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Relationship Advice
Be Appreciative.
Sadly, the MAIN cause for relationship breakdown is when one of the partners does not feel appreciated.
It is not financial hardship.
It is not the lack of sexual gratification.
It is not poor working conditions.
It is not the lack of adequate shelter.
It is the lack of appreciation.
A man can go to work and care and tend for his family as he would a rose garden. He can earn and pay for all the nourishment the family needs. He can supply his family with adequate shelter and give all the little luxuries of modern living, but if he doesn't express his appreciation of his mate, the relationship is likely to sour.
So too it is for friendships, your work environment or social outlet.
If you are giving your best at work but your boss doesn't afford you any due recognition, your work ethics will soon diminish. No matter who you are, you crave to feel appreciated.
One of our greatest emotional needs is the need to feel appreciated and when that need is not being met, a great internal struggle begins between your emotional and mental frameworks which results in stress. This can build to the stage where your marriage, friendship or workplace relationships can completely breakdown and you begin to look at other environments to satisfy your needs.
Appreciation is cheap to give. Just a word at the right time can keep your relationships sailing smoothly.
Tell your mate how much you appreciate them on a regular basis. Be sincere and honest. They won't fall for flattery yet they crave for true appreciation.
A simply thank you is a good beginning on the road to becoming appreciative.
Say it to someone everyday.
Developing Trust.
In any interpersonal relationship, trust is an essential element. Whether it may be husband/wife, friend, relation or parent, we need to know that we can rely on the other person.
Trust stems from keeping our word. If we say we will be there for the other person, then we should be there. It comes from being dependable, from being open and honest and not hiding things.
Trusting another person, earning and holding the trust of another, is basic to any interpersonal relationship, because without trust there is only doubt and other associated negative thoughts and feelings.
Develop a trusting relationship. Be there when you say you will. Be where you say you will. Be open, honest and frank. Become predictable and your relationships will prosper.
Reducing relationship stress.
Communication is one of our most common activities, and yet, it is one which we pay the least attention to. The lack of effective communication is one of the most common and accepted causes of stress, especially in relationships, as it results in confusion, hostility and mistrust.
Communication can be open, honest and well meaning, or it can be deceptive, manipulative and confusing. How we communicate is influenced by our own personal needs in interpersonal relations and by our perceptions of certain situations.
If we are to improve our communication and relationship skills, and reduce stress, we need to be consistent in what we say and do in regard to other people.
Listening carefully to and being interested in what the other person has to say, while looking directly at the other person, will build trust. If you direct your attention and positive communication towards your partner and your partner reciprocates, then your relationship will receive ongoing positive reinforcement.
Relationships are made up of an infinite number of large and small things. Caring for your relationship is like tending a garden or caring for your car. We must think of the others needs without being asked and be prepared to do that bit extra when things are not right.
Self directed attention and communication, such as me-too behaviors, are non-supportive and eventually destructive, for ourselves and our relationships.
Reduce the stress in your relationship. Listen attentively, talk openly and honestly and above all, be interested in what your partner is saying.
Maintaining Relationships and Improving Self-esteem
All relationships require maintenance.
Just as your car needs a regular tune up and fresh oil to keep it running smoothly, so too does your relationships with your spouse or loved one, family, friends and work companions.
How do you tune up your personal relationships?
Firstly throw out the old oil and let go of any critical or resentful thoughts that may have accumulated over time. Stop blaming, judging or criticizing the other, (aloud or to yourself) and focus on all the good and supportive aspects of the particular relationship. When you always focus on the bad points, things seem to get worse and you lose trust and confidence, in your relationships and in yourself. Flush those negative thoughts down the drain and replace them with new and positive thoughts of love and appreciation for your loved ones and you.
Give your relationships a new spark by communicating your positive feelings toward them. You know how good you feel when someone praises and appreciates you. Let your special friend know just what they mean to you, how you rely on them for support and guidance, how their friendship carries you forward each day. Show them the real you. Don't hold back your inner feelings and let them in to share your intimacy.
Almost every aspect of your life involves relating to yourself or other people and is closely linked to your self-esteem on a daily basis. When your relationships are running smoothly, you tend to feel good and your self-esteem is high. When they are only running on 2 cylinders, or sickly, your self-esteem is also low.
Close and intimate relationships with others are natural and can give us great joy or great pain.
When your car is running sickly, do you tune it up?
Accepting Change
In nature, the only thing that is permanent is that everything changes, therefore it is important to our own happiness that we accept as a fact that "life is change."
When we refuse to accept change as a fact we contribute to our own unhappiness, while the acceptance of change can reduce anxiety and help us cope with the many problems of day-to-day living.
Most people readily accept the fact that a baby will grow through the stages of infancy, childhood, adulthood and into old age, yet panic when things change in their personal relationships. For example, a spouse's waning passion does not necessarily mean that the romance is gone from the marriage and a divorce is immanent. It may only signal a part of a cycle that will transform the union to a higher level, based on commitment and love, instead of passion and romance.
All things on Earth are subject to change and lack the ability to remain the same. So it is with our personal relationships. By learning to accept the changes that are occurring, just as we accept natures changing seasons, we can grow and develop as individuals and reach our full potential as human beings.
Author:
John Hodgkin
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