WORLD~ OF ~CATS

........COME On Out KITTY....... it's time for your pill.

HOW TO MEDICATE A CAT 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. 4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.) 5. Again proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well. 6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. 7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry. 8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops! 9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos. 10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. 11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant. 12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. 13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.) 14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman. 15. Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. 16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done. 17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). 18. Take two aspirin and lie down. ~meow~ AUTHOR UNKNOWN thanks to DASHTHECAT

MEOMMY WHERES MY DINNER ???

........THIS is MR SNAGELTOOTH

***************************************************************************** He came to me in early spring. One day when I was gardening there he was, all scraggly and skinny, half starved. He looked up at me with beady little eyes that had not seen more than 6 months of life. But he had seen more in those 6 months than most house cats see in a lifetime. We viewed each other with trepidation but after a few minutes of sizing each other up we came to a mutual agreement. We were going to be friends. He rubbed against my leg and I petted his back which he arched so I could reach it better. Such a youngster to be out on his own. He obviously knew his way around and yet there was something about him.......... I couldnt quite put my finger on it.. Anyway he was definitely hungry so I went inside to get something for him. He followed me right in the door but that was where I had to put my foot down. Im deathly allergic to CATS. And though I love them dearly I cant live with one. I was taking a big chance even petting him. As I pushed him out the door he took a swipe at me letting me know he wasnt going to take any guff from me- no matter how big I was. I wasnt intimidated, he would have to wait outside and wait he did. When I got back there he was looking up at me as if o say "well whad ja bring me?" He was very hungry and I dont think it mattered what it was he would have eaten it. He cleaned the dish , stretched and sauntered across the lawn and into tall grass along the fence and plopped down for a nice long nap. That would be his home for the rest of the season. The next day when I went out to the garden he was there waiting for me. He greeted me with a tiny little "meow" that hardly suited his domineer. I was to discover that even though he grew to a fairly nice sized cat, his tiny "meow" would not change. After breakfast we got better acquainted and upon closer examination I could see he had been injured in several places.One being his mouth. It was quite a serious injury with several teeth missing and a torn lip,possibly even a broken jaw. Assorted body cuts and bruises accompanied a nasty bite on his front leg that had already started to abscess. All of these injuries made him very vulnerable. The many alley cats in the neighborhood were taking advantage of him it was plain to see. I immediately appointed myself his protector, shooing off any other strays that came into the yard.After all he was much too small to protect himself. He soon got the idea how to be aggressive after watching me go after the strays hissing and growling. My neighbors thought I had gone off the deep end. I treated his wounds with antibiotic salve and peroxide and he soon began to heal. But the teeth grew in all jagged and crooked so I nick-named him Mr Snaggel-tooth. He answered to Kitty though and came whenever I called. I fed him twice a day- he was so skinny- and he soon started to look pretty good. Although he was kind of clumsy. That abscess on his leg never quite healed.Whenever he fought it would open up again. He fought almost every day. When he got some weight on his bones and learned to defend himself and his yard he started to gallivant all over the neighborhood. Mr Snageltooth had quite a winning way about him He soon found several other houses that would respond to his begging so that he was getting 3 squares a day with no trouble, plus my breakfast One day when I went out with his food he wasn't there in his nest in the grass. I was very concerned. I called here kitty kitty but he was nowhere to be found. I must admit that I was afraid for his life. He stayed way for two days. I was never so glad to see anyone as I was to see him. After that he took to disappearing every now and then. He always came back after a while and never looked any worse for the ware. So I figured he was just catting around . I put a collar on him but no tags. I just wanted him to appear like he had a home to animal control. I tried to get my neighbors to take him in when the weather started to get cold. One day he followed me into the enclosed porch aria so I conceded to let him eat inside out of the cold. When the weather was bad I let him stay inside on the porch but it was really cold out there. my asmetha started to act up and I knew it was because of his proximity. I had a real dilemma. Then one day he left and never came back. I prayed that he had not come to any harm. That he had finally found someone to take him in. I still watch and listen for him and wonder if someday I will go out to the garden and there He will be waiting for his breakfast.........."meow" by....MARYEDITH DILLON@1998

FOLLOW ME....I KNOW WHERE THERES A POND WITH FISH

........A man brought a very limp CAT into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the cat on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the cat's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your cat has passed away." "What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead cay out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning dead as a door nail). The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the dead cat on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow" (meaning he's history). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The cat's owner went postal. "$600! Just to tell me my cat is dead? This is outrageous!!" The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..........."

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