You've ever cut your grass and found a car. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home with the kids." Your coffee table used to be a cable spool. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. REDNECK ????(your guess is as good as mine) Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You have a rag for a gas cap. You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while you're at work. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. You've ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug. You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper. Your wife's hair-do was ever ruined by a ceiling fan. Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help him take off the wheels and skirt it.
Directions to your house include the phrase "turn off the paved road". You've been to a funeral where there were more pick-ups than cars. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income. Your own more than 3 shirts with the sleeves cut off Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. Your porch collapses and more than 6 dogs die. You think the stock market has a fence around it to keep the cows in. Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. 
REDNECK MOBILE HOME
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
REDNECK RV
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices. 
REDNECK YARD SALE
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
REDNECK DOG HOUSE
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room. 
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
REDNECK HOUSE BOAT
You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper to be quality entertainment.
RICH REDNECK
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
Jack Daniels makes your most admired list.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
REDNECK POOL
Your wife asks you to fix the furniture...and you use any of the following: duct tape or a welding torch. 
Ya'll come back again now, ya' hear???
July,2006
Page by Mary Jones
PLEASE READ
If you'd like to join my mailing list for future pages email me with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject line and I'll sign you up immediately. However a word of caution is in order. The subject matter of my pages is quite varied though the majority of them are either patriotic or inspirational. I also make web pages about things I feel the American people should know but many don't, and these pages could be considered controverial by some So although I would love to have you join my mailing list I think you should know the kinds of pages I make because I'd sure hate to disappoint you. SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER THESE THINGS BEFORE YOU ASK TO BE ON MY MAILING LIS. --MARY
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