Long ago and far away
In a land that time forgot
Before the days of Dylan
Or the dawn of Camelot

There lived a race of innocents
They were happy and carefree
Long ago and far away
In the Land That Made Me Me

 
Oh, there was truth and goodness
In that land where we were born
Where navels were for oranges, not rings
And Peyton Place was porn

Ike was in the White House
And Hoss was on TV
And everyone loved Lucy
In the Land That Made Me Me

We learned to gut a muffler
We washed our hair at dawn
We spread our crinolines to dry
In circles on the lawn

And folks could hear us coming
From furthur than their eyes could see
Nobody seemed to mind the noise
In the Land That Made Me Me

   We longed  for love and romance
And waited for our prince
And Eddie Fisher married Liz
And no one's seen him since

We danced  to "Little Darlin"
And Sang to "Stagger Lee"
And cried for Buddy Holly
In the Land That Made Me Me

Only girls wore earrings then
And three was one too many
And only boys wore flat-top cuts
Except for Jean McKinney

  And never in our wildest dreams
Did we expect to see
A boy named George wearing Lipstick and rouge
In the Land That Made Me Me

   We fell for Frankie Avalon
Annette was oh so nice
And when they made a movie
They never made it twice

We didn't have a Star Trek Five
Or Psycho Two and Three
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty
In the Land That Made Me Me

Miss  Kitty had a heart of gold
And Chester had a limp
And Reagan  was a Democrat
Whose co-star was a chimp

 
  We had a Mr. Wizard
But not a Mr. T
We had no Dr. Phil or Oprah then
In the Land That Made Me Me

 
We had our share of heroes
We never thought they'd go
At least not Bobby Darin
Or Marilyn Monroe

For youth was still eternal
And life was yet to be
And Elvis was forever
In the Land That Made Me Me

We'd never seen the rock band
That was Grateful to be Dead
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson
And Zeppelins weren't Led

And Beatles lived in gardens then
And Monkees in a tree
Madonna was a virgin
In the Land That Made Me Me

We'd never heard of Microwaves
Or telephones in cars
And babies might be bottle-fed
But they weren't grown in jars

And pumping iron got wrinkles out
And  "gay" meant  fancy-free
And dorms were never coed
In the Land That Made Me Me

We hadn't seen enough of jets
To talk about jet lag
And microchips were what was left
At the bottom of the bag

Hardware was a box of nails or screws
And bytes came from a flea
And rocket ships were fiction
In the Land That Made Me Me

Buicks came with portholes
And side shows came with freaks
And bathing suits came big enough
To cover both your cheeks.

 
  And Coke came just in bottles
And skirts came to the  knee
And Castro came to power
In the Land That  Made Me Me

We had no Crest with Fluoride
We had no Hill Street Blues
We all wore superstructure bras
Designed by Howard  Hughes

    We had no patterned pantyhose
Or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms
In the Land That Made Me  Me

There were no golden arches
No Perriers to chill
And fish were not called Wanda
And cats were not called Bill

 
  And middle-aged was thirty-five
And old was forty-three
And ancient was our parents
In the Land That Made Me Me

But all things have a season
Or so we've heard them say
And now instead of Maybelline
We swear by Retin-A

   And we receive invitations
To join AARP
We've come a long way baby
From the Land That Made Me Me.

So now we face a brave new world
In slightly larger jeans
And wonder why they're using
Smaller print in magazines

And we tell our children's children
Of the way it used to be
Long ago, and far away
In the Land That Made Me Me

Saying goodbye to Elvis for awhile

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