tenderly and smoothed one broad hand over her silky hair. "I would have done the same if I’d been in your shoes. I didn’t know there was one left on the bookcase or I would have put it away with the others. Eventually someone would have found them anyway if I’d really been dead. I’m glad it was you. One day I’d hoped to have the chance to show them to you. To let you read them. I’m not sorry you found them. If anything, I hope it brought you some kind of comfort to know that I really did love you – even when you thought I didn’t," he told he very gently.

"They helped me like nothing else could," she confessed. "And that’s what I want. I want to continue keeping journals of our life together. I want more of those for our children to read. And our grandchildren."

His eyes were loving. "Best idea I’ve ever heard from you, Marine."

"I love you so much," she told him again. "You are my whole world."

"I love you, too," he answered. "You complete everything I was meant to be."

Harm lifted her into his lap and held her tight, his arms wrapped around her body. The only sound in the room now was the radio and the quiet intensity of their breathing. Harm tipped his head forward that last little bit but didn’t kiss her. Mac’s long lashes drifted downward when she felt the first brush of his mouth against her jaw. He caressed her skin with his lips and she felt the brush of his lashes as he closed his eyes. The tiny rasp of stubble on his jaw sensitized her nerves as his mouth moved to the corner of her eye. She felt his warm breath against her ear and a tiny shiver coursed through her.

Mac turned her head slightly, bumping her nose against his jaw. She brushed her own lips against his skin. They moved together, covering each other’s faces with the tiny caresses that were as light as air. Harm slid his hands into Mac’s hair and tilted her head back. He pressed his lips to the slender column of her throat, feeling the rapid beat of her pulse. The swirling desire between them was building like a backdraft. Mac’s hands still held tight to his shirt, afraid if she let go she might float away. Her lips parted on a soft sigh when he pressed a string of tiny kisses from her jaw to the corner of her mouth.

Fire exploded between them the second his lips settled over hers. His arms went around her slender form, drawing her tight against him as her own hands slid around to clasp the back of this head. Days and months of pent-up emotions spilled forth. All the tension and anguish of their recent ordeal bubbled to the surface and evaporated like so much stardust. Harm kissed her like a man dying of thirst who’d just found a pure spring. It was Heaven… and Hell… and all that lay between. And for two people who’d spent so much time walking around their feelings – it was like coming home.

Mac held him as tight as she could, reveling in the feel and taste of him. His lips were warm and hard against her own and he kissed her like it was the very last thing he’d ever do. They were so close it was hard to tell where she ended and he began. She kissed him back, parting her lips under the onslaught of his mouth. He explored the inner recesses of her mouth, feeling the edge of her teeth, the way her own tongue rose to meet his. The sound of their breathing intensified. Harm gripped the back of her head with one big hand and splayed the other one across her back, afraid she might slip away from him.

Breaking the kiss, he held her so tight she couldn’t breathe but Mac didn’t care. She held him back just as tight, knowing she was right where she was always meant to be. With the man that made her whole.

The End