quot;Tiner, would you tell Commander Rabb I’d like to see him in my office, please?quot;

quot;Aye, aye, sir,quot; Tiner answered into the intercom. quot;Commander Rabb?quot;

Harm didn’t bother to look up from the report he was reading. quot;Yes, Tiner?quot; he asked.

quot;The Admiral would like to see you right away, sir.quot;

quot;I’ll be right there,quot; Harm sighing, laying down his pen.

He straightened his jacket as he rose and went out to the bullpen. Seconds later Tiner was escorting him into A.J.’s office. Harm knew it wasn’t good news the instant he saw Clayton Webb,

quot;Have a seat, Commander Rabb,quot; A.J. directed. quot;Webb has something he has to tell you.quot;

Harm looked up at Webb expectantly, who for once, looked ill at ease.

quot;Harm,quot; he started hesitantly, stopping to shift from foot to foot and shove his hands deep in his pockets. quot;Well, hell, there isn’t an easy way to say this. Your father’s remains have been found.quot;

Harm’s expression remained blank, certain he’d heard wring. quot;What?quot; he finally managed to choke out.

quot;I know this is a shock, Harm. We haven’t said anything before now because we had to wait until the identities were confirmed. I’m sorry, Harm,quot; Webb stated gently.

quot;I don’t understand,quot; Harm murmured numbly. quot;I thought his remains were in that valley somewhere?quot; Harm questioned, remembering that day long ago when he stood on a bluff looking out at that same valley and saying his goodbyes.

quot;I don’t know all the details yet, Harm. The SECNAV called me with the news that the Russian government had possession of six POWs they were releasing to us in an exchange. The remains of all six were verified by me personally,quot; Webb went on to explain.

Harm sat back in the chair, stunned by what he was hearing. After all this time, after finally… he shook himself mentally. This wasn’t the time to analyze it all. quot;What do we do now?quot; he heard himself ask.

Webb looked at the Admiral. A.J. simply nodded.

quot;I’d like you and Colonel MacKenzie to go to Russia and escort the bodies home,quot; Webb announced calmly. quot;They’ve been released to our custody already. Someone just needs to go get them.quot;

quot;Have the Gunny make your arrangements for this week and I’ll have Bud and Mattoni help out with your caseloads while you’re gone. Do you have anything else to add, Commander?quot; A.J. questioned calmly.

quot;Uh, no, sir,quot; Harm responded, coming to his feet.

quot;Dismissed, Commander.quot;

quot;Aye, aye, sir.quot;

Slowly, Harm made his way out of the office toward the Gunny. He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, his back tall and straight, his gaze fixed forward.

quot;Commander Rabb,quot; The Gunny greeted as he walked up.

quot;At ease, Gunny. Would you make immediate arrangements for Colonel MacKenzie and I to fly to Moscow? Tomorrow if you can arrange it.quot;

quot;Yes, sir, Commander.quot;

quot;Thanks, Gunny.quot;

Harm was almost to his office when Bud walked past him.

quot;Commander,quot; Bud greeted.

Harm didn’t even hear the younger man. He just kept walking into his office, closing the door behind him.

Bud stared after his friend, concern knitting his brow. He stepped back a few steps until he stood in front of Mac’s door. quot;Colonel?quot;

quot;Yes, Bud?quot; Mac asked, looking up from her desk.

quot;Ma’am, is something wrong with the Commander?quot; he asked gently.

quot;Not that I know of, Bud, why?quot; she asked, putting her pen down as a slight frown puckered her gentle expression.

quot;He walked right by like he didn’t even see me. I said hi and he just ignored me,quot; Bud told her.

quot;That isn’t like him,quot; Mac agreed. quot;Let me go talk to him,quot; Mac suggested, rising from her chair.

Mac slipped into Harm’s office without even knocking to find him standing at the window, his gaze fixed on something only he could see.

quot;Harm?quot;

quot;I’d like to be alone right now if you don’t mind, Mac,quot; Harm stated without even turning around.

quot;Sorry, I don’t have to be anyplace else to be right now,quot; she returned. quot;Bud said you walked right past him and didn’t even hear him say hello. Wanna tell me what’s bothering you? You look like you ate something sour,quot; she teased gently, trying to get a rise out of him.

Sighing, Harm perched himself on the edge of his desk. quot;We’re going to Russia tomorrow,quot; he announced bluntly.

quot;What?quot; she gasped. quot;When did this come about and why didn’t the Admiral tell me?quot; she asked.

quot;I just found out myself. Webb was in there with him. Mac, my father’s remains were found.quot;

For a moment Mac could only stare at him. quot;Wh.. what did you say?quot; she managed to choke out.

quot;The Russian government is exchanging custody of six POWs. Webb and the Admiral are sending us to escort the bodies home. Mac…quot; his voice trailed off as he looked up at her for the first time, his eyes bleak.

Mac walked around the front of the desk where he was sitting on the corner of it. quot;I’m sorry, Harm,quot; she murmured. Suddenly the past few weeks of tension and bickering between them didn’t seem to matter anymore. Underneath it all, he was still the man she considered to be her best friend and she would do anything for him. quot;We’ll get through this together, Harm. Me and you,quot; she murmured, slipping one arm around his shoulders.

Harm leaned against her, his temple against her jaw. He slipped his arm around her waist. quot;Thank you,quot; was all he said.

Mac smiled. quot;You’re welcome.quot;

For a long minute they stood together in silence, letting their bodily link express what words could not---that they were together on what was to come as they had been in times past, and would be again.

A buzz on the intercom interrupted them and Tiner announced they were on the morning Aeroflot. "All that was left was first class. I figured you could handle it," he added and silence befell them again.

"I know you said you wanted to be alone but that's not what you need right now," Mac finally said. "So I'm going home and pack and then I'm going to be on your doorstep at 1800, with food and a movie. I'll crash on your sofa and we'll be ready to leave in the morning."

"Mac, I don't think..." he began only to be cut off by a finger to his lips.

"That's right you don't think," she countered. "You just listen right now because that's what's going to happen. Even if you don't speak to me all evening, at least I'll be there if you would want to."

He started again and she clamped her finger more firmly. "Don't make me make an ugly face."

That got the laugh she expected and she felt him relax somewhat. "Later, Commander," she smiled. "I'm going to go clear my desk."

They released each other and she started out, stopping at the door. "It's going to be okay. We can do this and you'll have some real closure this time." Again she went to leave and turned back. "Let me be in the honor guard, will you?"

His face broke into a broad smile, fleeting though it was. "I'd be honored to have you."

"Chinese food, American movie," Mac greeted him. "Kevin Costner. Action for you, a few nice butt scenes for me."

Harm looked helplessly at the dining table, strewn with pictures and clippings.

"What's all this?" she asked, handing him the food and strolling over to it. There were old photos galore and she picked up the first one of a sweet little boy astride a pony. "Harm, age 4, Mr. Taylor's farm," she read from the back and then her eyes fell on another, this time a naked baby on a changing table, lying on his stomach, pert little backside up. "Speaking of nice butt scenes," she laughed.

"Give me that," he growled, snatching it from her and beginning to gather up the photos, putting them into a large shoe box.

"So, what are you doing anyway?" She asked. "Why the trip down memory lane here?"

"When I went to Belleville after Russia to talk to Gran, she sent this stuff back with me, so I was just engaging in a little self pity here," he admitted. "Thinking about what might have been."

"Yeah, well, you're going to be engaging in cold vegetable moo shoo if you don't get this stuff out of here and we can eat," she chided him, hoping to shake him from his mood.

They ate in mainly silence except for Mac's regaling him of her afternoon in court and soon settled for the movie. Side by side on the sofa, their hands rested at their sides. About half way through she felt him wrap his pinkie around hers and he leaned down to whisper. "Thank you for this."

"Welcome," she replied, her pinkie squeezing his and they both smiled.

The movie ended and they sat quietly for a minute. "You want to take a shower?" he asked finally.

"Excuse me," she stammered and he realized what he had said.

"I mean would you like to use the shower?" he grinned, turning pink.

"Commander, you're blushing," she laughed. "Thanks, no, did it before I came. I'll just go in and change quick and if you'll fetch me a blanket and pillow I wouldn't mind sacking out. Five late nights on the Jenson court martial is catching up on me."

He nodded and brought the things to her when she came from the bathroom. "If you need anything else I'm just a yell of ‘hey’ dipshit’ away, okay?"

"Thanks, yeah," she smiled.

They exchanged good nights and once alone she reached up to turn off the light, it's soft glow catching the ring from Mic Brumby. She closed her fingers over it, and slid it off, staring at it intently.

"Mac, is the one blanket going..."

Harm's voice startled her and she nearly dropped the ring.

"Excuse me," he said quietly. "Just going to ask if you thought one blanket was enough, but I feel like you're making a life changing action here and I'll give you some privacy."

"I'm taking it off, Harm, not moving it," she answered. "No privacy needed for me to put it in my purse."

"Can I ask why--tell me to mind my own business if you want," Harm looked at her closely.

"Somehow this ring and what you and I are going to do starting tomorrow, just don't seem to belong together," she replied, her voice as quiet as his. "When I wear this ring it's like I'm a different person, and tomorrow when I'm with you, undertaking this mission, that's not the person I want to be."

He frowned and shook his head, not understanding.

"Think of it like this," she gave a small smile. "When I wear the ring I'm Mic Brumby's...well not fiancé, but the woman he'd like to marry--as well as your partner. But for what we have to do, I want to be only your partner, and your best friend. When it's over, well then we'll see. Is that making sense?"

"It is," he nodded solemnly, understanding that she wanted to focus on the task before them and not the ring which nagged at her to make a decision that would affect the rest of her life no matter which way she chose. "And I'm flattered that something like this that's so personal to me means so much to you."

"It did the first time we went," she reminded him. "No reason it would be different now. Plus, it's not just your father - we're bringing home others as well."

He nodded again, his understanding complete. "Good night, ninja-girl."

"I'll take that other blanket," she called, looking away so that he would not see the tears in her eyes at his use of that name, the first and only time since that long ago night when she sat in that spot and mourned the supposed death of Clayton Webb.

"Top shelf, closet," he yelled without turning around, afraid his expression would likewise give away his thoughts.

Sometime later, Mac awakened. She lay still for a moment on the couch, staring out the window. Their impending storm from the day had finally arrived and it was raining hard, the wind lashing it against the pane. Lightning flashed and close on its heel was a horrendous roll of thunder. She shivered slightly even though she was wrapped in two blankets. She never slept well when it stormed out. Slowly, she shifted to a sitting position, still staring out the window. Then she turned her head and looked in the opposite direction.

Almost hesitantly, Mac rose to her feet and went into the bedroom. Blanket wrapped around her like a shield, she very gingerly lowered herself to sit on the bed near Harm’s feet. He was on his side, facing her, the blankets around his bare shoulders. Without warning his eyes opened and he looked at her in the dimness, his gaze a mixture of sleep and a question.

quot;I just wanted to be close.quot;

The words came so softly from Mac that she almost didn’t hear herself say them. Harm studied her for a moment then without a word, he shifted backward and lifted the covers for her. Mac let her own blanket fall to the bed and she moved up to him, curling on her side into the spot where he’d been laying. Harm dropped the covers and wrapped his arms around her tightly, needing the comfort of her closeness. Sighing, Mac rolled over so they were facing each other instead and lifted her face, tucking it into the warm curve of his throat. By degrees, her senses tuned into the large hands caressing her back with long, smooth strokes. The gentle thud of his heart against her breast, the feel of powerful muscles under her fingers and against her side. Listening to his even breathing, Mac felt her eyelids droop. She knew they both needed to rest but she didn’t want to go back to sleep just yet. She wanted to savor this quiet time with him. Without words or fears. Just the two of them and the electricity snapping in the air around them.

Harm held Mac close, content with not talking. It felt good just to be close to her. He knew by the changes in her breathing that she was drifting off to sleep – even though she seemed to be fighting it. He sighed deeply and rubbed his cheek against her silky hair, a warm feeling in his chest that she was so comfortable with him.

quot;Stay with me, Mac. Don’t ever leave me.quot;

Harm froze as he realized he’d whispered the secret words aloud. Mac opened her eyes for just an instant, not daring to raise her head and look at him. The words were spoken in a sleepy mumble so she wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or awake. Still, the words struck a cord in her. She simply sighed and snuggled closer to him, her hands pressed against the hard wall of his chest. Harm steadied his breathing and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. Something was stealing into his heart, binding him to her. Serenity he’d never felt at any other time in his life – or with any another woman. Sighing, he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted to feel. Just wanted to relish the feel of her. Tomorrow would be upon them soon enough and with it, their task at hand.

quot;This is the final boarding call for Flight 1426 leaving Washington DC with service to New York City and continuing on to Moscow. All passengers..."

quot;Last chance to change your mind.quot;

Since they were seated in first class, they were the first to board and had sat through a seemingly endless wait while the rest of the full plane boarded and settled in.

Harm glanced sideways at Mac and smiled gently. quot;I don’t think I was given another option.quot;

Mac met his gaze steadily. quot;We’ll be fine,quot; she promised, reaching out to cover his hand with hers.

Harm turned his fingers to enclose her slender ones and squeezed gently. quot;Thank you for staying last night,quot; he murmured. quot;I really didn’t want to be alone. I just didn’t know how to ask.quot;

quot;Isn’t that part of what makes up best friends?quot; she questioned gently. quot;That we don’t have to ask?quot;

quot;I feel guilty,quot; he confessed, his voice low with underlying pain.

Mac’s eyes widened slightly. quot;What on earth for?quot;

quot;I’m a man. I guess I feel like I should be able to handle all this without batting an eye. It’s just that…quot; his voice trailed off and his lifted the shoulder farthest from her in a shrug.

quot;It’s just that this came completely out of the blue. I was with you in Russia, Harm. I saw you write the end to that chapter of your life and close the book. You never looked back as we were leaving,quot; she reminded him.

{No, I looked back at the Sydney airport at you and Mic} The thought popped into his mind unbidden and he instantly shoved it away. quot;That’s just it – I thought all this was firmly in the past for good this time and now…quot; he broke off again. quot;Now, we’re right back in the middle of it. Mac,quot; his hand tightened almost painfully around hers. quot;I don’t know if I can…quot;

She looked at him tenderly. quot;…can do it all over again?quot; she finished for him. quot;Then it’s lucky for you I came along for the ride, isn’t it?quot; she asked, injecting just the right touch of sass to lift one corner of his mouth in a smile. Her eyes took in his every feature. quot;I won’t tell anyone the big, tough, Tomcat pilot is afraid of facing the past,quot; she told him in a pseudo whisper. quot;Don’t be afraid, Harm. You’re not facing this alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’re getting the chance to bring him home with us now. This time we’ll close the book together once and for all.quot;

"Thank you," Harm sighed. "Thank you from the bottom of my heart and more than I can say; except that I have the feeling I'll be saying that a lot this trip. And you're right, this Tomcat pilot is very afraid and I'm not even sure why. Maybe because it's opening up an old wound that as you said had closed and healed." He took a deep breath and meshed his fingers tightly with hers. "Or maybe I'm afraid of where we were last night and where it could go."

She nodded soberly. "I understand. It took a lot of guts for me to come to you last night; and a lot for you to invite me in."

"I know," he sighed. "I know on both accounts. What I don't want is for us to back off that now."

"I'm here," she said simply. "I've always been here. And we've opened our hearts to each other before, just never at the same time. Maybe that's changing now."

"Hope so," he said softly, sensing that the conversation had proceeded as far as it needed to for the moment and glad the safety announcements had begun as the aircraft pushed back from the gate.

The flight took its place on the runway and a few moments later power surged as it began its takeoff. It was then that she was seized by an uncontrollable trembling, her hand convulsing violently in his.

"My God, Mac, are you sick?" he looked around frantically as if searching for help.

"I've.... I've somewhere acquired.... a flying phobia," she managed to get out between chattering teeth. "And it's getting worse."

As the aircraft attained take off velocity her face turned deathly white and she bit down on her knuckle. Harm swiftly put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her as close to him as the seatbelt would allow.

"It's all right. I've got you."

She continued to tremble until the flight leveled off and the engine noise abated. "I'm pretty much okay once we're at flight level," she explained, straightening up slowly.

"Okay, now since when have you been afraid to fly?" he demanded. "And more to the point - why did you accept this assignment?"

"Harm, come on now," she scoffed. "I'm not going to tell the Admiral that I freak out when I fly and that I'll have to have cases only in and around Washington. He'd have me removed from my position and assigned mail room duty."

"So when then?" Harm persisted. "And its getting worse you say?"

"It's not important," she tried, looking away from him.

"It is to me," he countered, bringing her head back to look at him, his piercing blue eyes meeting hers and he took on the look he usually got when cross examining. "Spill it Colonel."

"Okay, here it is," she answered, some of her normal defiance returning. "The first night I knew you were on the Henry, remember you sent me an email saying you'd gotten there and you were about to do your first mission. That night I had a horrible dream of you crashing. I woke up screaming and drenched and it wasn't just sweat. Now that was the only time I had that dream but ever since then it's been a little harder each time I've had to fly. But in all honesty I've never reacted like this and I don't mind telling you I'm a little scared here. We have to land and take off again in New York and the same in Moscow and so on. Harm, what if I really can't manage it? I guess what I'm saying here is that I need your help. Maybe you're going to have to sock me in the jaw or something."

"Yeah, that's gonna happen," Harm shook his head in exasperation even though he knew she was not serious. "So, Dr. Freud, how do you interpret your dream, especially since you had it that particular night? And how does it relate to your flying problem?"

She hung her head and when she did speak it was in a mumbled monotone. "You know your leaving tore me apart. I was afraid I had lost you forever; and then when I had concrete proof--your email--that you were actually flying combat, well I was sure I had or rather soon would. Hence the dream."

"I would have come back to you, hell or high water, one way or another," Harm smiled tenderly. "I'm not going to leave you again, and I'll make sure you get through these takeoffs and landings. You just lean on me." With that he closed his arm even more tightly around her, his hand urging her head down onto his shoulder.

She gave a long sigh, hoping within her heart that she could count on his word not to leave again, and relaxed against him, now only slightly dreading the landing at Kennedy.

They didn’t talk too much until it was time to takeoff from New York. They boarded first, waited until the plane filled for the long flight and then readied for the plane’s taxi down the runway. Mac’s shaking began in earnest. The cabin lights were turned off and the midmorning sun streamed in the windows, lighting a gentle streak over Mac’s face. Over the console between their chairs, Harm encircled her slender body and held her tight. She shook uncontrollably and clutched the front of his uniform, her hands curled into tight fists.

quot;Shh,quot; he murmured soothingly in her ear, his warm breath ruffling the hair at her temple.

A shiver of awareness streaked through Mac but it wasn’t enough to override the unmanageable fear in her. She lifted her head slightly, bringing her cheek to rest against his jaw. Harm tightened his grip, his increasing concern for her overshadowed only by the way her nearness was affecting him. There had to be something he could do to quiet her. Very slowly, he pulled his head back until their eyes met. Mac met his gaze wordlessly. Almost hesitantly, he lifted one hand to her flushed cheek. Mac closed her eyes and nestled her cheek to his palm, the movement almost unnoticeable. Harm’s hand slid backward into her hair, cradling her head. Mac’s eyes opened again and studied his face.

Then he was kissing her. The first touch of their lips sent a flash of heat through Harm unlike anything he’d ever experienced. Tilting his head slightly, he increased the pressure against her mouth and felt her open for him, allowing him entrance to the dark recesses of her mouth. His tongue slid inside, skimming over hers, drinking deeply from her mouth. Mac lifted her arms and slid them around his shoulders, bringing her closer to him. Harm leaned forward, his arm sliding down across her back, arching her close.

Mac’s senses came to life as his hard mouth molded to her soft one. It had been so long since she’d felt honest desire from a man and her defenses were down were this particular man was concerned. Her fingers kneaded the hard muscles across the back of his shoulders as he gathered her closer. Then Harm lifted his head, breaking the kiss as fast as he’d initiated it.

Mac’s eyes were wide. quot;Why did you kiss me?quot; she whispered tremulously.

His eyes were intent on hers. quot;Just seemed like the thing to do.quot;

She searched his gaze. quot;It worked.quot;

And suddenly Harm realized it was true – she wasn’t shaking anymore. He smiled a small, mysterious smile that thrilled her to her toes. quot;I’m glad.quot;

The black limousine Webb arranged for picked up Mac and Harm at the airport and delivered them to the outside of the hotel and a bell man stepped forward to assist them out. The 13-hour trip from New York had all but wiped them both out. Their luggage was loaded onto a cart and taken in to the registration desk where the bell man waited patiently for them. Mac stepped up the counter first and smiled at the clerk. She addressed the young man in Russian and he smiled delightedly and responded to her perfectly accented words. Within moments, Mac had them checked in and they were on their way upstairs.

While their luggage was put into their rooms, the pair stood in the hall looking at each other.

quot;Goodnight, Mac. If you need anything I’m just next door,quot; Harm stated quietly, touching her hand.

quot;Goodnight, Harm. Try and get some rest,quot; she ordered gently.

With a huge sigh, Mac went in and sat down on the edge of the queen size bed, slipping off her shoes. She was so tired that wasn’t sure she could even lie down and go to sleep. Maybe a hot bath would help. She gathered her things from her suitcase and went into the spacious bathroom, piling everything on the counter. She found several bottles of girlie things on the counter and picked out a jasmine scented bubble bath. Starting the water running in the bathtub, she poured a generous amount beneath the flow and the room was instantly filled with the scent.

Back out into the main room she spotted an elaborately wrapped basket of goodies on the dresser. Pulling off the ribbon and cellophane, she found assorted Russian chocolates, truffles, mints and some fresh fruits. The junkie in her couldn’t resist the small box of chocolate truffles. Taking the box back with her, she quickly undressed and slipped into the bath, sliding down until the bubbles were up to her chin. She nibbled away at the chocolates and forced her mind to shut down. She didn’t want to think about why they were here or about what happened the last time. This place held bad memories for both of them - of the crash, their trek through the wilds to escape Sokol and his men. Her thoughts drifted to her partner. This was going to be hardest of all on him. It seemed like no matter how hard he tried to put his memories of his father to rest, there was always something waiting right around the corner to stir it all up again.

It was just after midnight - and Mac was pacing the floor of her hotel room, too keyed up to sleep. She’d hoped the bath would relax her but her mind was just spinning too fast to let her sleep. She jumped a foot when a knock sounded the door between her room and Harm’s.

Harm stuck his head around the door and grinned wearily at her. quot;Can’t sleep?quot; he teased softly?

quot;Can we lay on the couch for awhile and find something to watch on the tube? I’m tired of tossing and turning,quot; he muttered.

Mac sighed. quot;I’d love to. I’m tired but I can’t relax enough to settle down,quot; she admitted softly.

Gathering pillows and blankets, Harm made himself comfortable on the couch in his room while Mac clicked on the television. She turned toward him and raised a brow questioningly.

Harm pulled her down on top of him.

quot;Harm!quot; she yelped. quot;What are you doing?quot;

quot;Relax, Mac. I just want you to lie here with me. Now hush. John Wayne’s on.quot;

Mac woke sometime later to a dark room. Moonlight from the partially open curtains cast a soft glow on them. The television was off but she didn’t remember how it got that way or of falling asleep. She was lying on top of Harm, tangled in the blankets with him, his arms anchoring her close. She closed her eyes again and relaxed. The events of the past two days had taken a toll on both of them. It seemed like an eternity now since Harm’s visit to the Admiral’s office to hear about his father.

Her thoughts shifted away to their relationship. Lying here with him like this…. It felt so right and she wished with all her heart they could go on like this. There was so much she wanted to say to him. So much she always wanted to say to him but there just never seemed to be a right time or place. And since they worked together… well, that pretty much hindered them. It was a risk Mac wasn’t willing to take. She could lose him forever by letting things go beyond friendship between them. Sighing softly, she shifted gingerly, trying not to wake him. The instant she pushed herself up, Harm awoke with a start, his arms tightening around her.

quot;Where are you going?quot;

Mac found his eyes in the darkness and touched his cheek. quot;We fell asleep. I was going to go back to my room.quot;

quot;No need to. Go back to sleep,quot; he murmured, his voice husky from sleep.

quot;You’ll get a kink in your back sleeping on this couch and then you’ll blame me when you can’t sleep for the next week,quot; she teased softly, shifting just a bit and ignoring the way he felt beneath her.

quot;No problem,quot; he mumbled.

Before Mac realized what he was doing, he rose from the couch, holding her and all the bedclothes in his arms. He stumbled - still half asleep - to the bed and settled them both down without ever missing a beat. For an instant Mac could only lie there – too surprised to move. He transferred them both so effortlessly it was as if he’d been doing it forever. Just picked her up and their blankets and moved to the bed liked they’d been going to bed together forever. Harm hugged he closer, shifting slightly to arrange his longer legs around her smaller ones and drawing her face into the curve of his neck.

quot;Go back t’sleep,quot; he ordered, his words slurred by the exhaustion that was already claiming him back into its depths.

Deciding she was right where she wanted to be anyway, Mac closed her eyes and did just as he said – for once. Besides, she could get used to this.

Mac sat up groggily the next morning and rubbed her eyes, trying to ignore the pounding in her head signaling she was in caffeine withdrawal. The doors connecting her room to Harm's were open and she could hear his shower water running.

"Okay, Russia-Harm's dad-Webb," she said aloud, counseling herself on where she was and why. At the same time she heard the shower shut off and Harm's singing continue.

His melodious voice reached her easily, an old country song she recognized from her dad's eight-track collection.

"Come live with me and be my love, share my bread and wine, be life to me, be wife to me, be mine."

There was some more that was unintelligible as if muffled by a towel and then another line. "I'll carve the wood for a baby bed."

Abruptly the singing stopped. "You awake in there?" he called, "Breakfast is on it's way up. Toast and grapefruit for me, the lumberjack special for you."

quot;Cute, Rabb," she shouted back, her mind still going over the lyrics he had been singing. "Yes I'm up, thanks."

"Are you decent then?" his voice was quieter and closer.

"No, Harm," she returned. "Webb is in here with me and we're making passionate love."

"Now there's a mental picture I didn't need before coffee," he retorted, coming through the connecting doors. He was drying his hair from a towel draped around his neck and wrapped in a white terry robe.

"I thought you'd be up at 0500 running a few kilometers through the streets," he teased and then looked more closely at her. "You okay? You look dazed or hung over and I know better than that." He sat on the edge of the bed and put his palm along her cheek.

"I'm fine I guess," she frowned. "I'm not sure I slept well and I had the strangest dream that I was watching TV with you on the couch and then I was in your bed and now I'm in my bed. I feel like I've been moving around all night."

"Well, those things happen," Harm said briskly, not sure he should detail how they slept in the same bed and that he had moved her to her own before she could waken. "Now up and brush your teeth and we'll get to that breakfast."

"You know, no one likes a smartass in the morning," Mac sighed, covering his hand with hers and then to his amazement she turned her head and placed a small kiss in his palm.

"Now what was that for?" he asked quizzically.

She opened her mouth to answer and then closed it again. "Figure it out," she smiled after a beat. "Now get out of here so I can get dressed."

"You look okay to me," he grinned and she followed his gaze down to where the sheet had fallen away and only a light gown covered her breasts.

"OUT!" she screeched. "Do I have to get my weapon?"

"Going," he gave her that maddening grin again. "But move it, Marine, breakfast is on the way up."

He left her sitting in a pile of bedclothes, returning to his room. It was possible to almost forget the grim task for which they had returned to this country he thought with the easy camaraderie that was currently between them and for not the first time he wished for times past when that was always the case. But there was also something else, a gentle stirring to indicate that something more was again brewing between them. An intangible place which they had almost reached several times in the past and then backed away from he thought and he felt a new bond forming between them.

The phone rang in the middle of the meal and Harm answered it, only be greeted by a long stream of Russian. "Ri.....Sir....Ple....." he attempted to slow down the tirade. "It's for you," he said dryly. "I tried to listen for my name and I don't think I even got that."

Harm listened admiringly to her fluency in the language and shook his head in amazement when she hung up. "I had four years of Spanish between high school and the Academy and I can't even ask for the men's room in a Mexican restaurant," he marveled. "Was that someone asking you out or does it concern me, too."

"What did I tell you about being a smartass in the morning?" she laughed, flipping a grape at him and then turning serious almost at once. "No, it was our contact, Petrov. There's a weather front moving in and the chopper we were supposed to be able to use to fly to meet the train carrying the remains has been grounded; but Petrov has arranged for a four-wheel drive to get us there. But what was going to be an hour by chopper is now a three-hour drive each way. Better dress warm and we need to ask the kitchen to pack us food. Apparently there's no McDonalds on that road. Go figure."

Harm nodded slowly, staring at her for a long time before voicing his thought. "Mac, maybe you should..."

Her steely gaze fell on him and cut off his words. "Commander, I know you weren't just about to suggest I stay here," she glared further.

"Not at all," he shook his head, realizing how useless it would be to request that she stay behind and trying to ignore that small nagging voice in his head. The one that often told him as a pilot and then later as a lawyer that what was about to happen was not going to be pleasant.

"You bet ‘not at all’," she retorted. "There's no way I'd let you take off from here and then worry whether I'd ever see your ugly six again when I..."

Her voice trailed off, realizing she was about to come close to revealing something about her feelings, for she too had felt the same inner stirring as he. They were not the same two people as they were before. "Oh, uh.... never mind. Excuse me, I'm going to get dressed," she stammered, fleeing his room.

For the past hour - about as long as they had been off the main highway and onto the small road leading to the train depot outside Bartoff - Harm's conversational efforts had been decreasing until finally he was not making any vocal offerings at all. Instead he stared out the window at the whiteness. Snow was gently falling and sticking to the trees, making the trees around them look like something from White Christmas.

"When we left DC the daffodils were blooming," Mac sighed, pulling her coat around her as the small vehicle's heater tried valiantly to keep up with the dropping outside temperatures and the wind's increasing velocity.

Harm nodded absently and she heard him sigh for at least the tenth time.

"Brooding doesn't help," she offered lightly. "And looking at the back of your head is getting old. It's not your best feature."

"Oh, I'm way past brooding and well on my way to funk," he grumbled. "And remember I wanted you to stay back in nice warm Moscow but you wouldn't so now you can live with my mood and my head."

"Listen, Commander," she began a sharp reply and then remembered exactly what they were on their way to do. "Okay, funk away," she said softly.

"Hey, I'm sorry." He was immediately contrite. "That was out of line and you didn't deserve that."

Now it was her head turned to the window and she felt a tear behind each eye that she did not want; but his words had stung.

"Yes, it was and, no, I don't," she finally answered and turned back to him, meeting his anxious stare. "But it's okay. You didn't deserve what happened to you either and neither did your Dad."

"Thank you," he said gratefully and closed his gloved hand over her mittened one. "This is all bad enough. To have you upset with me would be too much. I need you too...."

His words were cut off by an enormous bang, like a rifle shot and each automatically began to reach for the sidearm they wore. But a second later the small car jerked crazily, skidding on the snow covered road.

"Blowout," Harm was the first to realize and instinctively reached for Mac, trying to pull her towards him and the interior of the car.

They had been traveling at 60 MPH and the blowout coupled with the slick roadways made controlling the car no more possible than controlling a bull out of a chute at the rodeo. It made several 360 degree spins, still traveling full speed before finally spinning from the road and crashing with deafening crunch of metal against wood. At some point he heard the sickening sound of her head being impacted against the window glass followed immediately by a sharp cry of pain. He screamed her name in alarm and again attempted to reach for her, this time succeeding as the car stopped moving.

"Mac, you all right?" he asked anxiously at once, trying to see where she had been hurt, holding her head gently in his hands. The fingers in her dark hair were suddenly sticky with blood and he drew them back, staring at them in muted horror.

"I'm okay -- I'm okay," she nodded, immediately regretting doing that as his image blurred before him. Her hands went out to grasp the sides of his head, blinking her eyes rapidly. "We hit something? Oh, God, are you okay?"

"Better than you right now I'd say," he returned, looking with horror at the blood on his fingers and then took a calming breath. "You stay still right here while I see what's happened and check on the driver. Then I'll come around for you."

She was only too glad to lean her head back against the seat, fighting the pain and dizziness. Harm opened his door and stepped out, almost stepping on the crumpled form of the driver at his feet. He had somehow been ejected from the car, but not before his head had passed through the windshield and back in again, all but decapitating him. He gave a small shudder at the sight and then hurried to Mac.

"Driver?" she asked at once as he opened the door.

"No," Harm shook his head, not wanting to tell her the exact circumstance of his death. He carefully took her head in his hands again, parting the hair to get a better look at her gash. "It doesn't look too bad," he decided with relief, pulling a cloth napkin from their food sack and after dipping it into the snow, cleaned the cut as best he could. "Okay, it's deep but not real long," he said, bringing up her hand to press the cloth against the cut and helping her from the car, holding her tightly to be sure she was steady on her feet.

"Exactly what are we going to do?" she asked, gripping his arm tightly.

"I haven't seen another car since we turned off the highway."

"I know," he said quietly. "I don't see any other choice but to keep walking the way we were going and hope someone comes along. If we stay here we'll surely freeze to death. How much farther can it be to the rail station, we've been on this road for days."

She laughed at his sarcasm and he gave her a quick hug, at the same time looking back over her shoulder toward where the driver lay. "Stay here," he ordered. "I'm going to get the extra coat. We may be glad for it before our walk is over." She started to follow him and he glared sharply at her, not wanting her to see the body. "Do you have a hearing problem as well as a probable concussion there?" he demanded. "You don't need to see this, I'm telling you."

"You're right," she admitted quietly. "I don't need any more fodder for nightmares."

He frowned, not liking to hear her talk of problems like that and made a mental note to ask her if he could help her. Then he leaned her back against the car, making one last check of her head before hurrying to the road where the driver lay. Trying not to look himself and pushing away thoughts of desecrating the dead, he slipped the coat from him, intending to insist she put the large garment on over hers.

"Mac, put this on, it will help you stay warm as we walk," he was saying as he reached in for the food sack and then walked around the back of the car for her.

Only silence answered him and he looked up in horror, seeing her slumped down against the rear tire, unconscious.

quot;Mac!quot;

Harm went back to her and dropped to his knees in the snow at her side. The only sound in the still air was her labored breathing. Harm gingerly eased her forward, holding her securely against him. He looked around at the nothingness they were faced with. The road they were on went somewhere and they couldn’t just stay here in the freezing snow. Harm rose to his feet and bent to carefully lift her over his shoulder. He hated to have to carry her this way but it was easier for him to move. It was best that she was unconscious. It would be easier.

Taking several deep, slow breaths, Harm marshaled all of his strength. This was far from over. Tightening his arm around Mac’s slender legs, he started down the road, hoping it would lead them somewhere before he gave out right along with his partner.

The blizzard was growing worse. Harm concentrated on the ground in front of him, forcing himself to keep going. For such a little thing, Mac’s dead weight grew heavier and heavier with each mile. They were so close there was no way he could stop to rest now. He was afraid if he did he’d never get back up again. The wind howled ferociously and made it hard for him to keep his balance. He felt drained but he kept going, weaving slightly. He was so cold and the wind cut right though him, making his eyes water. He held onto Mac with both hands now, trying to keep her from shifting around too much. Several more feet and the outline of a building came into his view. Harm had never been happier to see a place in his life. Mac had been drifting in and out of consciousness and he was worried that she may be in shock from the concussion. There were only four buildings and the train tracks. The train depot was small and run down – like something out of old west movie. And it appeared to be deserted. Harm stumbled up on the wood plank sidewalk and into the depot.

quot;Hello? Is anyone here? Hello!quot; he called to the empty room.

A bell tinkled behind him and Harm whirled, hanging onto Mac. A tall, slightly stooped man with a bushy white mustache and glasses perched on the bridge of his nose came out.

quot;Welcome, welcome!quot; he called but his smile quickly faded to a frown when he saw Harm carrying Mac over his shoulder. quot;Who are you?quot; he demanded suspiciously, his thick accent wrapping around the words.

quot;Commander Harmon Rabb, United States Navy. We were supposed to meet the train here to take possession of some American POWs…quot; Harm began.

quot;Oh, yes, yes, I remember now. Where is your driver? And Mr. Petrov?quot;

quot;Petrov isn’t with us and we had a blowout back on the road. The driver is dead and my partner is injured…quot; Harm began again.

quot;Oh, my, you poor dears! Anton, you stand there like an old tree! Can you not see they are freezing?quot;

Harm turned to look as a small, silver-haired woman bustled out from behind the tall man and charged toward he and Mac. She took his free arm and pulled him in the direction shed just come from.

quot;In here. There’s a place you can lay her down and we’ll see how she is. Anton, pay attention, old man! Bring hot coffee and food,quot; she snapped as she led Harm into a back room.

A cot rested along the far wall to the left and to the right was a wood burning stove that had the room warm and inviting. It was drab with very little in the way of furnishings but it was a welcome sight to Harm. Carefully, he lowered Mac to the cot and began tugging off her winter gear.

quot;My name is Lina and my husband, Anton,quot; she introduced as she gathered a pillow and several blankets from a nearby closet. She helped Harm cover Mac and then touched his arm. quot;Sit down, Commander Rabb, and rest. You will be no good to her if you do not,quot; she pointed out gently.

Harm started to protest and then looked down at Mac. Then he looked back to Lina. quot;You’re right. Thank you,quot; he murmured.

quot;You are most welcome.quot;

Harm dropped into a chair at the foot of the cot and began pulling off his boots, suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever before. Lina left and came back with a small bowel of water and a rag and Anton came in with coffee, slices of cheese and chunks of fresh bread on a tray. He placed it on a stool next to Harm and smiled.

quot;Forgive me my manners when you came in. We are – how you say – see few strangers. We were expecting Petrov,quot; Anton explained.

quot;We thought he would be with us but there was a change in plans. The storm grounded us and we had to come by car,quot; Harm explained as he ate, relishing the taste of the simple fare.

quot;The storm has changed all plans,quot; Lina put in as she cleaned the cut on Mac’s head and applied a bandage. quot;The train is delayed. You need rest, Commander, both of you do. I’m sorry,quot; she fretted. quot;I do not have another bed…quot;

Harm stopped her with a raised hand. quot;You’ve already done plenty, ma’am. I’m a soldier, I can sleep standing up if I have to,quot; he grinned.

Lina’s weathered face broke into a warm smile. quot;You will not have to go that far, Commander,quot; she stated. quot;We have a pallet you will use.quot;

Several minutes later, Anton stoked the fire once more and then he and Lina left Harm and Mac to sleep. Harm knelt beside the cot for a moment and trailed one finger down Mac’s cheek.

quot;Rest now, Sarah,quot; he whispered then bent and pressed his lips to the corner of her eyes, feeling the silky brush of her lashes.

Sighing, he moved to the pallet and settled himself down, pulling the blanket partway up. Outside he could hear the wind howling and the snow and ice pelting the sides of the small building. It sounded like it would never let up. But there was time enough to worry about that later. Right now he wanted to sleep while Mac was.

"Harm—Harm!" Mac's voice, at an earsplitting pitch, penetrated the semi-darkness of the room about three hours later. "Look out—Harm!"

Harm was on his feet at once, scrambling to her side. "Mac, I'm here, I'm here now. You're dreaming." Relief that she was conscious mingled with concern for her well being and he smoothed her hair back from her damp face; then reached for the wet cloth Lina had earlier used. "It's okay, honey," he said soothingly, using the endearment without thinking, as he wiped her face tenderly.

"Harm, we crashed..." she gasped as she became fully awake, and put her hands to her temples, her face contorting with pain.

"Yes, we did," he nodded, swallowing hard with his concern. "But, we're okay. You hurt your head and passed out on me, scaring me to death I might add. You've been kind of in and out since." He took her hands from her head and pressed them together between his. "How do you feel? Much pain?"

"It hurts a little," she admitted and he knew that if she confessed to any pain, it must be considerable.

Dimly he was aware of Lina hovering behind him, having been awakened by her outburst. "This is Lina and she and Anton have kindly put us up for the night."

"Hello, Sarah," Lina smiled. "I have put some herbal tea on to steep for you. It will make you feel better, help with your pain."

Harm gave her a grateful smile and turned his attention back to Mac. "Like I said, you gave me a good scare."

Mac's hands trembled in his and he squeezed harder. "But you're going to be okay and we're safe here, warm and dry, until the storm lets up and we can get on with what we came for."

"Okay. I don't remember much since the car. Except you...you carried me?"

"Yes, I did," he nodded. "And believe me, you weigh more than you look."

"Do not," she pouted. "But thanks."

"Yeah," he grinned and brought her hands to his lips for a soft kiss on the knuckles.

"Harm, I..." she began and stopped, squinting her eyes again. "We need to talk."

"We do and we will," he agreed. "We will take some time and sort out what's happened to us since this trip started. But right now we need to make sure you're okay most importantly and then to complete the mission. After that, well there will be plenty of time. I don't think either of us is going anywhere and I'm ready to look..."

"Excuse me," Lina interrupted. "Here you are. Take care. It's very warm." She waited while Harm moved Mac into a sitting position, propping the pillow against the wall for her back and then handed him the cup.

Harm blew on the pungent liquid and the pressed the cup to her lips. She took several deep sips.

"Drink it all," Lina urged. "Good night."

"Thank you," Harm smiled before she disappeared behind the curtain dividing the rooms.

"Tastes good," Mac sighed as she finished the tea.

"Try to get some more rest," Harm begged, brushing her cheek with his knuckles.

She nodded and he helped her to lie back down.

"Something was in that tea," she murmured. "I feel like I'm floating and the pain is going away."

"Shh, sleep," he smiled, tucking the blanket over her and placing a small kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Like that," she murmured again, her hand waving in the air in search of him. "Like it a lot." Her words were slurred as the herbs in the tea had their way with her.

The first thing he was aware of was the quiet. The wind had stopped and he could sense that the snow no longer swirled violently outside the depot's thin walls. The second thing was that he was not alone on the pallet of quilts. At some point during the night Mac had crawled in with him, and was now sleeping securely wrapped in his arms.

Now she stirred and opened her eyes, sensing his wakefulness. "Good morning. Bet this seems funny to you."

"Bet you're right," he smiled and moved his head to kiss her forehead. "But I'm not complaining. One of my most frequent fantasies is to wake up with a beautiful woman in my arms and not remember how she got there. Now how's your head?"

"Much better, I think," she nodded. "The rest, the tea, or...." she looked into his eyes. "Maybe the TLC."

"Good morning," Lina's soft accented voice cut short their conversation. "Breakfast will be ready quickly. The storm is over and the train will be along later. Join us at the table for coffee and oatmeal."

Harm pushed himself to his feet and brought Mac up with him, guiding her to the table and keeping a close eye on her steadiness; relieved to see that she was able to maneuver.

"I am glad to see our guests are well," Anton spoke to his wife.

She said something to him in Russian and Mac blushed brightly. Lina took immediate notice and realized she spoke the language. With that discovery, Lina spoke to her in rapid Russian, and Mac, still blushing, answered her.

"Just listening for my name," Harm grinned finally.

An hour later they were standing on the platform of the depot, awaiting the train.

"You're not going to tell me what you and Lina were talking about are you?" he asked, a soft smile crinkling his eyes.

"Men," she answered, smiling as well. "And how Anton and she grew up in the same village near Minsk and spent many years denying how they felt until a visitor came to their town and wanted her."

"I see," he said slowly. "His name wasn't Mic Brumby, was it?"

She punched his arm and would have again had the train whistle not caught their attention.

He gave a sharp gasp, brought back to reality by what would be aboard.

"I'm here," she said simply, threading her fingers to his.

With its brakes screeching against the tracks and throwing up sparks, the train pulled up to the depot. A few minutes later a tall Russian Army officer stepped from the largest car.

"Commander Rabb, Colonel Mackenzie? I am Major Chortov. This way, please."

Mac stepped forward, giving Harm's hand a surreptitious tug and then releasing it. They followed Chortov into the darkened rail car and found six caskets, each covered with an American flag.

The two Americans stood in reverent silence for a long minute, feeling the urge to salute and refraining since they were out of uniform.

Chortov walked in front of the remains and began to point to the caskets. "Major Todd Williams, Captain Peter Russell, Lieutenant Commander Davis Christianson, Ensign Paul Landry, and..." He paused and gave Harm a look of sympathy. "Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb."

A small shudder passed through Harm and his hand found Mac's again. At this point he did not care if the Russian thought it odd. He took a step forward and rested his free hand on the end of the casket, reaching beneath the flag to touch the burnished finish with his fingertips.

"Dad," he said quietly. "I've come to bring you home."

Mac gave his hand a squeeze and he squeezed back in appreciation. "Thank you for being here," he whispered, his voice choking.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she whispered back.

"I have been in touch with Petrov," Chortov spoke finally. "He will meet the train in Moscow as planned.''

Harm nodded his understanding and mutely sank into a nearby chair, pulling Mac down into the chair next to him.

"I will leave you alone," Chortov told them. "If you need anything I will be forward. Please join me for a drink soon. It is a long ride to Moscow."

Harm gave him a dazed nod and Mac mouthed a thank you and then they were alone with each other and their thoughts. Neither spoke for several minutes as the train lurched forward and picked up speed, resuming its journey.

"Harm, why don't I let you have some time...."

"No!" his voice was so adamant she was momentarily startled.

"Please, don't," he added quickly. "Alone is the last thing I want to be right now."

"Okay," she answered simply and leaned to one side, resting her shoulder against his. After a few minutes he lifted his arm and put it across her shoulders, urging her head down to the crook of his neck. No words were necessary.

An hour passed and she moved against him. "I need the little Marine's room," she smiled. "And I'll bring us some coffee."

"Yeah, okay," he nodded, rousing himself from his thoughts. "You want me to walk with you? Is your head okay? Are you okay?"

"No, stay," she shook her head. "I'm going to find some aspirin with that coffee, but really I'm all right."

She stood up and lightly touched her fingertips to his hair as she left him.

She had been gone about ten minutes when, with a long sigh he stood as well, stretching away stiffness as he ran his hand along his father's casket.

"I wish... I wish... well, I wish a lot of things, Dad," he said softly. "I wish you could have been there when I graduated high school and then the Academy and then flight school. There's been so much over the years that I wanted to share with you. Now, Dad, there's someone I wish you could know. A woman - a Marine of all things. She's come all this way with me to bring you home and well… she's a special kind of person."

"She thinks you're pretty special, too," Mac spoke from the doorway and her presence made him jump. She set the tray down and walked to him, running her hand down his back.

He turned to her and looked like he was going to say something but shook his head instead. She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently.

quot;What is it?quot; she asked quietly.

quot;I don’t like this,quot; he whispered, agonized. quot;I don’t like feeling so out of control. I thought this was in the past. I thought I dealt with what I needed to with my Dad. And now all the pieces to the puzzle are on the floor again. How much more is going to take before I can put this to rest?quot; he demanded, his voice bordering between anger and sorrow.

Mac knew there was nothing she could truly say to ease the pain in his heart so she offered him the only comfort she could. Releasing his hand, Mac slid her arms around his neck, bending slightly since he was still seated. Harm wrapped his long arms around her hips and pressed his face into the soft warmth of her stomach. Mac felt shudders ripple through his broad form as he fought to contain his emotions. Bending a little more, she pressed her lips to the cool silk of his hair and closed her eyes, feeling tears rise to wet her lashes. She felt helpless because even as much as she loved him, soothing the pain he felt now was beyond even her power. And it angered her. After all he’d been through – every accomplishment, every dream, every triumph and loss – there was still this one demon waiting to beat him back down. To remind him that he was but a small piece in the larger puzzle.

Harm’s grip tightened around her and he shifted slightly, bringing her between his spread knees to get closer. She was his only anchor in an ever-shifting sea that left him no time to get his footing. And without her here now this trip would have been all the more painful to handle. Her touch and her guidance led him when nothing else could. It cut through the layers of self-pity and doubt and recriminations for all the things he wished he’d done and couldn’t do now. She was the lighthouse that shown him the way back time after time and he was more grateful than ever for her support now.

Harm and Mac stood together at the edge of the tarmac and waited as the flag-draped caskets were carried from the hold of the C-130 one at a time. Mac held Harm’s hand tightly, standing close to him in the coolness of the night air. His face was in shadows under the brim of his cover and the floodlights around the landing area weren’t enough to illuminate his expression. But she knew what was there without seeing it. Before they left the train to make their flight, Mac watched him shore up his defenses and gather himself in for what still lie ahead.

quot;I have to call my Mom,quot; he stated almost nonchalantly.

Mac simply squeezed his hand.

quot;She’s going to be so surprised. I mean, imagine me calling out of the blue to tell her I have Dad,quot; he continued conversationally.

quot;Harm…quot; Mac began.

quot;She’ll probably think I’m playing some kind of sick joke on her,quot; he went on as if Mac had never spoken.

quot;Harm!quot; she interrupted, yanking on his arm. quot;Stop it,quot; she ordered gently. quot;Don’t do this to yourself. What is it that you think you could have done? You didn’t know anything except what we were told before. That your Dad was buried somewhere in that valley. How could you have possibly known it would turn out to be a lie?quot; she demanded in a low voice. quot;Please, stop torturing yourself this way. It isn’t going to help you feel better.quot;

Something seemed to tear away inside of Harm then as he listened to her words and he felt what precious little was left of his control slip from his grasp. quot;How could you possibly know what’s best for me?quot; he snapped angrily. quot;This isn’t your father we’re talking about – it’s mine. And how could anyone even presume to know what I’m feeling? No one knows what I feel like. Know on knows what it feels like to be stuck in the middle of this Goddamn mess! Don’t patronize me – I’m sick of hearing platitudes about how I’ll move on!quot; And with those final words he turned on his heel and stalked away from her, his long legs eating up the distance with astonishing speed.

Mac stood for a moment, stunned by his verbal attack. Slowly, she forced herself to draw a slow, deep breath. Then she reminded herself that he was hurting right now and needed to lash out to whoever happened to be the closest. When he had time to rest and regain his footing he would calm down and then they could talk. Reluctantly, Mac forced her eyes away from the path he’d taken and turned back to the unloading. When the men were done she would have to call Webb and the Admiral to let them know she and Harm were back and then she could get some sleep herself.

Harm closed the door of his dark apartment behind him with a gentle click that might as well have been a rifle shot. Mechanically, he placed his cover on the coat rack and crossed the room to sit on the couch. In the darkness his hand found the phone and he dialed the number to his mother. The line rang once, twice – a third time as he wondered what was taking her so long.

quot;Hello?quot;

quot;Mom, it’s me.quot;

quot;Harm? Son, do you know what time it is? What’s… oh, Lord, is something wrong? Are you all right?quot;

quot;Mom…quot; he began with her name and then his voice cracked. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he swallowed hard and tried again. quot;I’m fine. Mom, I have something to tell you. Mom, just let me talk here, okay?" Harm begged, "I'm barely holding together and I just need to tell you the story." In a slow tortured voice he related the events of the past several days. "And that's it, Mom," he sighed when he reached the end. "So now they're sending a forensic pathologist to Bethesda to confirm the identities and after that we can make funeral arrangements. Even though he's not technically a combat casualty, I think I can persuade the Secnav...uh, Secretary of the Navy, due to the extraordinary circumstances, to order him buried in Arlington. Yes, ma'am I will, just as soon as I know. Probably a couple days for the exam.... No, I'm fine.... No point in coming before you need to... I will, I promise. Look I want to get to bed. Let me call you tomorrow....Huh? Oh no, I don't want to tell Gran until forensics just in case.... Love you, too. Good night."

He hung up the phone and stared into space, his gaze resting first on the photo of his Dad on his desk and then on the bathroom door, thinking how good a hot shower would feel if only he had the energy to get up and go do it.

A half-hour later he was still in his state of lethargy when he heard Mac's familiar light tapping. Quelling the temptation to ignore the knock, he rose slowly and opened the door to admit her.

"You should be home sleeping," he told her, his voice toneless.

"Yes, I should," she agreed evenly, "but I couldn't until I made sure you were okay. When you took off from the airfield like that.... well, I wasn't sure exactly what you were doing - where you were headed. Did you talk to your Mom?"

He nodded and gave a long sigh. "I'm to let her know if a few days as soon as forensics confirms the identity and funeral arrangements are set. I've decided not to tell Gran until the forensics report just in case." He dropped a quick hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for checking on me, but I'm okay." He turned and walked back toward the back of the apartment, leaving her standing there awkwardly.

"I can see that," she called after him. "Then I'll be going."

"Mac, no," he wheeled suddenly, not liking the image of her driving back across D.C. alone. He swiftly crossed back to her, taking her by the arms. "No, don't leave please."

"I was getting the impression I wasn't welcome," she said with a soft smile. "Actually I do understand that you probably want to be alone some and it's okay. I think I need that too really. A lot happened and we have a lot to sort out."

Harm nodded soberly. "Yes, we do. My dad, you and me, Mic and Renee. But right now what we both need is rest and I'm not going to get any worrying about you driving across the city as tired as you are. I'm going to fix the couch for you."

She opened her mouth to object and he put his finger to her lips. "No need to argue. I don't have the strength. Now I'm going to get a shower and then fill the tub for you. Be out in ten minutes." He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

She collapsed into the nearest chair and was almost asleep when he shook her arm. "All yours, hot bath ready and sofa made up. Good night."

"Yeah, okay," she shook herself awake, trying to focus on his words and as she got to her feet, staggered slightly. Only his quick grasp kept her from falling.

"You are exhausted and I'm sorry," he sighed.

"Harm, not everything has to be your fault," she reminded him. "I am tired, bone weary, but that hot bath will do wonders. You're just as tired. Please go to bed." She took his face gently between her palms and pulled him down to put a light kiss on his lips. "Good night, Flyboy."

"Good night, Ninja-Girl," he smiled slightly.

"Harm, I'm going on back to my place now," her note read. "I'm fine and I think we both need some time alone to sort all this through. Please don't shut me out, though. I want to see you through this. I was there for Russia the first time and the second and I'll be there for the final closure now. After that we can see how and where we go. Call me later---please. S.quot;

With the sun just beginning to illuminate the gray D.C. buildings, Mac made the drive to the other side of the city. Her own apartment was welcoming and she collapsed gratefully onto the sofa. For an hour she did nothing more but stare into space, willing her mind away from Harm and his father. The decision was not an easy one to reach, but now she had and she meant to carry it out before her tendency toward self-doubt prevented her from doing so.

Her hand shook only slightly as she set down in her fine clear handwriting, "Dearest Mic. I cannot see my way to come there and the phone did not seem the way to do this either. In truth, there is no way to do this except straight out. I have reached my decision with regard to the ring. I can't marry you, Mic, for reasons too lengthy and complicated to go into here, except to say that I do not feel for you in the way a woman should for the man with whom she commits to spending her life. It would not be fair to either of us. You are a wonderful man and you deserve a woman who can love you in that manner. I'm sorry.... Sarah.quot;

And with that she enclosed the ring in a tiny envelope and addressed a larger one to the Australian officer. A quick walk to the mailbox on the corner and it was done. The doorway to that part of her life was closed and she could safely look to the future, uncertain as it was, without that question ever present.

Harm slept several more hours, the slumber of a man exhausted in body and spirit. When he awoke he called Mac's name and was not surprised when there was no answer. He knew some time apart was needed now. His thoughts turned to Renee later in the afternoon and he dialed her cell number only to be told she was unreachable; and then a quick check of his email told him why. She had contacted him while he was gone from Brussels where she was working on a documentary and did not expect to be back in the states for several weeks. Finding that the information had no effect on him, he quietly hit the delete.

Thirty-six hours passed with neither making contact but instead taking the time to come to grips with what had occurred in Russia and with what lie ahead. Mac was about to put on some soup when her door buzzer sounded. A quick check through the peep hole and she gasped audibly. Harm stood on her mat, and even in the distorted view she could tell he looked terrible.

"Get in here,quot; she yelped, opening the door and pulling his arm inside. His haggard appearance alarmed her and she guided him quickly to the dining table. "Okay, spit it out, Sailor. What is it?" she demanded.

"A courier brought this," he answered, his voice and his hand shaking as he reached inside his jacket for a brown envelope. The address in the corner told her at once what it was.

"You haven't even opened it?" she frowned, turning it over and over.

"No, I don't need to. And frankly what does it matter? The man is dead," Harm moaned.

"Yes, he is," she agreed, her voice gentle, "but it does matter. It's all about closure. And not just for you, but for the other people involved. Your mother and grandmother. People who care about you," she paused a beat and added softly, "like I do." Those words shook him from his self-pity and for a long minute their eyes met. "I know," he finally sighed. "I'm wallowing in self pity and I can't seem to shake out of it."

She merely nodded as he had stated the obvious. "Would you like me to open the report?"

Wordlessly, his hand still shaking, he handed her the envelope. She broke the seal and scanned it quickly, feeling for his hand as she did so. "The remains are confirmed to be those of Lt. Harmon David Rabb, Sr.," she read quietly, quoting the determination. "I can't say I'm sorry, Harm," she added gently. "Now he's going to have the burial he deserved plus the recognition for the service he gave his country."

He nodded and for a long time they sat quietly, their hands joined. Finally she stirred and rose. "I'm putting on some soup and I want you to have some with me," she said firmly. "And don't even think about arguing."

quot;I'm going to drive up to Belleville and talk to Gran in person," he said suddenly after he managed to choke down a few mouthfuls of the steaming soup. "If I leave now..."

"If you leave now you'll get there about 0300," she interrupted, "exhausted and in no shape to talk to her coherently. What you are going to do is spend the night here. Then at dawn we'll go by your place and pick up a few things and then we'll go together."

"Oh, Mac, no," he protested, "after all you've already done. I can't ask you..."

"You're not. I'm telling you," she interrupted again. "In for a dime, in for a dollar. I'm going to see this through with you."

Sarah Rabb had been sitting on the sunny porch shelling peas for canning when the SUV she recognized as her grandson's drove up. He was with a pretty young woman she noticed and wondered if this was some sort of a surprise visit, or perhaps he was finally bringing someone to meet the family, such as she was.

Mac exited the SUV but stood by the door while Harm mounted the steps. She was unable to hear his words but she knew right away from the older woman's reaction that he had told her straight out as the bowl of peas clattered to the wooden floor and Harm enclosed her small frame in a large hug.

Sarah Rebecca Rabb cried softly in her grandson's arms for several minutes and then resolutely pulled back, seeing that he was also crying.

"Enough of that," she said sternly, wiping her eyes with her apron and then at Harm's. "I think I should meet your friend and then we need to go in and have some tea and you can tell me how all this came about."

Harm motioned for Mac to join them. "Gran, this is Sarah Mackenzie, my partner at JAG and my.....my best friend. She's stood by me for all of this and she's a very special person."

Mac blushed at his words and held out her hand. "Ma'am, my pleasure," she smiled.

It took the next hour for Harm and Mac to tell Sarah Rabb the story of their trip, interspersed with tea and orange muffins. Mrs. Rabb immediately made plans to return to D.C. with them that evening to be there for the funeral and finally begged some time alone, telling Harm to take Sarah on a walking tour of the farm.

The sun warmed their backs as the walked down the well-worn path from the farmhouse to the where a wide stream lazily meandered through the property. "I spent a lot of hours here as a kid," he finally spoke up. "Swam, caught tadpoles and minnows and just sat on the bank and thought."

"I'm going to ask your grandmother to see your pictures," Mac smiled. "I have this vision of you as a ten year old and I want to see if it's true."

"Uh, no...we won't be doing that," he grinned slightly, and reached for her hand, meshing his fingers to hers as they walked. Almost at once a sense of peace came over him and even she could feel him relax.

"I think this place is good medicine for you, Squid," she said lightly.

"Yeah, it always has been," he nodded. "Some weekends when I've had it with D.C. I just get in the car on Friday night and drive up. Gran gets up and sees the car and then next thing I know smelling bacon cooking is waking me up. I spend the weekend just walking these old paths and laying in the hammock maybe. On Saturday night I take her to dinner in Altoona, and then I go to church with her on Sunday morning. By the time I come back I'm all relaxed and content. And then Monday morning I go to staff call and that feeling goes to hell in a hand cart but it was nice while it lasted."

Her fingers squeezed tight against his and she laughed lightly, happy to see some of his burden lifted, even if only temporarily. He laughed as well, and felt the light-heartedness which she sensed in him.

The trail rose gradually and they walked further until she stopped and rested her back against a tree, taking in the view as the valley spread out below them. "This is gorgeous here," she sighed.

"It's going to be mine someday if I want it," he sighed as well. "Rabbs have farmed these valleys since the 1700s. Gran is leaving the place to me. Sometimes I think I'll simply sell it; other times I can see myself retiring here." He paused and leaned his arm over her head against the tree. "Retiring here and raising a house full of kids who walk down the long driveway every morning to take the bus to school." He gave a short laugh and shook his head. "Would you listen to me? No wonder you think I'm seriously disturbed half the time."

"Make that most of the time," she teased. "Actually I have no problem seeing you like that. You will have had a long and distinguished career by then. And you'll make a great father."

"Do you think so?" He was startled by her pronouncement.

"I know so," she smiled quietly.

"Well, I think you'd make a wonderful mother," he whispered, lowering his face to come within an inch of hers. "Sarah, why is it so easy when we're away from everything?" he whispered again, just before brushing his lips to hers.

"I don't know," she responded, feeling her body tingle just from that light touch. "Maybe because we're just Harm and Sarah?"

He nodded slowly and then his gaze focused on her hands. "Your ring...Mac, you haven't put it back yet."

"It should be out over the Atlantic about now," she smiled softly, "or however the hell they send mail these days. I'm not in love with him Harm--not the marrying kind of love. If nothing else, the events of the past week have made me see that clearly.

"Then try seeing this clearly," he whispered, putting his hand on her back to steady her as he kissed her once again, this time more firmly and with more feeling.

Mac slid one hand across his shoulder to the back of his neck where the other one rested. Harm moved his own hands down her back to her hips and then up her sides, his thumbs barely grazing the outer swells of her breasts. Need began to bind them tighter and tighter, drawing them together in a way they had yet to experience. Slowly, Harm broke the kiss and breathed deeply, trying to gather in his raging emotions. He lowered his head slightly and rubbed his jaw against her silky hair. Feeling brave, Mac turned her head a bit and let her lips play against the beating pulse in his neck, drawing a teasing pattern with her tongue. His hands clenched at her hips, drawing her closer. Lifting a hand to her throat, he splayed his fingers over her satiny skin until his fingertips touched her jaws, tilting her head back until their eyes could meet.

quot;We should go on back,quot; he murmured raggedly.

Mac simply nodded, wishing their lives were far away from where they were at that very moment.

Harm and Mac didn’t speak of what happened at the farm after they got back home. Instead they focused on supporting Trish and Grandma Rabb as the funeral arrangements were planned for Harm, Sr. Harm put his request to the SECNAV backed with the support of Admiral Chegwidden and Clayton Webb and the older man agreed that the elder Rabb be buried among his comrades for the service he gave his country and for his role in the war that took his life. Now the final steps of this long journey were about to go forth.

In full military dress, Harm walked slowly and silently at the side of his Mother and Grandmother next to flag draped caison carrying his father. The freshly turned gravesite was surrounded by friends and family alike as they approached – all waiting patiently for the ceremony. Captain Boone was the only man from that time of Harm Sr.’s, life that was present to act as a pallbearer so diverting lightly from tradition, Harm had asked Admiral Chegwidden, Bud and Tiner to act as the other bearers of the casket. And he kept the promise he made to Mac the day he told her they were going to Russia and asked her to walk opposite of him at the head of the casket.

The beautiful but haunting ceremony went on around Harm but he felt as if he were watching from a distance. The flag was folded and given to Trish after the Chaplain performed. The honor guard fired their guns in salute and Taps played out its mournful notes. And through it all, Mac remained at his side, her bearing formal and crisp but her eyes conveyed all the feeling she held deep for her best friend.

Memories from so long ago swirled in on Trish as Frank held her close, letting her cry for the young man she remembered in her mind and every time she looked at her son. Sarah Rabb stood on the other side of Harm, holding her daughter-in-law’s arm for support as the event proceeded. Harm retained his military bearing but wished with all his heart he could enfold his Grandmother and comfort her. There would be time for that later, though, and he knew she understood the protocol he was bound by.

Then it was all over and the crowd began to disperse. Harm stood, hearing wishes from a distance. Knowing people were stopping in front of him, feeling them shake his hand and some, like Harriet and Bud, hugged him. But he felt nothing. Emotions he couldn’t begin to put a finger on swirled around inside of him the way the muddy waters of a flood ravaged river might. The ebb and flow of a tide that brushed the shores of his heart and then receded. Harm still felt nothing even though he knew he should. He should feel something beside the heavy, aching beat of his heart. He heard Mac call his name and he turned to look at her. Her brown eyes were dark and tender, holding secrets that were only for him. Holding a love he knew he could reach out and take comfort in. But he held himself back – back from her and from the others. And instead, he turned methodically on his heel and walked away from them all. Feeling the eyes of his family and his peers on his back as he went. But he closed him mind to it and kept going, one foot in front of the other, refusing to stop and look back as he left.

It was dark in his apartment. Pocketing her key, Mac moved hesitantly inside, letting her eyes adjust to the dimness. A light was on in the bedroom and its dim cast she found the silhouette of Harm on the couch.

quot;Have you been sitting her like this all afternoon?quot; she asked gently.

quot;Yes,quot; came the flat reply.

Slowly, she crossed the room and sat down next to him, careful to make sure they didn’t touch. He glanced over and she saw a distance in his eyes and face that scared her.

quot;Please don’t shut me out now,quot; she asked softly, evenly.

quot;I’m not,quot; he answered.

quot;No?quot; she countered. quot;You walked away from everyone today. Do you think you’re the only one hurt by this? Do you think you’re the only one who’s ever lost someone they loved? Who’s ever had to lay them to rest?quot; She knew she was being cruel but she had to do something to break him out of his self-imposed exile.

quot;Save the cross examination, Mac. I don’t want to hear it,quot; he muttered as he rose from the couch. quot;I want to be alone right now if you don’t mind.quot;

quot;Actually, I do,quot; Mac retorted, getting to her feet. quot;You’re acting like a selfish ass. Don’t you think I know how hard this is for you? I’ve been with you every single step of the way. I know what you’ve been through and I’ve been through it with you. But is this how you’re going to repay me?quot; she demanded angrily.

quot;Is that why you did it? To get something out of it?quot; he sneered, whirling around to face her.

The crack of her open palm on his cheek shot across the stillness of the room before she even realized what she was doing. Harm’s head snapped back under the force of her blow but he stood his ground, bringing his eyes back to hers.

She started to walk past him to leave but Harm grabbed her arm and jerked her around to face him.

quot;I don’t need your help anymore, Mac. I don’t need anyone,quot; he stated, emphasizing the last word.

Her eyes glittered at him as she snatched her arm away. quot;That’s an excuse. You’re a coward, Rabb. Plain and simple,quot; she spat.

quot;I want you to leave,quot; he told her, taking a step back.

quot;No,quot; she retorted. quot;I’m not going anywhere until you get your head out of the sand! I get it – you think if you shut everyone and everything out then nothing will get in to hurt you. Am I right? Is it working? Can you turn it off that easily?quot; she demanded.

quot;I don’t have to listen to this bullshit. If you won’t leave I will,quot; he told her flatly, spinning on his heel and going to the door.

quot;Look back before you leave, Harm. Think twice because if you go out that door I’ll never be here again.quot;

The softly spoken words were direct and final and they echoed deep in the reaches of his heart.

Harm hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. {{Turn around, a voice in his head whispered.}} His hand tightened until his knuckles turned white from the pressure. He took one step forward and hesitated again.

Mac’s heart was pounding so hard she thought it might burst from her chest. She watched the rigid line of his back, wanting to go to him and grab him with all her strength. She could see him warring with himself – fighting not to give in as hard as he was fighting to give in. She wanted to call him back and tell him she didn’t mean it but pride held her back. She couldn’t take anymore hot and cold from him. Anymore of not knowing where she stood in his life. Of being the one always pushed aside when it wasn’t convenient for her. He took another step and her heart cracked.

quot;Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn’t walk out this door.quot;

His words surprised her – not just what he said but that he spoke at all. And she knew then that he didn’t want to leave her. He was forcing himself to draw away. He wanted her to give him what he needed to stay.

quot;And if I don’t find that reason you’ll keep right on going,quot; she said aloud, finishing the thought. He didn’t answer and she went for broke. quot;I love you, Harm. I’ll love you forever and if that isn’t the best reason you need then you can keep right on going.quot;

Her words punched him in the gut like nothing else could have. Stone and ice splintered and cracked with each beat of his heart. Blood pounded in his veins, filled his ears with a roaring sound. His grip loosened on the knob.

quot;I can’t let go of this.quot;

quot;Yes, you can. I’ll help you. Look at me, Harm. Look back,quot; she ordered, her voice growing stronger. quot;Look at me, damn it!quot;

Her sharp command finally sank in and he turned stiffly, the weight of the world on his shoulders. The pain he trying so hard to keep at bay was caving in on him.

quot;You don’t have to be strong anymore,quot; she murmured, forging ahead. quot;Let me do it. Let me carry the load. Don’t you understand? Giving in doesn’t make you weak. Showing me how bad this hurts you won’t change how I feel. I know how bad it hurts, Harm. I was with you on that bluff in the mountains. And before that when we disobeyed orders to go and when we crashed in the trees and when we were captured.quot; Mac took a tentative step toward him, her eyes locked with his in the dimness. quot;Don’t leave me,quot; she whispered. quot;Don’t shut me out and tell me you don’t need me. You may not need me anymore, Commander, but I still need you. I always will.quot;

Harm took a step of his own in her direction, letting the door close behind him. quot;I never wanted to believe he was really dead somewhere in that valley,quot; he whispered gutturally. quot;I wanted him to be alive. I wanted my closure with him. I want my Dad back, Sarah.quot; The words sounded torn from deep inside. quot;But this was the last step. There’s no going back now and I can’t stand how final it is. The last tiny hope I had is dead. Buried along with him today.quot;

Mac shook her head vehemently. quot;He wouldn’t want you to look at it like that, Harm, and you know it. Close the book. Close it and put it on the shelf where it belongs. This is an end but it’s also a beginning. This is your closure with him. This is what sets you free and lets you move on once and for all. There is no more guessing or searching based on half-truths or assumptions.quot;

Mac crossed the final distance to stand in front of him. She reached out and laid both of her palms on the breadth of his chest, feelings the coolness of his metals beneath her skin. quot;I love you,quot; she whispered, low and tender.

And finally, all that she said settled in on him and his doubts and self-recriminations broke loose. He sank to his knees right before her, his arms going tight around her waist as he buried his face against her belly. Mac slid her hands into the coolness of his hair and felt the shudders racking his big body and then he was crying. Holding her like she was the only lifeline he’d ever have. And she cried, too, holding him against her and knowing it was the final release he’d been denying himself.

After several long moments, she shifted and dropped down to her knees, too, her arms going around his neck. Harm rocked back and moved her until she was straddling his lap. And he clung to her, his grip almost painful. His tears slowed and he struggled to catch his breath and she slowly rubbed her hands up and down his back. Harm caught her hair in his grasp and tilted her head back until he could look at her. Then he lowered his head and kissed her so tenderly it made her ache. His hands shook as he touched her face, stroking the pads of his fingers over her cheeks and her jaw line, pressing tiny kisses to her mouth then coming back for a longer kiss. Their lips met and clung and for several heartbeats neither of them moved. Then Harm pressed his forehead to hers and took a long, slow breath.

quot;Thank you,quot; he whispered. quot;Thank you for not giving up on me.quot;

quot;Never,quot; she answered fiercely.

quot;I love you,quot; he stated very gently, giving her the words for the first time. quot;I love you more than anything I’ve ever loved in my life.quot;

And she smiled, her mouth curving against his. quot;Good,quot; she whispered very tenderly. quot;Because I love you, too.quot;