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by C. Jake Cordova
Little Sassy Sam was a quirky kind of kid. Nobody knew quite what to think of him. Everything he did or said was strange in some way. For the most part, he seemed to be ordinarily human, but… something just wasn't right with him.
For instance, he wore a diagonally striped orange plaid t-shirt. Nobody else had a shirt like that, just Little Sassy Sam. Where on earth could anybody get that kind of a shirt?
Wherever he went, he wore the shirt. And, wherever he went, you were sure to see his miniature schnauzer dog, Tickles, with him.
"C'mon, Tickles!" he'd say, and the two would run off to the park to play fetch.
Tickles was a weird one as well. His bark was squeaky and rough, and he loved to run 'round and 'round in circles for no other reason then to feel the fast breeze on his face.
The two spent many afternoons together laughing and running around in circles. When they were tired from running, they would lie down in the grass and lick each other's faces.
"Now, isn't that strange!" The other kids would say.
"I've never seen anything like it."
Little Sassy Sam certainly had a reputation, although he wasn't fully aware of it. His teachers forever and a day remarked how wonderful it was to have Little Sassy Sam in their classrooms.
"He's a joy!" His first grade teacher, Mrs. Spindlehorn told his parents at Parent-Teacher conference. "No matter what's going on in the world, Little Sassy Sam always has a smile on his face."
It's true! Little Sassy Sam was always smiling, no matter what! If he ever fell down while he was running in circles with Tickles, he'd simply laugh about it, pick himself up, and smile! Then he'd start running around in circles all over again.
"I only wish I had that much joy and enthusiasm for life." Strangers would say after they met him. "He makes everything look so fun!"
And for the rest of Sam's life, until the end of his days, his rigorous zeal and gusto for life would catch on. Everyone who met Little Sassy Sam for the first time recognized that he was indeed strange, but after spending no more than one and a half minutes in his presence, a person couldn't help but realize Sam was strange in a good way. And soon, they too would smile and laugh in the exact same manner.
02-16-2002
"Crackers and Sandwiches in Ecklebrooke's Cave"
Our hero, Lance Banning, is leading a small band of explorers through the dark and twisting tunnels of Ecklebrooke's Cave. Few people have found their way through the cave alive... few, including Lance Banning.
The group started out last Thursday with nothing more than the packs on their back. There were five people in total. Each had two gallons of water, eight baloney sandwiches, and a new box of Ritz Crackers with them.
"Ritz Crackers?" Benny Magoo questioned.
"They're yummy." Lance Banning snapped back. "Besides, their light to carry."
"I don't like Ritz Crackers."
"So don't eat them." Lance wasn't the sort of guy to take care of crybabies. To him, whining was the worst possible thing a human being could do. It didn't help anyone, and it certainly didn't erase any obstacles.
"Hmph!" Benny Magoo retorted, throwing his box of crackers to the ground.
Sally Bellagio picked them up. She didn't say anything, but she figured Benny might need them sooner or later. Sally didn't care for whiners either, but she had a warm heart and a caring nature. Even though Benny Magoo gave her a brain cramp, she figured she would never stop trying to help him.
"I wish I hadn't thrown my box of crackers away." Benny said between breaths. "It's been hours since I ate my last sandwich and all I have left is water!"
"You still crying?" Lance remarked.
"Yes, I am!" Benny replied, near tears. "I hope you don't hurt yourself leading us through this horrible darkness without any decent food, Mr. Banning. Sandwiches for God's sake?! And Ritz Crackers? My God, it's inhumane!"
"Here you go, Magoo." Sally said, trying her best not to sound annoyed. "I picked them up for you." She handed the box to Benny, who was overjoyed at her offer, but quickly hid his excitement with an expression of disgust.
"Thank you, Sally." He said.
"No problem."
The other couple in the group had kept quiet for the most part. They were Japanese businessmen, pleased as punch at the opportunity for adventure. They understood little of the exchange between Benny and Sally, but knew enough about its tone to understand they did not like Benny Magoo. He was a nuisance.
It would be two more days until the band of people reached the end of their journey. But soon, with much struggle, hope and determination, they found the light at the end of the tunnel. A cliff blanketed with soft grass awaited them, nestled snuggly under a giant hot air balloon.
The hot air balloon seated only four people. In the end, Benny Magoo would be voted off, even by Sally, and forced to find his own way back through the caves. This time, there would be no one to hear his complaints, no one to provide him with water or sandwiches, and certainly no one to hand him a hastily discarded box of Ritz Crackers.
02-17-2002
"Moths in the Night"
You just don't recognize me yet. It hurts, but… somehow, I understand. We've come such a long way together. It's a long time to hang in the sky, fluttering around each other the way we do. Growing and changing… We used to talk about how beautiful we would someday be. You were speaking of yourself, of course. I was always speaking of 'us.'
I'm happy to be here with you now. I think you know that. I think if you really didn't want me here, you'd keep me away. Somehow, you would. And that gives me hope, because I know you're little blind eyes are in there somewhere looking at me. I know they are! I'll fly in the rain by your side, my beautiful one. If you need shelter, I'll hover above you to keep you dry, I'll fly beneath you when you need a boost, I'll spare you my wings when you need to rest. The wind will whisper your name to me and I'll know I'm doing the right thing. I'll know I'm seeing you for everything you are. We speak of the coming winter with fear in our hearts. You want to be my friend. You wonder where we're going. Sometimes, you wonder why we're still together. The sun is slowly fading and it's colder now. The night breeze shows no mercy for us little ones. Soon, it will be dark and we will have but a flickering light to reach. It will be so close yet so very far away. We could have been butterflies, beautiful and free. To me, you're the most beautiful flicker in the world. All those who believe in you and see you for your worth will lift up your wings when you fly. We can soar above the mountaintops and let the breeze blow us across the moon. We can see the light and pretend it is the sun, strong and powerful. I would give it to you if I could. At least we have the night and a little bit of sparkle. There's frosting over everything and sorrow in your eyes. The stars are twinkling quietly but the night is nearly gone. You stop and hold me close to you. The tears begin to come. Finally, I'm certain that everything I've done has been right and at last we can hold each other quietly and beat the last beats of our hearts, together. How beautiful it is to love someone, how right it is to care.
02-18-2002
"Silent Dreams"
"Oooh!" he howls into the night. In the trees, a gray wolf opens its eyes. Leaves fall in front of her as she steps out into the darkness. The wind sprays the top of the river out onto the dry land. The bicycle leaves tracks, light but solid. So do the wolf's paws. As the two night travelers howl into the moon, their hunger for the slaughter explodes in perfect, solid unison. They share the same eyes and cravings- to find the girl draped only in red cloak and hood with nothing underneath. She cowers defenseless in a damp crook hoping to remain invisible. But the night wind blows her scent over the leaves and into the hunter's veins. They crave her fear and wish for her sweat, both longing to devour her whole at the first given chance. It will happen! The need floods their veins with insatiable lust. Closer, closer still… The girl feels the air change rather suddenly and she curls up in a tight little ball, clenching her eyes shut. "Please." She whispers. "Please, go away! I have nothing for you." They sense her panic rather than hear the words. It's only driving them all the more wild! The ghost wobbles on the bicycle and lets it fall aside. His body floats through the branches towards the huddled red color behind the thicket, his transparent claws are sprung and cracking, all set to wrap around his victims throat. The wolf closes in from opposite end, rushing up behind the huddled creature. Saliva pours from her open jaw, dripping greedily from her bitter sharp teeth. She growls. The ghost is the first to reach her. He wraps his body around her and swirls in a brilliant white glow. The girl cries out. The wolf pounces, aiming only for the back of her head. In mid air, the face of the ghost turns directly in the wolf's direction, eyes wide and threatening. "Don't eat it." The ghost echoes in a terrible voice. "She's poison." Immediately, the wolf awakens to find herself surrounded by autumn leaves, alone in the twinkling hue of morning. Her body twitches and her legs kick. It's all been a dream!
02-19-2002
"Radio Station"
"No, Brian. You?" "Nah." "Wanna play radio station?" "What's that?" "I put my hand down the side of the bunk beds and you push my fingers like they were radio station knobs. Each finger is a different station." "Ok." "Here. Pick one." "Click." "I dunno but I been told big leg woman ain't got no soul! Da da da na neeneene neeer." "Click." "I fight the rains down in Aaa-fricaaaaa. Gonna take a lot to take me away from you. There's nothing that a million men or more could ever doooo-" "Click." "When there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call?" "Ghostbusters!" "When there's something weird and it don't look good, who can you call?" "Ghostbusters!" "I can't hear you." "GHOST-BUSTERS!" "Ha ha. Now, you go." "Ok. Pick one." "Click." "Who's Johnny? She said and smiled in that special way. John-nee? She said. You know I need you-" "Click." "Domo-body-gatt-o, Mr. Roboto-" "No! Dude, I turned it off. There's nothing good on." "Hee hee hee." "Goodnight, Brian." "'Night, Colby." "Click."
02-20-2002
"Sumemrtime Blues"
"What's wrong?" "I don't know for certain, but it scrambles all of my games. Look." Sure enough, when Pete put a game cartridge in the console, squiggly lines and squares appeared on the screen. "That sucks. Have you tried blowing on the cartridge? Maybe there's dirt inside of it or something." "Nah." "Here." Tim took the game cartridge out of the console and blew as hard as he could into the opening. He then placed the cartridge back into the console and turned it on. This time, the game lit up. "Cool!" Unfortunately, before the boys had a chance to play the game, Pete's mom fell face first down the stares. The boys had been camped out in the basement with video games and soda pop, enjoying the remaining days of summer vacation. Pete's mom had made some sandwiches and thought it would be a nice surprise if she brought them down to the boys. Some surprise. "Mom, are you OK?" Pete exclaimed. "Yeah. I think so." The sandwiches were spilled over her clothes. Pieces of bread were thrown everywhere and goopy ketchup and mayonnaise were stuck to everything. Pete's mom was a little ruffled up, but she chuckled and got back to her feet. "Well, I guess the sandwiches are ruined. What say we all go out for some Pizza!" "Yeah!" The boys exclaimed. "Chuck-E-Cheese!" So they all went out for pizza, and even though Pete's mom suffered minor bruises and scratches from her fall, she still had a blast playing the arcade games at Chuck-E-Cheese. In fact, she scored her personal best at Centipede! In the end, Pete's mom knew it was all in a days work. What a good mom.
02-23-2002
"Tyson Bean and Nancy Klean"
Tyson Bean led his mate into an electronics store where his face erupted in bliss upon finding their huge selection of wide-screen HDTV's. "Check this out!" he said aloud. "This is the perfect size for our family room! We could invite all of our friends over, put on some DVDs, and serve some drinks and appetizers… We could even have a sleepover!" He laughed. Nancy Klean laughed with him and added, "We could have an Indiana Jones marathon." "Yeah! That would be sweet! My brother and his wife would love to come for that!" "Cool." The salesperson asked the couple if his assistance was needed. "Nah, we're just looking." Tyson Bean explained. "Ok. Let me know if you have any questions." The jewelry store was next. Nancy Klean went directly for the emeralds. They were her favorite! Slowly, she scanned over the display of gems behind their glass enclosure. Without warning, she grabbed Tyson Bean by his sleeve and pointed to a sparkling emerald ring with diamond studs on either side. "Look at how gorgeous it is." she said in an excited whisper. "And it's just my size!" Tyson Bean laughed and remarked in a sarcastic tone that he couldn't resist buying it for her. "Something that brings that much joy to your face simply can't be overlooked!" he cackled. Nancy Klean swatted him and asked the jeweler if she could try it on. She was right. It fit her perfectly. The couple ate lunch in the food court. Tyson Bean picked at a Chinese combination plate while Nancy Klean munched on an Arby's Beef 'N Cheddar sandwich. They sipped their soft drinks through plastic straws and set their winter coats on the empty chairs beside them. Tyson Bean and Nancy Klean smiled at the passer-byes. They pointed to older couples that resembled them and laughed and giggled and dreamed of one day affording a more luxurious life together. But the most wonderful thing of all was the fact that this happy couple, Tyson Bean and Nancy Klean, knew they already had all the riches in the world just sitting next to each other in the mall on this most beautiful winter's day.
02-25-2002
"Water Faeries"
Ralf looked at the faerie with a blank expression on his face. He had been strolling by himself near the stream when he stumbled upon them. At first, he had squatted behind a bush to get a better peek, but soon one of the little sprites saw him and immediately flew over to chat.
 "Wow… You're so beautiful!" he said aloud. "Thank you." Ralf had asked what kind of creatures they were, and was informed that they were a traveling pack of water faeries on their way to help save the rain forest in South America. They had only stopped because they heard the bubbling brook in Ralf's back yard. "It sounds so much like home, we couldn't resist." The faerie continued. "Want to join us?" The little faerie took Ralf's pinky finger and led him towards the group. At once, the other faeries grew excited to see such a curious young boy. They fluttered towards him, laughing and giggling and spreading faerie dust through the air. Ralf couldn't help but smile with them. He had never seen anything like it. "Hello, faeries." He said to them and waved. "Hi, Ralf!" some of them replied. Ralf couldn't tell exactly how many there were, but he guessed there must be a lot! They all smiled and fluttered about. Some were floating in the air, some were splashing in the water, some were sitting on tree leaves, and some were even skipping through the dirt and the grass. They waved and said hello as they passed by. "Am I the only one who can see you?" Ralf asked. "Oh, no." answered a squeaky little pixie with dark hair and gleaming red eyes. "We can be seen by anyone who happens to find us." "Yes!" a fair-haired faerie piped up. "We love to be seen, although we are so tiny and magical that we are easily overlooked." "We're quite fast, too." A beautiful faerie with red hair pointed out. "Sometimes we're too fast for the human eye to notice, but you have wonderful eyes, Ralf. You can see us just fine." The faerie tucked her head into her shoulder as she spoke. "Amazing…" Ralf trailed off. He suddenly felt all tickly in his stomach and thought he might be floating in the air with them. He didn't dare to blink for fear they might all suddenly disappear. "How long can you stay?" he asked in a dreamy fashion. "Until we leave." Came the reply from many faeries at once and then they giggled. Ralf started giggling too. As he giggled, he made the mistake of closing his eyes. Of course, when he opened them the faeries were all gone! The only thing left was the sparkling reflection of the sunlight on top of the water. Even though Ralf's first experience with the faeries didn't last very long, he had a hunch that one day he would meet the magical faeries again.
02-26-2002
"Midnight Checkers"
"King me, Satchel!" Rence announced. "Good play!" Satchel said as he placed a red piece on top of his opponent's chip. "Now it's my turn." Satchel picked up a black chip and jumped it over three of Rence's red pieces. "There." Satchel said, completing the final jump. "Your turn again, Rence." Rence sat there, dumbfounded. "But how did you-" he stammered. "What did- Why-" "Pardon?" Satchel asked, assuming an innocent tone.
Rence glared fiercely at Satchel and moved the only player he had left, his king, down a square. "I don't know how you did that, but you're gonna pay!" Satchel ignored Rence's comment and moved one of his chips. Rence kept staring at him. "Your turn, Rence." Satchel stated. "Yeah…" Rence looked at the board. Very quickly his facial expression changed. "A-ha!" he exclaimed. "Check-this-out!" He moved his King over every remaining checker piece on the board making an incredible 7-man jump! In one fell swoop Rence had managed to win the game. "I win!" Rence yelled. "Ha ha ha!" Satchel was very kind hearted over the ordeal. He commended Rence on a job well done and explained that he must have overlooked the possibility of his defeat. "Fool." Rence retorted. "You've always got to keep your eyes open or you'll never win." He chuckled some more and set his captured pieces up for another game. "Shall we?" "Of course, Rence. This time, I'll be red." "Of course, Satchel. Of course." Deep down, Rence knew very well that Satchel always let him win. He also knew it made the little guy feel good about himself simply because he thought he was making Rence feel good about his own self. So, in a sense… both mice were helping each other out while feeling good about it inside. The two midnight creatures shared a stale crust of bread and sipped left over tea while playing three more games. Of course, Rence somehow managed to win each one. "Good game, Rence." As the night wore on, the two put away the board and said their goodnights to each other. It was off to search the house for food before the humans woke up. "Until midnight?" Rence asked. "Until midnight." Satchel replied, and the two little mice smiled and waved as they parted ways in the shadows of the night.
02-27-2002
"Snails"
To which the other snail replies, "Race? You idiot! We're snails." "Chicken, huh?" "No, I'm not a chicken, I'm a snail. And if it's all the same to you I'd rather just spend my energy eating leaves than racing you to the end of the garden and back." "The end of the garden? That race is for wimps! I'm talking a race across the freeway!" The other snail blinked. "Good God, man. You're nuts." "I've done it before, ya know… right in the middle of rush hour traffic." "Is that so?" "Yes. And the other snail I raced never made it back." "Gee, what a shock." "Wanna know why?" "Let me guess. Is it because he got ran over?" "No, it's because he gave up halfway through. He crossed the freeway once and was too afraid to turn around and come back. He's probably out there still, hiding in the gutter somewhere."
"You think?" "I dunno. What I do know is that I have a great story to tell and all he's got is his miserable, sad, failure of a life." He chuckled. "See? He would have been happier staying here and eating leaves, like me." "Yep. That's what I thought." "What?" "You think you could beat me." "I didn't say that." "You think you could beat me, you think you could beat me. Ha ha ha!" "Well, as a matter of fact I could beat you, and that would take away the glory of your story and then you'd be left with nothing but a meager past and a sour attitude. I wouldn't want you to cry, eh?" "Pffffffffffft. Whatever." "Look, let's go over to the edge of the garden and look at the freeway. Traffic will be picking up and I bet we could begin our race precisely in the thick of it. What do you say?" "OK!" So the two snails went over to the edge of the garden and leered at the lunch hour traffic zipping by. Just as a very large semi-truck approached them, the other snail pushed the gloater into its path and he was squished. "That'll teach you to call me a chicken, fuck-face!" the other snail said, then he went back to his leaves in the garden and lived happily ever after.
02-28-2002
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