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"Marabella" by C. Jake Cordova A fear and a threat have grown in my heart for the longing of my dear Marabella. She was once the light of my life, happy and carefree against the dimness of any unfortunates. More than a year has passed since her hand fell from mine and she plummeted to the pits of a dying world, one she never really belonged in. She was the only woman I've ever loved. It does no good to speak of such things in public, for fear of sounding weak or risk the branding of a whiner. After all, everybody loves as everybody loses. The faces on the people I see day in and day out remind me that I am nowhere close to being alone in my sorrow and pain. It is shared only too much by every other person around me. Marabella would never have me thinking that way. She'd be the first to smile and shoo my despair away with a brisk and shining laugh. Lighter on my feet I was when she smiled like that. "Not everybody is in pain." She'd say. "Some just fail to see the beauty of life, that's all." Simple words with a heavy meaning. Never in my wildest dreams would I catch myself uttering such phrases of optimism, but when I heard them flow so freely from the mouth of my love, I was helpless to not only believe but to back up her statements, if only in my mind. Now the shroud is gone and I am again filled with doubt. I feel nothing but bleakness in a cold dream of isolation and wanting. No comfort has rested in my chest since she fell from me to places unknown. Why? I have asked a thousand times without answer. Why did I not see it coming? I could have held stronger, I should have remained loyal to her and her alone. I should not have sided with greed for it is an insistently shiny monster with teeth that pierce deep and strike behind blind eyes. I know that now. Yes, I should have seen it coming but I did not. Marabella, forgive me. I cannot see any brightness in these dark clouds. The bitter mouth of despair has taken me and I am so alone. I fail to see the beauty of life, that's all. Forgive me. No one else will but you. THE END 12-27-2002 top