Jewlz, (just getting out of the shower) aka, Resident Pevette Babette,aka,Yooper Babette. A founding member of TAG, the Table Artists Guild & a supreme table artist herself. HOWEVER----this girl has some serious problems. She suffers from child induced insanity & has serious problems with the holidays.
I am going to let Jewlz herself, explain about the holidays as I couldn't possibly top it. So, here, in her own words, with some editing (the girl just can't shut up) is the story of her First Thanskgiving & a typical Christmas.
"My first Thanksgiving ever. I got up early to get Thanksgiving cooking started. I took the defrosted turkey...A Butterball no less.
Found the lil bag of YUCK..gizzards...liver and stuff. Figured that was it. You know everything should be in that bag dont' cha think?
Anyhoo..I went to rinse the bird out. I had found the bag of YUCK in the neck cavity. Whilst rinsing the ahem...hiney cavity..I went to put my hand in it to rinse it well and noticed this huge curved shaped thing in it. I thought for some unGodly reason it was a penis! Yep..a turkey penis and it was huge.
I threw the turkey across the kitchen floor and screamed. That puppy hit the floor and slid and hit the wall!
Gramma came running in and asked me what was up. I told her what I had found in the turkey..she went and picked up the turkey. It was the freakin Turkey neck inside it's hiney cavity. I was sooooo embarrrassed. She and the hubby laughed their asses off at me. And of course bring up that story ALOT.
Have to say that I've learned the difference between a turkey neck and a turkey penis. LOL do they have penises anyway? ROFL! And also become a kick ass lil turkey cook.
Another embarrassing story. We call it the Bellringer story. You know the Salvation Army peeps that stand outside K-Mart and such at Christmas time. Well...it was Christmas Eve Day...I had just gotten done with the last of my handmade gifts for my family which is huge. 8 kids and they all have their own kids. Yikes!
Come to find out that the hubby's brother and his wife were gonna be at the in-laws house. They had surprised everyone for Christmas. I felt awful I had no gift for them made.
So...I ventured out to the store. After being up all night working on gifts I had an awful migraine. I bundled up and drove to K-Mart to see if I could find something suitable for the bro in law.
Having nothing in my system but coffee from the all nighter before. I approached the doors and the bell ringer said Merry Christmas. I smiled and said same to you. I found gifts right away for the in-laws. Stood in the express lane for almost 20 minutes. And those flourescent lites are murder on a migraine.
I came out and the same bell-ringer said Happy Holidays. I looked at him went to put some money in the tin and say..."Merry Chrstmas" and that is all that came out was "M...and I threw up all over him.
I was mortified. I could just hear splat as the remains of all the coffee I had drank hit this poor soul.
He of course had jumped back..I saw his boots were full of my MESS and squatted to grab some snow to clean off his boots while repeating-- I'm so sorry! He helped me up and said it was okay. The stress of the holidays and all. What a kind soul!
He of course had to go into the store to clean up..I drove home in tears. Told my family what had happened and got the biggest laugh out of all of them. My lil puke session was the talk of the nite at all the relatives houses. And get this...the next year the same bellringer was outside of K-Mart...and yep you guessed it..he remembered me and backed up when he said Merry Christmas to me. Then of course smiled.
ROFL..how's that for embarrasskin? "
Now, could I top this? Of course not.
Here's Jewlz all gussied up & ready for another holiday.
HEAVEN HELP US ALL!
Now, in her own words--Wer'e outtie--tooldezz
WTV-SEXZONE ROCK & ROLL BAND
