EXCERPT FROM
"THE BIG SHOW" 2/25/51
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: I wonder who wrote this letter?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: (giggling) Guess.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Judy Holliday! Judy, darling, you wrote this letter. It was so sweet of you, I'm flattered that the star of Born Yesterday would write me a fan letter. I love getting fan letters. No matter how busy I am with this show you know, I always find time to read my fan mail. Well I spend half my nights just reading my mail.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: (sighs) Still single, huh?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Now Judy, let's not get started on that again. Every time I see you, you start in about my getting married. Right now, I don't want to get married.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: What's the matter - there's a law against it?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: I'm trying to tell you, darling, I like the life I lead.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: There's a law against that!
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: (annoyed) Look legal Holliday!
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Ah, you're sore. I can see you're sore. It's nothin' to me. If you want to get married, you're the one that's gotta worry, not me...or is it "not I"?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: It is, "not I".
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Well, if it's not me and not you, then who? 'Cause the fellas are certainly not gonna worry about it. Honestly, sometimes you remind me of my friend, Selma.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Who is Selma?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: A girl.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: (sarcastic) No fooling.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: None whatever. That's her trouble. For years Selma was bothered by everything but fellas.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Look darling, let's drop Selma.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Drop Selma! That was the slogan in the neighborhood - drop Selma. It finally got so bad that she decided to go to a psychiatrist and he cured her. Hey, you should go to a psychiatrist too 'cause you got the same trouble she had. All your problems could be summed up in one word.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: And what is that word?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: (giggling) Well...I don't like to say it.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Oh go ahead and say it. What's the word?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: I guess it's alright - who could be listening? Your whole problem is a word that starts with "S" and ends with "X".
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: "S"..."X"? Oh you mean...
JUDY HOLLIDAY: (excited) That's right - Sublimation Complex.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Darling, do you expect me to spend an hour out of my life, everyday, lying on a psychiatrist's couch?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: So tell him the truth.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: My dear girl, he'd never believe it. As a matter of fact Judy, I went to psychiatrist about, well about 3 years ago.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Yeah, how'd it work out?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Well, he's just beginning to take a little solid food now.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Laugh, clown, laugh. But the time is gonna come when you'll need a man to take care of you, to support you.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: (insulted) Support me? Why Judy, my pet, I have nothing to worry about. I have a very large annuity that is going to mature in 10 years.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Who won't? Big deal - an annuity. Will an annuity get up in the middle of the night when you're hungry and there's no food in the house and it's snowin' outside and go down to the delicatessen and get you a ham and Swiss cheese sandwich on rye toast, not too brown, with plenty of mustard and a bottle of beer? Do you think for one minute that an annuity would do that?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Your husband does that, I suppose.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Well...no. But he thinks about it for one minute. That's more than an annuity will do.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Now Judy, you probably don't even know what an annuity is, do you dear?
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Vaguely.
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Well, an annuity is money that you lay away for the future, you see. It's money you save for a rainy day. And with the annuity I've got, I'll be taken care of on plenty of rainy days.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: How 'bout the nights?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Don't worry about my nights, darling. I'll never want for an escort. I know many an attractive male.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: You mean fan mail?
TALLULAH BANKHEAD: Well, I know one thing, I need no husband to support me. I'll be financially independent. I'll be able to walk in Hattie Carnegie, Scaparelli's, Bergdorf Goodman, and buy anything I want.
JUDY HOLLIDAY: Yeah, but never into Lane Bryant.
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