
...........Those of us who struggle daily with pain do well to remember "THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY IN MEDICINE BUT THERE IS A LOT OF MEDICINE IN HUMOR AND LAUGHTER!" ........borowed from Our FM& CFS World News letter

~~~~MY WISH FOR YOU~~~
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hellos" to get you through the final "Good-byes."
HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT IM OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER--HOW ABOUT YOU?
Brings back old memories. Remember Luster Creme shampoo in the jar? Opening a can of pop with an opener? The "Good Ole" Days I am sharing it with you today because it ended with a "double dog dare" to pass it on. To remember what a "double dog dare" is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and young enough not to care. How many do you remember?
01. Candy cigarettes
02. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
03. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles.
04. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
05. Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
06. Home milk delivery in glass bottles, with Cardboard stoppers.
07. Party lines.
08. Newsreels before the movie.
09. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix ... (Drexel-5505)
12. Peashooters.
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM Records
15. Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice cube trays--with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flash Bulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. roller skate keys
22. Cork pop guns
23. Drive ins
24. Studebakers and Woodies
25. Wash tub wringers ,
26. The Fuller Brush man
27. Reel-to-reel tape recorders
28. Tinkertoys
29. The Erector Set
30. The Fort Apache Playset
31. Lincoln Logs
32. lunch at the malt shop was 25cents
33. 5 cent packs of baseball cards...with that awful pink slab of bubblegum
34. Penny candy
35. 35 cent-a-gallon gasoline
36. 25 cent a gal. gas
......REMEMBER WHEN....................
.
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties". >BR>
It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
spending all day sunday at Riverview Park
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides
Nobody was prettier than mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
A foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
"Oly-oly-oxen-all-in-free" made perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle
.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have liveed ?????years.
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life.... I double dog dare ya
Yaa Those Were The Days!!!
.........Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave,
....................... and impossible to forget .
..............................THE TRUTH IS...............................
....................YESTERDAY IS HISTORY
...................TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY
................TODAY IS A GIFT........THATS WHY
..................... ITS CALLED THE PRESENT !
............Anger is only one letter short of danger.
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--------Increasing Activity
I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that does not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge.
1) Beating around the bush
2) Jumping to conclusions
3) Climbing the walls
4) Swallowing my pride
5) Passing the buck
6) Throwing my weight around
7) Dragging my heels
8) Pushing my luck
9) Making mountains out of molehills
10) Hitting the nail on the head
11) Wading through paperwork
12) Bending over backwards
13) Jumping on the bandwagon
14) Balancing the books
15) Running around in circles
16) Eating crow
17) Tooting my own horn
18) Climbing the ladder of success
19) Pulling out the stops
20) Adding fuel to the fire
21) Opening a can of worms
22) Putting my foot in my mouth
23) Starting the ball rolling
24) Going over the edge
25) Picking up the pieces
Happy Exercising!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your WIFES ROBE.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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Church Sign Chuckles
Some favorite messages spotted on church signs or billboards, submitted by Beliefnet members:
-Fire Insurance Inside
-This Church Is Prayer Conditioned
-God Answers Knee Mail -PRAY NOW! Avoid Christmas Rush! -Sign broken, come inside for message
-This is a ch--ch. What's missing? U R!
-Stop in the name of love and meet the Supreme
-Wal-Mart's not the only savings place
-The best position is on your knees
_________________________________________________
__If I were ol'Santa, you know what I'd do? I'd dump silly gifts that are ment for you, And deliver some things just inside your front door.
Things you have lost, but treasured before, I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor, and to go along with it, a neat tiny figure. Then restore the old color that once graced your hair, before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted, so things now suspended need not be uplifted
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
'Til you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin, So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells and you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells. No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes, no searching for spectacles when they're right! on your nose. Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny from a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take, and noheating pad needed since your muscles won't ache. Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid.You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid. I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle and the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle. But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me --- the matronliest of matrons you ever did see. I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot. Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.
_____________________________________________________
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
The length of a minute depends upon which side of the bathroom door you're on...
In life, the wind from one door closing always blows open a new door.
If ignorance is bliss, there must be a lot of very happy people!
You may be only one person to the world, but you may be the world to one person.
Don't cry because it's over... smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from a box of crayons...
Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors... but they all have learned to live peacefully in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.
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.........................MOTHERS DAY
The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter*), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England. During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch. As Christianity spread throughout Europe the celebration changed to honor the "Mother Church" - the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration . People began honoring their mothers as well as the church.
In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year.
In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia. Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Warm wishes to all our mother's on this special day!
When all in life seems to have turned on you
When all your plans seem to have fallen through
When all your hopes and dreams come crashing down
Let your heart hear these words which I have found.
....and take comfort.
--------------------AND GOD SAID
I said, "God, I hurt."And God said, "I know."
I said, "God, I cry a lot."And God said,"That is why I gave you tears."
I said, "God, I am so depressed."And God said,"That is why I gave you Sunshine."
I said, "God, life is so hard."And God said,"That is why I gave you loved ones."
I said, "God, my loved one died."And God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God, it is such a loss."
And God said,"I saw mine nailed to a cross."
I said, "God, but your loved one lives."And God said,
"So does yours."I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said,"Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light."
I said, "God, it hurts."And God said,"I know."
Unknown Author.
To my friend on Friendship Week:
I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned.... That
opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock
elsewhere.
I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I've learned.... That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
On National Friendship Week Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!!
VERRRRY INTERESTING!!!
These figures are accurate and easily checked-vary year to year but are always close.
1. The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.
2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
3. Accidental deaths per physician are 0.171. (US Dept. of Health and Human Services)
Then - think about this:
1. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000.
2. The number of accidental gun deaths per year is 1,500.
3. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Not Everyone Has A Gun, But Almost Everyone Has At Least One Doctor.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could
cause people to seek medical attention.
*******************************************************************
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED..............

Buy a dog
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section
Buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it Buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't give a _____ about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
Buy a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores Buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
Buy a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness.
Then my friend, Buy a cat!
(You thought I was talking about men didn't you!)
__________________________________
......'.ENOUGH'.............MY FAVORITE WISH (orTOAST)
I wish you a life filled with just enough good things to sustain you. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

Farming -- USA
TO: The Honorable Secretary of Agriculture, Washington, D.C.
Dear Sir,
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $10,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?
I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $1,422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $10,000 for not raising hogs.
If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now another thing these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?
Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that, too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
Patriotically Yours, A soon to be Gentleman Farmer.
P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese?
REMEMBER........Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."
THANKS FOR DROPPING BY.