diary Archive: March, 2009.



march 31, 2009
snow gets in your eyes

I couldn't help but cheer the blizzard on yesterday. If spring HAS to come (and I wish it didn't) I'm glad that winter had at least one good "fuck you" left in it. Power to the underdog!



march 31, 2009
dvd review: flowers in the attic

This was a huge flop even though it was an adaptation of the V.C. Andrews novel that sold about a zillion copies. Andrews enthusiasts took exception to the ways that the film veered away from the book.... BFD. A film is one thing and a book is a something else... if they were the same things then what would be the point? ANYWAY - The film now has a kind of cult status and I'm glad about that. What can I tell you about it? Well, if you HATE kids then you're gonna LOVE this movie. And, oh yes, you can be absolutely certain that I LOVED it. Glean from that what you will.
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 7.7/10



march 31, 2009
dvd review: may

This is a quirky little gem. I really love this movie - really, really love it. Classified as a horror film.... and I suppose it is. But it's just a great story and the characters so completely real and convincing. And though May has some.... well let's just call them "issues" she is also so likable that you aren't entirely sure how to feel about her actions. If you're like me (and if you are, I hope you are getting professional help) you will not be able to stop yourself from smiling at the films conclusion. I'm smiling as I write this - but then again I have some "issues" of my own.
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 9/10



march 29, 2009
they tried to make her go to rehab

John Waters really needs to make the film "The Amy Winehouse Story" I mean it writes itself and it is in itself the very stuff of all of John Waters' films. I really think he is missing an opportunity here. I recently read that he can't get his new movie made because no one wants to fund it.... which is a HUGE shame... but I'd bet anything someone would toss some cash his way for the Amy Winehouse pic. The late, great Divine would have made a great Amy Winehouse... but seeing as he can't, perhaps Amy should play herself? I know that I'd go to see it!



march 29, 2009
dvd review: the adventures of elmo in grouchland

Yeah, yeah, yeah... we all know that Elmo is a douche.... but what I wouldn't give to have an adventure in Grouchland! I mean, Oscar the Grouch has always been an inspiration and role model for me. Isn't there some travel agent out there who can send me on my way? *Sigh*
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 6.9/10



march 29, 2009
dvd review: the wizard of gore (remake)

Oh, how re-makes make me cringe! And re-making a classic is TRULY sacrilege. But I was very intrigued that Crispin Glover was playing the Wizard. And he was great - the rest of the movie is a mess.... or not a mess cause there sure as hell wasn't much gore. Crispin Glover is a strange, strange guy in a way that makes him perfect for this role. But he was so appallingly under-used in the film. Oh, why can't they leave the classics alone... and just let Crispin Glover go nuts and tear the shit up!
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 5.0/10



march 28, 2009
4 in 1

1. Passed a gas station and saw "Society is collapsing" spray-painted on the side. Its like - Really, you think so? What was your first clue?
2.Maybe I'm a little too easily disappointed in people and that makes me wonder if my expectations are too high. But I look around and the truth I see is that the issue lies with people whose expectations of themselves are too low.
3. I bought a cactus - the species is called "fairy castle." I've given it to my mother who has a way with these things. She should write a book about caring for house plants.... however it would be a very short book because her answer to all issues is to transplant it to a larger pot. I'm poking fun but, for whatever reason, it works. Maybe it's a good philosophy for life - when in doubt crawl into a larger pot. Okay - maybe not. One thing is for sure, in no time that cactus will be thriving. Good. Something should.
4. M___ and I were grabbing a bite to eat in a fast food place when all of a sudden these two hippies come skipping (literally) through barking out hippie slogans and as they passed our table the girl hippie looked at us and said "That food is bad for you!" My reaction was the same as when I saw the graffiti at the gas station.... Really, you think so? What was your first clue? I mean - shit - can't a guy grab a bite to eat in peace?



march 28, 2009
dvd review: the strangers

You know how when you saw "The Blair Witch Project" your reaction was to run as fast as you could into your home and lock the friggin' door? Well, "The Strangers" has the complete opposite effect... you will want to run screaming from the "security" of your house, possibly to never return. This movie is so deceptively simple... but it packs a big wallop. The scary factor is sky-high. And if, like me, masks on people freak you out.... well.... prepare for the fear.
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 8/10



march 27, 2009
hmmmm.....

Why hasn't anyone made "Tetris: The Movie" yet?



march 27, 2009
ouch!

What do you do with disappointment? How do you make the sting of it go away? How do you deal with it without feeling like you're just sulking?



march 27, 2009
dvd review: sesame street presents: follow that bird

Anyone who knows me knows that there are two things I like to see in a movie: a good decapitation or a Muppet... though I wouldn't want to see the decapitation of a Muppet. Anyway - it seems that this movie upsets a lot of kids... I guess seeing Big Bird kidnapped, dyed blue and caged is too much for them. What's the big deal? It's Sesame Street, for Christ's sake... you know that Big Bird will be freed, turned back to yellow and a happy song will be sung by all.
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 7.6/10



march 27, 2009
dvd review: bloodsucking freaks

So gross that even I had to take an intermission mid-way through. Only the most depraved and warped of minds could come up with anything so completely disgusting. I LOVED it.
Orchidbau Movie Meter: 7.9/10



march 26, 2009
bucket dreams

Woke from a very deep sleep - a nap - and had two separate dreams each involving a yellow bucket. In the first dream I'm in a grocery store and I've misplaced my yellow bucket that apparently had a bunch of my stuff (wallet, etc) in it. In the second dream I'm doing volunteer work in a library. They want me to make posters promoting programs and movies and stuff happening at the library. They give me a yellow bucket to put the materials (paints, etc) I will need in. There was also some strangeness involving an older man telling me how much he likes to get drunk as I'm working on a poster design - he kinda gives me the creeps but nothing significant and doesn't really stop me from the task at hand. It was all very weird but I had one hell of a good sleep.



march 24, 2009
site update

My collection of bizarre records continues to grow - check out the new additions to the vinyl oddities page.



march 23, 2009
downloadable C

As I continue to plan upcoming improvements to the website (yes, this one), I am wondering if I can fortify it with vitamins and minerals. You know, so you, my lovely guest, can continue to have a laugh, learn something, maybe even think about stuff in a new way AND get your recommended daily dose of vitamin C, etc. Can you download a supplement? I do this, dear reader, because I care.... I want only the VERY best for you. So maybe I can't provide you with nutrients.... but I CAN promise you that this website is now and will remian 100% sugar free... unlike me... though I am trying cause those sugar-related mood and memory disturbances are a bitch. Just ignore the chocolate bar wrapper over there.... thanks.



march 23, 2009
sir prize

Weird day (what a surprise). Slept strangely (what a surprise). Strange dreams (what a surprise). Had little to no ambition (what a surprise). Annoyed by the human race in general (what a surprise). Snow storm (actually was a bit of a surprise). All of it just spilled milk.... keep moving on, Mr. O.



march 22, 2009
seven is magic

Seven thoughts and occurrences.... random and otherwise...
1. De-construction and re-construction are two of my very best skills and I feel very close to being ready to really employ them in all manner of things, including the website.
2. Christmas-themed dreams. Gifts wrapped in plain red paper, short Christmas tree, Dad. A very attractive blonde woman jumps out of a car and delivers my christmas dinner on a large plate covered by an even larger dome - a black dome. The food beneath seems small on the large plate.
3. Elevator dreams.... again. Yikes.
4. Speaking of elevators - saw the most gorgeous dog on the elevator yesterday. Not sure of the breed. Fur all in varying shades of gray... but it was her eyes that were the most stunning. The most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen - deep golden brown. I wanted so much to play with her... but these elevator encounters are too short lived.
5. Strawberries - can't get enough of them lately. I'm eating so many that it's entirely possible that I may turn into one.
6. Woke up with the erection to end all erections. Had to pee, of course and had to wait for it to subside. Took forever to go away. It was painful and I thought that my bladder might very well burst all on it's own. Could it be all the strawberries?
7. I'm SO hating the time change and how spring is barrelling towards me - inevitable and unwanted.



march 19, 2009
it's beyond me

Why the hell is the President of the US on a talk show comparing government to a reality show (American Idol)? Am I the only one who finds it surreal?



march 13, 2009
gennifer wax goes down

"Holy fuck, sweet Jesus, motherfuck, cocksucker, goddamn bastard," Gennifer Wax thought to herself as the judge brought down her sentence, "Piss, ass, cunt, shit, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.... I'm going to jail."



march 13, 2009
take my hand

My bedroom window came down on my left hand this morning. Came down on the broad part of my hand - between wrist and knuckles. If it had come down across my fingers they'd probably be broken. This is the same hand that sustained a second degree burn on the palm from a wad of glue gun glue and the same one with raging carpal tunnel. On the underside of my hand there is an area near the wrist that has no sensation since the window came down... about half an inch from the spot that had no feeling for two years after the burn. Oh and just hours before the window trauma I got a nasty cut on the knuckle of my index finger on that hand... I have no idea how I got it. Yes - I am such a fuck-up.... or is it a Friday the 13th thing? Hmmmmm....



march 11, 2009
wrong? me?!? now how can that be???

I hate to admit it.... well first it pains me to admit I bought a Jack Johnson CD (Sleep Through Static). I bought it cause I wanted to hear something mellow. After a few listens the hyper-critical Virgo in me dismissed it as TOO mellow. Way too mellow. I think I might have even called it "music to be in a coma to." But.... well... here comes the part I hate to admit... now I cant get enough of it. I'm playing it all the time and am totally into it. That Jack Johnson is a pretty tricky guy.... and though I won't go so far as to say that I was wrong (cause I hate like hell to say I'm wrong about anything) but I will say that sharp little Virgo in me could (perhaps) learn some tolerance. Hey - I've even stopped calling him John Jackson.... mostly.



march 11, 2009
movies and mood swings

Dr. A___ took me 15 minutes early today. Will wonders never cease? We had the usual discussions including film and his travels. M___ is always amazed at how little we talk about me. I suppose it is funny. But the man is a professional - a very highly regarded professional - and I'm sure he gleans much about my slippery psyche through our discussions. Cinematic and psychiatric.



march 9, 2009
gasoline breath and beyond

You're tinkering about again. Wandering aimless and loose. Trying to develop a world view in the light from the windows reflected in the street. It's urban. And maybe you own it and maybe you don't.
And what about when you're gone? And what about when you're old? And what about your heartbeat - will it expire and rot away?
And what about those sexy, slutty girls who taunt with an eyebrow raised... drinking their gasoline martinis, secure in knowing that rape is just something that happens on TV. They make you mad but you watch them anyway like a channel that flickers, lighting the darkness of a room you don't own. And you think that maybe you really hate them.
And you think that maybe you hate yourself. Really hate yourself. Or not.
You think about your heart again, seeing it for what it is, just muscle and blood... not sentiment or love. Not an emotional fountain bursting with good intentions. No.
And what about luck? Just some fucked-up notion when you're desperate to believe in something.
You think about your brain, how you'll never understand how it functions even though your brain is all there is to you. Nothing more.
Your brain controls your body, your thoughts, your intentions both good and bad, the trick of emotion.
The brain is all there is. The brain is God. God, just a fairy tale that panders to the desperate and naive.
So why not grab one of those slutty girls and shake her really hard. Really, really hard. See the martini glass shatter, smell her gasoline breath and show her what can come our of her fucking TV.
So why not grab one? There's no God to punish you and no font of sentiment beating in your chest.
But you can't.
And you don't.
You just keep tinkering about. Wandering aimless and loose. Trying to develop a world view beyond reflections and the flickering light of your TV.
Beyond your heart.
Beyond your brain.
Beyond any of it.



march 4, 2009
a cry for salvation/a contact high

When we were as low as we could be we went searching for our high, for the highest we could be. We looked in churches, we looked in libraries, we looked in museums.
Finally, we resorted to laying ourselves down with the flowers languishing in the moonlight... a contact high.
But it was Hosanna who was the highest. Just as they'd told us in church.
'Hosanna in the highest.,' they said.
Hosanna is the highest, we knew. And we could only aspire to be as high as she...a cry for salvation.



march 3, 2009
christ, it's not even in colour

I have had to re-think and re-evaluate my use of having different coloured words in my online diary entries. Some people (including M___) found it distracting - and I can't disagree with that. Other people were confused thinking you should click on the words, which did nothing. I can understand that confusion too. For me it was just an extra pain in the butt.... so I will discontinue the colour stuff.... giving optimum enjoyment for all the twisted (like me) souls who so graciously read these words.... these strange & troubling and positive & empowering and everything in between words. And, no, I won't be removing the colour from previous entries... that would cut into my video game playing time and we CAN'T have that!
PS... If I WAS still using colour, I would have added colour to the following words in this entry; distracting, nothing, confusion, twisted, and video game. Just in case you were wondering... I know I was.



march 1, 2009
the heroin diamond nursery rhyme

Fingers on the zipper. Church bells ringing. A rush of communication - electronic and otherwise. Balloons. Cherries. Heroin. Surprises beyond the nursery rhymes. Drink from crystal. Awaken in a diamond mine. Essence. Presence. Value. Fields. Screaming skies. Wanting. Wanting. Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.



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