SPs from the Naval yard began to stealthily advance on a darkened warehouse in the middle of the industrial district. A command was given and suddenly the dark building exploded with light and the sounds of shouted commands from the men leading the raid. The men took cover as a volley of gunfire erupted. Just before Lt. Harmon Rabb took cover, his green eyes locked with the murderous gaze of the man he’d come after. Colonel Joseph Dion glared back at the young man he recognized as the one who’d been his bodyguard and constant companion for the past six months – except that the Colonel didn’t know the younger man as a military officer but as a hired gun. With a string of curses, Dion raised his gun to fire at the man he’d trusted, the one who’d betrayed him.

"Boss!"

Joseph Dion jerked free of his thoughts with an oath and turned to one of his men. "What is it?" he demanded.

"We’re ready, Mr. Dion. You just give the word."

"Fine now get out."

The man did so quickly. The older man sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face. Memories still haunted him from that night seven years ago when his entire operation had fallen apart at the seams. Getting up from his chair, Dion walked over to the plate glass window of his office that overlooked the Potomac. Seven long years of waiting and plotting his revenge were about to reach culmination.

The young man was a Commander now, still with the JAG corp. Only now he had a pretty young Lt. Colonel as a partner. A lovely woman he spent a great deal of time with in and out of work. Dion’s eyes strayed to the military paper on his desk. The Dynamic Duo the press called them because together and separately they won so many cases. One of their recent ones was another drug operation, this one in Cuba run by an unknowing Colonel’s wife.

Dion had lost three of his biggest connections all those years ago. His business and his military career lay in ruin when the firing was done. He’d managed to escape that night – barely – through a window. Under the cover of darkness and disguise, he’d slunk away to Mexico to regroup and rebuild. He’d remained there up until six months ago building another empire.

Now he was gong to put his carefully constructed plan into action – beginning with Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. Commander Rabb was going to pay. Dion promised himself that night seven years ago that he would have his revenge – no matter how long it took or what he had to do to achieve it. The young JAG officer was going to suffer by degrees, beginning with the one thing he held most precious.

Dion pushed a button on the phone on his desk. "Bring the car around," he barked.

"Yes, sir."

Dion checked the .9mm in the shoulder holster beneath his suit jacket and turned to stride from the room. A black sedan waited in the alley. Three of his men were inside, clad in black and carrying enough artillery to start World War III. The drive was made in complete silence as the men prepared themselves, knowing if they botched this up, they wouldn’t be alive to see dawn. They reached their destination in Georgetown and parked in the shadows. Dion watched and waited from the car, a feral smile on his swarthy face. A feeling of power swept through him like a tidal wave. He was about to have his revenge and it would begin with this woman.

She would be Harmon Rabb’s downfall.

"Rabb! Where the hell is your partner!"

Commander Harmon Rabb paused mid-sentence in the report he was working on and raised his eyes to where Admiral A.J. Chegwidden stood in the doorway of his office. Then he shrugged.

"It’s only 0930," he answered.

"Has she called in?" A.J. demanded.

"No, Admiral, I don’t believe so."

"Well, she’s your partner. Find out where she is and why she didn’t call in if she was going to be late," A.J. ordered.

Harm sighed and dropped his pen as the older man spun on his heel and left. After working with him several years now, Harm knew he was mostly bark and not bite. With a sigh, he picked up the phone at his elbow and dialed Mac’s number. She was rarely late and many days they had breakfast together. After all the rocky months while he agonized over the ring she wore, that was finally in the past and Bugme had been permanently relegated to Australia.

When a busy signal bleeped in Harm’s ear, he frowned. Mac had call waiting. He tried several more times before finally dropping the receiver back in its cradle and pushed his chair back. A few long-legged strides brought him to the Admiral’s office and Tiner showed him in.

"Something’s wrong. I’m getting a busy signal instead of her call waiting. I’m going to drive over there and make sure she’s all right," Harm stated.

"Fine, Commander."

A.J. watched his young officer’s back as he turned and left the office. Sighing, he turned in his chair and looked out the window. It wasn’t like Mac to be late without calling in. It wasn’t like her to be late at all.

Harm pulled into the parking lot of Mac’s building a bit later and turned off the SUV. The corvette was parked in its usual spot close to the building. He looked up toward her window then headed for the building. Upstairs, he went to knock on her door and froze when he saw that it was cracked open. An ugly feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He debated for a split second about going in then turned and raced back down to the parking lot. Minutes later he was back at her door, gun in hand.

Gingerly, he nudged the door open with the toe of his shoe, gun aloft. When his eyes adjusted to the dim interior, what he saw was enough to bring forth a gasp and bring the gun straight up. Mac’s usually spotless place was a total disaster. Cushions had been ripped open and strewn across the floor, her plants were overturned, lamps broken, the TV smashed… his mouth dropped open slightly in disbelief. Snapping it shut, Harm jerked out his cell phone and punched in a number.

"Yeah, this is Commander Harmon Rabb of the US Navy. I need you to send a unit to 1420 Northwest Chesapeake, apartment 302. There’s been a break in and the placed was ransacked." After answering a couple of questions, the operator let Harm go and he called the Admiral. "I’m at Mac’s. Her apartment has been broken into," he stated grimly.

"Is she all right?" A.J. demanded, rising out of his chair.

"I don’t know. I haven’t found her yet. I just called the police."

"I’m on my way," A.J. snapped and hung up.

Carefully, Harm moved farther into the apartment, picking his way through the debris. He made a slow inspection of the place before finally ending up in her bedroom where the bottom dropped out of his stomach and his head spun dizzily. Mac’s bed was splattered with blood. And there were bullet holes in the mattress. Blood clung to the wall in a spray pattern above and a trail of bloody footprints came across the beige carpet, ending in the doorway where he was standing.

"Oh my God," he whispered numbly, leaning heavily against the door.

The wail of sirens filled the air, coming closer and seconds later footsteps pounded down the hall and into the apartment. In short order, Harm was questioned and then ordered to wait outside where he ran into A.J.

"What the hell happened?" the older man demanded.

Harm shook his head. "I don’t know," he managed to choke out. "There’s blood all over the bedroom and bullet holes…" his voice trailed off. "She’s just gone, Admiral."

"She can’t be just gone," A.J. retorted.

"She is."

A.J. stared at him for a moment. "Get back to the office. This is no place for you and there’s nothing you can do here. Start going through your files. Look for anyone who might have had reason to take her. Get to it, Commander," he ordered when Harm didn’t move. "I’ll stay here and wait to see what the police find."

"Aye, sir," Harm muttered.

Harm managed to drag himself back to JAG with heavy feet. He walked by everyone, oblivious to the looks he was getting and went into his office, shutting the door behind him. Sinking into his chair, he dropped his aching head in his hands. A knock sounded but he ignored it.

"Commander? Sir?"

It was Harriet and Harm didn’t even bother to look up.

"Sir," Bud’s voice came this time. "What is it, sir?" Where’s Colonel MacKenzie?"

Harm lifted his head and the look on his face made Harriet grab for her husband. In a dead voice he told them what he found.

"Oh, no!" Harriet whispered, horrified. "Do you think… do you think she’s…" she couldn’t even manage to get the words out and Bud drew her close to him.

"No, Lt., I don’t think for a minute she’s dead and you better not either!" Harm roared as he lunged to his feet.

"Sir, please," Bud interrupted calmly. "What can we do to help?"

Harm sank back into his chair as the anger swooped out of him. "We have to go through the files for a suspect list," he muttered in a distant tone. "That’s all we can do for now."

"Rabb!" Harm nearly shouted as he snatched up the phone at his elbow.

"Commander Rabb? This is Detective Tyler from D.C. Homicide. I thought you might like to know what we found in Colonel MacKenzie’s apartment."

"Please," Harm asked, swallowing hard.

"There were two blood types – the blood on the bed and carpet are the Colonel’s and the blood on the wall belongs to someone else, probably one of her attackers. We also found a torn piece of cotton that looks like it’s from a nightgown and a piece of heavy wool used to make ski masks. Maybe her attacker was wearing one. We also found hair that matched sample we took from her brush and hair from another source. That’s all, Commander. I wish I had more to report. We’ve put an APB out on her and I also took one of the photos from her apartment for circulation. I’d like to be notified once you have a firm suspect list in hand," the man asked in an even tone.

"I’ll see that you get it," Harm returned. "Thank you for calling so quickly," he stated politely and gently hung up the phone.

Harm stared at the far wall for several minutes, a loud buzzing in his ears. He felt himself reaching for the phone and he punched in a number.

"Hello?"

Harm started to speak and his voice cracked. Clearing it he tried again. "Mom?" he murmured.

"Harm, what a surprise! It’s great to hear your voice. What do I owe…"

"Mom," Harm interrupted her gently. "I… I needed to hear your voice."

Trish instantly caught the undertones and grew serious. "What it is, Harm? Has something happened?" she asked.

"It’s Mac," he answered softly. "She didn’t show up this morning so I went over to her apartment. It was all torn apart and there was blood all over the bedroom and bullet holes…" his voice trailed off and he heard her gasp on the other end. "She’s gone, Mom. No trace of her anywhere."

"Oh, son, I’m so sorry. Do you have any idea what might have happened?" she asked, her concern washing over him in a calming wave.

"None. There are no signs of forced entry and they’ve asked me to come up with a list of possible suspects from our files."

"I can only imagine how hard this must be for you, honey. Would you like me to fly out there?" she questioned gently.

"No, there isn’t anything you can do," he told her. "But thank you for offering all the same."

"Keep me posted, Harm. Please."

"I will, Mom."

"I love you, son."

"I love you, too, Mom."

A dozen days had passed and there was no sign of Mac. No leads and no firm suspects. The public was in an uproar that a Marine officer could have been taken from her home in such a manner without anyone seeing or hearing anything. A reward was offered and Mac’s face was splashed over every available surface in hopes that someone might come forward.

Even Webb, who’d shown up the next day to offer his help, had been unable to unearth anything. Now he and Harm, along with Bud and Harriet sat in A.J.’s living room pouring over files for another try at someone with the best motive.

Harm had taken the past couple of days off, his despair growing with each day that passed in silence. He was becoming more of a hindrance than a help anyway and there was nothing anyone could say to ease his mind. It was common knowledge that strong ties bound the two officers. That despite the turmoil of the past several months, they were still best friends and prior to this had been on the road to rebuild that.

"Damn it, I feel so helpless! There has to be something else we can do!" Webb growled, rising to pace the floor.

"Not knowing what happened to her is eating me alive," Harm whispered, bringing the others to silence. "I can’t even bring myself to go into the office."

The others exchanged looks. Rising, Harriet moved over to sit next to Harm on the love seat and covered his hand with her own.

"She’s somewhere, Commander. And we’ll find her. Don’t give up hope," she murmured.

Harm turned his head slightly and looked down at her. He mustered the barest hint of a smile.

"I don’t…"

Whatever Harm was about to say was lost as the roar of a helicopter filled A.J.’s house with sound.

"What the hell…." A.J. growled, leaping to his feet.

The small group raced outside to the front lawn where a barrage of dirt and grass struck them from the helicopter’s blades. A blinding spotlight his the full in the face, preventing them from seeing the craft.

"Can you see anything?" A.J. called.
"No!" Harm shouted back.

The helicopter lowered until it was almost to the ground and they heard the thud of something hitting the grass. Then the sleek craft rose and sped off as quickly as it had come. Blinking to clear the spots from his eyes, Harm started forward then hesitated. The bundle looked like a body!

"Oh, God…"he whispered and raced forward, dropping to his knees.

Gingerly, he pulled the edges of the blanket away and froze.

"Oh, my, God!" Harriet cried from behind him.

Bud caught her in his embrace, turning her away from the scene as Webb knelt opposite of Harm.

"I’ll call for an ambulance," A.J. interjected and ran back to the house.

Harm remained silent as he reached out to slowly turn his partner onto her back. His throat squeezed and he felt his stomach roll, threatening to upend his dinner. He pressed his fingers to the side of her neck and found a thready pulse.

In the dim light from the house behind him, Harm’s eyes slowly slid over her almost nude form. Vivid bruises covered her face, arms and neck and crude bandages covered two gunshot wounds – one in her left thigh and one in her in her right side. Her stomach had a bloated, distended look.

"She’s hemorrhaging," he stated flatly, wrapping the blanket around her. "We don’t have time to wait for the ambulance."

"The ambulance is…What are you doing?" A.J. demanded as he came back outside.

"She’ll never last that long. We’ll watch for them on the road but we have to get her help now or she’ll bleed to death."

"I’ll drive," A.J. stated as the group raced for his SUV.

They met up with the ambulance a half a mile down the road and quickly transferred Mac to their care. As they got underway, Harm’s attention zeroed in on his partner. He tenderly stroked her damp hair back from her face, his fingers trembling with fear. He was terribly afraid she was going to die right before his eyes now that he’d finally gotten her back.

"Mac?" he whispered hoarsely, bending over until his mouth was near her ear. "Don’t die on me, ninja girl. Don’t die on me."

They reached the hospital where a trauma team was already standing by to whisk Mac away to the OR. Harm followed close behind but was stopped by a nurse just inside.

"Has her next of kin been notified?" she asked.

"I’m her next of kin," Harm answered flatly.

"I can. Give me the papers. She’s a Lt. Colonel in the Marines. Call Bethesda and you should be able to get everything you need," he ordered.

"Yes, sir."

The others came rushing in just as Harm was sitting down.

"How is she?" Webb demanded.

"Any word?" A.J. barked.

Harm held up a hand. "I don’t know and no. They took her straight to surgery and asked me to fill out the papers. You might as well sit down."

Several hours later, Harm was trying to wear a hole in the carpet, Webb was idling flipping through a magazine, A.J. was staring at his folded hands and Harriet was dozing fitfully on Bud’s shoulder.

"Commander Rabb?"

Harm whirled around to find a slim man in green scrubs pulling a cap off his dark blond hair.

"Dr. Gennaro," he stated, holding out his hand.

Harm shook it briefly as the others rose.

"Please, everyone sit down," Dr. Gennaro asked.

The group gathered close together around Harm, waiting for the other man to speak.

"The hardest part of my job is telling a family their loved one has died. The second hardest is preparing them for the worst. Sarah is in very critical condition, Commander. I’m very sorry but I don’t expect her to live through the night."

Harm felt the softly spoken words like a knife in the heart. The fists clenched against his knees turned white with strain and the room spun crazily for a minute, causing him to close his eyes.

"No," he whispered, his deep voice so fraught with anguish the light in the entire room seemed to dim.

A.J. placed a hand on Harm’s shoulder and squeezed gently, knowing there was nothing he or any of the others could say. Dr. Gennaro’s eyes were sympathetic.

"I removed the bullet that was lodged between her third and fourth ribs and her spleen so we could stop the internal bleeding. She has a collapsed lung, a severe concussion and multiple contusions and lacerations. We have a little more to do before we can get her set up in ICU. And…"

Something in his voice made Harm’s head snap up. "What? What were you going to say?" he demanded.

"She’s been tortured."

"Oh, my, God," Harm breathed. "Tortured? Was she raped?" he demanded in a low, raspy voice.

"No, Commander. Two of the fingers on her left hand are broken, she’s been whipped and we found burn marks on the back of her neck. Most likely from a cigarette. There’s also heavy bruising around her throat and her windpipe is swollen. I’m not a detective but I’d say it looked like they tried to choke her."

Behind him, Harriet began to cry but Harm only heard it from a great distance. His vision had narrowed onto the man facing him. "I want…want… I have…" he stuttered. "I have to see her," he finally managed to rasp out.

"I understand. I’ll send a nurse for you as soon as we have Sarah settled."

He rose and left the room, leaving them sitting there grouped together. Harm stared at the vacated chair, feeling as if he were a million miles away. Tears stung his eyes but he blinked rapidly to dispel them before he broke down and sobbed like a baby in front of everyone. That wouldn’t do now. No, it wouldn’t do at all.

"She’s dying," he whispered gutturally. "She dying and I feel so helpless. My best friend and I can’t…" his voice cracked and he couldn’t go on.

There was silence in the room. The others looked at each other, sharing their own grief.

Harriet leaned forward and rested her hands on Harm’s back. "You can’t give up. You just can’t," she whispered, repeating what she’d told him several hours before.

After several more minutes, A.J. rose and motioned to the others. "Let’s go find some coffee. Commander, if you’re not here when we get back we’ll assume you’re with Mac."

Harm simply nodded, not even looking up as they left him alone with his thoughts. After a minute, he rose and went to the nurses’ station to ask for directions to the hospital chapel. The warm, quiet room was empty when he went in and he stood for a moment at the altar, staring at the statue if Christ high above.

Slowly, he walked toward the beloved face and his legs gave out, dropping him to his knees. His hands knotted into fists against his thighs and he drew in a shallow breath and looked up.

"I’ve never been much of a praying man but if you could see your way clear to just do this one thing. Please don’t take Mac away from me. You know how I feel about her. I know it’s my own fault she doesn’t know but she is my world. I know there’s a reason why she’s lived this long after what those bastards did to her so I know you can help her keep holding on. Please, God, please, don’t take her from me. I’ve never even…" his voice broke and he swallowed. "I’ve never had the chance to tell her I love her." The words that hid deep in his heart seemed to roll forward, confessing to the only force that could help Mac now.

Harm sat for several more minutes, unable to lift himself to his feet and walk out. He didn’t know what else to say but he knew God could hear all the words left silent. As he sat there, renewed strength began to flow through him helping him push the paralyzing fear away. Drawing a slow, deep breath, he rose and headed out.

A short time later, Dr. Gennaro came back. Harm leaped up to greet the man. "How is she?" he demanded. "Any change?"

"I’m afraid not," the man answered, trying to soften the blow. "Frankly, I’m surprised she’s made it this far although that gives us cause for hope. I’ve done about all I can do for now, Commander. I’m sorry. If you’ll come with me, I’ll take you to see her."

Harm nodded dumbly and followed the man, forgetting all about the others. "Can I stay with her? Please?"

Dr. Gennaro studied the floor ahead of them as they walked. "Normally we would only allow you to stay a few minutes every hour but I think it would be okay for you to stay. This young woman has been through a severe trauma and I’d like more than anything to see her make it, Harm," he stated, using Harm’s given name for the first time. "As I’m sure you’ve heard, coma patients have been know to hear and respond to outside stimuli so my advice to you is to talk to her, touch her. Let her know you’re here and maybe, just maybe, it will help bring her around."

Harm nodded gratefully. "Thank you. I’ll do whatever it takes," Harm murmured. "I can’t lose her," he finished, the words more for himself then the doctor.

Dr. Gennaro came to a stop outside one of the ICU doors and hesitated. "She looks really bad, Commander, even though we’ve cleaned her up. I just want you to be prepared," he advised calmly.

"I am," Harm returned, his voice steady.

The other man pushed the door open with the flat of his hand and motioned for Harm to go in.

When Harm got his first good look at her, he had to force down the bile that rose in his throat when he saw his partner under the glare of the single fluorescent light over her bed. Haltingly, he made his way to the edge of the bed, his eyes riveted on her – not quite believing this was the woman he knew and loved so well. Vivid bruises mottled almost her entire face, swelling both eyes shut. Her lips were split and swollen, and there was a knot on one jaw. Bruises in the shape of handprints colored the smooth column of her throat and her arms and shoulders. And Harm could see the bruises where Dr. Gennaro said it looked like they choked her.

Without a second thought to privacy, Harm ripped back the bed sheets so he could see all of her. White bandages snugly encased her body from her armpits to her waist, covering all the whip marks and one of the bullet wounds. From the side he could see the tube that was keeping her collapsed lung drained of fluid and beneath her head was just the edge of the bandage covering the cigarette burns. The ring finger and pinkie of her left hand were splint together and there were several more large, ugly bruises up and down her legs along with the second gunshot wound.

Numbly, Harm pulled the sheet back up and collapsed in the chair beside the bed, burying his face in his hands. Nothing would have prepared him for this. Oh, he’d seen worse. After all, he’d been in combat. But seeing her this way – it made him sick. How could any one human being do this to another?

Harm lifted her right hand into his and brought it to his lips. "Oh, Mac, what you must have gone through. I’m so sorry," he whispered. "So very sorry. I would give anything to erase this from ever happening. You listen good, Marine. Don’t you dare think about leaving me. Got it? That’s an order," he continued, his low voice taking away the threat.

"Commander?"

Harm whirled in the chair to see a nurse and an orderly. "Yes?"

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Dr. Gennaro asked that a cot be brought in so you can get some sleep. You won’t be of any good to Colonel MacKenzie if you make yourself sick," she pointed out gently.

Harm nodded reluctantly. "Okay," he agreed.

The pair set the cot and bedding up quickly and left as quiet as they’d come. Harm turned back to Mac, her hand still gripped tightly within his.

"There have been a lot of times that you and I have faced danger but I don’t think we’ve ever stared this closely at death. I’m afraid, Mac. Truly afraid this time that I might lose you. The days you were gone were the longest of my entire life. I kept trying to focus on getting you back but instead I kept thinking about all the things we’ve done, the places we’ve gone and everything we’ve talked about.

The first time I met you in the rose garden, the dance for the Romanian King and the princess, landing Sarah and you getting shot, the pictures of you in my apartment – all the things that make what we have today. There have been so many moments. I heard once that we have only the present. Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a daydream. This present is uncertain and I have of us are my memories. I know this sounds silly since we’re together daily but you’re never far from my thoughts. The chemistry that bound us together in the beginning is still here and I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything in the world. I thought I knew what it was like to have a best friend – then I got you."

Harm stopped speaking for a minute and looked at Mac. There was no flicker of life from her, just the steady noise of the machines keeping her alive. He leaned forward in the chair and stroked the pads of his fingers over her face, tracing the bruises.

"You’ve become a part of my life I don’t think I can live without. I went to your house the day you didn’t show up for work. I found the mess and when I saw the blood," he swallowed hard. "All over your room it was like a knife in my heart. I was supposed to come up with a list of suspects and instead all I could do was sit there with my head in my hands. I’m a coward when you get right down to it. If it’d been you, the paperwork would have been halfway started. Dr. Gennaro told me you wouldn’t live through the night but I don’t believe him. I’m not leaving this hospital until you can come with me. I hope you can hear me, Mac. I can’t lose you now."

The emotions Harm had been fighting for the past week finally broke through what precious little was left of his control. He clutched her hand against his mouth as deep sobs burst forth. Bowing his head, he let the tears come. Tears for the way things were turning out, for never having had the chance to make love to her – for never telling her how much he loved her. Now he might never have that chance. Not even sure if she could hear him, Harm rose and leaned over her, bringing his tear-stained face within an inch of hers. Drawing in a deep, shuddery breath, he choked down another sob and touched his trembling fingers to her hair.

"I love you, Sarah, so very much. Please don’t leave me because I think I’ll die if you do."

When Harm awoke the next morning slumped over the side of her bed to find her still clinging to life, a tiny seed of hope began to unfurl deep in his heart.

"It’s about time you woke up. We go through the trouble of bringing you a cot and I find you asleep in the chair."

Harm turned to see Dr. Gennaro in the doorway. He sat up and stretched to work out the kinks. Stifling a yawn, he rubbed a hand over his face and grimaced at the stubble there.

"She’s still alive," he murmured.

Dr. Gennaro nodded. "That she is and I’m glad to see it. In her condition, every hour she makes it is another hour in her favor. I need to check her over so why don’t you go down to the cafeteria and have breakfast?" he suggested.

"Can I bring a tray up here?" Harm asked.

Dr. Gennaro moved to the side of the bed and smiled complacently. "Of course," he replied, thinking it was touching that Harm wouldn’t allow himself to be away from Sarah even long to eat. "I finally talked the others into going home to rest but Admiral Chegwidden assured me they would be back today."

Harm couldn’t suppress a grin. "He will be," he promised.

Harm left Mac’s room reluctantly and headed down the hall where he ran into Bud and Harriet.

"Good morning, sir. How is she? Any change?" Bud asked softly, one arm wrapped around Harriet.

Harm shook his head. "I don’t know. Dr, Gennaro is with her now. How are you two doing? Did you get some sleep?" he asked, eyeing Harriet’s slightly pregnant stomach.

"A little," she admitted. "Mostly I was too worried to sleep."

"Me, too," Harm murmured.

"I went to your apartment and got your shaving kit and a change of clothes, sir. I figured you wouldn’t be going home anytime soon," Bud put in, handing Harm the bag he was holding.

"Thanks, Bud. I appreciate it and your support. Both of you," he expounded. "Now I want you both to go on home. I know you want to be here but there isn’t anything you can do. There’s nothing any of us can do until there’s some kind of change in her condition," he went on firmly.

"You’re sure, Commander? We can stay," Harriet reassured him.

"No, Harriet. Please, go home and take care of yourself and this new little baby."

"Okay, but if you need anything at all, you pick up the phone," Harriet ordered, moving forward to hug him tight.

Harm hugged her back, bending forward around her small form. "Thank you," he murmured, his eyes meeting Bud’s over her head.

The younger man simply nodded silently since no words were really needed between them. When they left, Harm went down to the nurses’ station and asked if there was some please he could take a shower and change. The young woman gave him directions and twenty minutes later he was back in Mac’s room.

"Where’s your breakfast?" Dr. Gennaro asked pointedly.

"Bud came back and brought me some stuff so I showered and changed instead," he shrugged.

Dr. Gennaro sighed and rolled his eyes. "I’ll have something brought up to you."

"How is she?" Harm asked directly.

"Same as last night."

"There’s no change at all?" Harm demanded in disbelief.

"None. She’s holding her own but she’s neither good nor bad. Think positive, Harm. At least she hasn’t taken a turn for the worse, all though I am concerned about her lack of response."

"How so?" Harm frowned.

"It’s almost as if she’s lost her will to live. She’s not trying and that’s our biggest cause for concern. If she simply gives up all the medicine in the world won’t save her. I suggest you talk to her more. Touch her, tell her anything you can think of that might bring her out of this coma."

Harm’s gaze went to the woman on the bed, worrying flooding his features anew. His gaze swung back to the doctor. "I won’t let her give up," he vowed.

"Good. Keep fighting, Harm," Dr. Gennaro murmured and then he was gone from the room.

A few minutes later a nurse came in with a tray and put it next to Harm on the stand.

"I brought a little of everything. Just do the best you can," she murmured encouragingly.

The food was surprisingly as good as it looked and Harm managed to consume most of it. When he was done, he turned his attention to Mac and began to talk to her. About life when he was a little boy. About his Mom marrying Frank. About junior and high school and college and everything else he could think of to tell her.

And that day stretched into two and then three and then six and then ten. Ten of the longest days Harm had ever endured. Ten days of having someone bring him clothes, of showering in the locker room. Ten days of A.J., Bud and Harriet and Webb stopping in to speak to Mac. Hoping something would spark life into her.

Mac’s physical appearance began to change and improve. The bruises were turning colors and the swelling was down. The bandage around her torso was traded for a smaller one and the welts and burns were left to the air after Dr. Gennaro with a firm promise from Harm to run antibiotic cream into them twice a day. When Harm got his first look at the whip marks and the burns that he hadn’t been privy to before, it brought the whole ordeal down on his head all over again and made him want to break something – preferably the man who did this to her. Dr. Gennaro assured him there would be no lasting marks except for the burns and they would eventually fade to almost nothing. Whoever whipped her was an expert and made sure he didn’t hit her hard enough to leave scars on her creamy skin. For five days Harm lived for those routine treatments when he would sit on the edge of the bed and roll her on her side against his leg, exposing her back.

Now here it was the night of the tenth day and he finished with the cream and gently eased her back to the pillows.

"You’re not being much help here, Mac," he sighed. "It’s been ten days. That’s longer than we even go on vacation for at one time. Don’t you think you’ve carried this on long enough? Technically, I’m listed as on duty because I’m providing protective custody. There’s a guard outside the door, too. I bet you’re prolonging this so you can soak up all the attention, huh?" Harm sighed at his one-sided conversation and stroked her cheek. "Since you’re obviously in no mood to talk, I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, Sarah," he murmured and leaned down to kiss her cheek.

Lifting the blanket on the cot, he eased down and stretched out. He was able to sleep at least a little each night just by being in the same room with her. He would never have survived the endless nights if he’d been anywhere else. With visions of her dancing behind his closed lids, he drifted into an uneasy slumber.

Mac’s eyelids felt like they were tied down with lead weights. She felt so funny, like she was floating. She kept hearing Harm’s voice but now all was quiet. She couldn’t remember everything he said. Just bits and pieces mostly. He was begging her not to leave him – not to give up. Telling her that he couldn’t do the job without her. That he couldn’t be without his best friend. There were other voices, too. The Admiral’s and Bud and Harriet and a few she didn’t recognize.

Mac struggled to open to her eyes. She became aware of her surroundings by degrees. There were machines. A steady hiss, beeps. Sounds that were familiar yet strange. Sweat beaded her upper lip and the beeping went faster. Slowly, so slowly, her lashes lifted. She was in darkness except for a single fluorescent light overhead. Blinking heavily, she tried to clear away the fuzzy edges of her vision. She tried to turn her head but pain exploded in her body from the simple movement. Tubes and needles were everywhere and she felt… heavy. Gingerly, she tried again and turned her head, biting her lips against the pain. There was someone else in the room with her, someone sleeping close by.

"Harm?"

His name was a soundless whisper on her lips. Her mouth was dirt dry and upon licking her lips she found them dry, too. From the corner of her eye she saw a pitcher and a glass. She tried to lift her hand to it but she was weak and her hand fell uselessly back to the bed. Tears of frustration welled up and slid into the hair at her temples. Without realizing it, Harm’s name slipped from her lips again.

Harm heard the soft whisper of his name and thought he was dreaming. Then it came again and he knew it was real. He was off the cot and to the bed in a single bound. Mac’s beautiful brown eyes were open and she was looking at him.

"Mac? Oh, my, God," he gasped in a strangled tone, stunned to actually see her awake.

He lifted his fingers to her cheek, touching her hesitantly as if he were afraid it all a dream. Mac’s mouth worked but all that came out was a rasp. Her eyes were locked on his, though, and she watched in fascination as a tear rolled down his cheek where it dropped from the edge of his jaw to land on her lips. Her tongue snaked out to catch the drop, tasting the saltiness of it. More followed until they were streaming from his eyes. Mac could only stare at him in wonder. The Harm she knew never lost control of his emotions like this. She could only recall him shedding a tear one other time – in Russia. Without a word, Harm dropped his head to the pillow next to hers and she closed her eyes again, feeling the silky coolness of his hair against her cheek. Unable to find the strength to raise her hands, she settled for nuzzling her head against his. Suddenly his head snapped up again and he stared as if he was seeing her for the first time.

"I thought you were going to die," he stated so softly that she barely heard him.

Mac shook her head wordlessly. Understanding seemed to dawn on him then and he reached for the water pitcher. Drawing in a shaky breath, he dipped his fingers to the water and tenderly rubbed them across her lips. Sliding one hand beneath her head, he carefully brought her up just enough to get a small sip from the cup.

"Am I in the hospital?" she managed to croak.

"Fairfax. You’ve been in a coma for ten…"

"We got a change in vitals on the monitor… why hello, Colonel! It’s so good to finally see you awake!" The night duty nurse came over to the bed, smiling fully and touched Mac’s hand. "You’ve been in a coma for ten days, my dear. The others will be happy to finally have you with us. Let me just check your stats and I’ll go page Dr. Gennaro," she continued, motioning for Harm to move away.

It took her but a few minutes and then she was gone, promising to be back when the doctor arrived.

Mac turned stricken eyes to Harm as he moved back to sit beside her, picking up her hand. "I’ve been in a coma for ten days?" she demanded.

Harm nodded. "Dr. Gennaro didn’t believe you’d make it through the first night. I thought…" his voice broke and he shook his head lightly. "Someone dropped you out of a helicopter in the front yard of the Admiral’s house twelve days after you turned up missing. We don’t have any idea where you were or who had you."

"I was…" Mac’s voce trailed off. Suddenly she squeezed his hand tighter and raised horror-filled eyes to his. "There were some men. They took me…" she squeaked in a rush.

The monitors began to go crazy and Harm stroked her hair back.

"Shh, calm down, honey. We’ll talk about this later when you’re stronger. Right now you just rest until Dr. Gennaro gets here." Harm lifted her hand and brushed his lips across her knuckles. "I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight," he murmured.

"Liar," she rasped tremulously. She squeezed his fingers faintly. "What happened to me, Harm?" she asked in an agonized whisper.

"Don’t you remember?" he countered.

"Only parts."

"We’ll talk about it later," he insisted, trying to steer her away from it.

"Was I… was I raped?" she questioned, forging on.

"No. I promise you that. You were not raped," he stated firmly.

"Thank God," she murmured, closing her eyes briefly. Then she looked at him again. "Will you stay with me?"

"Every minute," he promised, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. "I’ve been here since we brought you in and I’m not leaving until you can go with me."

Mac smiled and closed her eyes. Harm sat back down in his chair, her hand still between his. The night was almost over but he didn’t mind. There would be plenty of time to sleep later. For now, having her awake and talking to him was the best thing he could ever imagine.

Later, Dr. Gennaro insisted there be no talk of her ordeal until she was stronger. His examination found her to be in stable condition and she would continue to improve with rest. She slept mostly and when she was awake Harm talked to her about non-consequential things to keep her distracted. Two nights later her nightmares started.

Harm had gone to bed shortly after eleven but the first screams from her brought him out of bed like a shot from a cannon. No sooner had he reached her when a nurse rushed in. Harm stopped her with a raised hand.

"She’s having a nightmare," he informed her softly.

"We expected she would."

Paying her no further heed, Harm sat down on the bed and carefully lifted Mac up into his arms, mindful of her IVs and healing wounds.

"Wake up, Mac. Come on, ninja girl, wake up now. You’re just having a bad dream," he murmured soothingly, his big hands stroking up and down her back.

Gradually, she began to pull out of the throes of the nightmare and her lashes lifted. She looked slightly dazed but her eyes fastened on Harm’s and her hands clutched at his shirt. Harm lifted a hand and tenderly brushed back flyaway strands of her hair.

"I’m sorry," she whispered as she became aware of what happened.

"Don’t you dare be sorry," he ordered. "It was just a bad dream but it’s gone now." The look on her face cut him off and he pulled back slightly. "What is it? Are you in pain?" he demanded.

A look he’d never seen filled her expressive dark eyes and her nails dug into the hard muscles of his arms. "Harm, I remember. I remember what happened," she muttered, her face pale.

A sense of foreboding filled Harm as he stared into her upturned face. "What do you remember?" he asked carefully.

"The man – his name was Dion."

The words dropped on Harm like tiny grenades. "Dion?" he choked out. Then he groaned softly and squeezed his eyes shut only to immediately snap them back open.

"So you do know him?" she prodded.

"I know him," Harm confirmed. "I just never dreamed I’d ever hear about him again."

"I am supposed to give you a message," Mac announced slowly, carefully enunciating each word.

"A message? What kind of message?"

"He wanted me to tell you… what happened to me… it was a warning."

Harm couldn’t begin to answer the terror in her eyes so he folded her tight again his chest instead and buried his face in her hair, rocking her gently. Mac burrowed closer, certainly not understanding the history between two men and frightened by the look it put on Harm’s face. After a while, Harm lifted his head and cradled her face between his hands.

"My relationship with Joseph Dion is a long story and I don’t want to go into it right now. I promise we’ll talk about this whole mess when you’re better. I will never be able to say I’m sorry enough that you got caught in the crossfire. I haven’t had anything to do with Dion since long before we were partners but I do know why he took you as my warning."

"Why?"

"He wanted to hit me the hardest way he could and that meant hurting the single most important person in my life – you."

Mac didn’t know what to make of those words. Since she’d first awoke to find Harm next to her bed, things kept happening that didn’t make any sense. Harm was her best friend and partner and for a long time now, she’d been trying to forget there was any thoughts of romance on her part. It was hard, though, because to echo his sentiments, he was the most important person in her life. He was everything she had in the world so maybe this was just the aftershock of what happened. It wold soon wear off and they could get back to normal.

Harm nudged her lightly. "Are you awake?" he teased.

"Mm-hmm," she breathed, tucking her head under his chin. "I don’t want to go back to sleep."

"Can’t say I blame you," he sympathized. "How ‘bout I sit here for a while?" he offered.

"Okay," she sighed, burrowing closer and hating her own weakness.

Harm felt a tightening in his chest and hugged her tighter. Knowing for sure that Dion had deliberately taken Mac to hurt him, well that shed new light on things.

"Just rest, okay? I don’t want you to think about Dion. We’ll deal with him later. You’re safe now with me and when we get you out of here we’ll see what happens next," he murmured against her hair.

"’kay," she whispered.

Mac was moved out of CCU and into a private room the next day and Harm moved right along with her, still adamant about not leaving until she could go with him. Physical therapy was started immediately and a week later, Dr. Gennaro finally authorized her release.

"I want to go to my own apartment. I’m perfectly capable of staying alone," Mac complained.

"I want you with me so I know you’ll be safe. Besides, your apartment needs to be cleaned and I don’t think it’s a good place for you now. Dr. Gennaro said you need to rest," Harm answered, unruffled by her irritable display.

He lifted his head from where he was packing his things on the cot and met her gaze. They stared at each other for a long time, waging a silent battle of wills. Harm knew she was feeling helpless and frustrated but he wasn’t about to back down. He wanted her right by his side since the fear of almost losing her was still so fresh in his mind.

"Fine," she finally conceded in a huff.

I’m on leave until you’re well enough to go back to work. After that we’ll figure out what to do with Dion. Until then I don’t even want you to think about work. We’re going to relax and have some fun," Harm told her, zipping his duffel bag closed.

Within minutes they were on their way to the exit of the hospital, Mac in a wheelchair and Harm striding alongside. Carefully, he helped her inside the Lexus and tucked both of their bags in the back before going around to the driver’s side. During the long ride, Mac kept her eyes trained on the passing landscape. She was confused about the direction her life was taking all of a sudden. Her control seemed to be gone and other forces were influencing everything she did. She didn’t like the feeling of having to depend solely on someone else – even of that’s someone was Harm. Through the past four years, he was her one constant and though she never liked to ask him for anything, he provided a lot.

Harm glanced over at Mac but didn’t press her for conversation. He knew she was trying to come to grips with the uproar in her life. The medical leave she was being forced to take and the time he took to be with her. Harm had learned at their first meeting that when she needed support he had to just do it because she wouldn’t ask for help. At times, he knew she depended on his strength but asking for and accepting it were a different thing as far as she was concerned.

When they reached his apartment, he put her suitcase in the bedroom. Harriet packed enough of Mac’s clothes for a couple of weeks and all of her toiletries. At the end of that two weeks, Harm would take her back to the apartment himself and let her see the damage. She was also due for a checkup with Dr, Gennaro to see if he thought her fit to return to work.

"What would you like for dinner?" Harm asked as he came back to the living room.

"I don’t care," she answered distantly.

In the end Harm fixed lasagna, hoping to cheer her up a bit but even that failed. She offered to help with the clean up but Harm shooed her away.

"I guess I’ll go to bed of you don’t need my help," she sighed.

Harm simply nodded and watched her go. He sighed deeply and turned back to the task at hand. In the bedroom, Mac changed into the oversize T-shirt she slept in and between the fresh sheets on the bed. She didn’t like feeling so tired or weak. She didn’t like Harm rearranging his entire life to babysit her. She lay there and watched the sun fade from the sky, the last golden rays turning to dusk. She heard Harm’s footfalls around the apartment and admitted to herself that she felt comforted by his nearness. Thoughts about what was happening to her – what had happened to her – the way she was treating Harm – it all crowded in on her there in the darkness as silence settled its oppressive weight on her. It was then, in the still of the night that the tears came.

Harm heard the sobs immediately but he remained where he was, waiting to see if she would stop. When the noise persisted, he squeezed his eyes shut and swung his legs over the side of the couch. A few swift steps brought him to the side of the bed. She was sitting in the middle of it, both fists pressed to her mouth as she tried valiantly to stifle her tears. Harm lowered himself to the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her slender form. Mac’s head dropped back to his shoulder and he pressed his lips to her temple, murmuring soothingly and rocking her.

"I feel so helpless," she managed to choke out.

"I know you do, but you’re not. You’re one of the strongest women I know. Everything is going to be all right – you’ll see," he whispered tenderly, stroking his big hands over her knees where she’d drawn them against her chest.

She felt so small against him. Harm never realized how truly slender she was – how slender she’d become. They sat there for a long time not talking. Harm kept her wrapped up close while she cried and eventually the tears slowed.

"You’re not alone, Sarah. You never will be as long as I’m around," he stated so softly she almost didn’t hear him.

"I hate it that you’re rearranging your whole life for me," she muttered, sniffling softly.

Harm released his grip on her and carefully turned her to face him. "Listen to me. You’re my best friend and my partner. Haven’t you figured out by now that there isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for you? You are never an inconvenience. Hell, I’d resign my commission if that’s what it took. You mean more to me than anything else in this world. I know you’re strong and independent – hell, no one knows that better than me but you’ve just been through a horrifying experience and it doesn’t make you weak to show your emotions. It’s all right for you to be afraid, Mac. I don’t have any problem admitting how terrified I was when Dion had you. I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again or how I would keep going if I didn’t."

"Harm…" she began.

Harm raised his hand. "You have to hear this, Mac. For twenty-two days, Mac… Twenty-two endless, terrifying days. I left your bed only for a few minutes at a time and only when I had to. I think a part of me was scared of I went away for too long, you might die. I couldn’t take that chance. I’ve never been in a situation like this, Mac, and I had no idea what to do. I had no control, no way to stop what was happening. I couldn’t make you better."

The words spilled from harm in a torrent, stunning Mac with the stark emotion running behind them. Like the tears at her bedside on the hospital. This was a side of her partner that she’d never seen before. He was never this loose with words and definitely not about his own feelings.

"Do you blame yourself for what happened?" she questioned softly.

"Dion took you to get to me. Who else should I blame?" he demanded bitterly.

"There is no one to blame but Dion. You could never have known," she retorted firmly.

With the aid of the moonlight streaming in the window, Mac could see everything Harm was feeling laid bare in his handsome face. Given their history, she was having a hard time trying to sort out whether his words and feelings came from their friendship or something else altogether. Seeing the guilt in his eyes was more than she could handle.

"I still hate feeling this way," she muttered, trying to distract them both.

"Don’t you think I know that?" Harm chuckled but the sound was strangling.

"Don’t beat yourself up over this, Harm."

Harm didn’t answer but he lowered his head away from her searching gaze. Mac waited but as the silence grew, she wondered what he was thinking. Tucking her fingers beneath his chin, she lifted his eyes to his. His handsome face was pale and filled with pain. Her slender fingers traced his jaw and she caught his fingers with her free hand.

"What is it, Harm? Please tell me," she pleaded gently.

"I was terrified, Mac." The words seemed to come from far away.

"Oh, Harm," she murmured, feeling what he was feeling as if it were wrapped around her.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Harm forced himself to meet her eyes and continue. "What scared me most was wondering if I would ever have the chance to tell you how I feel about you. You’ve become such a part of me that…" his voice cracked. "I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you."

To put it mildly, Mac was overwhelmed by is confession. She’d hoped for so long that he felt something more for her than friendship but the distance between them had grown. Now she kept quiet, waiting to hear what he would say next.

"After we found you gone, I was numb. Everywhere I looked I saw your face, remembered things we’ve done. I tried so hard not to give up hope but with each day that passed it was harder and harder to keep going. I know the others were beginning to wonder if you were gone for good but I couldn’t make myself believe it. I even tried to pretend like you were on vacation and you’d walk through the door any minute with a smile on your face."

"I’m so sorry, Harm. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own misery that I never stopped to think about this was affecting you."

Harm stumbled over some of the heartfelt words and Mac knew he was having a tremendous time expressing himself. If he was telling anyone else this same story, it would be a lot less emotional and detailed since his pride simply wouldn’t let him break down this way. That was part of what made their friendship so special. They could talk about anything. A single tear rolled down his cheek and Mac touched her fingers to it. This was his deeper side – one she’d rarely been privy to. Unable to say another word, Harm drew her back into his arms and hugged her tight. Mac sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, savoring the feel of his muscular body against her.

"When I was gone, I wondered if I would ever get the chance to hug you again," she whispered idly.

A strangled laugh found its way out of his constricted throat and he squeezed her gently.

In unspoken agreement, they didn’t speak anymore after that. They just continued to sit there. Harm knew Mac was feeling the strain of the day – he certainly was – but she relaxed against him with a gentle sigh. After a while his back started to protest at their position s he gently eased over on his side, taking her with him. Harm wasn’t sure if she was asleep or not but he wasn’t quite ready to relinquish his hold on her. Mac snuggled closer, sliding her arm around his lean waist.

When Mac awoke the next morning she alone again. She remembered Harm laying them both down, his arms still round her when she went to sleep. Sunlight was streaming in and her internal clock told her it was almost nine. She never slept that late. Swinging her legs to the floor, she gingerly rose and was pleased to find no dizziness awaited her. She dressed quickly in a pair of faded jeans and a tank top. She found Harm at the table working. He looked up as she came in and smiled.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank you for staying."

"We need to have a talk," he told her softly, his voice and expression serious.

"What about?" she asked tentatively, fearing she already knew the answer.

"Oh, no you don’t," he murmured, catching her arm. "You’re not getting

away from me that easily. We’re just going to talk, not run a marathon.

Mac didn’t respond as he led her to the living room.

"Can’t this wait?" she questioned.

Harm arched one brow. "Since when are you afraid to talk to me?"

"I’m not afraid to talk to you," she retorted shortly.

Harm eyed her for a moment, knowing she was lying to him. Even though she was uncomfortable, he wasn’t about to let her go. He needed to tell her exactly how he felt. He dropped down in his favorite chair. Warily, Mac perched herself on the edge of the couch cushion, eyeing him like he was a stranger. The closeness they shared last night seemed to have deserted them both.

"Something has changed between us, Mac. You know that, don’t you?"

"Nothing has changed," she protested. {{Please, don’t let him do this now. After waiting all this time for some sign from him – Oh, God, please don’t let it be now, Mac pleaded silently.}}

"It already has. At least for me. I can’t go back to pretending I don’t feel more for you than friendship. Four years ago you blew into my life like a tornado and I haven’t been the same since. You asked me once to concentrate on us being friends and partners. I agreed and turned off my mind to the possibility of anything else. But you know as well as I do that there’s always been more. The night on the ferry you asked me to give it to you and I refused. But it’s never been far from my mind, Mac. After nearly losing you, I realized I will never be complete without all of you. I love you, Sarah, and I will not hide it anymore," he stated simply, staring into her eyes.

This was exactly what Mac was afraid was going to happen. She wished with all her heart she could respond in kind to his words but she couldn’t. "What do you want from me?" she asked, choosing her words carefully.

"I want you to give me a chance. I want you to tell me you love me like I know you do," Harm answered, starting to feel a bit desperate.

Mac sighed with frustration and plowed her hands through her short hair. "This isn’t the time for this. How can you expect me to think about anything but getting better and finding the man who did this to me?" she demanded. "You’re asking me risk everything on a slim chance at love you’re just now professing to. Where was this confession when I asked you for it? If I let this go any farther it could ruin everything we’ve built already. But I’m not willing anymore to risk it. If we can’t make it work we’ll lose our friendship and I just can’t take that chance," she stated adamantly, crossing her arms over her chest and hugging herself.

"Damn it, Mac, we’re already closer than most married couples. There is only one step left and we can make it together. Don’t you see what you’re throwing away by not giving us a chance?" he demanded, rising from his chair.

"What I see, is saving us from ruin later on," she maintained.

Harm stalked over to the window and ran an agitated hand through his hair. Harm eyed the stubborn set of his jaw and stood up.

"I don’t ant to keep going over this with you, Harm. I expect you to honor my wishes. If you can’t do that then I’ll pack my things and go back to my own apartment. I will not stay here and fight with you. Not am I going to change my mind," she reiterated, surprised at how calm she sounded when there was a herd of elephants marching through her stomach.

Harm turned to face her. "You know me better than to think I would disrespect you that way, Mac. I just wish I understood why you’re so reluctant all of a sudden. I would never hurt you – surely you must know that."

"I do," she confirmed. "But that’s beside the point. I gave you my answer, Harm."

"Fine."

Without another word, Harm stalked from the apartment, slamming the door so hard behind him that the windows rattled. Mac’s trembling legs refused to support her any longer and she collapsed on the couch. She pressed a shaky hand to her mouth and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She knew she’d done the right thing by turning him down but then why did she feel so rotten? She could still see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. Now where would they go from here?

Harm made it as far as the alley outside his building before his anger blew itself out. Defeat raced through him with alarming speed. He thought he knew Mac better but apparently, he didn’t know her at all. He’d just made a complete fool of himself. The hardest thing to accept was knowing she didn’t look like she wanted to say no. But she had all the same. Harm wondered if her past was influencing her decision now. Well, if she thought he was going to just roll over and give up she was sadly mistaken. He would just wait a little while and try from another direction. The way he felt about her was too strong to continue to deny any longer.

Mac didn’t see Harm again until he came back for dinner. After he’d stormed out, she had plenty of time to think about what transpired between them. If she were completely honest with herself, she could admit that she did love him. She always had and he knew it. That was his trump card against her. But he couldn’t make her give in no matter what if she was determined to dig in her heels. Her mind was such a jumble now. Nothing in her ordered world made sense anymore and until it did, there was no future for them as lovers.

"I’m sorry about this afternoon," Harm stated without preamble.

Mac finished setting the table before she looked at him. "I’m sorry, too, but I can’t change the way I feel," she returned quietly.

Harm nodded and pulled out her chair so she could sit down. "I’ll respect that," he promised. {{At least for now, he added in his own mind.}} He bent as he pushed her chair in and kissed her cheek. "I don’t want to fight with you," he added as an afterthought.
"I don’t want to fight with you, either."

They made it through the next two weeks in exactly the same fashion. With Harm’s continuous support, Mac’s nightmares slowly began to fade but they came every night she went to bed alone. Most nights now Harm went to bed with her so they could both get much needed sleep. The burns and welts on her back and hips had to be tended to with antibiotic cream nightly and she relied on Harm’s help for this since she couldn’t reach those places on her own. Those moments were particularly hard on him.

"Thank you for doing this," she’d murmured one night.

"Anything I have to do," he murmured simply. "I just wish with all my heart I could undo this."

Mac had reached back to touch his leg. "You do enough."

Their days were spent taking small road trips, going for walks since her strength wasn’t full speed yet, touring around to shops, going to movies – anything to distract them both from what still lay ahead. Physical therapy was taxing for her, even with her Marine frame of mind and she demanded Harm be with her at all times even though she knew she wasn’t being fair given the way he felt for her. He never complained, though, and she wondered if he was giving up on the idea of them having a future.

"Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?"

It was two days before she was due to see Dr. Gennaro and she was stifling under the constraints of being at home. Meeting his eyes across the table, Mac smiled. "I’d love to. Where are we going?"

"It’s a surprise. Are you sure you feel up to it?"

When six rolled around the next evening, Mac came out of the bedroom to find Harm waiting. The shining look in his eyes told her the extra time she’d taken was worth it. She couldn’t deny how attractive he looked to her either. The made a striking pair, she thought idly. He was dressed completely in black – pants, a turtleneck and a sport jacket. She was dressed in emerald green – a color she knew he loved on her.

"You look beautiful," he complimented as she reached for the arm he held out to her.

"Thank you," she murmured, feeling breathless. "You look pretty handsome, flyboy."

He simply grinned as they walked to the door. He glanced down at her as she proceeded him into the hall. He loved her in green. The dress had long sleeves that were off the shoulder. It hit her at mid-thigh, showing off the endless length of her legs before reaching a pair of matching high heels. A small diamond solitaire he’d given her two years ago for Christmas rested in the hollow of her throat.

"Are you all right?" he asked as they walked to the car.

"I’m fine," she answered, smiling.

She was smiling again when they pulled up in front of one of their favorite restaurants – an expensive little steak and seafood place with a dance floor and a pretty good house band. Mac couldn’t recall a time they’d been here when the place wasn’t packed and tonight was no exception. As they were shown to their table, she couldn’t help but notice the appreciative looks Harm was drawing form the other women in the room. Even the hostess couldn’t seem to take her eyes off his tall form.

"What are you going to have?" Harm asked after they were seated.

"Probably the same thing I always have," she answered pertly.

Harm laughed at her bald statement since he knew better than to ask in the first place. She always had steak while he favored the seafood. It was one reason why they loved this place.

"How have you been feeling?"

"What do you mean?" she asked hesitantly.

"Just what I said. How do you feel?"

"Better every day. The dizziness is gone and the headaches are getting better," she responded honestly.

"How about your leg and your side?"

"Better. My leg still shakes from time to time. If I stand still for too long, it buckles. The therapist assures me that will fade with time. My ribs still twinge if I move too fast."

"If you get tired, let me know immediately and we’ll go home," he ordered quietly.

"I will."

Dinner passed with minimal conversation – mostly about work and how things were going with both of them out of the office.

"Your nightmares seem to be losing some of their punch," he observed.

"It could be because you’re sleeping with me every night," she teased gently.

"I haven’t slept with you ever night."

"You don’t go to bed with me every night," she corrected. "But you always end up there. I have nightmares when I’m alone, Harm, but once you’re there they stop," she admitted very softly. "I feel safe with you."

"I’ll do whatever it takes."

"What are you going to do? Sleep with me every night because I’m afraid to be alone?" she demanded fervently.

"If I have to," Harm met her gaze.

"You can’t do that," she protested.

"You’re not exactly putting me out," he returned dryly.

Truth was, those nights when he lay there holding her in his arms, were sheer hell on his nerves but he would never tell her that. It would only make her feel guilty and drive a bigger wedge between them. The only thing he craved more than those nights of holding her but to be making love to her instead. They both had a lifetime of bad memories. Now he wanted to start making new ones that would last the rest of their lives. He just had to show her she wanted the same.

"Can we dance?" she asked, interrupting his chain of thought.

They made their way to the small dance floor just as the band launched into Moonlight Serenade. Harm drew her against him, clasping her small hand in his and sliding his other one around to her back. They’d danced together many times over the years. It always reminded him of the first time when she accused him of thinking of her like a sister. If she knew what he was thinking right now she’d be running in the opposite direction.

"Harm? Are you okay?"

Coming out of his reverie, Harm looked down into her upturned face. A slight frown puckered the smooth skin of her forehead as she studied him.

"I’m sorry, what did you say?" he asked.

"I asked if you were all right. You had such a faraway look on your face."

{{If you only knew, he thought silently.}} "I’m fine. I guess I was daydreaming."

He swung her away from him suddenly and twirled her once before bringing her back to him. She laughed in surprise and clutched his shoulder.

"You’re supposed to warn me when you do that," she scolded teasingly.

"I take advantage of you, don’t I?" she asked, her voice a curious mix of sadness and trembling.

"Advantage of me? What makes you think that?" he questioned.

"Because of the way you feel about me. I expect so much from you that it must make your life hell," she whispered, suddenly feeling very small.

Months ago their positions were reversed. Now she knew deep in her heart what it felt like to have the shoe on the other foot.

"Sometimes," Harm admitted honestly. "But above it all, you’re still my best friend and I would do anything for you. I told you I would respect your choice even if I didn’t agree with it. I’m not going the way I act. You’re my whole world, Mac, and I will willing do anything else to hurt you."

"I thought getting kidnapped brought all this on but I was wrong, wasn’t I? She asked hesitantly, feeling like a bomb just dropped in her lap.

Harm sighed wearily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I told you that before and this really isn’t the time or place to discuss this. I’d rather just dance with you," he sighed deeply, resignation ringing in his tone.

Mac nodded, suddenly getting an idea of how hard the situation was for both of them. She pulled her hand from his and slid it around his neck, intent on giving him a hug. When his strong arms closed around her, the sensations buffering her felt so right she couldn’t bring herself to put any distance between them. She closed her eyes and held him tight, allowing herself these few precious minutes to be in his strong embrace.

When that song ended and the next slow one after it, the band started another fast song and Mac announced she was ready to leave. Harm paid their check while she collected her small purse and they were on their way. She didn’t say a word on the way home and Harm let the silence fill the car, lost in his own thoughts. When they got home all was ark and quiet. As they started upstairs to the loft, Mac caught his arm.

"Can we go up to the roof for a few minutes?" she questioned in a voice so quiet he almost didn’t hear her.

"If you want."

When they got to the small portion of the roof just off the stairs, Mac walked to the center and stopped, tilting her head back to look at the stars. Then she turned and caught his gaze, silently studying her.

"Care to dance, sailor?" she asked, crooking her finger at him.

Harm grinned at her sudden playfulness and slowly walked over to her. He caught her hand and spun her away and back, making her laugh. The setting was ideal for a moonlight dance as he drew her against him. Mac knew she was letting things go in a direction they had no business going but she couldn’t help herself. As much as she kept saying she didn’t want them to get involved, she wasn’t ready to be away from him yet, either.

"We don’t have any music," she sighed against his shoulder.

"We have the best music in the world," Harm countered, listening to the beat of her heart.

And then he began to sing to her in a low, velvety voice.

The room is empty

The lights are dim

And my heart wonders if I’ll ever see you again

My tears are hungry for an open door

When your arms held me I never felt that way before

And I’ll be waiting and I’ll be watching

Under a blue moon,

A taste of Heaven only happens…

Once in a blue moon

Do you remember when the wind blew free

We fit together so naturally…

And I’ll be waiting and I’ll be watching

Under a blue moon

A taste of Heaven only happens…

Once in a blue moon

If the wind closes a door…

It will open another…

And I’ll be waiting and I’ll be watching

Under a blue moon

A taste of Heaven only happens…

Once in a blue moon

Once in a blue moon…

Harm’s broad, work-roughened palms slid soothingly up and down her back, relaxing her into a dreamy state. Mac leaned into him and felt him shift to accommodate her slight weight. His hands slid up to embed themselves in her silky hair and he cradled her head against his chest as they danced. She lifted her head just then and looked at him, her eyes luminous in the dark night. Harm met her gaze and suppressed a groan. She really wasn’t playing fair at all. Mac knew his real feelings yet he couldn’t help but feel she was taunting him. Maybe not intentionally, but doing it all the same. He knew where they were headed but he couldn’t bring himself t pull away.

His thumbs swept over her jaws and his eyes darkened as he studied the beautiful face before him. Heading for dangerous territory but unable to halt the journey, Harm lowered his head as Mac came up on her toes to meet him halfway. When his firm lips met hers, an explosion ricocheted through both of them as a thousand memories came rushing in from every recess of their minds. Harm bent slightly, moving his arms to her waist and straightened, bringing her flush against him. Mac clutched his dark head in her hands, straining on her toes to get closer as she kissed him feverishly, forgetting all about her brave thoughts about protecting them from themselves and a no good future.

Harm took a couple of steps backward and sat down on a small retaining wall, pulling Mac between his legs. His kiss gentled and she sighed into his mouth as his tongue traced the contours of her lips, seeking permission to continue. Mac parted them and was rewarded to feel the velvety glide of his tongue sweeping across hers. His hand stroked up and down her back to her hips and then the backs of her legs before returning to clutch a fistful of her dark hair.

"Oh, Mac…" he sighed deeply, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against hers. "What are we doing?"

"I don’t know," Mac whispered fretfully.

Things were out of control and then both knew it. This – thing – between them had been suppressed for so long they couldn’t tamp it back down.

"Do you understand what I mean now? It’s between us and it’s not going to go away simply because you want it to," Harm swore raggedly.

He felt the change in her the minute his words hit home. She pushed against his chest and he released her immediately, watching as she shoved her hands through her hair.

"I didn’t want this to happen. You promised…" she broke off abruptly, knowing she was as much at fault as he was. "I’m going to bed," she stated curtly.

Harm watched as she slipped through the stairwell door, the soft clock echoing like a gunshot in the stillness. He growled with frustration and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"Damn," he muttered angrily.

He stood for several minutes looking at the night sky. His feelings were a raging, out of control fire. He was trying desperately to understand how she felt and all that must be going through her mind after what she went through. But he was also trying to come to grips with what was going on in his own mind. The threat of losing her had scared him beyond anything he’d ever experienced.

Harm’s history with Dion was deep and something he never wanted Mac to be exposed to. A black rage gripped him when he thought about the other man. Technically, he was still a Colonel since they never caught him. After losing him in the bust years ago, Harm was sure they’d never hear from him again. That was foolish on his end to believe. Dion was a vindictive man who always got his way no matter what. Taking Mac was his way of letting Harm know he was back and ready to deal with the man who led his downfall. Harm looked at the lights of the city. Such a beautiful place to hold so many secrets. His first priority was to make sure Mac recovered. In the process he didn’t want to lose what he shared with her. But Dion would have to be dealt with once and for all this time. And Harm knew he’d need help. Webb’s brand of help. He wanted to keep Mac as far away from it as possible. She’d already been far too affected by the other man. Making up his mind, Harm shoved his hands in his pockets and went to the stairwell. He didn’t want anyone to know what he was going to Webb for.

On one of the rarest moments in his life, Harm overslept the next morning. When he’d finally gone back down to the loft Mac was in bed, her back firmly turned to him and pillows piled up where he slept next to her. Hurt zigzagged through his chest to know it was her way of blocking him out and it brought a bitter anger that he couldn’t shut down. It was hours before he fell into a fitful sleep.

Rubbing his bleary eyes, he rose, realizing it was too quiet. Several strides brought him into the loft and he found the bed neatly made and the room empty.

She was gone.

For several minutes all Harm could do was stand there and stare at the empty room. Pain ripped through his gut like barbed wire. In four years he’d never known Mac to turn tail and run. She stood her ground. They were going to have to come to grips with what was happening. Harm couldn’t continue on like this but neither could he just turn loose of his feelings. But he certainly felt like dirt now and he came to the realization that this is what she must have felt like all those months ago when she was seeking some kind of declaration from him. He’d stalled her then with excuses about not being ready. Now she was doing the same thing and he didn’t like it one damn bit. Trouble was – what was he going to do about it?

Minutes later, he flew out of the drive, tries squealing.

When Mac heard the banging on her door she knew the moment she’d been dreading all morning had arrived. When she got home earlier, she wasn’t at all surprised to find her apartment spotless and in order. Not the way she left it, of course, but clean and neat. Without a doubt she knew Harm was the one responsible for trying to wipe out every trace of her nightmare. He’d been trying to make things as easy as possible for him. She felt guilty as hell for just slipping away from his apartment but for once she didn’t know how to face him. The pounding came again and slowly she crossed the room to the door. Harm stood on the other side of the threshold, filling the door and making her cringe with the thunderous look on his face.

"We need talk," he announced flatly.

"I know," she sighed, resigned to the inevitable.

Harm brushed past her into the apartment, too worked up to even take note of its appearance before turning to look at her. Mac could see the pain in his eyes despite the hard set of his jaw.

"What you did last night… it hurt me but this morning almost killed me," he blurted out. "I’m asking you once and for all, Sarah, to give us a chance before we both go crazy. If I had any pride at all if took a hike because I’m not ashamed to beg you now," he took a deep breath and went for broke. "I love you, Mac, more than anyone or anything in this world but this is the last time I’m going to ask you. You say the word and I will never touch you again if that’s what you want. We’ll work together and we’ll be friends and that’s all. No matter what you decide, just decide on something because we can’t go on like this. Last night…" his voice trailed off and he squeezed his eyes shut briefly. He opened them abruptly and their blazing intensity touched something deep inside of her. "I would never hurt you," he whispered huskily.

Mac came closer until she was nearly touching him and stopped. "I haven’t changed my mind about us getting involved and I won’t. I can’t let it happen. Don’t you understand that? Just look at what we’ve become! Letting this go further will destroy both of us and I’m just not willing for that to happen. I won’t… can’t take that risk," she stated very softly, her voice intense.

Harm closed his eyes again and swallowed hard as a grimace of pain flashed across his features. "Fine. Consider the subject closed."

Mac knew she’d done the right thing but she felt like she’d pulled the wings off a butterfly. A little voice in her head cursed her for the stupid fool she was when Harm was so readily offering her his love. She reached out to touch his arm warily. He lifted his eyes reluctantly.

"I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know what else to say to you. It wasn’t you I was trying to keep out – it was myself. I can’t deal with this right now. Please understand what I’m trying to tell you. You’re everything I have in this world and if we destroy that then I have nothing. I would never forgive myself. I know you say you would never hurt me and that we won’t fail but you can’t give me a guarantee on that, Harm, and I’m sorry but I can’t accept less. I guess I’m just a coward when it comes right down to it. I ran out on you this morning because I didn’t know how to face you or what to say."

"You’re doing fine now," Harm murmured encouragingly, praying for her to keep talking.

"Because I’ve had all morning to think about what happened and how I should have handled it. I was at fault last night, too. I let myself get carried away by the mood. I’m sorry for the way things ended but I had a wonderful time and I never, ever meant to hurt you. Please believe that," she whispered painfully as she forced the words out, feeling her heart die by inches.

"I suppose we could stand here the rest of the day trying to figure out who holds more of the blame but the simple fact is that we let things get out of control. The last thing I want is for you to feel any kind of pressure after what you’ve been through. I don’t know what else to say. I wish I could give you the guarantee you so desperately seem to want but the truth is no one can and I think you know that. I see the crossroads now. This isn’t a time for you to be alone and I don’t want to be without you. Where that leaves us I’m not sure."

He hesitantly held open his arms to her and Mac stepped into them without hesitation, knowing the situation was still growing bigger than the both of them with each passing minute.

"Do you think we can repair the damage we’ve done the past couple of days?" she asked against his shoulder.
"We can try," he returned simply, squeezing her against him and feeling as if his heart were shattering in a million tiny pieces.

"Then let’s try our best."

Mac decided from then on to stay in her own apartment and no amount of coaxing on Harm’s part could convince her otherwise. Harm had an idea of why she was refusing an intimate relationship between them but until she actually told him he would never be completely sure. A few days later she was allowed to return to work but she was on strict desk duty for at least two more weeks beyond that. Harm came back before her and Harriet helped him engineer a small welcome back party for Mac.

"It’s good to have you back, Colonel," Admiral Chegwidden stated warmly, squeezing her shoulder.

"Thank you, Admiral, I’m glad to be back," she told him.

"As you can see by the pile on your desk the work has been stacking up. If either of you had future vacation plans, cancel them," he teased gently. "I really am glad to have you back, Mac, but I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard, understand?"

"Understood, sir. I don’t think I’ll have much trouble sitting at my desk," she sighed.

For the first couple of days things went on like they always had. To give credit where it was due, Harm was trying very hard to remember how things were prior to the kidnapping but he just couldn’t seem to get a grasp on it. After having to face his feelings and openly admit them, he couldn’t go back to the old way no matter how hard he tried.

"Harriet’s getting bigger everyday with baby number two, isn’t she?"

Harm looked up from the file he was studying and smiled at Mac in the doorway of his office. "She sure is. Babies are pretty great, aren’t they? I only wish I had one of my own." The words were out before he realized how they might sound to her.

Mac’s face paled slightly as she stared across the room at him. "Was that some kind of a hint?" she demanded quietly.

"It wasn’t meant to be," he shrugged. "Is that how you took it?"

"Not at all," Mac dismissed. "I hope you find the right one to give you that child."

Her flippant words caused Harm to see red. He was still smarting over her decision to begin with, all though he knew she assumed he was dealing with it.

"I did find a woman! She just doesn’t want me," he stated bitterly.

"Harm!" Mac burst out. "That’s not fair!"

"Just calling it like I see it. Do you want me to lie and pretend everything is fine?" he shot back.

They were beginning to draw attention from their peers but neither was aware of it.

"I should have known you wouldn’t do what I asked! You never do! You just go right on ahead with what Harmon Rabb wants and to hell with everyone else!" she flared angrily. "You have enough pride to choke a stinking horse!" she added.

"’Pride goeth before the fall,’" he quoted, rising behind his desk. "At least I was honest about how I felt. That’s more than I can say for you," he retorted, her words fueling the fire raging in his body until it threatened to fly out of control.

"Just stop it, Harm! I’m not going to stand here and argue with you in the middle of the office!"

She spun on her heel and stalked out of the office - right past Admiral Chegwidden and out of the bullpen.

"What the hell is going on out here?" he demanded.

Harm met his furious gaze.

"It was nothing. Just a disagreement," Harm answered uneasily.

"It didn’t sound like a disagreement." A.J.’s eyes narrowed as he searched Harm’s tight features. "Are you having problems?"

"No, Admiral. It’s nothing we can’t handle," Harm returned firmly.

"It better not be. You know I will not tolerate personal problems interfering with your work," he enunciated firmly, his meaning very clear.

"Aye, sir."

Satisfied, A.J. headed back to his office. Harm passed a hand over his face and sighed again. The last thing he ever meant to do was have a shouting match in the bullpen. Maybe it was time he got some air. Shaking down some of his contacts for information on Dion was a good place to start.

Most of the afternoon passed before he returned to the office to find Mac at her desk going over depositions. She didn’t look up as he removed his cover and sat down. Harm stared at her for a minute but it was clear she wasn’t talking to him. Suppressing an angry sigh he started to get back up.

"Why didn’t you tell me here you were going?"

Startled by her question, he looked back at her. "You weren’t here and I didn’t know how long it would be before you got over your little fit," he stated flatly.

The caustic words seemed to roll from deep inside without his control, taunting her. He was stunned by his own behavior because hurting was the last thing he wanted but it was difficult to handle when he was hurting himself.

"I was not having a fit. But I am still your partner and you should have told me where you were going," Mac answered, trying to stay calm.

"I wasn’t aware I had to check in with you," Harm goaded. Maybe part of him was trying to see if he could push enough of her buttons to make her really open up.

"No one is asking you to check in. I’m simply asking for a little common courtesy," she snapped, struggling to keep her voice down.

"Sorry, I seem to be fresh out."

This time it was Harm who turned and stalked away. From across the bullpen, A.J. stood near Tiner’s desk and watched, arms folded across his chest. Something was wrong and it was beginning to affect their working relationship as well as the atmosphere around them.

"Colonel MacKenzie?"

"Yes, Tiner," Mac said into the intercom.

"Admiral Chegwidden would like to see you ASAP."

"I’m on my way."

Minutes later Mac was seated in front of his desk, hands clenched in her lap. "You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked hesitantly.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asked without preamble.

"I’m fine. Why?"

"You and Harm have had two fights today. Harm tells me nothing is wrong but it’s obvious he’s lying. I didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday. Now why don’t you tell me what it is?" he questioned, his tone leaving no room for denial.

"There’s nothing to tell, sir. Things are just strained right now. The argument was nothing," she evaded, trying to look at him.

A.J. watched her twist her hands together and knew she was lying to him the same way Harm had. "I can see this is getting up nowhere so I’m going to tell you something. I’m giving you until tomorrow to work out this ‘minor’ problem. I don’t know how stupid you both think I am but I’ve known you a long time. It’s something happened while you were on leave and I won’t ask you for details but I want this taken care of. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Mac nodded soberly.

"I intend to tell harm the same thing and I mean it, Mac."

"I know, sir. Is that all?" she asked stiffly.

"That’s all. Dismissed."

The Admiral did indeed call the younger man into his office when Harm returned and as soon as she saw him Mac knew he wasn’t anymore pleased with their CO’s reprimand than she was.

"What do you suggest we do about this?" he asked as he came to her office and sat down.

"I don’t really want to discuss it right now," she muttered coldly.

"We have to talk about it unless you’d prefer another fight."

"I don’t want to fight with you at all! Can’t you get that through your thick skull? Stop goading me!" Mac burst out, throwing down her pen.

"Goading you?" Hard started to lean forward then stopped and help up one hand. "Wait. This is exactly what happened earlier. It’s almost quitting time and I think we better table this until after we leave," he suggested, taking a slow breath.

"Fine."

They made it through the remained of the afternoon without speaking at all. Afterward, Harm followed Mac to her apartment, watching in silence as she dropped her cover, purse and briefcase and turned to face him. Her arms crossed over her chest and her posture rigid.

"What’s happening to us?" he asked without prelude.

"I wish to God I knew. I don’t feel like you’re being very fair. We weren’t having any problems until you asked me for a relationship and I turned you down. Now everything I say is somehow wrong and I feel like you’re taking potshots at me," Mac cried, forgetting about her promise to herself to stay calm and unemotional. "I don’t think your ego can handle the rejection."

"My ego has nothing to do with this. It’s finding out that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did. My feelings didn’t just crop up over night and you know it. There’s been a million ways I’ve tried to show you over the years how I felt but I was afraid. The same as you were. I’ve always thought I knew you better than anyone else – at least well enough to know you push men away when they start getting too close. I seemed to be the exception to that but now that I’ve done what you wanted form me before – to admit it – you’re adding me to the push away list. It’s you who’s not being fair, Sarah," he answered honestly, using her given name to show his seriousness.

"How do you determine what is or isn’t fair?" Mac countered. "I told you I didn’t want any kind of an affair. Why can’t that be enough? We have a beautiful friendship you seem bent on destroying."

"I think we’re beating a dead horse. I want you to be honest with yourself and with me. I fell like I’m being deceived and I don’t like it one damn bit. We have never kept secrets from each other no matter how painful and I hate it that we’re doing it now. There has to be some way for us to work this out."

"I want you to stop talking about a relationship!"

"I will not lie about how I feel, damn it! I love you and there’s never going to be another woman so stop telling me I’ll find her," Harm growled, feeling his hackles rising again.

"This is getting us nowhere, Harm. Get out."

"No. I’m not leaving until we get this straightened out. Why can’t you just tell me what you’re afraid of?"

"I’m not afraid of anything. What I am is angry – very angry. Stop pushing me for answers that aren’t there just to soothe your ruffled feathers! Now get out!" she yelled, turning her back to him.

Harm crossed the room with angry strides and grabbed her arm, jerking her around to face him. "Stop shutting me out! I’m not leaving, Mac. Damn it to hell! I know you love me, too!"

The crack of her palm against his cheek sounded like a rifle shot. Harm’s head snapped back but he didn’t loosen his hold on her arms. Instead he shook her roughly, snapping her against his chest. Breathing heavily with fury, they tried to stare each other down, neither willing to give an inch.

Then he kissed her.

Mac fought him, her hands pushing against his chest as his lips slanted over hers, bruising them with his force. Neither one could have pinpointed when the plateau shifted but suddenly their arms were going around each other and her lips were meeting his. Harm bent slightly, sliding his big hands to her hips and lifting her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I want you so badly, Mac," he groaned raggedly, barely moving his mouth from her to get out the words.

"Yes," she gasped. "I want you, too. Make love to me."

Somehow they made it to Mac’s room and fell back on the bed. Harm’s hands were everywhere, not missing an inch between her gently flaring hips and beautiful face. Four years of hiding and shuffling and living on dreams fueled the pounding in his veins as he worked to get the buttons of her blouse, tearing off two in the process. Possessed by the same need powering Harm, Mac tore at his shirt, ripping it open down the front and sending buttons flying. Both shirts made it to the carpet followed closely by Mac’s bra and Harm’s undershirt. It was only then that the momentum of the event seemed to catch them and they slowed their frantic pace.

Harm gazed down at Mac, seeing the love he knew she felt for him laid bare in her liquid brown eyes. Harm lowered his head and kissed her tenderly, letting his lips play over the gentle curve of hers, testing the seam and seeking entrance. Mac sighed contentedly and twined her arms around his neck, parting her lips for the soft invasion of his tongue. A feeling of unity swept over them as their tongues met and melded. Harm held her pressed tightly against him, somehow wanting to make her a part of him, glorying over the feel of her full, lush curves giving way where they met his hard angles.

Mac traced each contour of the hard muscles rippling across his back. He had a body that would make any poster boy green with envy and she loved touching him. From his hands to his hair to his face. His mouth left hers and began a tender foray down the slender column of her throat, leaving a wet trail on her flesh. He discovered the swell of each breast, teasing her sensitive skin as he drew a circle around each hard peak, missing the straining tips until Mac thought she’d go mad.

"Please," she pleaded, catching his head between her hands.

Harm continued to swirl his tongue around and around, his big palms tenderly cupping each mound, supporting their weight as he kneaded gently. After several minutes of his gentle ministrations, he began a journey downward, marking a trail over her silky flesh. His hand moved over her flat belly as his tongue dipped teasingly into her navel. Mac’s breath was coming in quiet pants as he traced her hips through the material of her skirt. He rolled her forward slightly and she felt the zipper give. Carefully, Harm eased the material down and pulled it from her body, tossing it to the carpet. Her pumps went next and then her stockings. She gasped as he lifted her right leg, his questing lips missing nothing from the slight arch of her foot to the dimple behind her knee. By the time he finished with her left leg they were both breathing hard and flushed with mounting desire.

With love in her eyes, Mac watched as he rose and shed his clothes before lowering himself back to the bed, his weight pressing her into the mattress. They both sighed deeply as they came together with no remaining barriers, flesh to flesh. A heady sensation filled her as his hair roughened limbs rubbed sinuously against her soft skin and his mouth returned to her for a long, drugging kiss that left her breathless and clutching at his shoulders. Her hands found the tightly clenched muscles of his hips and buttocks and she urged him closer.

"I don’t have any way to protect you," he whispered tenderly.

Mac raised one hand and traced the curve of his jaw. "I’m already protected. Please come inside," she murmured invitingly.

Harm moved then and crossed the last remnant of sanity. They lay still for endless moments, losing complete track of time as they simply felt all that was shimmering between them. Their bodies recognized what both were trying so hard to get around and relished the pleasure in being together. By degrees their senses heightened, making them aware of the throbbing rhythm that existed only for the two of them. Teasingly, Mac nudged her hips against his and he lifted his head.

"Don’t start something you can’t finish," he growled playfully.

Mac grinned coyly. "I was hoping you would finish it."

Her encouraging words were all he needed to hear. Slowly, he began the gently rocking motion. The intense ache from before returned, bringing reinforcements with it. Harm braced his weight on his arms and stared down at Mac, his eyes ablaze with emotion. Endless minutes later, they were both hurled deep into the storm. Hearing her cry his name, he followed her into the tempest where both darkness and light collided. Mac felt his arms slip beneath her, drawing her close as he rolled to his side, taking her with him and easing the brunt of his weight. They were still intertwined and she felt the ragged pounding of his heart beneath her cheek, knowing her own was pounding just as hard. Laying their in his embrace, trying to regain her equilibrium, the enormity of what they’d done crashed in on her, destroying the ethereal moment. This was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to happen and now look at the fix they were in. How could she have let herself slide into this quicksand?

"Let me up," Mac demanded suddenly, pushing against him.

"What?" Harm asked, hearing the words that were the farthest from his mind right then.

"Let me up," she repeated, carefully enunciating each word as if he were hard of hearing.

Reluctantly, Harm’s arms loosened and she backed away from him, feeling the gentle slide of his body from hers, breaking them apart permanently. Mac scrambled from the bed, ignoring the hurt and confusion surfacing in Harm’s eyes. She reached for her robe and quickly slipped it on.

"Get out," she whispered coldly, gathering the tattered remains of her composure around her like a shield.

"You can’t be serious!" Harm thundered, dumbfounded.

Harm was out of bed and into his pants in seconds. When he started toward her, Mac threw up a hand to ward him off and stumbled backward. Harm took in her trembling limbs and the gathering tears she was trying valiantly to hold back.

"Please, tell me what’s wrong. That was the most beautiful…"

He never got a chance to finish the quiet, heartfelt words as she clapped her hands over her ears to block him out. Helplessness welled up from a spring deep inside of Harm. He took another step toward her and with a choked cry, she spun on her heel and raced into the bathroom, slamming the door. The click of the lock echoing in the still room announced the finality of the situation. Harm could only stand there and stare at the door. Pain closed in on him, splitting his heart wide open and spewing forth the agony of her rejection. The most beautiful experience of his life had just shattered like so many raindrops in a puddle. He had no idea how long he stood rooted to that spot before he finally found the strength the finish dressing. He had to stop once to sit on the edge of the bed as dizziness engulfed him, bringing a mist to his green eyes and a roaring in his ears. He had to be trapped in a bad dream.

Mac barely got inside of the bathroom and the door locked before her heart gave out. Tears spilled over as she sank to her knees, beating her fists against the cool tile. Mac’s heart pounded like it would spring form her chest and she gave over to the agony rippling through her. She should never have allowed this to happen. How was she ever going to face him now? They had changed because she was weak and stupid. She might as well have taken a gun to her own head.

When Mac got to work the next morning, Harm was already in his office working. He didn’t even glance up as she walked across the bullpen to the Admiral’s office. Mac knew what she probably looked like after having spent most of the night crying. Tiner showed her in and she seated herself in the front of her CO.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently, taking note of her pale, strained features.

"I need to talk to you," she responded quietly. "I want to be assigned to a new partner immediately."

For the first time the four years she’d worked with him, Admiral Chegwidden was speechless. He stared at her for several minutes, his expression almost comical.

"I must have misunderstood you," he finally managed to choke out.

"You heard me correctly. I will not work with Commander Rabb another day," she stated very clearly.

A.J. shook his head in confusion and took a deep breath. "I must be in bed dreaming this preposterous conversation because you can’t possibly be serious," he stated.

"I’ve never been more serious in my life, Admiral," Mac reiterated calmly, having coming to grips with her decision in the early hours before dawn.

Without another word, A.J. went to his door, yanking it open and bellowing Harm’s name. Mac felt his presence in the office a minute later but refused to openly acknowledge him.

"Sit down, Rabb!" A.J. barked.

From the tone of his voice, Harm knew whatever he was about to say wasn’t going to be good.

"Mac just asked for a new partner. What do you say to that?"

Harm wouldn’t have been more surprised if the Admiral had jumped up on his desk and yelled, ‘Hi! I’m a squid!’ It took every ounce of his willpower he had not to turn and demand an explanation from Mac. Instead he answered, "Maybe that would be best for both of us."

He heard Mac’s strangled gasp. Clearly she hadn’t expected this kind of acquiescence from him. A.J. sighed deeply.

"I’m very disappointed in the two of you. I never thought I’d see the day you couldn’t find a way to settle your differences. For your own sake and mine, I’m not going to officially reassign you. For the time being I’m going to let you work by yourselves. That will occupy your time and give you some breathing space. You two have always been my favorites. I think you know that. Hell, you’re about the only family I have and I sincerely hope whatever is causing this problem can be worked out. I’ll be the first to admit I never thought I’d see this happen. To be honest, I figured if you ever stopped working together it would be to get married." His words dropped in their laps like landmines.

They both turned shocked eyes to him and he smiled knowingly.

"So that is the problem," he mused. "I wondered after what I heard yesterday. I thought about it briefly when you were kidnapped, Mac, and then again after we got you back. I want you two to listen carefully to me. Take the advice of a man who is alone and find a way. You have something together most people only dream about. You have chemistry and more importantly, you’re best friends. I’ve watched you over the years and I’ve come to see that the one thing you’ve always held on to was the honesty between you. You’ve always told the truth even if it was painful or hard to accept. I refuse to believe now that you’ve come up against a barrier you can’t breach. If this were a case you’d sink your teeth in and find the truth – no matter who’s cage you had to rattle to do it.

I would prefer you continue to work together but you obviously feel that is no longer possible. After yesterday, I’m inclined to agree. You know without me telling you that kind of behavior is unacceptable. I’m going to note this in your personnel files and as your CO I’m ordering you to see a psychiatrist. " He held up a hand when they both bolted from their chairs. "This is for your own sake as well as for your jobs. I will not stand by and let your personal lives interfere with your performance here or the welfare of this department and the people who count on you. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" he questioned sternly.

"Yes, sir."

"Aye, sir."

"Dismissed."

With frustrated looks, they turned to leave his office.

"This is all your fault," Mac hissed to Harm.

"My fault?" Harm demanded in a low voice.

A.J. cleared his throat ad when they turned he gave them a pointed stare. "This is exactly what I’m referring to. Make your appointments with Captain Deverell and then go home. Take the rest of the day to look at what you’re doing and I’ll see you both tomorrow. Think about where you’re headed, he advised and turned his back, signaling the end of the talk.

"Is that an order, Admiral?" Harm asked quietly.

"Do I have to make it one?" A.J. countered with a level stare.

Harm shook his head and waited for Mac to proceed him. Neither said a word as they walked across the bullpen. Harm trailed Mac to her office but she simply held up a hand.

"No, Harm, I don’t want to talk right now."

Then she was gone. Harm stood for a long time staring at her empty office. He felt numb, not having the slightest idea how to begin sorting out the mess their lives had become.

"Harm?"

Harm looked up at the sound of A.J.’s voice. The older man tilted his head in the direction of Harm’s office and the two men walked across the short distance. A.J. closed the door behind them and sat down in front of Harm’s desk while Harm went around behind it.

"I know I’m probably not the one you want to be talking to but I hope you know you can. I don’t like what I’m seeing it. It doesn’t make any sense."

Harm snorted derisively. "Don’t I know it. It’s a long story, Admiral. Sure you want to hear it?"

"If you want to tell me."

"You’ll probably never let us go back to partners after you hear what I have to say but I think we’ve pretty much brought ourselves to that point," Harm told him glumly.

"If you’re referring to knowing the two of you are in love then I already know. In fact, I think everyone knows except you and the Colonel."

"Not anymore," Harm sighed. "When we were in Australia she wanted some kind of confession from me and I wouldn’t – couldn’t give it to her."

"So she accepted Commander Brumby’s engagement ring. Do you think she was trying to force your hand?" A.J. mused.

Harm shook his head. "I don’t know. I just know that I’ve been thinking more and more lately about my feelings for her and when Dion took her – that just took me the last step. Now Mac’s the one dragging her feet. She doesn’t even want me to mention love anywhere in the sentence as her name. But yesterday I followed her home from here so we could talk and well, one thing led to another..." Harm broke off as a surge of color filled his face.

"I think I can put two and two together," A.J. murmured dryly.

"I don’t know what to do now. I can’t just open up my hands and let her go. I’ve never been sorry that she’s my best friend and my partner but I want the rest of the picture, too," he paused and met A.J.’s gaze as the older man studied him. "We used to joke about what the regulations say on personal relationships but you’ve never said a word about the time we spend together away from the office. I would die for her, Admiral, and despite what she says now I know she feels the same. I…" he broke off abruptly and rubbed a hand over his face. "This is hard for me to talk about," he murmured.

A.J. smiled slightly and leaned forward. "I know it is, Harm, and we’ve talked enough. Now go home and take a step back and let her do the same. One way or another this is going to get worked out – I just hope for both of your sakes you make the right choice."

Mac closed the front door behind her and kicked off her pumps before dropping onto the couch. Meeting with the Admiral certainly hadn’t gone like she expected it to. She had it all planned – walk in, tell him she wanted a new partner, get his approval and leave. And she never thought Harm would agree to a separation. He’d been disagreeable on everything else thus far. Deep inside, Mac knew she was as much at fault as he was for their current problems. At least Harm was being honest about his feelings. The honest truth from Mac was that she was scared – plain and simple. She loved Harmon Rabb and it scared the hell out of her.

Mac would have laughed if she’d known Harm was in the exact same position except his feet were propped up on the coffee table. The talk with A.J. had lifted part of the burden from the younger man’s shoulders. Talking heart to heart like that wasn’t something the two men indulged in – actually, Harm never really talked to anyone except for Mac but to have reassurance of his role with the Admiral had helped.

More than anything, Harm wanted Mac as his wife, not just his friend and partner. He wasn’t sure he could ever settle for just friendship again – especially not after making love with her. He couldn’t go back to the old way. How could he when his every thought was filled with her? {{Stop thinking about it, he scolded himself. You’re only making things worse.}} He sighed deeply, his blue eyes gazing at the far wall. The world didn’t stop turning just because one man was as low as his heels. Life was definitely not very good at this particular moment. And to make matters worse he had a new junior to deal with in the morning. The last thing he felt like doing was showing someone the ropes and on a situation as volatile as the pursuit of Dion. Mac was the only partner he ever wanted. No one could take her place.

"At least you’re on time at this God-awful hour."

Harm simply grinned as he walked up to Webb under a stand of trees. It was dark as pitch in the cemetery but under the light of the clear dark night, the rows and rows and rows of crosses could be seen.

"I assume this is about Dion?" Webb asked without preliminaries.

"Yes. I want him taken care of once and for all. I was stupid enough to believe he’d never come back. I can’t risk something else happening to her," Harm stated grimly.

"I’ve already looked into the matter, Harm. He came back into the States about six months ago. He’s been holed up at an estate north of DC rebuilding his trade," Webb explained. "I recommend we send a team in immediately to take care of him. There won’t be an extraction this time, Harm. They want Dion eliminated once and for all."

Harm didn’t have to ask who ‘they’ were. "As do I. I should have taken care of him myself when he first got away from us," Harm sighed. "Do whatever it takes, Webb. And I want to be involved."

"I have to. I have to see it to the end for my own peace," Harm answered

The tall blonde woman wasn’t at all what Mac expected but she instantly felt more at ease just by the fact that the doctor was closer to her age and seemed personable.

"Good morning, Colonel MacKenzie. How are you?"
"Tired," Mac admitted as she sat down. "We had to go see a crime scene last night."

"You look nervous. I gather you didn’t come to see me by choice?"

"No, I didn’t want to see you but the Admiral ordered my partner and I both to come," Mac sighed.

"Admiral Chegwidden is just concerned about you. He told me briefly about the kidnapping and about the trouble now with your partner. Why don’t you tell me about that first?" she suggested.

Haltingly at first, Mac began to explain what had transpired between her and Harm. She didn’t hide and of the details even though it was hard for her to get them out. Captain Deverell listened without interruption.

"You love Commander Rabb."

It wasn’t a question but a statement. Mac eyed for a moment before finally nodding. "Yes, I do. I love him so much it scares the hell out of me."

"Why are you afraid?"

As if a dam had broken, the story of Mac’s troubled childhood poured out. Tears threatened to overflow a couple of times but she forced them down with a deep breath and continued.

"I know I’m taking advantage of his feelings for me because I can’t quite bring myself to severe our ties. Fighting with him tears me up."

"But you don’t want to severe your ties together."

"No," Mac sighed. "Harm is my best friend and I don’t want to lose our friendship but at the same time I’m afraid if I let things go we will lose everything," she whispered.

"Life has no set pattern for us to follow," Captain Deverell started slowly. "There are risks we have to take. I can understand your desire to avoid being hurt but aren’t you hurting now? It’s clear to me that you love the Commander and you want to be with him. And apparently he expresses that same feeling. There are never any guarantees and you could very well end up apart but to lose it all on a slim chance of that happening would be a greater loss."

"I’m just not sure I can take that chance," Mac reiterated.

Captain Deverell studied her for a moment. "Think about what we’ve talked about today, Mac. We’ll talk again next week but please, don’t make any decisions that will permanently affect your future until you deal with what’s at hand now."

Later that afternoon, Harm found himself seated across from Captain Deverell. The slender blonde was younger than he anticipated and reminded him a little of Jordan with her warm smile and easy attitude.

"You look very uneasy, Commander Rabb. I assure you I won’t bite," she smiled gently.

This brought a chuckle from Harm. "No, ma’am, I didn’t think you would."

"I simply want to talk to you and I realize that had Admiral Chegwidden not ordered you to see me you wouldn’t be here now. He’s simply trying to help you and Colonel MacKenzie," she explained.

"I know," Harm nodded. "Frankly, I’m willing to do whatever I have. I don’t want another partner nor do I like where we’ve ended up."

"Things have certainly not been easy after all she’s endured. In some cases, trauma of this nature is never resolved. After having talked to her and hearing the background, I would hate to see that be the case now. Something I want to make sure you understand is that part of her reaction now stems from what her captors did to her," Captain Deverell began.

"I know that," he replied. "What I don’t know is how to help her. After we came home from the hospital she grew more and more distant and less talkative. She said she doesn’t blame me for what happened but I think she might. I know I blame myself," he laughed hollowly.

"For something you couldn’t do anything about," the Captain answered, leaning back in her chair. "Have you ever wondered what makes us feel we have to shoulder guilt for things beyond our control? Maybe to protect the people we love. At any rate, you could have never known this man Dion would kidnap Mac. I can see where you stand in this, though, Commander. You’re torn between wanting to do what’s best for and finding the man who hurt her in the first place. Am I correct?" she asked.

"Yes," Harm acknowledged. "Going after Dion seems like a piece of cake compared to making the right choice with her. It seems like no matter what I do now I’m wrong. She attacks everything I say. I want so badly to help her but she won’t let me close enough to even try."

"She’s afraid."

"I know but she has to believe I would never hurt her. I would die for her," he stated very quietly.

"I believe she knows that, too. She has to reconcile all that’s happened and the change it’s brought to the two of you. She told me she’s tried to take your relationship beyond friendship and you’ve always balked. Now it’s turned on her and she doesn’t know what to do with it. As much as I know how little this helps, you have to remain supportive to her – at least for now. Pushing yourselves will only drive you farther apart," Captain Deverell advised.

"What if she never reaches that point?" Harm demanded in a raw voice.

"Don’t look too far ahead with what ifs, Commander Rabb. Let’s just look at what we have right now."

Webb killed the headlights on the nondescript sedan he was driving and pulled up next to another car deep in the shadows. He rolled down the window and glanced across the foot separating them.

"Webb."

"Ryan."

"Dion’s getting ready to move his first major shipment out. We ‘spoke’ with one of his men yesterday."

He handed Webb a file through the window and Webb quickly looked through them. High-resolution black and whites showed Joseph Dion and some of his men at the harbor. There were also pictures of the estate where he’d set up headquarters and several pictures of him traveling in and out of limos, his men standing by at all times.

"He confirmed Colonel MacKenzie’s kidnapping. He said there are plans for Rabb but he didn’t know what. Seems Dion gets extremely volatile at the mere mention of Rabb’s name," Ryan continued.

"No wonder given what happened between them. Mac wasn’t even around when it happened but he still used her to get to Rabb," Webb answered. "He’ll do whatever he has to. I want a team assembled immediately."

"Yes, sir. We've confirmed the identity of Dion's Bogota connection. We think he's the one coming in tonight. The comm link picked up a phone call on a patch line confirming the time and place at the dock. Are you going in with us?"

"Yes, and so is Rabb. We’ll make our move on Dion tonight when he exchanges the shipment," Webb continued.

"Yes, sir."