You can endure 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
"Covered parking" is listed as a major benefit by many employers and apartment buildings.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside ... at 7:30 a.m. before
work.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM PHOENIX WHEN ...
You no longer associate bridges -- or rivers -- with water.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. 
It's so hot in Phoenix...
The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt, and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
May 30th Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th Dry heat, no way. Hot is hot! The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Paying $1,100 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th 115 degrees. Finally got the
air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this state.
Aug 8th If another wise jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Darn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!
Aug 10th The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and Sunny. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert? Water rationing has been in
effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool.
Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14th Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the
windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than ever. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with it's new $500 windshield.
That does it, we're moving back to New York for some peace and quiet.
