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I Thought I Knew Jesus
You know, since my husband, John,
went to be with our Lord on
Valentine's day of the year 2004 I've
learned a lot about myself in terms of
spiritual reality.
I've always had a "hero" in my life.
First it was my parents; if it was
broke, they could fix or replace it.
Then it was my husband; if he
couldn't fix it, he always found
someone who could.
Now that my parents and John are
gone, I have no one like that, no
earthly person to rely on for my
security, and I'm finding out that my
faith in Jesus isn't as strong as I once
thought it was.
My faith in my parents and husband
were sure, but with Jesus I always
have that twinkle of doubt that He will
fix what ails me.
I know He CAN. He can do all things;
but WILL He, that's always my question.
Since my husband passed on I've
been having to rely more and more
on just Jesus, no one else, just Jesus
and I'm finding out that He's way
more awesome than I ever thought.
And I'm finding out that I'm wayyyyyy
more needy in terms of knowing Him
than I ever knew.
A dear friend of mine summed it all
up for me, and with her permission I
want to share her findings with you:
Hi Mary,
In regard to your faith in God, this is
just my take on it. I've been there
also. I've been on my own for along
time. And I, too, was sure that my
parents would fix things and then
Mike. I knew they would because
they always did ~ right, wrong, or
indifferent. Maybe they should have
let me tough it out. But, I feel that I
knew my parents so very well, and I
knew Mike so very well and that's
when I discovered that I didn't know
Jesus as well as I should.
I've been shown that I need to get
into the word and have lots of quiet,
solitude prayer and really dig into the
bible to get to know every little thing I
can about Him.
He loves me more than my parents,
and Mike. But, getting into the word
has taught me more how He thinks.
He doesn't think like Dad or Mike.
And the more I get into the word I
start to think more like Him.
So I am beginning to see that he's
going to let me tough some things out
and other things just seem to fall into
place (just like He wants)
He expects a lot more out of me than
the others. He has given me gifts
and abilities that I have left
untapped. It's just a matter of me
getting busy and giving God the glory
by using what He has given to me.
It's a slow process as we're older now
and it's been a shock to be without
help. Like a child who lost his way.
But, we can do it Mary. He's the only
one we need to please. And He loves
us so much. What did we ever do
without Jesus?????
The answer is so simple. Get to know
Jesus through His word!!
I knew my parents, and I knew
John...but obviously I don't truly know
who Jesus is.
My faith in my parents came from
knowing, through experience, that
their hand would move.
My faith in my husband came from
knowing, through experience, that his
hand would move.
I knew them each well enough to
know what their habits and thought
processes were.
My old pastor used to say, "Faith is
like a 3-legged stool. The legs are:
Reading God's Word
Praying
Going to church...fellowshipping
If any one of these "legs" are
missing...the stool will fall over."
And I say Amen!!
I'm so glad that God doesn't expect
us to know everything at once. Life is
a schoolroom of learning and I'm
about be educated on the most
exciting subject of all...Jesus:-)
My old pastor also used to say, "Just
knowing ABOUT Jesus isn't enough.
We need to know HIM"...and again I
say Amen!!
I want to thank you Evelyn for the
pearls of wisdom you sent me and I
also want to thank you for permission
to share them with everyone...God
bless you!!
Mary Silva
September, 2004